I don't feel safe at home anymore

[Guest]

Hey,
I'm a 15 year old boy and recently my parent's actions have been concerning me more and more recently. I've been diagnosed with depression due to anxiety and my parents like to use this against me as another ploy in their book of insults. Basically, my father has a very warped definition of "respect" that he uses as an excuse to basically treat his kids like absolute dog ********. He goes out 4 nights a week, acts like he's 19, and has 5 KIDS! You'd think a man would know the emotional undertaking it requires to have this many kids, but not this guy. He constantly calls us scumbags, pieces of ********, ungrateful faggots, etc etc. If you question him and say anything REMOTELY negative about him in anyway he flips out. Whenever I comment on how much he goes out he says that he "Doesn't owe us ********" and that I should be grateful for all the money he's spending us. I try to be grateful but money can't buy love or good parenting. He constantly abuses my younger brother who's 14 because he has bipolar disorder (thanks to my mom) and doesn't understand/care and goes ape******** on him. He thinks he can beat respect into his kids. I do everything out of fear. I have to say I love him in front of family since if I don't he'll beat me when we get home. This man is everything wrong with a dad. He is HEAVILY narcissistic/arrogant. He will not hear any of his kids out, ever, constantly saying he knows better. His arrogance gets me very pissed but I can't call him out on it since I'll just be called a scumbag ungrateful piece of ******** later. My mom doesn't even help, she AGREES with him. She is bipolar as well and fights with him just as much as we do. But whenever she is in front of him they are in love again like it's their first date, it is disturbing. He thinks we forget the ******** he pulls and that he can get away with it. It is depressing and no one should have to live like this. Just today I asked him a question along the lines of "Dad, hypothetically speaking, what if I was bisexual" He literally said to "never talk like that again" as if being bisexual is like having cancer. He also said he'd disown me, great dude right. I would rather be on the street, panhandling, sleeping in the woods. Why? Because the woods can't call you a scumbag & you can't be "ungrateful" for nature.

I want to leave as I am getting really concerned for my brother who is going to get seriously injured one day if he stays here. I don't like coming home, I try to stay in school and then go to the bookstore to pass the time because being home just gives me anxiety and an adrenaline boos I thought parents were supposed to nurture you, not you nurture them! What do I do??

[ccsmod2]

Hi there,

Your home situation seems really stressful. Based on what you shared, it is understandable to be concerned for yourself and your younger brother at home. Leaving home at 15 can be really stressful and things could be more difficult than you think it will be. We can talk with you about ways to try and stay safe or relieve some of the stress. We do not give advice here at NRS and won't be able to tell you what you should do, but if you would like to speak more about your situation you are welcome to chat with us for support.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

Can someone please help me, my name is Josh, I'm turning 16 soon,and I don't feel safe in my house, I am in constant fear, I never feel safe and I'm scared to death that my parents will yell at me or hit me, while they have not physically abused me in over a year I know I cannot use that as evidence for anything, but they call me a pedophile for dating a girl 2 years younger than me, they invade person space, they take everything of mine, the last time I reached out it was because they would choke me until I passed out,but they got mad, told me I was stupid for hurting myself and trying to kill myself, they also told me if I ever reached out again the would "kill me". I would like to know if there is any way I can possibly not live here anymore, I would like to leave

[ccsmod10]

Hi Josh,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out again, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on at home. Your feelings are so valid, we don’t believe that you deserve the way you’ve been treated.

From your email, we understand that you’re being emotionally and physically abused at home. We’re relieved to hear that you haven’t been physically abused recently, but the verbal abuse can be just as painful. We’re sorry you’re going through this, and it's understandable that you'd want to get out of the house. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way, having to live in fear of being hit is really scary. You’re able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with someone you trust, as far as transferring custody. NRS is able to conference call with you if you need help making the abuse report, or we can make one for you. After an abuse report is made, CPS will investigate it.

If you feel like getting out of the house is the best option and you decide to run away, we can explain what usually happens. We’re not legal experts, but from our general knowledge, running away is not illegal. If you runaway, your parents can make a runaway report. The police don't always actively look for you, if they come across you, then they usually bring you home. If you explain to them that home isn't a safe place to be, they don't always return you right away. They're supposed to investigate it first. We offer to call out to youths local police, with youth, to find out their protocols and what happens if runaways refuse to go home. So that option is always available as well. We can also help find runaway/youth shelters in your area, so you can stay safe.

While we’re not law experts, we can try to find one in your area, there may be legal ways for you to be able to move out of your parents’ house. We’re here to try to brainstorm options with you.

We hope our response is helpful. Also, talking to school counselors and teachers about what’s going on at home could provide you with great support. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center, or use our chatting services via our website. However, the chatting service is not open 24/7. So the best way to tell us everything would be to just call into our hotline and talk to one of our trained liners.

Be safe, NRS

[Guest]

Can someone please help me I'm an 11 year old girl and my dad doesn't make me feel safe at home. For example on new year's Eve he decided that tickling my little brother who is 8 is disrespectful and put me in the garage I was hungry and hurt from him pulling me to the garage by my arm. We had family with us and my cousins girlfriend was there to join us that day . I felt embarrassed,sad, and angry he pulled me in to the garage and said if I don't shut up he would call the Police and I would go to juvenile court. That made me feel the need to go somewhere where I could feel safe and cared for. The thing that made most sad was the fact that my cousin joined the Navy so I don't get to see her as much as I used to anymore and that was her last day here before she went back and we wouldn't see her until April. My dad said that I wouldn't be able to see her go at the airport the next day if I didn't listen to him that second. So I ran out to say bye a
including my grandparents (his mom and dad) and his everybody gasped but did absolutely nothing about it. I was forced back in to the garage not to mention it was very cold and would not give me a jacket or blanket I was freezing cold ( I was in my clothes which at the time were thin leggings and a short sleeve top). I have bruises and red marks on my thighs and arms and are sore. I don't like going to school but it's the only place that makes me feel safe. That was only one of the times I thought about running away and have much more about him that makes me want to run away. I hope you can help me - Sydney

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

I need advice for what I should do. I'm a 17 year old boy, and I don't feel safe at my house because my dad's friends create drama and one of his friends likes to fight, I've asked her to leave,but she won't,she always thinks about herself,so when she fights,she never thinks about other people around her,and last night,she made me stressed out to where my ribs were hurting,my peptic ulcer was acting up, my neck hurts. I even told my dad that I don't want her at my house,but he doesn't care,all he cares about is beer and drugs.

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and it might be a bit too much.
Please know if you are being abused you can reach out to CPS for help. One thing we recommend is having evidence like a recording or text to prove what you are saying that way they can help. Often times verbal abuse is hard to pin and needs more real evidence.
We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

Hey, I’m 10 and I don’t feel safe at all. I get verbal abused, mental abused, and physical abuse. It’s really scary. I don’t even feel safe going out because I feel like everyone knows and is judging me. I can’t go anywhere because they won’t let me go without an adult. I can’t even focus in school, thinking about what will happen if I go home. Can someone help me? Or at least give me some safe numbers? Love, Tess.

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension, it sounds like you aren't be given the independence you need and it's causing you problems in school. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

You mentioned that your parents have been hurting you emotionally and physically. Absolutely no one deserves to be abused. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

All the best,
NRS

[Guest]

im a 14 year old girl and i feel unsafe with my home. i been busy with school, and i love to draw, so i stay in my room a lot, but i still talk with my mom when we are alone together. my mother has a boyfriend, but he doesnt talk to me much unless he buys me things, and i always thank him.. but i feel uncomfortable with him, sometimes he tells my mom im a brat for being quiet, and using money (that i earn, from drawing art online on myself, and not my mom.My mom is also pregnant,(with his child, unfortunately,) so she is due at the end of this month, or the start of next month.
her and i had a heated discussion about how she thinks i should be out of my room more, but, despite us living together, and her being my mother, i feel i do not know her very well; telling her that hurt her though, so that must have made her mad, but we dropped the conversation to cool down. Apparently, my mothers boyfriend must have been annoyed at me, because he stormed into my room, and started to yell, cussing me out.. my mother told him to stop, but he said "for the past year or 2 i been holding back because you want me to, but im sick and tired of it. she is abusing you, eating food you make for free, and not doing s***." he continues to yell (and when talking to my mom, he still yells at her too.) he called me stupid, abusive, and an american brat.
(i have an american citizenship, but my mom and i came from europe when i was 1 year old. Also, he is asian
At this time i started to freak out, it got hard to breathe; i said i was going to get water, and i started to go to the kitchen. he replied "yeah, just pretend you are sick, go get water." i got into the kitchen, but he continued to yell and walk up to me until i was in a corner, so i held my hand out and asked for my space; he said "YOU are holding your hands up, YOU dont touch ME." But his face was close, and i could feel his breathe and it was extremely uncomfortable. my mother was quiet, but crying;
he said i didnt care for my mother, and it was at this one point i yelled that "i love her, she is my MOTHER, how could you say that?" and he started to use excuses that im a brat and that i yell, (he spoke over me whenever i tried to talk, but that was the one time i yelled.) He said he would have punched me a year ago if it wasnt for my mom, so i said "does it not bother you that you just threatened to punch a child?" And, he said it twice, "nope." after that, he said, dont get me started on that threatening crap, YOU are threatening me and your mothers relationship right now. Shut up, dont even talk, i dont want to hear you talk or im going to unhinge your door, and take everything out of your room, dont even talk." and he got very close to my face, again, so i blew in his face because his breath smells bad;
and he made, a spitting noise(?) and turned to my mom saying, "did you see that, she SPITTED on me!!" and i said, "but that was you.." and he got very mad, stormed to my room, and started to take out my stuff.
my mother was quiet until now, asking him to stop; but he didnt listen. it progressed to him saying "this is all your fault, your behavior ruined our relationship, you dont care about your mom, etc etc." i said "but you arent my family..." (which is true, my mom and him arent married, and he doesnt bother with me except when he is mad.) He was like "did you SEE that? im not part of the FAMILY? do you think so too?" he asked my mom, and she was quiet. i would be quiet too, if the father of my baby was fighting with my daughter.
he took her silence as a way of saying she was on my side or something, he put my words into her mouth;
he started disconnecting stuff from the tv, talking about how he never gets to talk about his feelings, and me and my mother stayed silent, watching him yell as he messed with chords.
after he just sat on the couch, saying he will sleep here tonight because "its too late, but I will pack my stuff by tomorrow, and you two can finally be COMFORTABLE without me, since im not family." my mom soon went to the restroom, and i cleaned up the table, did my dishes, brushed my teeth, cleaned what he threw in my room, and started typing this. i dont have my phone, im guessing he or my mom has it. but i feel unsafe sleeping here. i dont feel safe with that man here, as he yelled at me and my mother. i dont know wether to try to help this, or let it happen: he is toxic, but my mom has a baby on the way;
somebody, please talk to me; i am using a school chromebook, i just need help. advice, anything; im terrified to be here...
do i try to mend their relationship or let it break off?
im so confused.
why am i involved...
why is a child supposed to make an adult choice...

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe, NRS

[Guest]

Hi I'm a 17 year old girl and I feel really unsafe in my home I havent been physically abused in some years but I have depression and anxiety and social anxiety and my parents have put me down my dad likes to glorify my issues and my mom just goes with it and somehow I magically have an attitude , I get yelled at constantly for being disrespectful for nothing my dad threatens me and my mental health is so bad that I sit their and wait for it I hate myself so much because of what ive been through and what they have said to me to the point where idc what they do , I have 3 other siblings but they don't treat my younger siblings as bad as they treat me and my twin brother , hes been punched in the chest while I've been slapped , had a shoe thrown , pushed out of a chair and into the wall and then just been threatened too often. I want to leave but I'm too scared idk what to do I rather be at my grandmothers or stay with a friend I don't want to be home anymore at all. I know that I have like 1 more year and then I'm free but its too much , its draining and I'm in therapy but idk id I should say anything. They break me down but then they apologize and try to make it better or try to "bond" with me and then when I dont I'm disrespectful. None of this makes sense.

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like things at home are very overwhelming and that you are suffering abuse at the hands of your parents.

We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in these ways. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Also, Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It sounds like you are thinking seriously about leaving home, and contacting CPS may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody. Often, having space to talk about these things is important. If your therapist is not providing a comfortable enough space, you may consider reaching out to friends, other family members, or a school counselor. We are also here to listen and explore the situation further with you at 1-800-RUN-AWAY or via chat at 1800runaway.org

We hope you found some of this information useful. You were incredibly brave to have reached out to us. Your situation is really tough, but you are taking mature steps to make your life better. Always feel free to reach out. Good luck.

Sincerely,
NRS

[Guest]

If anyone sees this, please talk to me I can't handle this anymore. I'm a trans man in the ages of 11-15. I'm also a age regresser (this will be important later). I don't feel accepted or safe at home anymore. I still haven't told my parents I'm trans. My parents always force me to wear makeup, wear feminine clothes, and take pictures and yell at me and take my phone away if I don't want to. My dad calls me slurs such as the n slur. My parents are anti-lgbt, racist, and sexist. My parents smoke in the car whiles I'm in it and says it won't harm me. They tell me my life is perfect even though my dad's on drugs and has hit me before while falling asleep standing up. My dad always falls asleep standing up and in the process he breaks my stuff, hits me, and calls me a **********. I can't call anyone or reach out for help. I have no one to talk to. One time, my mom noticed I had hair on my legs when we were driving home. She told me that I looked ugly and needed to shave. I said that I thought I looked good and she could keep her opinion to herself. To which she replies "it's not a opinion, it's a fact. Shave or your not allowed to go on your phone again. ". I've been told I can't be trans or have emotions since I'm a kid. My mom doesn't let me go to sleep when I want. Now she forces me to get up at 5 every day. If I have anything on my floor she calls me nasty. She forces me to clip my nails. She tells me if I were ever taken away from her, I would be sent to my physicaly abusive birth dads house that would non stop rape me. If I were to be sent to a orphanage, they would also rape me and kill me according to her. She tells me that I'm disrespectful when I didn't even to anything. She has told people that I hit my sister when I didn't even do anything. She tells me that she has the right to yell at me and force me to do things I don't want to since she's my mom. She says " I don't wanna hearwhit. " when I try to explain or express my opinions. She tells me I can have my own religion and she won't judge me but then she tells me "It's a sin to disrespect your mom" or "your going to hell". This year I said that I didn't want to wear dreses and wanted to wear more masculine clolthing. How does she reply? She shoved 9 dresses in my closet and told me that she won't buy me anymore clothes for a year. Some things she has told me are: " I miss my sweet baby girl with manners" "Kids these days think watching a video today is the same thing as getting ********ing raped Jesus Christ" "Keep crying and your going to bed you don't need diner." "Other parents would be spanking the ******** out of you right now" "Oh so now I'm the bad guy?" "Some kids don't have a mom" "I guess I'm a bad mom." "I should have started spanking 6ou" "Just let me be happy for once" "I've failed as a mom because I haven't spanked you". Now I'm going to talk about my dad. Everyone tells me that I had a perfect life when he has called me a fat wh0re before. He tells me everything I'm doing is rude to my mom. He only cares about her and not me. I've thought about killing myself or running away because of them. But I can't since of school, the police would get involved, m6 friends, the few good things about my parents, and I have no place to go. I have no one to talk to. I have no way to cope. I've been bottaling my emotions since I was 5. I can't call or text anyone for help. I can't even call help lines. I can't run away. I can't handle this anymore. Please help.

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,
Thank you for reaching out to NRS, it seems like there is a lot going on that is tough to handle alone and we are one of many places that is here to help if you want it. You never deserve to be treated like this by your mom. Hitting you is never OK, neither is calling you slurs or demeaning your identity. Parents are there to support, not to break and cut you down like that. You have every right to be upset with them and want positive change and a safe place to be secure in yourself.
You say that you can’t call or text anyone for help, but you have successfully reached out to us for help. This shows you have a lot of grit and bravery for doing so and that there are things you can do to improve the situation. You can chat with us directly through our website (https://na0messaging.icarol.com/Cons...d=254&cc=en-US). All you need is an internet connection and usually school computers don’t block it. To be clear as well, police getting involved is likely a positive, especially if you have evidence of this abuse you can point to.
Another good organization to contact and chat with is Child Help, the national Child Abuse Hotline (https://m2.icarol.com/ConsumerRegist...d=555&cc=en-US). They (and us too) can report the abuse remotely through an online chat so that you don’t need to reach out directly yourself. Another option is to share the goings on with a school counselor who is a mandated reporter as well.
You mentioned that your mom gets belligerent and threatens that you will be sexually abused in circumstances other than yours. This is not true. While the possibility of further abuse at your bio-dad’s or in a foster home is present and something many have to deal with, it is by no means a guarantee. However, if anybody did attempt to rape you they would be sent to jail and you removed from the situation if there is some evidence. Generally contacting police right away if anything threatening to your physical safety occurring is always an option to try to de-escalate the situation.
Having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of. We are here as support to help you and your friend through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
We’re here to listen and to help and hope you or your friend can reach out soon.
Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi I’m *******, I am a 11 year old girl from cand. My father a physically,mentally, and verbaly abused me . I don’t know what to do . Even though my father has ADHD , depression,and anxiety. I was recently put in therapy for a threat to kill myself . I have a safe place but I am only there for 2 hour . I am a dancer and dance helps with my anxiety, but when your bulled, treated unkindly and spread rumours about you your life is hard. At school I don’t feel safe . I have different classes and I am majorly afraid of male adults . I have so many triggers when it comes to word ,places ,names ,and items. I need help but I don’t know how to do so. My mother does nothing to stop it

I can’t stand being treated like dirt . I lose friends everyday and I only on so called “best friend “

[ccsmod5]

Hi there,

It sounds like you are misunderstood, lonely, and overwhelmed. We truly admire your bravery and resilience. You deserve to have friends and family that support and care for you. Firstly, we are sorry to hear that your father abuses you and your mother does nothing to stop it. There is nothing you could do to deserve this abuse or bullying.

It sounds like you are struggling with managing your anxiety and reactions to triggers. It is great to hear that you enjoy dancing, and you make a wise point- even when you do have a coping outlet like dance, it can’t fix everything. Something people sometimes find helpful for anxiety or triggers are grounding techniques. This sheet provides a nice introduction: https://www.therapistaid.com/workshe...techniques.pdf Another resource you may find helpful is https://www.girlshealth.gov/ . It has information and quizzes about relationships, bullying, and more.

We aren’t sure if you mean you are from Canada or a place in the USA called Canad. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community-based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis-related laws is limited to the USA. If you are from outside of the USA, The Child Helpline International (https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/) connects you with important hotlines in your country, and Teen Helpline (http://www.teenhelp.org/resources/#p...e_and_bullying) has resources geared toward people in Canada and outside of the United States for topics like bullying.



If you are from the USA, we can share a few specifics...

One option you can consider is filing an abuse report. Mental and verbal abuse are harder to prove legally than physical, unfortunately—even if it is no less real. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share.  Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead.  The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly (1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org) and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. We at NRS are happy to walk you through this process if it is something you’d like to consider.

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Secondly, it’s important that you have. You mentioned being brought to therapy, are they someone safe you’ve considered sharing anything with? If not, are there any adults at school that you __?

We are unable to respond to forums more than once or twice, but we encourage you to reach out through our online chat or phone (1-800-RUNAWAY). We are here to help any way— to brainstorm options, or even just to be a listening ear.

Best wishes and warm vibes your way,

NRS