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I cry almost everyday because of my mom.

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  • ccsmod0
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello there,
    Thank you for reaching out to NRS and sharing your story. We are sorry to hear about everything you have gone through. It must have taken a lot of strength to talk about your situation and you should be commended for that.
    It is completely understandable that you would feel conflicted about continuing your relationship with your mother once you move out. It sounds like she is the cause to a lot of your unhappiness. We are glad that you can find comfort in others postings. We want you all to know that the bulletin boards are a safe and judgment free zone. If you ever need to talk please know that you can always find support here 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or use our Live Chat.
    Best wishes,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Holy ******** this sounds just like me....I'm seventeen years old living in the US with an Iranian-immigrant mother. Because of my mother's pressure and constant micromanaging, I've just been breaking down. When I was in middle school I had persistent suicidal thoughts, until somehow they stopped. My mother's pressure early on drove me to get straight As, admitted into top-tier magnet schools, a near-perfect SAT score, win state competitions, among others. But her pressure didn't stop into the academic. She threatened to take my academic clubs and competitions away from me if I didn't keep a perfectly clean room all year. But when I kept a perfectly clean room, she told me that if I didn't speak Farsi with her she would take those same clubs and competitions away from me. I don't talk to her about my crushes or romantic life anymore because for every guy I used to tell her about, she called them unattractive, she called them assholes, she called them stupid. She berates me for the food I eat, even when I eat only 1200 calories per day, all entirely of fruits, vegetables, and some meats. She tells me I always have to look beautiful in public, with my Michael Kors purse and Chanel makeup, but then tells me that I look slutty, that men are getting attracted to me and it's my fault, that I should be wearing long pants and long shirts even if I look "mechanical" so that guys don't look at me. Might as well wear a burka. But while intelligence, attractiveness, language-learning, and health are all big things that parents must raise their kid to learn, most of her micromanaging goes well beyond these realms, so far beyond that I can safely say that 80% of her micromanaging is contradictory....first telling me that my bras make me look weird and not to wear them to telling me I shouldn't wear bras at all to telling me that my not wearing a bra will make my boobs sag....to telling me that I should eat more meat to telling me I should eat less meat....it goes on.

    I'd like to touch on one particular thing she does, however, apart from constant micromanaging: she does this thing where she elegantly manipulates me into wanting to be separated from loved ones, and then blames me for wanting to be separated from the first place. Let me explain: my mother has married three times. The first father I had, she told me that he punched her, shoved me, was a constant alcoholic and refused to pay child support for me. I ceased to communicate with him. The second father I remember more clearly, and while she had no motive in ceasing my relationship with him, I myself decided to cease communication with him based on his horribly ********ed up abusive personality. When I was in middle school, she spoke badly of my grandmother and motivated me to cease a relationship with her for almost five years. Last year, because of a comment from my paternal grandfather, she told me that we would never speak to him again, that she would divorce my third-father, that my third-father was cheating on her. Several months later she would tell me that during the time she made these accusations, she was being drugged by her employer. Her evidence? Minor heart palpitations. Several months after that, after telling me to separate myself from my best friends of 10 years because I "was better than them" and that they were a "bad influence", she asked me if I would go back with her to visit the same grandfather she refused to meet ever again. When I told her that I thought, due to her sentiments a year prior, that he was a man without a conscience and a real Satan, she yelled "me and your father are always there for you but whenever there is the slightest bit of tension you just bail on us!". Very hypocritical, manipulative, and crazy if you ask me.

    I'm just waiting to go to college as soon as possible. I can't decide whether I'm going to be on speaking terms with her when I leave. I've been with her for virtually her entire adult life, and naturally I have developed a loving bond with her, but I also cannot stand her anymore. I cry often because of her, she calls me sensitive, spoiled, and stubborn, and perhaps she's right....I'll have a year to figure it all out.

    Anyway, thanks for telling your experiences! Glad to know I'm not alone.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod16
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us here at NRS. It sounds like you have some stuff. You had mentioned what sounded like abuse, nobody deserves to be abused and we are sorry that is going on. Just as a quick disclaimer, we are mandated reporters so if you provide specific information such as identifying information (names, etc), address, and specifics about abuse we are required to report, if you do not want to report yet no worries, we are still more than happy to talk just please be aware of the above information. If you do want to talk more about reporting, we are more than happy to do that as well. Whatever makes you most comfortable, we are here for you and confidential.

    In terms of what is going on, it sounds like you and your mom have a tough relationship. It also sounds like you have really tried to do what you can to impress her. It can be hard when we feel like the people who are close to us do not seem to be providing the support we are looking for. You had mentioned that you don’t feel comfortable talking to your parents about what is going on, it might be helpful to reach out to someone that you do feel close with. Sometimes talking with a family member, a close friend, a school teacher or counselor can help us talk through the situation and see sides or options that we may not have been able to see before. We are also here for you 24/7 whenever you need. We understand that things can get tough and are here to support you either online at our chat or on the phone at 1(800)786-2929.

    We are here for you and more than happy to talk whenever you want.

    Best of luck,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hi there ☺️.. while I was reading this article, it felt as if I myself had written the article since I could understand and relate to it that much!!
    I am also a fourteen year old Indian girl, and believe me, I, too, am sick and tired of my mom's words.. she has stopped beating me now, and only occasionally does so, but it's her words that make me the most upset and sad. It brings down my already low self-esteem into a even more lower level. I am pretty good in academics, and always make it to be among the top 3 scorers in the class, so many people are surprised when they see how nervous I get before presenting a simple presentation or project. It is not because I have stage fear or fear of public-speaking, since I am quite a friendly person that can easily mix with people my age, it is because of the countless times my mother had said those horrible words to me which I can never seem to erase from my mind,and still yet end up forgiving her. I guess it's because she always thinks that buying me something new after a fight, would make me okay, like a dress of a t-shirt..

    When I was in middle school, I got bullied by my classmates and even my former friends, as they left me, but I could never even talk to my parents about what was happening at school, due to the fights that occurred at home as well..

    Basically, over the years, I have learnt that, there is no possible way for me to talk about this with my mother, or try to make her understand, as she wouldn't. Instead, I must just try and ignore it, which might not be easy always, and move on with life.
    ​​​​​​
    I do get sad at times, when I hear my friends talking about how close they are with their mothers, and I never get where I exactly go wrong, I mean I know that I have got my own flaws, and so does everyone, but isn't it your mother's job to accept you just the way you are. I always try everything to impress her, from making handmade birthday cards to the best grades , gifts for her etc. etc. And because of her, I have also become a person that I can hardly recognise now, with trust issues, fake smiles, and sleepless nights, and searching the internet for personal answers and emoyioemo support, since I can't talk about it with my very own mother.. but I'm slowly learning how to cope with it..

    I wish you the best of luck, and please do remember that there are many more people like you, and also much more worse off than you. It helps me a lot at times, to keep this in mind and be thankful for whatever I have

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod5
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey,
    Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you’re going through a really difficult time with your mother. You don’t deserve to have someone yell and cuss at you, least of all your parent. It’s concerning to us that you mentioned you thought about cutting your wrist last week. We want you to know that you’re not alone in this and there is help out there. A popular resource for young people engaging in self-harm is To Write Love on Her Arms, which is a blog: twloha.com. If you ever feel like you’re in danger of hurting yourself, you can always call 9-1-1 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
    It sounds like you and your mom have a tense relationship right now. One option is to have a conversation about how she’s been treating you and what she can do to support you better. If you need help talking to your mom, you might consider asking a guidance counselor or teacher at school to help. Here at NRS, we are also able to mediate conference calls with your mom; we’ll do our best to make sure everyone feels heard and that the conversation stays fair.
    Thank you again for reaching out. We hope this was helpful and we encourage you to reach out by phone if you need additional resources or need help figuring out your options. Our number is 1-800-786-2929 and our lines are always open. If you have a moment, we'd appreciate your feedback of our crisis services at the following link:
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think
    Stay safe!

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    i also have the same prombum my mom yells and cusses at me everyday sometimes she does not.i live in west virginia. im a 12 year old girl almost 13 on june 12th and i also have very high auitum but my mom does not care about my heath alot eather and me and my mom use to have a very close bond but now i fell like we are worst enimys.i almost ranaway yesterday but i did not have the courage to and i was think about cutting my wrist a little last week but again i did not have the courage becouse i known that my mom would most likely notice.so life is over the top hard and stressful right now

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod1
    replied
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear about all that you have been facing and want you to know that you deserve to feel safe and happy in your home. We understand that it takes a great deal of courage to seek help. You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against your parents. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at (1-800-422-4453) or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made. You also mentioned physical abuse which would be reportable. Is there someone that can help you make that call to Child Help like a friend, other family member, or counselor at school? We understand that you can't make the call from home, but is there a way to get to a pay phone or is there someone you trust that you can turn to? You can always reach out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) and we could also help you make that call. Don't hesitate to reach out to us. We're here to listen, here to help.

    Stay safe,

    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I'm an Indian girl, and my life is a minefield right now too: one wrong step and you are dead. I get hit and screamed at for the littlest of things. I can't call child protection services or whatever, because they track everything I do on the landline (they don't trust me enough to get me a phone, and anything I do on my laptop can be tracked too. I'm on an incontigo tab right now.) I am verbally abused, but that doesn't count. I just got hit and screamed at for wanting to knit a hat myself for my grandparents. They made me do it 12 in the night, and started scolding me for not doing it perfectly. I never was good at art, only in music. I get okay grades, and just like you, I get screamed at for not getting perfect grades. I had one crush on this boy, and they hit me and wished I was never born. I do too, Mom.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod4
    replied
    Reply: I have the exact same problem.

    Thank you for your response to another user’s post. Often forums are a place of support and understanding for many youth.
    It often may be validating and helpful for users to read similar situations as well as exchange feedback to one another. For anyone experiencing any difficulties or challenges, the National Runaway Safeline encourages youth to reach out to our 24/7 crisis support line either by phone or chat for immediate services.

    Take care,
    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I have the exact same problem. I’m a Pakistani Muslim girl and the pressure is unreal. Crying is an everyday thing. Locking myself in the bathroom and crying is an everyday thing. I can't explain how much I relate to everything you said. Whenever my mom hurts me, I hate her for a few hours but then I go back to loving her because she acts like it never happened. My mom thinks that whenever I’m on my laptop or my phone I’m watching something inappropriate or bad. This leads to her not trusting me and hating me. I’ve had suicide thoughts go through my head and I’ve tried once. Plus there's the pressure of me being a Muslim. I live in a western country so everything is hard. Of course there are bullies, but my parents also force me to wear full cover clothes. My childhood is gone. They forced me to cover since I was 9. My mom gets mad at me for the tiniest things. She yells at me if my shirt is misplaced or if my room is a little messy. She hits me with a belt and stick. It’s terrible. But now that I know someone has the same problem as me, I can relax just a little. Stay strong love, we'll get through this~
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 07-28-2017, 06:30 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod1
    replied
    RE: I cry almost everyday because of my mom.

    Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and we understand it takes courage to reach out for help. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: http://www.childhelplineinternationa...where-we-work/
    We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest
    Guest started a topic I cry almost everyday because of my mom.

    I cry almost everyday because of my mom.

    my mom has always put pressure on me about my grades. i am fifteen and the only child, so sure of course the pressures there. but not this much.
    i would say im a pretty good student, i mean not ALL As but they were fairly good. but my mom doesnt stop there. she screams at me whenever i get lower than 90, and whenever someone gets higher than me. she always ask about my friends' grades. she doesnt get the fact that there will always be someone better than me.
    but not only that, she constantly insult me, hence my self esteem. im pretty insecure because all these years my own mother has been telling me how ugly i am, how dumb i am and how imperfect i am. she constantly compares me to my friends and others too. She would snap at the smalles things, like me not putting the towel neatly. people might say "oh thats such a small thing to cry over" but they dont understand. it hurts so much to hear your own mother tell you that you are so useless that you cant even do a little thing right.
    but after i cry, she goes back to her normal self and pretends like nothing ever happened. she doesnt acknowledge my tears or anything. i hate it so much, that she pretend not to see anything. then she would come talk to me saying it was all for my own good. I hate the fact that i cant bring myself to hate her after countless times of her hurting me. thats one of my many flaws (i know quite a lot because she tends to point them out everyday), not being able to hate someone. after she talks to me, I just go weak and forgive her inside. and the next day, it all happens again. I never learn.
    there was one time that i bought a shirt with my own money and she hated it. she hates me making my own decisions. everything i eat, every single thing i buy, everywhere i go, i need to tell her. anyways when i came back home with that shirt, she immedietly went furious. the shirt didnt even cost that much. she told me to go change and grabbed a bamboo stick and started hitting me. this was when i was in seventh grade. i curled up into the corner and cried and begged her to stop while she kept hitting me. there were scars everywhere for the next five days. and then she tore up the shirt into pieces and threw it away. what hurt more than the stick was her words. i remember the exact words, "if i knew you were going to turn out like this, I would have never given birth to you."
    I dont think i can report for child abuse because i live in an asian country and hitting kids is normal. but i dont know what to do. trust me, ive had self harming thoughts in my head but i never did because i was too much of a coward. and moreover if my mom finds out she would hit me more because i cut myself. she would even blame me, if i were to get into an accident. taking to her wont work, she would say i was talking back and hit me again.
    i just need some advice, i really dont know what to do.
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