Running away to other parent

[Guest]

Hey I turned 18 in January
I've lived with my mom since the separation 8 years ago, as a 10 year old I was alienated from my fathee. My mother would constantly make me pick between the two and tell me his faults, I would abuse him and refuse to talk to him.
Then I grew older we got in touch again and my dad is actually a good committed man, trying to be a decent parent to my brother and me. My mom uses us as threats to get her maintenance.
"If he pays the maintenance only then I'll allow him to meet his kids"
"you are not allowed to talk to him if he doesn't pay his maintenance"
she even accused me "the only reason you want to talk to him is because he has the money, I know it"
shes starting to feel toxic, she makes me feel anxious. every time I try to talk to her it's either about her social life or how horrible my dad is.
shes never the one encouraging me to take up extra curricular activities or adding to my knowledge.
whatever money she gets from, she blows up and she has horrendous saving habits.
I feel bullied by her, she's insecure and can't handle me being on good terms with both parents. She turns hostile the minute I'm okay with my dad.
Im planning to run away to my father's shes making my life miserable at this point but I'm not informing her, if I do she'll harass me even more

[ccsmod10]

Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you are going through a really difficult time right now and have a lot to think about. It sounds like you’re frustrated with your mother and don’t feel comfortable living with her. Everyone deserves to live in a safe and comfortable place.
Since you are 18, you are able to live where you would like. Since you have never lived with your dad, it may be good to think through the transition. NRS offers a conference call service that could be helpful with deciding where to live/transitioning between homes. We could help mediate a conversation with you and your parents.
We encourage you to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY, or use our chatting services via our website to talk more directly about your situation. We can try to find free mental health services and/or family counseling services in your area.
Hope to hear from you.
NRS