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Hello,
I'm a 14 year old girl suffering from depression and anxiety. My family life is miserable and I feel trapped.
My anxiety is a big problem for me, but only when I'm at "home." I rarely have anxiety attacks outside my household, because it's usually my family triggering them for me. At this point, the word family makes me cringe. My depression has taken over my life. I have no motivation to do anything, even simply taking my dog for a walk or making myself something to eat. I don't have the attention span to even watch a movie, let alone focus in class. I still manage to get all As and Bs in my classes though, because I'm afraid of how my parents will react if I get any lower.
A contributing factor to my anxiety, and the reason 99% of my anxiety/panic attacks occur at my house are because of my mother. She claims that I'm making up my attacks for attention, that I need to just take a break from my anxiety and depression and stop annoying her with my crying. The worst part is though, that she screams those things at me in the middle of an anxiety attack, making it worse. She once threw me out of her car on the side of the road on the way back from a doctor's appointment, a 15-20 minute drive from where we live, because I briefly complained that I was skeptical of the new medicine my doctor prescribed. My mom curses at me frequently, calls me immature and threatens to sell items that I've purchased with money I've earned.(Babysitting, petsitting, etc.) She's actually threatened to give my pets away, but my younger brother and I are very attached to them (We have a dog, a cat, and a fish). She's constantly threatening to report me to the police for "harassing" her with my panic attacks. And my panic attacks mainly consist of crying, hyperventilating, and painful heart palpations. I usually have them in my room, alone.
My father isn't any better than my mother, but he works all day, so we don't interact as much.
Both my parents hate having me around because of my anxiety and constant depression, which they are a great source of, so I'm expected to spend the majority of my day in my bedroom. If I come downstairs, they either yell, belittle, or make underhanded comments towards me. All the food in my house is stored in the kitchen, downstairs from my room, and a house rule is that food STAYS in the kitchen, so if I'm terrified to come downstairs, as I am, it's hard for me to get the food I need. I've taken a few granola bars and little food items like that and hid them in my room, because I spend most of my days very hungry but scared to come downstairs for food, but if my parents find out about that, it would be absolutely horrible and they'd supervise me even more closely.
I don't spend any time outside, I blame my depression for that. I have zero motivation and don't know what to do with myself. My days are spent inside, sitting or laying down.
I've tried to improve my family life by sitting down and talking with my family, which always ends in yelling from both sides, talking to a guidance counselor at school, which wasn't helpful at all, and asking a few other extended family members for advice or help, which just made my parents so angry that they restricted my communication. I can still have phone calls with people, and text, but they changed my phone plan, which I pay for half of, so I have very limited texts per month. I have to ask permission before I make or answer any personal phone calls.
I've thought a lot about running away. I have a little bit of a plan, but I'm not sure yet. I'll need to change my appearance, cutting and dying my hair would work wonders for the way I look, that part is simple for me. I can easily go by a different name and I have a simple background story ready. I figured I'd make it as far as I can on foot, then take a train or a bus as far from home as possible. I'd only carry a backpack and a large purse with the things I need so it's not suspicious.
Some of my biggest concerns are where I'll be living, how I'll have a source of money, and how I'll continue my education. I realize that for a job, I'd likely have to show an ID and social security number. In the state I live in now, and in some other states, 14 is old enough to work as a cashier in a grocery store. That would probably be my go-to job until I'm 16, when I can work in other places for more money. Would I have to fake an ID and/or social security? I'm sure that isn't legal. Some jobs, like jobs on farms, offer live-in positions on the property. For that, I'd have to lie about my age and pose as an emancipated teenager. Again, I'm pretty sure it's illegal.
I feel stuck and need some help. What do I do?
I'm a 14 year old girl suffering from depression and anxiety. My family life is miserable and I feel trapped.
My anxiety is a big problem for me, but only when I'm at "home." I rarely have anxiety attacks outside my household, because it's usually my family triggering them for me. At this point, the word family makes me cringe. My depression has taken over my life. I have no motivation to do anything, even simply taking my dog for a walk or making myself something to eat. I don't have the attention span to even watch a movie, let alone focus in class. I still manage to get all As and Bs in my classes though, because I'm afraid of how my parents will react if I get any lower.
A contributing factor to my anxiety, and the reason 99% of my anxiety/panic attacks occur at my house are because of my mother. She claims that I'm making up my attacks for attention, that I need to just take a break from my anxiety and depression and stop annoying her with my crying. The worst part is though, that she screams those things at me in the middle of an anxiety attack, making it worse. She once threw me out of her car on the side of the road on the way back from a doctor's appointment, a 15-20 minute drive from where we live, because I briefly complained that I was skeptical of the new medicine my doctor prescribed. My mom curses at me frequently, calls me immature and threatens to sell items that I've purchased with money I've earned.(Babysitting, petsitting, etc.) She's actually threatened to give my pets away, but my younger brother and I are very attached to them (We have a dog, a cat, and a fish). She's constantly threatening to report me to the police for "harassing" her with my panic attacks. And my panic attacks mainly consist of crying, hyperventilating, and painful heart palpations. I usually have them in my room, alone.
My father isn't any better than my mother, but he works all day, so we don't interact as much.
Both my parents hate having me around because of my anxiety and constant depression, which they are a great source of, so I'm expected to spend the majority of my day in my bedroom. If I come downstairs, they either yell, belittle, or make underhanded comments towards me. All the food in my house is stored in the kitchen, downstairs from my room, and a house rule is that food STAYS in the kitchen, so if I'm terrified to come downstairs, as I am, it's hard for me to get the food I need. I've taken a few granola bars and little food items like that and hid them in my room, because I spend most of my days very hungry but scared to come downstairs for food, but if my parents find out about that, it would be absolutely horrible and they'd supervise me even more closely.
I don't spend any time outside, I blame my depression for that. I have zero motivation and don't know what to do with myself. My days are spent inside, sitting or laying down.
I've tried to improve my family life by sitting down and talking with my family, which always ends in yelling from both sides, talking to a guidance counselor at school, which wasn't helpful at all, and asking a few other extended family members for advice or help, which just made my parents so angry that they restricted my communication. I can still have phone calls with people, and text, but they changed my phone plan, which I pay for half of, so I have very limited texts per month. I have to ask permission before I make or answer any personal phone calls.
I've thought a lot about running away. I have a little bit of a plan, but I'm not sure yet. I'll need to change my appearance, cutting and dying my hair would work wonders for the way I look, that part is simple for me. I can easily go by a different name and I have a simple background story ready. I figured I'd make it as far as I can on foot, then take a train or a bus as far from home as possible. I'd only carry a backpack and a large purse with the things I need so it's not suspicious.
Some of my biggest concerns are where I'll be living, how I'll have a source of money, and how I'll continue my education. I realize that for a job, I'd likely have to show an ID and social security number. In the state I live in now, and in some other states, 14 is old enough to work as a cashier in a grocery store. That would probably be my go-to job until I'm 16, when I can work in other places for more money. Would I have to fake an ID and/or social security? I'm sure that isn't legal. Some jobs, like jobs on farms, offer live-in positions on the property. For that, I'd have to lie about my age and pose as an emancipated teenager. Again, I'm pretty sure it's illegal.
I feel stuck and need some help. What do I do?
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