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I cry almost everyday because of my mom.

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  • hi i am a girl from the usa . & no matter what we go through behind closed doors , we will eventually heal from our traumas . but in my option no one should deal with being mentally , emotionally , & physically abused . today i wanted to share my story . lately i just been feeling insecure , lost , confused , lonely , exhausted , frustrated & most of all .... hurt . not too long ago i was in a situation where i wasn't in my own home , living with family though . that & on top of school was a pretty hard process . i would sometime have breakdowns , wishing i would die just to make my mom's life easier & better . to me when i go through something & i feel like crying , i would eventually let it out . because it sometime makes me feel better . well one day , my step dad , step brother , my biological brother & sisters went to a park so my little brother could practice for baseball season . the park was by the baseball fields also . so my step brother & i were sitting in the vehicle talking . but then i saw some friends at the park & i wanted to talk to them because i didn't own my own phone . but at the time i borrowed my grandmothers phone . but today I still don't . but , before i walked to the park i grabbed my little sister & walked her to the park . me & my 3 siblings walked to the park . my step brother stayed in the car . my little brother was still practicing . then , me & my friends had a chit - chat for maybe about 5 minutes . until my step dad came over calling my name loudly . i went over to see what he wanted . It was my mom on the phone . she was yelling & cursing at me . saying " why the fck you not answering the phone " , my words were " the phone died , its on the charger in the car " . & before we left to go to the park , the phone was already on 5 percentage . by the time we left the house , to the park which takes a good 15 to 20 minutes to get to the park . the phone died because i was listening to my music . I couldn't use any other apps but YouTube & i couldn't power the phone off , because the music would stop playing . so the phone was on the whole time . she then said " girl didn't you have that phone on the charger before you left " , i said " yea , but it was dying " . she also said " girl shut the fck up , & when you get home ima punch you in ya , sht " . my whole mood & attitude changed at that point . when i got off the phone with my mom . my step dad adds on . " who you told you was coming to the park " . btw , he clearly saw me leave the car to the park with my siblings . I said " i thought you saw me leave " . I didn't think i had to tell him where i was going since this was a everyday of the week thing . he only came by because my little sister went off to go meet him . because he wanted to talk to friends , drink & who knows what else he didn't wanna watch his own daughter . so he told on me . my mom overheard what he said on the phone . she was loud & i could hear her say " let me talk to her " . she said " you supposed to be watching my baby , btch she the only reason why you at the park , so watch her " . i was just shook & confused . its not always my responsibility to watch my sister . I get she's my sister but she's also not my child . after her last words on the phone i took my sister back to the park . my friends overheard what happened . one of my friends asked " you okay ? " & i said " no " . they hugged me & told me its gonna be okay . when we arrived home , she grabbed me by the shirt saying " you outside tryna be a hot a** , you h** " . as shes saying this she was also hitting on me . slapping me , pulling my hair , punching me on my side , & in my stomach . she then took the phone from me . & said " you make everything harder for me , i swear i hate you sometimes " . then closed the door behind her . all my siblings looked at me & say me crying . my little sister hugged me . the other 3 didn't care . because its nothing new . its not like they see it everyday anyway . but i just broke down , wanting to kill myself . bt i knew it was not worth it . i had so many reasons not to give up . next day i broke down , she came into the room & saw me sobbing . she said " the fck you crying for " ? I just shook my head " nothing " . it makes her upset when i don't tell her , but i always say nothing . she said " so you just crying for nothing ? " with a disgusted look on her face . me being afraid to open up to her & tell her , i just shook my head " yea " . she said while walking out the room " btch you stupid , you need help " . that hurt me so much still til this day . this happened in the month of may . this was not long ago either . it still bothers me . i just shut down at night & cry , cry cry . til i fall asleep . she saids things like " i hate you sometimes " , h** , btch you really stupid , dummy , ugly a** , stupid h** a** " . theres more bt even worse things she'll say . the next day was school . my teachers noticed my puffy eyes , & dark circles . one of my teachers asked " why it looks like you been crying " , i said " i was " then i started sobbing . she took me to her classroom & asked me what was wrong . I told her . everything . she hugged me , wiped my tears & told me i could stay in her class for the rest of the day . this was my 8th grade year . my school was a private charter school . we could sometime have our phones out . my bestfriend heard about the situation , & she knows how close me & my god sisters are . when i was younger i used to live with them & my godmother because my mom wasn't caring for me at the time . my bestfriend asked me if i wanted to talk to them . I had to use the app Instagram . & i told her yea . I told them everything . maybe 10 to 15 minutes later they replied back . telling me not to worry about her or her nonsense ... she's obviously taking her stress & anger out on me . my bestfriend read the messages after i sent them . her eyes were starting to tear up , she looked at me & said " i love you , don't hurt yourself " . she hugged me wiped my tears & i wiped hers . she hugged me over & over again . & kept telling me how much i mean to her & she would hate it if i would give up on myself . she gave the phone to my teacher who class i stayed in . it was around 10 something around this time . she looked at me & said " don't do it , its not worth it . now i have to tell the counselor or somebody ... is that okay with you ? " i shook my head " yea " . so she told the behavior administrator , the counselor was not in the school building . so he pulled in his office & asked me what was going on . without hesitation i told him everything as well . he asked me " do you actually hurt yourself , & if you do please don't hurt yourself " . i told him idk why i do it but i do it every time something goes wrong & it involves me . he asked me " do you talk to her about how you feel ? " i said " no , i feel like she doesn't have time for me & right now isn't the right time " . he said he understands . after talking with him i felt better . I thought to myself " not too much pressure on my shoulders now " . then my counselor heard about it & wanted to talk to me about it . we talked . she said " I'm being emotionally , physically & mentally abused " .& she had to report it & contact cps ( child protection office ) & so i let her do what she had to do . & she told me i needed a break from being around her , so it would be best for me to go somewhere during the weekend . after our conversation she hugged me . she told me it depends on if the cps or the lcpd take my situation seriously . & now i answer their questions, I MIGHT be token from my mom . she let me go off to class after we spoke . & she told me she would inform me when she hears back from cps . maybe 2 hours later during school she pulled me back & told me cps could not do anything because my bruises where not too visible they couldn't do anything . she gave me her number , & said give her a call if i need her . she hugged me & told me stay strong . to be clear , everything that went on this day i told everything to my sisters . one of my sisters told my godmother she texted the family member we were living with & said " where is _______ , im on my way " . ( keeping my name uncensored for privacy reasons ) & my god mother called my grand mother & told her everything . my grand mother called my mom fussing at my mom saying shes on the way . I overheard everything . my mom came in the room & said " thank you , thank you , you make sht so much harder for me " . prom was around the corner & i guess she THOUGHT because i wasn't going to prom that was for that cause . but , no it was not . I needed someone to open up to & understand me . she then told me " pack your sht , you gotta go , get the fck away from me " . she saw that i had a scared look on my face so she started beating on me . i was on the bed , she pulled me by my hair & made me hit the ground . she kicked me & said " now tell them that btch " . my back was swollen , i had a few scratches on my face , some of my hair fell out . my grand mother finally arrived & told me pack my things , she said we were gonna talk . my mom was mad & started cursing at my grand mother . my grandmother got upset & told me " lets go " . the family member we were living with was my god brother . he came out the room looking confused & he knew about everything already . on my way out the door he rubbed my back & hugged me . i felt better . kinda . me & my grandmother talked i stayed with her for 3 days . i had a school field trip the next day . we had to get a few things because our trip was to baton rouge , Louisiana . we did that . & now i feel like everything is just getting worse . everything is my fault . i just really wanted to share my story . for the girls that were strong enough to even tell theirs made me build my confidence & tell mine . stay strong , we will all get through this !

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello,

      We appreciate you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS) and using this space to share your story, as it looks like you wanted to share this for anyone going through similar experiences that may be reading this. You are an incredibly strong, brave, and courageous individual. It sounds like you have endured heavy amounts of pain and suffering. Please know that you do not deserve any bit of the way your mom has treated you. Your counselor was right by explaining to you that you have been emotionally, physically, and mentally abused and they did the right thing by contacting CPS. We are overjoyed to hear the abundance of support you have in your life such as your friends, school staff, and family members that have each actively worked toward helping you heal and persevere through life. You are worthy of respect and compassion and it sounds like there are many people close to you that have played a big role in comforting you on this journey. Again, we are terribly saddened and sorry to hear all that you have been through from your mother and this is not something that anyone should have to deal with. We see that you mentioned you stayed with your grandmother for 3 days and hope that you are currently staying in a safe place that uplifts your spirits. Please know that you can always reach out to us at any time, as our services operate 24/7. We have an online chat portal to provide direct conversation and support, found on our website at www.1800runaway.org and a phone line that you may call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are rooting for you and hope that you continue to see the value in your life. Nobody in this world deserves the best of you than YOU. You are a rockstar and a warrior.

      Wishing you a long life of health, safety, and peace.

      Warmly,
      NRS

  • I am an Indian 13-year-old girl and an only child which means the pressure is real. my parents have such high expectations of me and always compare me with my cousin. no matter what I do it's never enough I got full marks in science and topped but I dint get full in English ( i got 93 out of 100) and instead of congratulating me they said I could have done better in English I felt like killing myself at that time which I know is a lot for someone that little and on top of that I cry every single day because they throw indirect taunts at me I think about running away a lot but where would I go that's the thought that stops me and that's too much for a little girl

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello there,

      Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We recognize the courage and strength that it takes to reach out and talk about what you are going through and how it is making you feel. It sounds like you are feeling like you may be under a lot of pressure at home, which can absolutely be stressful. We want you to know that we are super proud of you for your grade in English class and all other accomplishments that you mentioned. You deserve to feel supported and uplifted and we are deeply sorry to hear that you are not feeling that way from your parents. Please know that your life is incredibly valuable and you are an individual who is growing and learning every day, and that is the way it should be.

      We would like to give you contact information for 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Similar to our organization, they have a call or chat option, so if you have access to a phone and feel comfortable calling, you may dial the digits 988 to speak with a support specialist. If you do not have access to a phone and/or prefer to online chat, you may find their chat option on their website at https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=...ampaign=onebox

      As mentioned above, we (NRS) also have a call or online chat option. To call us, you may dial 1-800-RUNAWAY. If you prefer the chat option, that can be found on our website at www.1800runaway.org. We would love to have the opportunity to talk with you a little more in depth during this time. It sounds like you may be needing some strong support at this time.

      We hope that you will be able to utilize these contacts if you think further conversation may be helpful. Please remember that your safety and well-being are so important. You deserve happiness and peace in your life. Remember that you are never alone! We look forward to the opportunity to talk directly with you.

      Sincerely,
      NRS
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