Can you run away from strict parents?

[Guest]

My parents are very strict, and very mean to me. I'm not allowed to have friends, I'm not allowed to go anywhere or participate in after-school activities, I'm always locked up in the house, I can't go to my room or anywhere else in the house by myself without them yelling at me, and they put security cameras in my room so they watch me 24/7? Even while I get dressed and exercise? It sounds a little off to me. My parents only care about making me suffer. My mom said straight from her own mouth that she wants me to suffer just because I got a B in math, but made straight A's and got a 4.3 GPA for the final semester. I see all these happy families going out and doing things together, being nice to their kids and overall enjoying life. I can't have that. My parents only care about other people's kids. I eat the same thing everyday, I haven't gotten new clothes in 2 years, and I'm always being pushed away from them. I want to be somewhere where I can enjoy my childhood. Right now, I feel depressed and isolated from everything. I feel like I really am suffering because I'm always talked down to. It's like they hate me. They never include me in anything, and even when my sister (who is 1 asks to just sit on the porch and talk to another kid in the neighborhood and just have some kind of human interaction for a good five minutes, they yell at us. Saying that people who "put themselves out there" are the ones who get killed early and how we're going to die young. They say we'll never amount to anything in life just because we want to enjoy our childhood. I mentally can't take being here anymore. If I have to stay here for another three years I might just lose it. Sorry for the rant, but what I'm trying to say is, can a child leave/be taken from parent with these types of behaviours? I don't want to stay here and suffer. I want to be with a family who loves and cares for me, doesn't push me away, and who allows me to be myself. Right now I feel really stuck and I'm about to hit my breaking point.

[ccsmod15]

Hi,

Asking for help can be really difficult, and we are glad you reached out to us. You do not deserve to be treated this way. Abuse reporting is always an option, but Child Protective Services may not immediately remove you from your home after an abuse report is filed. If you are interested in learning more about abuse reporting we are available by phone 24/7 and are here to provide additional resources and support (1-800-786-2929).

It sounds like your parents are very strict and you are feeling depressed and isolated. If you interested in talking with someone about your depression the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (samhsa.gov; 1-877-726-4727) is a resource you could use to find a mental health professional. If you think talking to your parents could be helpful we can help moderate a conference call to ensure it is a constructive and helpful conversation.

Running away is a big step and thinking about where you will go and how you will take care of yourself can be helpful to think about before you decide to leave home. It may also be helpful to think about how your parents would react if you left home and then they found you.

We are really glad you messaged us and are here to help 24/7. Do not hesitate to call.

Good Luck,
NRS

[Guest]

I need to know how to run away from my strict grandmother to some wear I can never see any of my family if I get anything under an A I get yelled at I’m not allowed to wear black and she’s homosexual and I’m lesbian she’s called me weird and a freak the house hold is not clean at all and my uncle is always high and I just can’t take it anymore it’s gotten to the point where I cut my self

[ccsmod15]

Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. You made a great first step to finding the help that you may need. It sounds like you are going through a lot and the people around you are not being supportive. You deserve to be treated with respect, to experience acceptance and to feel safe.

We want you to know that you are strong for having gone through so much already. It is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. You’re bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you. Remember that you are not alone. If you ever want to talk more about what you are experiencing or get additional support we are here 24/7 at 1800-RUNAWAY or our live chat service. The GLBT National Hotline at 1888-843-4564 is another option to gain great support from those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can access their website link bellow to utilize all the other possibly useful resources they have to offer: http://www.glbthotline.org/

You mentioned that you were considering the options that may be best for you. By all means, if you do fear for your safety either now or in the future, do not hesitate to take the necessary steps to regain your safety. This may mean calling the authorities or possibly reporting the things you may be experiencing. Other options to think about may be other family members, friends, or a trusted adults that would be able to provide you with support or a safe place to stay. It is great that you thinking ahead. Should you feel like leaving home is best, it may be a good idea to think about how you will provide necessities for yourself such as food, clothing, showers, healthcare and other basic needs. You may want to also consider how your parent’s will react to you leaving without permission. We are not legal experts here, but typically as a minor (under the age of 1 you need permission from your parents to leave home. It is not illegal to runaway, but it would mean that your parents could file a runaway report with the police. This is usually done in an effort to try to return you home as the police are required to do so.

If you can give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or reach out through Live Chat we can try to find some youth shelters that may be near your city and state by utilizing our database of resources. We can also try to call out to shelters with you or on your behalf to advocate for you.

Stay Strong,
NRS

[Guest]

i really want to run away from my strict parents I'm not even aloud to step in the backyard without getting yelled at and sometimes when i do i get hit for NO REASON and my mom is always yelling at me because i don't clean and i been depressed lately i don't feel like doing school i have trouble in school too and i don't feel like getting up all i do is sit in my room all day just i don't have to deal with them and when eve i wan to go to my friend's house they never let me and can't participate in school activities all i can do is go to school and then go straight home the only time we ever go out is during the summer and when my mom friends convince my mom to let us go have fun but sometimes she is always ify about it and i can't even trust my own mother every time I ask about my dad she is always switching the subject like all i want to know is who my dad is and she listens to my stepdad all the time he only uses me when he needs my help that's it PLZ HELP ME I'm scared to run always bc i feel like I'm gonna get beat and i feel like this is gonna affect me when i grow up bc I'm not used to talking to people outside of my house like i have really bad social anxiety like when i grow up i don't think i can keep a job .

[ccsmod0]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.

Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best

We hope to hear from you soon.

Be safe,

NRS

[Guest]

Is it okay to have your mom call you a fat sh*t because you accidentally broke something? She said she wants to throw me away and kick me out. I don’t know if I can take it anymore. She’s always been strict but you probably don’t think this is a big deal. I don’t actually want to run away but when I ask my mom for help EVER she says I can do it myself or that I’m dramatic. I don’t really need child protective services or something I just wanted to talk to someone. I could maybe use a therapist and ive even asked her for one. I’ve complained about never getting sleep and being tired 24/7 but my DAD this time said specifically “you’re too young to be tired. Stop making excuses and being lazy and get your a** up and clean.” That’s another problem they ALWAYS have us clean guests or not we clean everyday, top to bottom, until the house is sparkling. When I try to talk to them about this once again they call me dramatic. I tried SO MANY F ING TIME TO TALK TO THEM BUT IM CALLED F ING NAMES. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. My parents always act like the world revolves around them and treat me like sh*t. It’s only me and my older sister even cleaning and doing work and being treated this way. My little siblings never do anything and get treated like royalty. Referring to the beginning: I broke something on accident today and texted my mom immediately. I asked her if she wanted it thrown away guess what she said?! She said she wants to throw me away basically telling me she wants me out of her house. She didn’t even ask if I was okay! She also brought my older sister in this and blamed her too! I feel so guilty and bad I can’t take it anymore. I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again. I. Can’t. Take. It. Anymore.

[ccsmod15]

Hello there,
You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against your mom. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.
We hope this helps. Please reach out if we can offer any further support. We can only respond to forums twice, so you can best reach us by phone, 1800-RUNAWAY, or by live chat, www.1800RUNAWAY.org.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi,

I have always wanted to run away but can't get the right mindset to do so. I am always like I'm going to run away I say to myself but never (like I said never get the right mindset) bc I'm always going to miss the one thing that loves me, my dog and I don't want to leave him because whenever he is home alone and can't go to the bathroom and he usually goes in my room, and we come home and my dad finds out and hits him. And my dad is always smoking and stinks up the house with the stench. my mom is a F ING B***h bc i will have good grades and i have a low B and come home to her saying CONGRADULATIONS YOU NOW HAVE A C and I'm like ok and then smacks me bc I " have an attitude" so all i want to do is run away bc all i want to do is get away from them

[ccsmod3]

Hi there, thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you have been considering running away for a while but can’t get in the right mindset to do so. It also sounds like you do not want to leave your dog and that you love him and that your dad will not treat him right. It seems like your mom holds you to high standards with grades even when you already have good grades and is wanting you to have higher grades. You never deserve to get smacked for anything. It’s understandable to want to get away from them and we can definitely discuss options on how to do so if you are interested. If you would like to talk about this further, please call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

I'm adopted, and I feel trapped inside this house. I feel like I will never be happy unless I leave. I turn 16 in a month so I have 2 more years here. I do not belong here. I feel like I won't be able to heal if I stay here.

[ccsmod3]

Hi there, thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you are feeling trapped inside your house and that it feels like you won’t be happy until you leave. You absolutely deserve to be happy and feel safe where you live. Something to think about if you were to leave is if you would have somewhere to go as safety is important. Also it could be helpful to talk with family members about how you are feeling or other people outside of the house, like friends or adults at school. If you would like to talk more about it with us, please call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

I've thought of running away many times I'm 20 have a job and my own car I have some money saved up but not enough to move out which is what I planned I've finally reached my limit and I want to run away but dont have the right mindset I'm scared they will do something to me and I will never get out same for my sister who is 25 has her own car, job, and yet we are treated like we are children and are constantly verbally abused idk if there's a way to help or make a plan for us both but we need to get out
thank you

[ccsmod15]

Hello there,
As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

Stay safe,
NRS

[Guest]

i need help my parents are not here so i got placed with my aunt and shes like super abusive and it sucks and i wanna run away but im scared to gte caught so i really need help and im so scared of her like she yels at me if i get a 90 she calls me ugly and stupid

i need help like im adopted and i need help getting out of a toxic house like i texted my social worker but she didn't beleive me and said to suck it up

[ccsmod0]

You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against your aunt.  Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise.  Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation.  That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share.  Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead.  The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.

We hope this helps. Please reach out if we can offer any further support.

Be safe,

NRS

[Guest]

Hi i have really strict parents like very very very strict parents esp my mother because she doesnt want me to have friends, stay in my room, have fun like im so jealous of other kids beause i watch they're instagram stories having the best time of their lives and im over here being forced to clean do this do that like i wanna runaway so bad and i never wanna come back to my family ever again i dont wanna get yelled at and beaten up i cant do anything in my life like im bisexual and my mother is homophobic and ik theres nothing with being part of the lgbqt community and i dont think its a sin i cant even text friends and post what i want whenever i say something but or try to talk back she wanna threaten me i hate her so much i just wanna be happy like i can rarely have clothes i wanna wear i have anxiety, depression and anger issues and whenever i see someone have something i always want cant get it. and i have never never ever went somewhere fun in my life i just wish to have a perfect family like everytime my mom hit when for doing something so if my mother makes me angry like very anger im going to end it not my life im just gonna run away to soemone where safe and someone who can take care of me im tired, exhuasted, i feel like im the worst family in the world like shes planning on buying cameras just for me like wtfff please help...advice. please

[ccsmod5]

Hey there,

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are glad that you are reaching out for help—that takes a lot of bravery especially when you are struggling. It sounds like you are going through an extremely difficult time at home with not be able to do the things that you want to. It can be frustrating and challenging to be around parents that might not fully understand who we are in terms of our sexual and gender identity, what our interests are, and what we wish to become.

Because of all this, it sounds like you are considering leaving. While we do not blame you for wanting to remove yourself from the situation, perhaps we can discuss some options on what it would look like if you did leave and, perhaps, some options to make home more bearable (if possible)?

Do you have an idea of where you may go once you leave family? If so, is the place or person that you will be staying with someone that you can fully trust? If you were to leave, would you continue attending the school you go to? How will you financially support yourself so that you have money to eat and pay for living expenses? We’re sure you have already thought all this out, but we want you to have the best success and remain the safes as you make your decisions. If you do decide to leave, perhaps tell a trusted friend or relative of where you intend to go and please be cautious and place your safety as utmost priority (if you ever feel unsafe, you can text the word “safe” to 4HELP (44357) to receive a message of the closet Safe Place to go.

Is there anything that you can change right now to reduce time spent at home? Perhaps, join an afterschool program or sports team to reduce the number of hours you are at home? It sounds like mom restricts a lot of what you do, but if you found an activity or even job that you could both agree upon, perhaps it’ll give you more freedom and less time spent at home. Many towns and cities have organizations such as a “Boys & Girls’ Club” or YMCA which is a place where you can meet people your age afterschool, enjoy your time, but remain away from home until later in the evening. Perhaps do a quick online search in your local area for something such as this if this seems doable for you.

We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by forum to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

Be safe and stay well,
NRS

[Guest]

I am glad that I can reach out to you guys. I have a complex problem here.
I, too, have strict parents, but the true problem is my disability and the way they treat me. I have both Autism and ADHD. Whenever I forget to do something, they have to scold me instead of politely saying, "Hey, you forgot to do the dishes, can you please get those done for me?" And sometimes they have to repeat something they said for me to be able to understand them, so when I mishear them and end up doing something else, even if I try hard to listen, they get mad. I did my research and found that having a hard time hearing what people are saying or forgetting things is an ADHD trait. But here comes the worst part - when I tried to explain that a certain behavior was an Autism trait, my dad angrily said, "Quit using your disability as an excuse! Your cousin J (I am calling him that for privacy reasons) uses his disability as an excuse not to do things and he is so lazy!" I stopped trying to tell them things like that since. I also stopped telling them when I have a mental issue (such as suicide feelings or wanting to leave home), they try to threaten me by saying, "You'll burn with the Devil himself if you kill yourself," or "I have to pay HUNDREDS of dollars just for us to have food on your plate, to have water, etc!" Even with factual evidence, I cannot get the strength to confront them. Plus, they both claimed once that they knew everything about Autism, and the since my Autism is mild, it does not affect me much. However, I have observed to that they can't tell the difference between an Autistic meltdown and a tamdrum.
There is not oblivious physically abuse or anything, but over to the years my disappointment towards myself and my depression has gotten worse, as well as self-esteem. I even feel suicidal at times, but I am very afraid to tell my parents about it - or any problem - for fear of being grounded/scolded/getting into trouble. If I tried to call a family member other than my parents, I am afraid that if I tell them my problems, my parents will find out and get mad. I, in fact, have not reached out about my issues for months now for that same reason. Although they love me, are trying to protect me, and claim that being strict means that I won't become a dumb, lazy person, I feel like they either need to understand better, or I need to do something with myself or my life. Just so you know how long it's been since I have told THIS MUCH, I fear that even if I tell this information to anyone they'll say something like, "Stop complaining, because FBI will charge into our home and investigate only to find nothing, and if they take you away, you will be in foster care with only whatever clothes you have, NO TOYS, NO VIDEO GAMES, no nothing!" I'd even imagine that they'll even say that I'll end up with either criminal parents or stupid, dumb parents that just don't care. I don't even know the difference between what is good parenting and what is abuse. It is, trust me, IMPOSSIBLE to try to separate me from my parents because then if you or anyone does, it will be a HUGE fight( no physical harm, but as in words) LOTS of scolding, and I'd be grounded for months. I do not even feel safe talking on the phone, but I can text. Even though I just said that I can't tell what is abuse and what is not, I don't think it is. If you can give me some tips as to how to deal with this, I'd be more than happy. However, I don't want to end up in a detention center of jail because if I do, knowing I am a perfectionist and hate mistakes, that would only make me even more suicidal, so please please don't call the police on me or my parents. I am under the age of 18 but I am close to that and have researched how to survive in the wild in case things come to worse. I know that y'all are busy, but if you can reply to me ASAP, that would be great.
Thank y'all and good luck to anyone who is dealing with the same thing.

[ccsmod3]

Hey there,
Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are glad that you are reaching out for help—that takes a lot of bravery. It sounds like you are going through an extremely difficult time right now with life at home and are thinking about running away. From what you have shared, it sounds like you do not feel accepted at home and that mom and dad threaten you and do not fully understand what it is like to have Autism and ADHD. We are sorry that you are not seen as the incredible, capable individual that you are—you deserve to be loved unconditionally no matter what.

From what you share, it sounds like you have little to no support when it comes to living with Autism and ADHD. Perhaps having some support would help make it feel less lonely. There is a mental health support group called Mental Health American, where you can call at 703-684-7722 or visit their site online to search for a support group in your local area: www.mentalhealthamerica.net . There is also another helpful resource called United Way 211 where you can visit their site at www.211.org or dial 211 to find local mental health support in your area. Of course, if you ever feel like harming yourself or ending your life, there is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline where you can dial or text 988 to be connected or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Your safety and mental well being is very important to us.

If you do decide to runaway one thing to consider is that since you are not yet 18 years old nor emancipated, your guardian could file a missing child report to their local police department. Law enforcement will collect basic information about you that will go into a national database, and they can then return you home in the event you are found. Have you considered where you may go if you do runaway? Who would you stay with that is safe? How would you support yourself financially to cover the cost of housing, food, and necessities? We can offer temporary youth shelters for you in your local area but given your age since you are not yet 18, your guardian may still need to consent for you to stay there—it depends on each shelter. If you call us (1-800-RUNAWAY) or reach out via chat at 1800runaway.org (click on the “chat” button), we’d be happy to provide those resources for you.

Another option to consider is looking into emancipation laws in your state. Emancipation is a law where a minor (meaning someone under the age of 18 years old) can be considered an adult if he or she is able to prove that they can financially support themselves, are legally married, or are active in the military. We are not experts in this legal area, but often the process may take a few months and you will need to go before a judge to explain your case. A resource that may be helpful in answering questions related to this is the National Center for Youth Law Agency at (510) 835-8098 (www.youthlawcenter.org).

We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat here at NRS if you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). We also offer conference call and messaging service if you would like us to facilitate a conversation with you and your parent(s) or leave a message to them on your behalf.

If you ever feel unsafe, you can text the word “safe” to 4HELP (44357) to receive a message of the closet Safe Place to go. If you are at risk of any danger, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

Be safe,
NRS