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I need help!?

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  • I need help!?

    I'm in 8th grade, I am about to be 15 years old this December.

    I will try to keep my story as short as possible.

    Ever since I was born, I was a very happy child, but since I've grown, I've been constantly bullied because of my looks, this made me develop social anxiety. I also have traumas of my parents fighting when I was young, when my dad was stressed and mad, I overheard him say that my mom wanted to abort me. However, they went to therapy and they don't argue as much as they used to. I would always have bad memories of my childhood, of my mom constantly hitting me, she was very rude to me, my dad was working in the U.S at that time and he would come and visit every 2 years and stayed for a week or so. Since I spent barely any time with my dad, I didn't really know what kind of person he was. I would always look forward to seeing with my dad, by the time I was 7, my grandpa took me to the U.S, as well with my other cousins.

    By the time I came to the U.S, I lived in my grandma's house, where my other cousins lived there also, I became really jealous of them because they were always happy, and my uncle was really caring with them. Sometimes my grandma would verbally abuse me and sometimes hit me, just like my mom. My dad never really had time for me because he will always work and I would be at school when he was home. In my new school, I met great friends, they will always support me in my hardest times. I was always compared to my older cousin, he will always get the best grades, unlike me. I wasn't good enough, I will get good grades, get honor rolls, I came third in my school's spelling bee once, but I wasn't good enough for them.

    When I was about 11, my little brother was born, and so my mom and my brother, came to lived with my grandma, My mom and my grandma will always argue, sometimes even in front of my dad. By this time, my parents became very religious and would take me to a church, there was going to be a camp trip in the church, and my dad sign me up, I was really happy and hope to make memories and friends, however in turned out to be one of the worst experiences I've ever had. I was constantly bullied by my roommates, they will put my clothes in the toilet, and constantly put my toothbrush in the toilet as well. I told the church's administrator, however they didn't really do anything about it. Once I got back home my life didn't get any better,

    My parents left my grandparent's house and bought a small townhouse somewhere far from where I used to live. My uncle and my aunt lived still in the same neighborhood because my grandparents helped them paid their house, unlike my parents. This really broke me because I had a lot of friends in my old neighborhood and I still remember them and miss them. This made me really depressed, but I still looked forward to meeting new people in my new school. When I came to my new house (where I am currently living), I started my teen years, my parents began to be very harsh on me, My parents don't give me any privacy and yell at me constantly, they always want my room door to be wide open when it doesn't even have a lock. My father even threatened to kill me once because I told him to please leave my door close, he said that while I was at his house, I have to do what whatever he says. I am constantly neglected when they are mad. In my new school, I very lonely at school, ever since my best friend moved, I have almost no one to talked to. I began to lose faith in Christianity and became an atheist, and I told my dad. My dad overreacted and he says if I don't believe in Jesus, he will kick me out of his house. Ever since he said then I felt different. Once I took some clothes, food and some money and left. But then again, I felt bad because I really love my family and moreover I didn't really know where to go. When I came back, my mom wasn't even crying and my dad acted like he didn't even care. I've gotten interested in online games and made some friends online, and started to have a taste in songs. However, my parents don't respect my privacy, they take "my phone" ask for my password and are constantly checking around my personal social media and photos. They also don't like my taste in music. My parents still till this day mentally abuse me, my dad will take out his belt and hit me because I talked to my friends online. I don't even do anything bad, I am a very respectful child, I understand why they treat me like this, I guess, I was just a mistake. I feel like my parents are bipolar sometimes. I wanted to commit suicide once or twice, I tried cutting myself but I was too weak.

    I just want to have freedom, I want to run away but I don't know where to go...

  • #2

    Thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry to hear that things have been so difficult at home. It sounds like you’ve been feeling really neglected and it’s been tough to make things work with your parents and you’ve contemplated hurting yourself because of the way they react towards you. It sounds like you’re considering running away and, while we won’t tell you what to do, we can share information that might help you figure out what you might do.

    First of all, we want you to know that you are not alone. Organizations like ours, as well as hotlines like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, available by phone at 1.800.273.8255, are here to listen and support you. It sounds like your home situation has been really tough to handle, having moved more than once, losing friends, and on top of that having your parents be physically and mentally aggressive with you. It’s not ok for anyone to make you feel unsafe, and, along with us, you also have the option of reaching out to your local child protective services if your parents are behaving in a way that makes you feel unsafe. You have the option of filing an abuse report. If you don’t have their contact information, organizations like Child Help, available by phone at 1.800.422.4453, can help you find the nearest agency to you.

    If you’ve decided that leaving is your best option, we hope that you’ll consider the following questions before you leave:
    1. Where will you go & who will you stay with?
    2. How will you get there?
    3. How long would you be gone?
    4. How will you support yourself (food/medications/living expenses)?
    5. How will you keep yourself safe while you’re out on your own?
    You also spoke about not knowing where to go if you did leave. There are youth shelters that may be available to you depending on where you live. It’s important to know that, if you’re considered a minor in your state, they may require parental consent for you to stay there. Additionally, if you do leave without your parent’s consent, they would have the option of filing a runaway report with your local police department. We’re not legal experts, but from what we understand, running away isn’t illegal, but it is considered a status offense in some states. If they do file a runaway report, and the local police do look for you, they would return you to your legal guardian.

    We know that it took a lot of courage to reach out to us. We want you to know that we are here to support you and help you stay as safe as possible regardless of what you decide to do. You are welcome to reach us 24/7 by phone at 1.800.RUNAWAY (786.2929), or via chat every day from 4:30pm – 11:30pm CST. We’re here to listen, here to help. Stay safe.

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)


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