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  • want to runaway and forget my problems

    HI. I am 13 years old and seriously thinking of running away. I live with my single mother and my little sister. My mom met this guy and is always leaving at really late hours of the night like 12:00am and coming home around 4 in the morning. It frustrates me that she seems to care more about him then her own children. I have tried desperately to show her how i feel and I tried to fix the problem of this guy on my own. My blocking his email on my mother's email address and causing anything to happen to stop her from leaving. Let me mention that my mother is not young she is 43 years old but does not act like a mother at all. I know you will probably think that i am the one who is wrong and that my mother is just trying to get out. But i just worry about her and her health. I researched and found all the bad things that can affect your health if you don't get a good amt of sleep or drink to much alcohol(she goes to clubs). She just comes home and acts like nothing happened. It really makes me mad and hurt to think that me and my sister are not good enough for her. But everything i do turns out to make things worse. It only ends up with her mad at me and her not trusting me. I have been in bad experiences before with my dad (domestic violence) and i don't want that to happen again. I'd rather just run away. I'm sure my mother wouldn't notice or care and she would do much better without me. Just to mention she is also putting me and my sister at risk by leaving us home alone at night, with her phone off so we cannot contact her if there is an emergency. I think my mom just thinks that i am a burden and wants me to leave. She even threatened to send me back to my father. So i told her i would just kill myself. But she didn't care one bit and just turned away. She keeps saying that she loves me and my sister but i know that is just one of the many lies that she keeps saying. I want to runaway and have been trying to plan everything. But i am also scared and don't really know where to go.

  • #2
    Re: want to runaway and forget my problems

    Hello,

    After reading your post, we concluded that you have every reason to be worried for your mother because not only are you a concerned daugther, who has apparently gone out of her way to research health topics on drinking and what lack of sleep can do to someone, you also sound genuinely sincere in your approach to the situation. You have convinced us that this situation needs more attention by adults in your life that it is not getting firsthand and that is something we are mostly concerned with here. We imagine that this lack of responsibility and follow through from your mother at that time of night needs to be addressed in order for you to feel that there is enough consistency at home to recognize stability as a child. Here at the National Runaway Switchboard, we are not in the position to ever judge you and we hope that you are not to hard on yourself for caring enough for your mother when she seems to not give you as much as you deserve. We do not feel you need to say that you are wrong at all because every child needs and deserve to feel safe in their own home. You are now 13 and we imagine your little sister is also feeling the blunt of it.

    To be fair, we recognize that your mother's desire to live life and not feel lonely is also valid and as you stated, she also deserves to feel loved. It must be hard for her to see that she is getting older and has this new sense of urgency to get out. On the other hand, we cannot stress enough how important it is to try to strike a balance for the betterment of everyone involved. You are right in saying that the fact that you and your sister is left alone at this time of night is something that should not be happening. Do you think that it is a matter of feeling tempted by her boyfriend to leave instead and she feels compelled to go out with him? The issue can be seen from different perspectives, where she is choosing to act on her own or she feels that there is nothing she could do because he expects certain things of her and therefore cannot change now because it has gone on for a while. When you say she is always leaving at night, we imagine that this is not healthy for anyone physically, mentally and certainly not for the family to function the way it should. What can you say to her to convince her of the latter? We imagine that she knows what her limits are but to get caught up in a new relationship can make a person excused the fact that health risk is at stake. It will be of interest to everyone to at least try to imagine themselves in a world where just having fun is has it benefits but then you also know that this must come to an end if the family is to function with or without the distractions. We wonder if she even understands that she is about to lose you and not know it.

    We hear how frustrated you are and your feelings are valid. Have you thought about sitting down as a family to get some of your thoughts out on the open? Do you think if this yields better results, if you come at it from the perspective of not only feeling safe in the house but showing her examples, that living this lifestyle can cause way more damage in the long run? We are not medical experts but we certainly hear you on the fact that lack of sleep and risky behaviors can lead a person to think irrational thoughts and negate accountability in the family. Lack of accountability is something that only she can come to terms with but she is going to have to understand what she is doing wrong to start feeling more aware of her situation. What else can you think up to have her to start thinking more along the lines of family matters instead of just personal matters? In terms of reality, we see that you care for your family and you probably do not see her boyfriend fitting into that. Do you see confronting him or both of them making a difference? What is the possibility of her boyfriend leaving if she knows that he is important to her? It is a steep hill to climb to try to change such things when the person on the other end is not willing to let go but this does not exclude your value as a child with needs to want to feel closer to her own mother. Have you ever considered having a "ladies night" out without men involved? What kind of activities can you think up to get your mother interested in doing more with you and your sister? We imagine that your experience can get better if life balances out with more to do at home or outside the house as a family.

    We empathize with your situation because we recognize that you are hurting from not feeling wanted and loved. We also dread the fact that you were a victim of domestic violence and understand why you do not care to return to your father. Do you have another place to go or someone else to turn to for support? If you were to run away, do you know where to? Because your safety is our number one concern, we hope that you are able to think of a plan that is going to ensure that you are not going to get into trouble if you choose to leave and that you are able to feel empowered if you choose to return home. Have you considered talking to another adult to get better advice on what to do in this situation? One thing that we can promise you is to be there for you in this time of need and we hope that by talking on the post that you can also find time to call us at our 1800RUNAWAY number for some suggestions if you are unsure of what to do. We can also help you out with advancing your plan if you decide to leave home. Although we are not in the position to tell you exactly what to do, we want to be a listening ear to you and to provide you with resources to stay safe. The of the few places you can go to without risking someone harboring you is a shelter but they are also expected to get your mother's consent to stay. We have referrals to shelters but this is just one option. Is there a friend or relative you can think of that is going to be able to support you now and be there for you when you need them in the future? What can they do for you and will they willing to talk with the family in a joint meeting? Do you think that your mother can benefit from family therapy? Have you ever considered seeing someone individually?

    In the mean time, what are some things you can do to distract yourself from feeling down about the situation? We hope that you can still appreciate the fact that your mother says she loves you even if she has a strange way of showing it. Sometimes getting out on your own and finding productive things to do can make you appreciate even the smallest things and we hope that by finding things to feel positive in your life you can use that energy to change things at home or even challenge your mother to get on board with what you are trying to. Balancing the family is a great responsibility for someone so young but it is possible if you are able to find a justified way to get others on board. We hope that you can count on us for help and guiding you along the way to not only make the right choices but to feel empowered in your home also. Please let us know what you need of us. We look forward to hearing from you soon. Good luck.

    -NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: want to runaway and forget my problems

      Thank you so much!!!! I really appreciate the time and care that you put into replying to my message. And I benefit from your understanding and advice.

      After reading this post I decided to talk (technically write) to my mom about how I am feeling. We decided that, since it is the summer, that i can go visit my aunt and cousin in Ohio. I also let her read the post also and she said she was truly sorry and didn't know it would outcome this way. I had told her that I feel that she cares more about her "friend" than our family because she was always sleepy and not wanting to do anything when she was at home with my sister and I, but would always jump at the chance to leave the house and be all awake and happy. She also decided to look into family counseling since we have had it before and obviously still need it.

      I really don't want to meet her "friend" because I just think that it will make everything worse. I know how stubborn I can get, so i think if I met him I would would probably not act the way I want to be aka not be very kind if you know what i mean.

      When you asked how can I distract myself from feeling down from the situation, well I think I need some help on that. My past distractions were not the best. I did it so I wouldn't have to think about the situation and to kind of "test" my mother i guess, on if she really cared. Though it only brought negative attention. Some of these "distractions" included: overdosing on Tylenol (that ended me up in the emergency room), pricking myself with a needle, drinking my mothers' alcohol, breaking stuff around the house,... and the list goes on. I kind of surprised myself when I did these things b/c it is so unlike me. I am usually a regular child: I go to a private school and I am in honors and make good grades, play sports, .. basically normal stuff. I never knew that i would or could stoop to this level. I guess my emotions just came over me.and i just couldn't control it.

      But in the end she agreed to cut back on seeing him as often and she told me that one of the reasons that I am rationalizing is b/c the only relationship i have seen is my fathers'. and that was definitely not a good one. She says I need to realize that all men are not bad. Which I think I know since i already had counseling on that.

      I just want to thank the NRS again for helping me think things out before I go off and do something stupid which would probably end me up killed or possibly ending up with my father. Since my mom would probably lose custody if the police found out that she couldn't control me. I appreciate you guys for being dedicated to help all that need it. and for being so considerate and un-judging.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: want to runaway and forget my problems

        We're so glad to here that things worked out! It was nice to see that your mom and you were able to compromise a little. It’s also great that your mom is going to look into family counseling since it’s something that helped in the past. Keep us in mind if there's anything else you ever need to "discuss" or work through! Best of Luck.
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment

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