I don't know anymore

[Guest]

I'm 15, living with my mom, her boyfriend, my brother, half brother, and half sister. My dad sadly died in front of my eyes when I was about 8
My house is a nightmare, it makes me feel like everyone is against me. It mostly comes from my mom and her boyfriend. They have verbal and physical fights all the time, this has gotten so bad that I am now terrified of loud yelling. It is traumatizing seeing your mom be hit and even pushed down stairs.
Sometimes I feel like she completely deserves it though since she treats me and my brother like complete garbage, she calls us unwanted, stupid, and wishes we were never born
To be honest I see my options as continue living like this, calling for help, running away, or just killing myself.
I have never talked about this before to anyone, my feelings and thoughts about this have been bottled up for years...

[ccsmod10]

Thanks for reaching out. It takes a strong person to seek out help when they need it. You don’t deserve to be treated this way and to see your mom abused this way.

If you feel overwhelmed and start thinking about taking your life again, please don't hesitate to reach out to NRS or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (we're both open 24/7). You are not alone and there are people that want to help you. Some of the treatment that you’ve described from your mother sounds like it could be considered emotional or verbal abuse. Once again, you should not be treated this way. If you feel that you’d like to talk about it with someone or would like to learn about filing a child abuse report it could help to talk with the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. They can help figure out how to transfer custody if you have another family member you would prefer to live with. If you’d like help with figuring out how to initiate this conversation or would like to talk through more options you may have not considered, please feel free to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. If you feel more comfortable talking about this with someone you trust or know, teachers and school counselors can be great resources to turn to.

We’re happy you reached out to us. Asking for help can be difficult to do and it’s good to see that you are taking steps to seek out options. If you would like to talk further about your situation, please don’t hesitate to call or chat with us. We’re a 24/7 confidential hotline and are always here to listen and help.