Minor problems to major problems

[Guest]

Hi, Im turning 15 by November. Im living in a complex but I'll be moving to somewhere rural by 18th July. I was thinking that I could run away once I move back to my home country. The reason? Well, it may seem like its dumb but, for me, its everything.

The problem is that I use my phone oftenly at night since Im a night owl and feel more energized in the night. I love the night because my parents wont let me do this and that, they wont told me off bcs of simple things.. I just feel like Im home. Like, really at home. Quiet, calm and alone. Now, lets talk about the internet part. I had a friendship problem that happened at 8th June and because of that, I lost all my friend's trust. Even my best friend. They just stopped talking to me. (It wasnt really my fault though! I thought I was doing the right thing but noo, I caused trouble). And so, because of that, I tried finding new friends... in the internet. The internet was always been there for me, I love talking to new people in hopes of being able to replace my best friend who I lost all trust to. (Oh, on a side note, my best friend became best friends with my other friend which makes me feel replaced).

Internet friends understands me, thats why I feel like Im at home. The internet is my family. My true family since they understood me. However, I argued about this with my dad one time. He told me that internet friends cant give me money, cant take care of me when Im sick, cant feed me, cant raise me, etc. This made me more sad because I felt as if my real parents dont even understand me. Oh, next thing you know, they'll just say "Youre addicted to the internet! Go outside and find real friends! Dont be lazy!". The addiction part hurt me, because for me, addiction is caused because that person felt more comfortable around the doings/things, like a family. Addiction can be blamed on the people who are supposed to understand you but they actually dont. This falls on me too. My parents dont understand that I feel more like home in the internet.

Now, since Ive been using them at night, they started catching me still using it.. and they got MAD because of it! We argued almost every single night now and this may just be the 2nd month of us still arguing about this. Im done. I was just defending myself in order to feel like home.. at home! If I dont have the time to talk with my internet friends at night, I'll feel empty. I cant sleep.

The reason why my parents wanted to take my phone away at night is so that I can sleep, but instead, it does the opposite. They have taken my phone away for a week and for that whole week, I feel empty, depressed, lonely. I just stayed in my room, my mind still thinking about that damn happy box of mine they took away. Oh, you must also be wondering why I use my phone at night.. well, my friends are in a different time zone which then forces ME to stay awake and I kinda got used to the patterns at night.

If I told them this, they'll probably going to take me to theraphy saying that Im crazy and I care more about 'fake' friends from the internet more than the family itself. Ugh! It may seem confusing for you but I just want to end this and I want to live alone!!

I dont care about them anymore. I just want to live freely but the problem is that I live in a complex which then makes the police easy to find me and take me back home to my parents, which then they will SHOUT at me bcs of the 'DUMB' actions I take. But again, if I run away fast enough, I can go to a nearby city if Im brave enough. I may have a chance to escape but the police guards the gate.. again, they'll call my parents and made everything easy to find me.

I know I sounded like Im in the wrong here, but I just want freedom.. please... I dont want to argue about this all night and I just want to feel like home at night. I dont want my dad to be angry on me because of this.. and Im confused. Should I attempt to run away? ;-; thank you..

[ccsmod6]

It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now, but we commend you for being wise enough to reach out! From the sounds of things, it looks like you’re trying to explore all of your options and your frustrated with your parent’s behavior at home. Have you tried talking to your parents about this? If so, how did they react? One of the services we provide at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS) is the ability to conduct a conference call with both the parent and youth where we can mediate the conversation.

As far as running away is concerned, while running away is generally not considered illegal, it is a status offense, meaning you’re not allowed to do it because you’re underage. Given this, do you still feel like running away from home would be your best option? One other thing to note is that although running isn’t illegal in most areas, harboring a runaway is. This means that any adult that knowingly lets a runaway youth stay with them and doesn’t contact the police, the youth’s legal guardians or CPS, they could get in trouble for harboring a runaway. Most youth shelters would also require guardian permission to let the runaway stay. Do you have any ideas of where you would live or how you would support yourself if not at home?

Since you’re a minor, your parents/legal guardians have the right to file a runaway report with the police. This report gets put into their national database. Depending on the police department, that may be the extent of what the police do as far as trying to locate you goes. Some police departments though will search for you by talking to friends, family, school or tracking records (phone, ATM cards, computer, etc). Generally, when a runaway youth is found they are returned home. Sometimes the youth may be held in juvenile detention or a shelter until their parents can come and pick them up.

Now, I know you mentioned that both you and your parents have fought about internet and cell phone use. Have you tried talking to them about what happened at your friends at school? Perhaps if you don’t feel comfortable talking with them directly about what happened at school, you could tell a close relative that could help you talk with your parents together. It must be really frustrating to feel lonely at school and feel like your parents don’t understand you. If you have already talked to your parents about this or you don’t feel like they’d be understanding, what about asking them what they want to see from you to get your phone back? While they may not want to allow you to use your phone/internet right away, maybe you could agree upon a set amount of time each night you could access these resources. Also, have you considered joining any summer sports or summer school classes? This may be a good way to make new friends in the meantime, plus it could help you feel less lonely and not be stuck at home as much if you’re parents are upsetting you.

There are two other legal options to leave home: 1) Parent’s permission: if your parents gave you permission to live somewhere else (given it’s a safe place.) and 2) Emancipation. This is a legal avenue that involves going to court to try and get emancipated from your parents and become your own legal guardian. However, emancipation is not always a practical or realistic option and can be very difficult to obtain. For more information about this in your statue, usually contacting the local family court is the best starting point.

Given all of this, do you still feel like running away? Sometimes it helps to just have an unbiased, non-judgmental person to talk to. Here at the National Runaway Safeline, we are always available to talk through your situation and try and help you come up with the best, safest plan of action. We’re available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The number is 1-800-Runaway. Call anytime.