18, about to go to College, can't stand home anymore

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I need advice, help, anything. I am a newly graduated senior and about to attend a university this Fall. I have been emotionally abused in my household by mostly my mother. She always yells at me, for tiny detail, when I do something right like drop off a friend, even get something good at school in previous years, and when I just try to have a calm day. She has lead me to emotionally break down many times eversince I was 7. I used to to have thoughts of suicide but they went away by the age of 13. Mainly because I became more in touch with my religion and so I regained a purpose to keep on living for. To whomever reads this, I am polite, kind, and sweet person. I do not disrespect those around me on the daily, I love my neighbor as I would like them to love me in return. In summary what I'm trying to state is that I'm not a typical mean or rude teenager. I know I'm mostly on the right. But even though I get yelled at for things even when I'm right, I apologize to my Mom. That's right, I don't think the tensions are worth it so I drop my pride to apologize to my Mom. And honestly it damages my pride and to think from if what I'm even doing in life is right or wrong. Anythinf I do I get yelled at, I never get backup or outside opinion. I am, and have been alone. My emotions build up from her yelling and from my parents always verbally fighting monthly. It's getting to me slowly and the damage has already been done in the past. I can't stand this household. I need to get out. The problem is that University is expensive .... Im not dorming for that reason and because I'd hate to be w someone I hate when I'm already stressed as it is at my own home. I wouldn't want to move in with any of my relatives because it would cause too much trouble. What can I do? How do I move out? I'm job searching rn for a part time job as I go to University. Should I start settinf aside money from a future job so I can move out? Should I just do student loans to dorm or something? I want to do something about this. Their emotional effect on me slows my progress down. I want to proceed in life and build up my bachelor in Computer Science and build up my career. Whenever I even like calm down and my Mom is still mad at me, she continues to threaten my freedom to go out and still calls me names. I'm sick of it, I don't want to break down in my sheets, behind my door, or when I'm driving. My heart can't take it anymore, sometimes I regret not commiting suicide when I was younger. But I do my best to calm down, pray, and keep on living.
Any support or reply is much appreciated.
-J 2017

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RE: 18, about to go to College, can't stand home anymore


Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us for help. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can. We are sorry to hear that you are being emotionally abused at home. It sounds like you have been through a lot and your home environment is very unhealthy. It is understandable to want to move out. You metioned feeling suicidal in the past. If you are ever feeling that way again, a good resource for you would be the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can call them at 1-800-273-8255 or go to www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

You brought up several options for moving out that sound like really good ideas. Getting a job and setting aside money for a move is a smart plan. Borrowing money in the form of student loans to pay for your housing is another good option. Student housing may be a great opportunity for you to live in a more positive living environment where you can focus on your studies. You may also think about waiting a semester and meeting some other students to be roommates in off-campus housing. Splitting bills and rent in an apartment is sometimes cheaper than living in dorms, and often you can use student loan money to pay rent as well. If you feel unsafe at home and need to move out before you are able to afford your own place, we could also look into shelters or transitional living programs in your area. You don’t deserve to be abused or yelled at, and we are here to help however we can. You may also look into speaking with a counselor or therapist at your college, as many universities provide these kind of services through the student health center. It sounds like you already had some ideas of good steps to take toward moving out, and like you have some great coping skills, including your faith. You sound smart and resourceful, which will help as you move out on your own and gain more independence. You can always give us a call any time 24/7 if you need to talk. We are looking forward to your call, and wish you the best of luck.