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My stepdad makes me want to run away

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  • My stepdad makes me want to run away

    My biological dad left when I was three. He was abusive to both my mom and I so she filed for a divorce. Three years later, my mom met the man who is now my stepdad. He was okay at first, but when I was eight, my little brother was born. Since then, my stepdad has been extremely impatient towards both me and my brother. He yells and curses at us for almost everything we do and he thinks it's funny when we cry. When I was 13, I came out as bisexual, and he told me that if "I ever went fully gay or dated a girl, I might as well kill myself" and that he would disown me. A few days later he caught me self harming, and he just laughed loudly and walked off. It's now gotten to the point where even my brother (who is only eight) has expressed to me multiple times that he wanted to kill himself and that he is scared of him. And through it all, my mom just watches, and she doesn't see a problem and doesn't say anything. I'm scared to call anyone and report it in fear that my stepdad will come after me.
    I have a boyfriend who does it best to get my parents to like him but my dad always treats him like garbage for no reason, even going as far as telling him to F off, and my stepdad doesn't trust me at all with him, even though we haven't done anything remotely bad.
    I'm sixteen and I want to get out of this house. I have a close friend who her and her parents would let me stay with. But I live in Alabama, and I don't want to chance them taking me back, charging my friends family, separating us, and hating me even more. And I don't want to just abandon my brother either. I don't know what to do.

  • #2
    Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline! It sounds like you have been going through a lot and it was very brave of you to ask for help. You and your brother absolutely have the right to feel safe in your home and if you ever feel like you are in immediate danger you can call 911 for help. It sounds like the way your mother is responding could be really frustrating and disappointing. Have you tried talking to her about what you and your brother have been going through with her husband? How do you think she would respond if you were to tell her about your coping through self harm and how your brother’s suicidal feelings? Your brother is very lucky to have someone looking out for him like you! Sometimes when faced with issues as difficult and serious as suicidal thoughts and self harm people find it helpful to talk to someone they trust. Commonly people turn to a close friend, family member, teacher, counselor, religious leader, or coach for advice and support. Another option for a safe, confidential place to talk about suicide and self harm is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 and suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

    It sounds like you have been dealing with a really scary and stressful situation and it was very brave of you to reach out for support! If you feel like you or your brother are being abused, you do have the right to file an abuse report with your local government’s Child/Family Services Department. While the specific procedures can vary among organizations, in general, the Child/Family Services Agency investigates all reports with the goal of keeping all of the minors in the household safe. For more specific information about reporting abuse and to find your local Child/Family Services Agency you can contact Child Help at 1-800-422-4453 and childhelp.org. You have been coping with so much and it sounds like you are being very responsible in trying to keep yourself and your brother safe.

    While we are not legal experts here we can talk in general about runaway reporting. In most states, the age of majority when someone is legally considered to be an adult, is 18 years old. Until then, a person is considered a minor and their parents or legal guardians are legally responsible for them. This means that if a minor were to leave home without permission, their legal guardian would be able to file a runway report with the police. Being reported as a runaway is a status offense which means it is not a criminal offense and does not go on your permanent record. In most states, if someone who is reported as a runaway is found by the police, they are usually returned home and there are no legal consequences unless that person had been in legal trouble before. Some states do have laws about harboring a runaway, which can penalize an adult for helping or housing a youth whom they know has been reported as a runaway. However, specific laws as well as how they are enforced can vary among states and even from county to county. One way that people can find out more specifically about the laws in their area is by contacting the local police directly. The non-emergency phone number for your local police can be found using www.USACOPS.com. We are very glad that you contacted the National Runaway Safeline and would like to help you get as well as stay safe. If you would like to talk through a plan, explore options further, or just need a safe non-judgemental place to talk we are here at the National Runaway Safeline 24/7 via phone 1-800-RUN-AWAY (787-2929) or from 4:30PM-11:30PM every day via live chat on our website www.1800runaway.org.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      I know people have it worst then me but I just can’t take it. My stepdad makes me want to leave and never return. He always takes my little sisters side and never waits to hear me out on why I said or did what I did. I would never tell my mom as it would crush her and I don’t want to put her through anything. He can genuinely terrify me to the point where I cry myself to sleep. He has a loud booming scary voice and yells quite a bit and even when he yells at my older sister I feel terrified even though nothing is directed at me. I just don’t know what to do. I have a place in mind where I thought about going but I wouldn’t last long as it’s in a mini patch of shrubbery without much food or anything. I just can’t take it, I’m very suicidal and have thought about self harming but I just don’t know what to do!
      Last edited by ccsmod4; 12-28-2018, 12:38 AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Reply: I know people have it worst then...

        Hello,
        Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

        We appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.
        Some situations can be upsetting thus making things uncertain about what to do or where to turn. It can be tough trying to sort out your own feelings but it’s good that you are trying.
        We understand and we want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. Perhaps talking with your mother might help in allowing you to express what you are feeling. We understand that you want to protect her feelings and that is very good of you. Hurting yourself does not have to be an option.
        Sometimes talking things out might help to bring some positive ideas in coping with the situation. You took a big step reaching out today. Good job.

        NRS is here to listen and here to help. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance.
        If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or www.1800Runaway.org.
        Again tell us what it is you would like us to help you with and we will be happy to explore some options with you.
        Your safety and well-being is important.

        If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255);www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

        Take care,
        NRS

        We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          My stepdad finds a way to make me mad or sad every single day like when he tells me to clean up around the house or something he yells it and tells me to do it now or just says some other stupid thing to make me mad.
          its getting to the point where I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and I’ve even thought about just leaving the house and never coming back. He loses his temper really easy and he’s even hit me and my siblings before, he doesn’t hit us hard enough to leave marks or anything but it does hurt. My sister has thought about going to live with my dad and my brother has said he hates him.

          Comment


          • ccsmod15
            ccsmod15 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi, that sounds like a really hard situation to be in, so thank you for reaching out to us today. It’s totally understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed, and we can definitely try to talk to you about your options. You mentioned that you’ve had suicidal thoughts, so the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a great resource. They can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. You can call them even if you’re not feeling suicidal, and they can help you find mental health or counseling resources. Another resource for counseling and mental health services is SAMHSA (the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration). Their number is 1-877-726-4727. You could ask either hotline about finding counseling services for yourself to try to cope with the situation, or with your family members if they’re open to going and trying to work on the situation with you.

            If you feel like the situation at home has reached the level of abuse, you could consider reporting the abuse. You could do this by reaching out to Child Help at 1-800-422-4453, by calling us at 1-800-Runaway (1-800-726-2929) to get support with self-reporting, or by telling a mandated reporter like a teacher or guidance counselor.
            If you do decide to leave home, safety is always the number one thing to consider. If you’re planning on leaving home, and ever want support in talking about where you could go, what to bring, and how you will support yourself and stay safe, you can reach us 24/7 at 1-800-Runaway (1-800-726-2929). You’re going through a lot right now, but you’re not alone, and we’re here to listen.

        • #6
          Hi


          My real dad left my life when I was born. My mom married this man (my step). He is sooo mean to me. Ex 1. He will yell at me and when I show that im aggravated he will yell even louder. He will wake me in the middle of the night and yell at me for not picking up a pencil. Ex 2. When i tell him how I feel he will hit me and yell because he thinks its disrespectful. When my mom is not home its like the whole world is attacking me. He is unfair to me and he will do anything for my other brothers. Ex 3. When i tell my mom she listens. Then when she talks to my dad about it. He will gets mad and when my mom leaves the house he will take all that anger on me ... SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME !!

          Comment


          • ccsmod15
            ccsmod15 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi there,
            Thank you for contacting us at the National Runaway Safeline. It takes great courage to reach out for help and we are glad that you decide to reach out for help.

            We are sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. You don't deserve to be treated like that and shouldn't have to live like that. While emotional abuse can be hard to prove you could consider reporting the abuse. You could do this by reaching out to Child Help at 1-800-422-4453, or by calling us at 1-800-Runaway (1-800-726-2929) to get support with self-reporting, or by telling a mandated reporter like a teacher or guidance counselor. If your safety is ever at risk you can call 911.

            Talking to other adult family members, friends and school counselor is something you could also consider.

            If you do decide to leave home, safety is always the number one thing to consider. If you’re planning on leaving home, and ever want support in talking about where you could go, what to bring, and how you will support yourself and stay safe, you can reach us 24/7 at 1-800-Runaway (1-800-726-2929). We are not legal experts however, speaking generally if you are to leave home without your parents permission the police can bring you back home and whoever you are staying with could be charged with harboring a runaway and get in trouble with the law.

            You’re going through a lot right now, but you’re not alone, and we’re here to listen.
            Best,
            NRS

        • #7
          My real dad left and a couple years later my brother was born with his dad he ended up going to prison for abuse and about a year later my mom got together with my stepdad he has been here for 6 years and he’s probably one of the most annoying people I’ve ever met so annoying I was diagnosed with depression at 10 he has tired me out to the point where I can’t do little things like wash the dishes because I’m tired of the yelling he blames his depression on me Wich isn’t fair considering that he has done that his birthday is next Monday and I’m thinking about running away I’m so annoyed I literally can’t do this anymore

          Comment


          • ccsmod1
            ccsmod1 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hey there,

            Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension between you and your stepdad. It seems like there have been a lot of changes in your life and it must be stressful to have to adapt so often. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

            You mentioned that you were diagnosed with depression and it has made every day tasks really difficult lately. It can be really hard to live with mental health issues and we want you to know that you aren’t alone in addressing them. If you’d like some additional support, an organization that may be helpful is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). You can contact them by calling 1-800-950-NAMI or you can text them by sending NAMI to 741741. Another agency that could be of great help is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), they can help you locate low or no cost mental health care providers in your area. Their number is 1-800-662-4357 or you can go to their site at samhsa.gov.

            It sounds like your stepdad isn’t fully understanding you when you are trying to relay your thoughts and feelings about his yelling and his actions. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your stepdad so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

            If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

            Stay safe,
            NRS

        • #8
          my step dad annoys me i can feel his energy like 2 miles away and he always kills my vibe and he acts like he upgraded me when me and my mama upgraded him cuz he brought him up to the new cuz he lives in my house but one thang dat do get me mad is dat he is always getting heated at my mama at somthing like for a job interview or going to da store he makes a big A** deal and starts yelling at my mama and dat gets me mad cuz she did not do sh** to you for u to start with dis damn yelling and he always says i have a attitude like y is u looking at me i had talk to one of my teachers about my step dad bcuz i cant take dis angrryness and frustration he makes me feel worthless i feel like running away from home and never come back i also wanna cuss him out and tell him to get out my damn face cuz he IS NOT MY DAD i can also take care of myself and i can find someone else to do it .

          Comment


          • ccsmod15
            ccsmod15 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hey,

            Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like things at home between you and your stepdad have been really hard lately, and it took a lot of bravery to reach out for help. We hope to serve you in the best way we can.

            It is important you know that you do not deserve to be verbally abused my your stepdad. It seems like your stepdad takes a lot of his frustration out on you, and this is not okay. It’s understandable that this would make you upset and want to leave. You took an important step in telling your teacher about it. Are there other people at school you might tell? A counselor? Friends? Sometimes these can be good systems of support. You might also think about talking to your Mom, or if you feel like talking to someone who is not as close to your stepdad, perhaps you could talk to other family members or trusted adults in your life. Your stepdad is venting and releasing emotion in the home, and you have had to be strong in the face of this, but you also deserve space to vent your feelings. If you ever want to call us, we are here 24/7 to listen and to help. We can be reached by phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY or by instant message at 1800runaway.org.

            You mentioned wanting to run away. This is a normal reaction to a home life that is as tough as yours. It is important when considering running away to think about where you will go, how you will get there, and what you might do once there. Ensuring your comfortability and safety when running is important. You might also consider whether or not your parent will call the police. Running away is never illegal, but if you are reported, the police will try to find you and bring you back home. This is something to consider as you think of your next steps.

            In any case, we hope that you can find some peace and sanity in your home. You have been through a lot and your relationship with your stepdad must make you feel hopeless sometimes, but today you reached out for help. Great job. If you ever need more information, we encourage you to reach out through the contacts above.

            Stay safe, stay strong.
            NRS

        • #9
          My real dad broke up with my mom when I was 8 and he rarely see’s me and my stepdad says I’m his son but he treats me so bad every time I get in trouble he brings up my past because I got caught smoking weed he just rubs it in my face and he says I’m a minipulator and I am sacrificing my mom and his realationship I have not got in trouble in a long time but last night he got mad over some ice cream that one of my brothers ate and started talking about my dad and how I don’t deserve anything I try hard not to get in trouble but he always finds away to get me in trouble I been feeling like theirs no point of me being alive and my mom tries to stick up for me but he says it’s my fault why that happens and I don’t known what to do anymore I just want to be happy but every time I come home it’s something else so I feel as if I am the problem and if I die everything will be okay because I’m a failure

          Comment


          • ccsmod7
            ccsmod7 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like you are having a lot of issues with your stepdad talking down to you to the point where you are feeling like not being alive. Those feelings are significant and you should be supported during this difficult time. Please know you are not alone and there is help available to you. While it may feel like you don’t have a lot of options, your well-being and life do matter, and you deserve to make it through this.

            While you can call or chat us 24/7, please know that we are not the only support out there who wants to help. If you feel like you are in immediate danger of hurting yourself, call 9-1-1. For additional support contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, call1-800-273-8255, or chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. If you identify as LGBTQ+, you can contact the Trevor Project (the LGBTQ+ Youth Suicide Lifeline ) at 1-866-488-7386 or chat/text online. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get...oyoe2gw0gobu6y.

            We also encourage you to confide in someone you trust, like a teacher, guidance counselor, coach, parent—any adult you trust. You deserve to be heard and supported. Letting those closest to you know how you are feeling can often be the first step in getting the help you need.

            Here at NRS, we have a conference call services to help mediate problems between you and your stepdad. It can be a safe place to express how you all are feeling without anyone being interrupted, disrespected, or yelled at; and to work on compromises. Please do not hesitate to call us if you are interested in using our conference call service: 1-800-RUNAWAY.

            Please don’t hesitate to call or chat us if you need someone to listen or help you figure out your options. We can also talk through a safety plan with you, and call out to local resources with you if you need. We are always here for you and your safety is our priority: 1-800-RUNAWAY; www.1800runaway.com.
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