my mom has always put pressure on me about my grades. i am fifteen and the only child, so sure of course the pressures there. but not this much.
i would say im a pretty good student, i mean not ALL As but they were fairly good. but my mom doesnt stop there. she screams at me whenever i get lower than 90, and whenever someone gets higher than me. she always ask about my friends' grades. she doesnt get the fact that there will always be someone better than me.
but not only that, she constantly insult me, hence my self esteem. im pretty insecure because all these years my own mother has been telling me how ugly i am, how dumb i am and how imperfect i am. she constantly compares me to my friends and others too. She would snap at the smalles things, like me not putting the towel neatly. people might say "oh thats such a small thing to cry over" but they dont understand. it hurts so much to hear your own mother tell you that you are so useless that you cant even do a little thing right.
but after i cry, she goes back to her normal self and pretends like nothing ever happened. she doesnt acknowledge my tears or anything. i hate it so much, that she pretend not to see anything. then she would come talk to me saying it was all for my own good. I hate the fact that i cant bring myself to hate her after countless times of her hurting me. thats one of my many flaws (i know quite a lot because she tends to point them out everyday), not being able to hate someone. after she talks to me, I just go weak and forgive her inside. and the next day, it all happens again. I never learn.
there was one time that i bought a shirt with my own money and she hated it. she hates me making my own decisions. everything i eat, every single thing i buy, everywhere i go, i need to tell her. anyways when i came back home with that shirt, she immedietly went furious. the shirt didnt even cost that much. she told me to go change and grabbed a bamboo stick and started hitting me. this was when i was in seventh grade. i curled up into the corner and cried and begged her to stop while she kept hitting me. there were scars everywhere for the next five days. and then she tore up the shirt into pieces and threw it away. what hurt more than the stick was her words. i remember the exact words, "if i knew you were going to turn out like this, I would have never given birth to you."
I dont think i can report for child abuse because i live in an asian country and hitting kids is normal. but i dont know what to do. trust me, ive had self harming thoughts in my head but i never did because i was too much of a coward. and moreover if my mom finds out she would hit me more because i cut myself. she would even blame me, if i were to get into an accident. taking to her wont work, she would say i was talking back and hit me again.
i just need some advice, i really dont know what to do.
i would say im a pretty good student, i mean not ALL As but they were fairly good. but my mom doesnt stop there. she screams at me whenever i get lower than 90, and whenever someone gets higher than me. she always ask about my friends' grades. she doesnt get the fact that there will always be someone better than me.
but not only that, she constantly insult me, hence my self esteem. im pretty insecure because all these years my own mother has been telling me how ugly i am, how dumb i am and how imperfect i am. she constantly compares me to my friends and others too. She would snap at the smalles things, like me not putting the towel neatly. people might say "oh thats such a small thing to cry over" but they dont understand. it hurts so much to hear your own mother tell you that you are so useless that you cant even do a little thing right.
but after i cry, she goes back to her normal self and pretends like nothing ever happened. she doesnt acknowledge my tears or anything. i hate it so much, that she pretend not to see anything. then she would come talk to me saying it was all for my own good. I hate the fact that i cant bring myself to hate her after countless times of her hurting me. thats one of my many flaws (i know quite a lot because she tends to point them out everyday), not being able to hate someone. after she talks to me, I just go weak and forgive her inside. and the next day, it all happens again. I never learn.
there was one time that i bought a shirt with my own money and she hated it. she hates me making my own decisions. everything i eat, every single thing i buy, everywhere i go, i need to tell her. anyways when i came back home with that shirt, she immedietly went furious. the shirt didnt even cost that much. she told me to go change and grabbed a bamboo stick and started hitting me. this was when i was in seventh grade. i curled up into the corner and cried and begged her to stop while she kept hitting me. there were scars everywhere for the next five days. and then she tore up the shirt into pieces and threw it away. what hurt more than the stick was her words. i remember the exact words, "if i knew you were going to turn out like this, I would have never given birth to you."
I dont think i can report for child abuse because i live in an asian country and hitting kids is normal. but i dont know what to do. trust me, ive had self harming thoughts in my head but i never did because i was too much of a coward. and moreover if my mom finds out she would hit me more because i cut myself. she would even blame me, if i were to get into an accident. taking to her wont work, she would say i was talking back and hit me again.
i just need some advice, i really dont know what to do.
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