i'm 15, and on the verge of running away from home

[Unregistered]

[long post ahead, sorry. i'm super bad at summarizing]
as the title says, I want to run away. in fact, the only thing holding me back is the fact I have no functioning cell phone to take with me to communicate with one of my friends. I would probably take buses to her house if i ran away, which is over 200 miles from my home. we wanna move in together someday, but I'm scared it won't happen because of my parents
my parents are always on me about things I can't change about myself. they are religious, i'm not, and they're really upset about that. and by upset I mean, pissed and hurt. I've spent most of my life trying to believe in christianity like they wanted, and I just can't
I developed paranoia and many fears from their shoving their religion down my throat at a very early age, and they don't care if they trigger my fears, which give me anxiety/panic attacks.. they can last for weeks
i was born with a backwards internal clock, i sleep during the day. this wasn't a problem most of my life (as i was always homeschooled spare for one year) but once i hit about 10 my dad started treating me like my sleep was controllable (i had always tried to be "normal," it just doesn't work out for me) when it wasn't. to this day they tell me i can make myself sleep at night, and i can't. they're punishing me for it. i've tried medication and depriving myself of sleep day after day, to the point where trying to sleep at night causes me to toss and turn all night, i'm restless, and i wake up with several pains and i'm sleep deprived and miserable. they won't listen to me
in turn they are now restricting my internet access. it's shut off right now (i'm using a free wifi signal from a neighbor), and i've been sick all day from anxiety. the internet is my clutch, my security blanket. how i talk to my best friend, whom has gotten me through more than anyone ever will. if i never had her, i probably wouldn't have lived past 13 years old
i was diagnosed with depression when i was almost 14 but it started when i was 12, i turned into a nasty bitter person at 13 who was suicidal, isolated herself, self harmed and developed a drinking problem. i was thrown into a christian school later that year, where i was bullied from day one and my parents didn't let me drop out until the end of the schoolyear
i was previously on anti-depressants and in therapy. it's been over a year since i last had either of those, as my parents believe meds are bs that just take your money and therapy has a "worldview" they disagree with (even though my therapist was christian himself, he criticized their abusive relationship and they were pissed about it, so i never went back). but my time out of therapy is when i needed it most.
my dad has always been manipulative and emotionally abusive, and he has physically harmed my mother a few times, he was a drug addict, alcoholic, he threatened suicide and he committed arson on our own home. my mom had a boyfriend for three years, who was my saving grace. he gave me hope for our awful family, until she left him.
over this past year i've been told i was lying about the migraines and headaches i've been getting constantly since i was FIVE. they denied that i was depressed until they started to be affected by it, and it became a HUUUGE problem that could only be solved THEIR way. all they did was make it worse
they manipulate me quite often by denying things that they do. they guilt trip me, they emotionally abuse me. they call me names (they called me an idiot earlier today for not believing in their religion, and also equated me, a bisexual, to being a murderer by their moral standards), tell me I'll be on welfare and never do anything in life.. threaten to send me off to state homes, block my contact with family that could help me. they will terrorize me for hours on end with their god speeches, telling me repeatedly i'm going to hell, telling me how i live my life is wrong, telling me i'll regret everything i do...
last fall they learned they could use our wifi as a pawn to hold over my head for things. as i said earlier, it's my security. having no access to my best friend frightens me beyond words. they have threatened to cancel our wifi, take my desk, my dresser, all my devices and leave me just a bed, all for no good reason.... they withhold money from me, refuse to pay me for things they should (like babysitting for many hours. kids stress me out more than they should), refuse to let me get a job but also refuse to let me buy things.. they've made me completely dependent on them and i cannot deal with them anymore
this isn't even all but i said enough already.. i really want to leave. i have no other family to stay with. i'm so trapped and scared all the time, i've had fantasies for years of running away and doing WHATEVER it takes to survive (even if it meant selling sex to strangers. anything to get by) and i'm really considering secretly buying a phone with my saved up money so i can just leave. that's all that's holding me back.

[ccsmod4]

i'm 15, and on the verge of running away from home

Hi,
Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

It sounds like you have been through a lot of emotional stress and pain.
You don’t deserve that kind of treatment from your parents or anyone else.
You are very brave to take the time to reach out tonight and express your feelings.
Good for you.

You mentioned that you are considering running away.
We understand that this might be an option but it is important that you have a safe plan to survive.
It’s good that you are trying to think things through before making a decision to leave.
How were you hoping NRS might help you tonight?

It’s unfortunate that you are in what must feel like a terrible situation.
NRS is here to listen – here to help in any way that we can.
How were you hoping we might assist you?

Since you are able to use Wi Fi you can reach out to NRS at www.1800Runaway.org and utilize our live chat service. NRS live chat is available from 4:30pm until 11:30pm (CST)
Our number is toll free at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) that means you can reach us by using any pay phone.
You can also reach out to the National Suicide Hotline in times of crisis at 1-800-273-8255 (24hrs)

We hope that contacting NRS has been helpful for you tonight and we hope that you will continue to look for positive measures to help cope with your situation.
We wish you the best.
Take Care,
NRS

[Unregistered]

sorry, i forgot to add in what i was looking for!
i'm mostly looking for places i could go, places that could help me if i left. would i be able to board several public service buses for transportation? what is the rate of successful survival for runaway teens? how could i get a job? what are the essentials to pack? is there anyone i could contact to speak to my parents, and make them stop doing the things they do, without getting my parents arrested/in trouble? i don't want to have to run away unless it's necessary, and maybe if an outside source could intervene it'd help... most of my family i'm either not comfortable speaking to them about this, they would support my parents or they wouldn't influence my parents much at all, so i need someone to help me talk with them..
i'm worried about leaving. i feel like i would have to come back soon. i don't know where i'd go, how i could support myself.. what i'd do as i got older, if i lasted out there that long. i'm scared, but i can't keep staying here.

[ccsmod13]

RE:

Hello,

Thank you for your response. From your response and your initial post it sounds like you have really been thinking of what is best for you. It also sounds like you are still deciding what you want and need. You are asking some really great questions. To start, we are not legal experts, but we can speak in general terms .We are here to help and support you in what ways we can.

Your title mentions that you are 15 and thinking of moving away. To start off with, running away is not a criminal offense, it is a status offense. This means that you cannot leave your house without parental permission because you are still a minor (generally under the age of 18 ). If you did decide to leave then your parents would have the option of filing a runaway report with the police. If you are found, then you would most likely be brought back home. Whoever you are found with, such as your boyfriends house, could be charged with harboring a runaway by your parents or the police. This generally tends to include shelters as well. Generally shelters will need parent notification or consent within 24 hours of you being at the facility. If you are thinking of leaving, looking for people that you trust and will support you might be an option for you to start.

Unfortunately, we do not know the rate of runaway teens surviving on the streets. Running away can be a big step, and it sounds like you are really trying to figure out the best thing for you to do. We are not legal experts, and therefore cannot say for sure if transportation buses will prevent you from traveling because you are a minor. That is something that you can call the station up in advance and ask them that question.

To continue with your questions, in terms of finding a job, that sounds like a good idea. Having money might make it easier for you to survive on the streets and give you a way to provide for yourself. In terms of jobs, some jobs may need parental consent, so maybe looking into other jobs that would pay cash such as babysitting or dog walking. Those are some options for you.

Again, it sounds like you are still thinking whether running away is the best option for you. It also sounds like you are looking for someone to step in and help you and your parents work things out. This could be a good time to look towards a trusted adult and have them help you talk to your parents. We understand that you feel like your family is not an option in talking with your parents right now. A trusted adult could be a counselor at school, a trusted teacher, maybe your friends parents can help talk to them. If you want someone more personal to you to talk to you can call us and we can look up out of school counselors for you as well.

Lastly, we also offer a conference call service here at NRS. This is when you would call us and we would talk to you about what is going on at home. Then we would reach out to your parents and talk to them. Afterwards, we would have a three-way between all of us and discuss what is going on at home that you want to address.

These are all some options for you to think about. We hoped this helped, and if you would like to discuss your situation in greater detail we hope you call us or chat with us during out chat hours. We look forward to hearing from you and we wish you the best.

NRS

[Unregistered]

Hello,

Thank you for your response. From your response and your initial post it sounds like you have really been thinking of what is best for you. It also sounds like you are still deciding what you want and need. You are asking some really great questions. To start, we are not legal experts, but we can speak in general terms .We are here to help and support you in what ways we can.

Your title mentions that you are 15 and thinking of moving away. To start off with, running away is not a criminal offense, it is a status offense. This means that you cannot leave your house without parental permission because you are still a minor (generally under the age of 18 ). If you did decide to leave then your parents would have the option of filing a runaway report with the police. If you are found, then you would most likely be brought back home. Whoever you are found with, such as your boyfriends house, could be charged with harboring a runaway by your parents or the police. This generally tends to include shelters as well. Generally shelters will need parent notification or consent within 24 hours of you being at the facility. If you are thinking of leaving, looking for people that you trust and will support you might be an option for you to start.

Unfortunately, we do not know the rate of runaway teens surviving on the streets. Running away can be a big step, and it sounds like you are really trying to figure out the best thing for you to do. We are not legal experts, and therefore cannot say for sure if transportation buses will prevent you from traveling because you are a minor. That is something that you can call the station up in advance and ask them that question.

To continue with your questions, in terms of finding a job, that sounds like a good idea. Having money might make it easier for you to survive on the streets and give you a way to provide for yourself. In terms of jobs, some jobs may need parental consent, so maybe looking into other jobs that would pay cash such as babysitting or dog walking. Those are some options for you.

Again, it sounds like you are still thinking whether running away is the best option for you. It also sounds like you are looking for someone to step in and help you and your parents work things out. This could be a good time to look towards a trusted adult and have them help you talk to your parents. We understand that you feel like your family is not an option in talking with your parents right now. A trusted adult could be a counselor at school, a trusted teacher, maybe your friends parents can help talk to them. If you want someone more personal to you to talk to you can call us and we can look up out of school counselors for you as well.

Lastly, we also offer a conference call service here at NRS. This is when you would call us and we would talk to you about what is going on at home. Then we would reach out to your parents and talk to them. Afterwards, we would have a three-way between all of us and discuss what is going on at home that you want to address.

These are all some options for you to think about. We hoped this helped, and if you would like to discuss your situation in greater detail we hope you call us or chat with us during out chat hours. We look forward to hearing from you and we wish you the best.

NRS

thank you so much, you have been very helpful.
i have only one friend, and that is whom i mentioned in my original post. her parents aren't good candidates for speaking to mine
i'm homeschooled as well, so teachers and counselors are out of the question.

would i have to pay for an out of school counselor?

lastly, your conference call option sounds incredible. hopefully at some point i could call you, i have awful phone anxiety and making calls is difficult. i'll see what i can do though.

again, thank you for your help.

i have a few more questions, how do shelters work? aren't they there to protect kids? i doubt i could ever get my parent's permission to stay in one, the whole point is to get away from them. are there any shelters that let runaways stay without parent notification? do they kick you out? how long do shelters allow you to stay (if permission is given or if you can stay without parent approval)?
how often do restaurants or stores give food to homeless/runaways? say if i stepped into a small cafe and asked for a glass of water, would they be permitted to give it to me for free? i know some places allow for employees to give out free water to those that ask as they may not have the funds to purchase it or have health issues.

[ccsmod13]

RE:

Hello,

Thank you for your response. We are so glad to see that you are really trying to figure out what is best for you. Reaching out with all sorts of questions is great, you must be thinking about this a lot. As mentioned before, we are here to listen and support you in what ways we can.

We understand that speaking on the phone can be a scary thing, we would like to offer you our chat service. This is another way for you to be able to contact us and not have to call in. In terms of you having to pay for a counselor, if you were to reach out to us in those forms then we would be able to look up counselors in your area, some of which might be free. When you are feeling like doing a conference call, we are here and you can always call us.

You had some great questions about shelters. We are not legal experts, but we can speak in general terms. Generally shelters are places for those who do not have a place to go can stay. However, when it comes to minors that have runaway, shelters must still abide by the law. Generally, if your parents file a runaway report and you decide to stay at a shelter, if the shelter does not notify your parents or the police, then they could be brought up on criminal charges. Generally, shelters will not allow you to stay there without parental consent, some of them will allow for you to stay there for 24 hours until they reach out to your parents.

In terms of restaurants giving food that really depends. Some places will give their left over, while other it may be against the law to. Generally if you ask for a cup of water, the facility cannot deny you water from the sink or tap.

Again, it is great that you are thinking about this and thinking what you should do. When you are ready you can always reach out and call us to talk about your situation further. Until then, our chat is available for you to talk to us. We look forward to hearing from you and we wish you the best in what you decide to do.

NRS

[Unregistered]

I'm 15 and on the verge of running away from home.

Hi-
My name is Diana
Well my parents I don't understand them. I'm the only girl in my siblings and I'm 15 my other brother is 13 he the one that goes out everywhere with me... But sometimes I text my mom Ima go somewhere and she never reply so I take it like a yes bc she saw younno? Well yesterday that happen and I got home with my little brother she started to say "you think u 18? You go out without permission and stuff.. She took my phone away/.\ hit me with the belt " and well I really wanna run away bc this hurts that she always picks on me..

[ccsmod0]

re: I'm 15 and on the verge of running away from home.

Hi there Diana,

Thanks for reaching out today and sharing of bit of your story with us. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot with your mom. It must be so frustrating to be punished for doing something that she didn’t even respond to. It sounds like you feel like your mom overreacted. It’s not right for her to hit you – you don’t deserve that at all. It sounds like you’re thinking about running to make things better and to figure out a way to stop her from picking on you. That’s smart. So let’s see how we can help you out.

It sounds really frustrating that you get picked on all the time. It’s understandable that you’re thinking about leaving. It can be important to make sure that you have a solid plan if you decide to leave – like thinking through where you would stay and how long you would be gone for. If running isn’t something you feel like is the best option, there might be other ideas for you. It can also be important to communicate with your family about how you feel. It sounds like you’re leaving home to make sure that you aren’t picked on anymore. Thinking through how leaving with solve that problem can be good and thinking about the steps you can take while you’re gone to make things better at home is helpful -- that way you aren’t wasting time in leaving home.

One resource that might be supportive to you is https://teenlineonline.org/. You can talk with people about what you’re going through and get the support that you deserve.

We hope that this is a helpful first step for you. If you’d like to talk more about anything, please call or chat with us. We’re here to support you through this. You can call us at 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat with us through our website (www.1800runaway.org) from 4.30pm-11.30pm central time.

We look forward to your call or chat.

Best of luck to you,

NRS

[Aris]

RunawayCalled my mom into the office at school. And the counselor told my mother that

Hi,
I'm 15 and the thought of running away has been crossing my mind lately. My mom is a control freak, my dad is always pressuring me that I should do better than great in school. I'm a middle child of 3 siblings. I get bullied sometimes In school. My mom always watches what I does and when I make bad grades she starts screaming. She only once physically hurt me. My brother moved out because he couldn't stand our mother. My parents fight often and the only reason I stay is because of my sister. I'm trying not to think of running away but it keeps popping up in my head. I've been dealing with depression since I was 13. When I was 13 the school conselour Called my mom into the office at school. And the counselor told my mother that I was bisexual. How the counselor found out I don't even know. After the counselor told my mother, my mother started screaming she was screaming how could you do this to me and that I was not gonna have a gay child she also said that I was the devil's spawn and wanted nothing to do with me. I just need some ideas.

[ccsmod14]

RE: RunawayCalled my mom into the office at school. And the counselor told my mother

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us. It sounds like you have been through a lot and we are sorry to hear about this. It is awesome that you have taken a step in trying to figure out next steps for yourself by reaching out, that takes a lot of courage. We’re here to support you in any way we can.

So you shared a lot of different things with us. It sounds like you have been bullied at school which has got to be so hard to deal with. It can be helpful to speak up and out about this, maybe to friends or a trusted adult like a teacher or counselor. Another option might be to look into resources such as these:

https://www.stopbullying.org

https://www.netsmartz.org

https://www.pacer.org/bullying

You said you have been dealing with depression for a few years now it sounds like, and it sounds like you have been talking to a counselor which is good to hear. We are sorry to hear that your mom had such a poor reaction to your sexual orientation. This has got to be really hard for you to have gone through and to have been told these things. You do not deserve that at all. While we are here to support you through this, we want to also pass along another resource that is more specific to what you have shared that could possibly offer you some additional support: GLBT National Hotline at (88 843 4564.

It sounds like you don’t particularly want to run away but it keeps popping up in your head. It seems like you’re really struggling and again we’re so glad that you found us and have begun talking about this. We’re not here to tell you that you should or should not run away, because you know your situation better than we ever will. We are here to help keep you safe in whatever you decide. There are a few things that can be helpful to think through when making your decision:

Do I have a place to stay?
What about school? Would I continue to get an education?
Am I going to be gone awhile or coming back in a few days?
What would I do for money? Shelter? Food? Transportation?
Who can I depend on if I leave home?
Do I have a safe, solid plan?
What is my plan b in case my first plan doesn’t work?
What have I done to make things better at home?
What can I do to make things better at home?
Who have I reached out to make things better at home?
Please do not hesitate to call or chat with us. We’re here to help.

Stay safe,
NRS

[Unregistered]

Hi
I'm 15 and in the beginning of the month my boyfriend came over and he wasn't supposed to. (Noone was home) My mom threaten to kill both of us-him if he came back in our house. My punishment no phone and I can't leave the house other than school for 2 months. And Monday I'm getting birth control injection the kind they push in my arm and leave for 3 years. I'm still a virgin and they don't believe me. Everyone I told said this is a fair punishment but the problem is she's been verbally abusing me and I could kill myself now. We never liked each other and I don't want to stay here and there's no where else for me to go. I looked up shelters and the nearest one is in the next town mainly driving on the interstate and no bus stops. we just moved houses so I don't have a lot of friends that are close to stay with. I feel trapped. And i can't talk or reason anything with her. Last year before all this I asked to be fostered because im not happy here and she said she didn't care.

[ccsmod2]

re: No title

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you have been through a lot with your mom having threatened to kill you and your boyfriend. It must be pretty scary to still be there after that happened! There are lot of things to think about with running away, so that’s understandable if you have some questions. If you are feeling like harming yourself, a good resource to reach out to is the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or their website at www.nationalsuicidepreventionlifeline.org. You can always call the police right away if you feel you are in danger.

We aren't legal experts and we are non-directive here so anything you decide is ultimately up to you. In general, in most states being a runaway means that if you stay with someone else there is potential for them to be charged with harboring a runaway. Usually, if a runaway report is made, a youth who is considered a minor would be taken back to their legal guardian if they come in contact with the police. The local police non-emergency number is a good place to call if you have specific questions about what will happen if you leave.

You seem to have started thinking about where you would go if you left. That’s a good step. You may want to look further into how you would be surviving on your own if you left. Usually if you were to go live with another guardian legally, your grandparents would have to consent to it. Which can take some time, if they are willing at all. You mentioned that you had done some research on local shelters, but there aren’t any around. It may also be good idea to have a backup plan in case you are out with no place to stay. You mentioned you don’t have friends to stay with if you leave, but if there are options you can use to help while you are home those might be good to try as well. Is there any way you can be away from her while you’re there?

If you need to, you can always contact us directly at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We can talk about any possible options that you are thinking about. Lastly, please note that we offer a live chat via our website at www.1800runaway.org every day from 4:30p to 11:30p CST.

Take care and stay safe,

NRS

[Guest]

Hi, I'm 12 and my story's a little bit different than everyone else's. I don't think my parents deserve me as a child: I'm a lying person and they are the sweetest, most honest, and kindest people I've ever met. They deserve such a better daughter. I'm a horrible person. But I also don't know if running away is the best option for me. Is there anyway you could help me in any way, shape, or form?

[ccsmod15]

Thank you for posting at the National Runaway Safeline. It is awesome that you have reached out before deciding what to do next. We’re sorry to hear that you are feel like your parents don’t deserve to have you as a child. It sounds like you are feeling bad about lying. You also mentioned that you have thought a little bit about whether running away was an option for you.

In your post, you describe yourself as a “lying person.” That may have been how you felt about yourself when you originally posted your comment, but it is important that you know that you are so much more than that. It sounds like you feel bad for lying, but we actually disagree with you when you say that you are a “horrible person.” You are a great person who deserves to be loved and cared about. You deserve to have very kind, sweet, and honest parents that will love you even if you happen to lie once in a while.

If you are feeling bad about lying, one thing you could do is talk to your parents about how you are feeling and why. It sounds like your parents really care about you, and they may be able to help you feel better about making mistakes in the past. Also, if there is a teacher, counselor, coach, or other adult at school that you trust, you can talk to them too! They may have some advice that will make you feel better. You can also call or chat with us at the National Runaway Safeline to tell us a little more about how you feel. Our phone number is 1-800-786-2929, or you can go to our website (www.1800runaway.org) and click the Chat button on the top of the screen. One thing that might be particularly helpful is that we can set up a conference call with your parents or guardians and we can help you talk to them about what is going on at school. We are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.


You also said that you were considering running away, but that you didn’t know if it is a good option. Running away is a really big decision and there are lots of things to think about before deciding what to do. One thing to think about is how you are going to take care of yourself if you are not at home. You will need to find food, new clothes, and even have a place to go to the bathroom. If the weather gets bad, you will also need to have a place that you can stay dry and warm. We’re always here to help, so you can call us or chat with us and talk about everything that is going for you.

It is really great that you have reached out to us to tell us about how you are feeling. The fact that you are trying to find out more about what to do next is great. We at the National Runaway Safeline are always here to talk over the phone or chat. Again, we can even have a conference call with your parents or guardians to help you talk to them about what is going on at school. We are open 24 hours a day, seven days a week.