I'm so tired..

[Guest]

Ive been hit since I was in 3rd grade im now 17. Sometimes everything seems good and i finally think that they wont continue to hurt me mentally or physically and then they begin to stress. They get angry and hit me. Mostly It's my mother she often gets mad at my father and decides to take it out on me and calls me a ********** and a mother ********er. Its gotten so bad that at 14 I began to self harm. When my parents noticed they asked me to stop because it was embarrassing them. They said it made them look like bad parents to other people. My dad has gotten angry for little reasons and thrown things at me and hit me until i couldnt sit with a belt before. My mom will use her hands and fist. I tried to leave today but my dad grabbed my arm and twisted it back to pull me inside. I have no where to go I have family but they tell me to deal with it. My brothers and sister's say I Shouldnt complain because they did the aame thing when they were kids. They don't live at home anymore. I just want to die at times because I'm so tired I stress so much and get so scared that I stay in my room all day and don't eat because I'm afraid if I walk out my mother will get mad at me and call me useless. I dont know what I did wrong to deserve any of this. Im just so tired of living hear, but im afraid that if I call CPS theyll hit me for reporting them.

[ccsmod16]

Hi, thank you for reaching out! You do not deserve to be hit and spoken to the way your parents are treating you. You are so strong for hanging on for so long and for reaching out today!
You do not deserve to be abused and nothing you did made this happen. It is understandable that you are afraid your parents would react badly if you called CPS. That is still an option for you though. There is also Child Help which is the national child abuse hotline 1-800-422-4453. They can help you talk through more options of what you can do in this abusive situation. You can also call us here at 1-800-786-2929 if you want help calling out to the local police station or to CPS; we can do a three-way call and serve as an advocate for you on the line.
You also mentioned self-harming and feeling suicidal. It is understandable that you are feeling this way given the living situation you are currently in. The national suicide prevention lifeline is available 24/7 both on the phone and on their website where you can live chat with them: 1-800-273-8255 suicidepreventionlifeline.com. Another helpful resource is To Write Love on Her Arms: twloha.com. It is a great website for those who self-harm or have those urges. There is a blog where people share their stories; it is so great to read and know you are not alone in this. You are not alone in feeling suicidal or in self-harming, and there is help for you.
We are so sorry to hear your siblings have not been supportive of you throughout this abuse. We are here 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929. If you wanted help reporting this abuse, or to talk through some options for you, call us or live chat us on our website.
You are very brave for reaching out for help. Your safety is our priority. Best of luck with this difficult situation.