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I'm anxious and want to leave

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  • I'm anxious and want to leave

    Hello~ Lately I've been becoming increasingly depressed and anxious... I've lived with these types of issues all my life, but recently it's been getting much worse. I constantly get the sense of hopelessness, like I'm gonna be stuck here forever... I'm fifteen and live with my mom and sister. They both have picked on me my entire life and I just can't take it anymore... My mom makes it clear to me how disappointed she is with me. She continuously is putting me down and whenever I try to confront her about it she says I make up things so I make everything about me. Recently I had been really scared that there was something wrong with me physically and asked her to take me to the doctor, but she immediately snapped at me and said I always have a fake crisis going on so that way I never let anyone have a break. No matter what I do or say its always wrong and most days I end up not saying anything at all... Shes admitted to not knowing how to deal with my extreme anxiety and even asked if I'd rather her send me off to a foster home and things like that... Shes told me that some days she wants to just drive away and leave me behind because shed be much happier without me... It just hurts... She yells at me any time I cry and always says "why can't you just be normal?" I feel like a freak... Is this my fault...? I have no real clue why she treats me this way... For a long time I've never said anything about it. But lately I haven't been sleeping at all, and if I do I wake up in tears. I feel guilty for even being alive sometimes... I feel like I don't deserve to live, that I disappoint everyone... I don't like feeling this way, and was wondering mostly if running away would be a good option at all..? My sister and my mother are both very temperamental to the point it actually scares me at times... My sister is the only one who really get physical though. It was especially bad when we were growing up. She's kicked me in the face before and given me a bloody nose, punched me in the face, and even slammed my head into a tv. My mom was very aware of all that had happened but she just said "its normal for older siblings to pick on their little sisters" and has never done anything about it. My sister is very intelligent and always has been. I was the one who had to stay in after school programs to receive extra help in my studies... But my sister never lets me forget how she's better than me, saying that I'm the idiot and shes the pretty and smart one. I could go on and on about all the hurtful things they've done and said to me, but mostly I just wanna know how to get out of this...? It's been going on my whole life, and I've never went to anyone about it until now... Please, I really can't take being here much more... I don't know where to go or what to do, and I feel like I'm trapped... I don't have any family I can stay with , so should I just run and hope for the best..? Any advice would be extremely helpful and appreciated. Thank you so much for reading, and I'm very sorry if I'm wasting anyone's time.

  • #2
    RE: I'm anxious and want to leave


    Thank you so much for reaching out to us for help. It was very brave for you to share your story. We are so sorry to hear about what is going on at home with your mom. It sounds like you have been dealing with years of emotional and verbal abuse from your mom and physical and emotional issues with your sister. It is normal for people who have been abused and put down like you have to struggle with feelings of guilt even when they haven’t done anything bad. You don’t deserve any of this, and you should know it is not your fault. It sounds like you have been through so much and it is understandable that you would think about leaving. It sounds like you are feeling hopeless and like you are stuck or trapped in your situation. One resource that could be really helpful if you need it is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you are ever thinking about harming yourself, you can always give them a call at 1-800-273-8255 or check out You are also free to call or chat with us any time you need to talk.
    It sounds like you have been thinking about running away, but you aren’t sure where you would go. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can, and we are happy to talk about all your options and help you come up with a plan to deal with your situation and stay safe. If you do leave home, your mom can file a runaway report with the police, who may search for you and make you go back home. We can help you figure out if you want to run away and how to be safe if you do decide to leave. You mentioned struggling with depression and anxiety, however you didn’t say if you had ever been diagnosed with this or if you have ever talked to anyone about it to get help. Speaking with a counselor at school could be a helpful option, or we could help you find resources for counseling or therapy if you would like. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can, and you are never a waste of time to us. We are here to help and we are happy to listen. Please don’t hesitate to call us if you would like to talk. We are looking forward to hearing from you soon, and wish you the best of luck.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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