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Too much parental pressure, not enough support

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  • Too much parental pressure, not enough support

    My mom is always pressuring me to be perfect and being angry when I'm not. In the last year, it's been really bad - she wants me to have perfect grades, perfect attitude, never an ounce of disrespect (even accidental, and I have Asperger's so I don't always know when I'm being disrespectful). I have anxiety and mild depressive tendencies, and it's always worst right after I come home from the youth events I attend every few months because I love the people there and hate leaving them. (I'm a member of NFTY, a Jewish youth organization, and it's as much my family as the people I live with.)

    I just got home from a very intense five-day event and am having the usual feelings (my friends and I call it NFTY withdrawal), and I wanted to talk to my mom about it because talking about NFTY makes me feel better. She couldn't be bothered about it, and when I was talking to my best friend, she told me to go clean the bunny's cage (which I usually do before bed). I said I would do it in just a minute - I was right in the middle of a text, and it was a little early to do it anyway - and she blew up. She took away my phone and iPod, broke a necklace given to me by my best friend - ripped it right off my neck! - and wouldn't let me either close the door to my room, stay in bed, or leave temporarily. I don't feel emotionally safe at home and she won't let me leave. My dad says that he's always standing up for me, but he never actually does.

    My friend is willing to let me stay with her, but only if my parents agree, which they won't. My mom recently told my transgender friend that if he needed a place to stay he could come to us, but she won't let me leave.

    Please respond soon, I don't know what to do.

  • #2
    re: Too much parental pressure, not enough support

    Hey there,

    Thank you for being able to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It seems like you are going through a pretty tough time and we want you to know that we are here to listen and to help you in the best way we can.

    From what you shared, it sounds like you are pretty stressed and are set on running away. There are some things you might want to consider before you make a sudden decision. We are not here to tell you what to do, but rather explore options and help you brainstorm to see what is best for you. Here are some questions you might want to think of:

    What else can I do to improve my home situation before I leave?
    What would make me stay at home?
    How will I survive?
    Is running away safe?
    Who can I count on to help me?
    Have I given this enough thought?
    What are my other options?
    If I end up in trouble, who will I call?
    When I return home, what will happen?

    Another thing to keep in mind is that running away is not illegal, it is rather a status offense which means that you are not allowed to do it because you are a minor. Typically, if your parents file a runaway report and you are found, police officers typically just take you home. There is also a law called “harboring a youth” which means that if police find out you are allowed to stay in a different home, the people you are staying with can get into some legal trouble. The charges can vary from fines to jail time.

    We hope that we were able to give you a few options, if you feel like there is something else you want to discuss or if you need look up any resources, out hotline is open 24/7 and we are always happy to help you with exploring your options. We wish you the best of luck in whatever it is you decide to do.

    Stay strong,

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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