Abusive Mother

[Guest]

Hi there,

I'm hoping on looking for some advice. Before I start I want to confirm to everyone that I love my mother, very much. She does so much for all of us and sacrifices so much for us and we are 100% aware of that. However she gets angry and pissed very fast. Throughout the upbringing of me (16 years old) and my brother (currently 12 years old) I know that we have been physically abused many times. Slaps, kicks, beatings with clothing hangers etc. I vividly remember one time when I was in the 1st grade, before leaving for school I was taking forever to get ready and my mother was also running late. I dont remember what I did to further piss her off but I remember her hitting me and a large mark appearing on the side of my face. She then told me that if anyone asked I was to tell them that i tripped and hit my face on a table. When I went to school that day my teacher asked my and replied telling her exactly what my mother told me to say. While she doesn't hit me anymore, she still hits my brother (12) occasionally. We're both used to this and don't complain anymore tbh. However the only thing that is making me write this, is my youngest brother (4 years old). As a toddler, he cries. A LOT. he's very fussy, and can get annoying but my mother can't handle it and hits him. It happens often and it physically hurts me watching him scream in pain. Very often I try to take him away from her. A lot of the times i succeed but sometimes she just yells at me and hits me to back off. I know that she's a good person, because she does feel bad afterwards. But i think that will put a negative affect on my youngest brother. For his tiny brain, being yelled at, then hit and then showered with love and apologies obviously has to be confusing right? Won't that have some kind of emotional impact on him? I know that my mother used to do that to us and while I believe that it has impacted us by making my and my brother (12) very impatient and stubborn but we also know how to control it. But I fear my youngest brother may not be able to? I just need advice, i need to know what I can say to her, show her or tell her that will make her stop. What can i do to get her to understand that this can have a huge impact on our brothers' future? I would like to remind you again that she IS a good person, I know that 100%. She loves us and I love her so much but I don't think it's right for her to hurt our 4 year old brother that way. He's jsut a baby.

Thank you.

[ccsmod10]

Hey there,

Thanks for reaching out to NRS. It’s very courageous of you to share a bit about your situation and what’s going on at home, we appreciate it. You’re being very brave!
It sounds like you and your siblings are dealing with physical and verbal abuse at home by your mom. You certainly don’t deserve to be harmed in any way, regardless if your mom has a short temper. Abuse is never okay. It’s understandable that you still love your mom and that she loves you, but again, she should not be harming you or your siblings. You’re being a really supportive older sister, for looking out for your brothers. You’re able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody. CPS also can require parents to take anger classes and go to family counseling, if they believe that taking youth out of the home isn’t necessary right away. NRS is able to conference call with you if you need help making the abuse report, or we can make one for you. Talking to teachers or school counselors that you trust, about what’s going on at home, they can also make abuse reports. They also may be able to provide you with great support as well.

Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center, or use our chatting services via our website. So the best way to tell us everything would be to call into our hotline, or use our chatting services and talk to one of our trained liners. NRS is a non-directive organization, so we aren’t able to give advice, because you know your situation a lot better than we do, but we are here to support you in any way we can.

Be safe, NRS