Family Issues

[Guest]

I'm 15 and I'm pretty new to all of this i couldnt decide to call or not so i decided the safest way for my anxiety was to just type. Im having a lot of issues at home and i just dont know how to reach out to anyone anymore. my mom has very high expectations of me and i dont know how to live up to them. im a 4.0 student but all hell breaks loose if i have one B out of 7 classes. she also says that im really lazy, but i dont think she understands that everything i do is just to make her smile and be proud of me. And yet i feel so ugly. im the oldest of four

Yesterday night, my younger sister received her report card and she wasnt doing well. she dropped 4 grades in 4 different subjects. weve already been here before and she knows how strict my mom is with our studies. this situation isnt the first. however, my sister came to me first about it. she was scared. i understood her because my moms discipline is...violent. i told my sister to just show my mom and get it over with. knowing how my mom is, this was the best option she had. but the thought of that gave my sister such a panic attack it made me feel bad so i told her to talk to my aunt about it. the nest morning before my sister was dropped off to school she showed her report card to my stepdad. shes my stepsister actually i just dont refer to her as such. but the first thing he did was drive to my moms job and show her. Needless to say, she was pissed off. while i was in my morning class she started hammering at me saying that i knew about all of this and i didnt tell her

this is what i find unfair. that this was my fault that i didnt tell my mother about my sisters bad grades.

no one at school understands me. im constantly told that "im not the only one" well guess what im pretty sure i AM the only one because what kind of bullshark is this. after school, my mom was still very upset and she punished my sister with a belt. right in front of me.. to make it feel like more of my fault. during the car ride home she screamed at both of us and hit me sayin g we're both manipulative, deceitful, and a lot of colorful language.

i wanted nothing to do with this. this was all my sisters responsibility and i wanted no part of it. my life feels hard but i know its not. i know my parents provide and we all get a good education yet i still feel bad all the time. i wanted to run away to my church or my grandmas house but i dont in fear of what will happen when my mom finds me. i just cant bring myself to do it and yet i still really want to but i have no idea where to go. i dont understand why this is happening to me. i didnt lie to my mom. i shouldnt even be involved with this situation in any way it was all my sisters responsibility. i didnt want the guilt on my head knowing that i snitched to my mom about my sisters bad grades. i feel so lost i dont know what to do i just dont want to be here anymore. im dreading the moment my mom gets home.

also, tomorrow is my birthday. happy birthday to me right.. im not getting anything. however my friends all told me today they were planning something but now i fear that too because i know my mom will say i probably told everyone for pity or im just selfish and want stuff.. or she just might destroy everything i receive. i want to talk to someone about my problems in person because honestly i am sick of this. i want to feel like everything is going to be okay. i dont know how to approach anyone about it though because it all seems irrelevant. i dont even know if its a real problem honestly. i just want a hug. thanks to anyone who took the time to read this...im sorry if i wasted time

[ccsmod0]

Hello #1,

First, thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline tonight. That’s a really brave thing for you to do with everything that it sounds like you’ve been going through.

The very next thing we want to make sure you know: there is NO excuse for your mom to physically harm you or your sister, no acceptable reason for her to be doing at all, or for your dad to allow that to be happening. That is wrong, and should not have happened to you. No one deserves to go through that – you deserve to feel safe and loved and supported, especially at home with your parents. If you ever feel like you are in immediate danger, you can always call 911. Your safety is our top priority.

It seems very apparent from what you’ve shared with us that neither you nor your sister are feeling safe where you are. Are there any strategies you can think of to use at home to help try to keep yourself safe and out of the way of being hurt as much as possible – to minimize opportunities to be harmed? This is not at all meant to imply that you are in any way responsible for this – this is NOT your fault – we just want to try to help ensure your safety as much as possible from this vantage point. Is there a way to minimize interactions with your mom or are there places you can to go in/around your house that avoids her without seeming like you are avoiding her? Anything of that nature that you can think of

It sounds like you’ve been trying to help counsel your sister also on how to stay as safe as possible, and to keep things from building up, such as with the situation with the report card, but that it ended up coming back on you also. We’re really so sorry to hear about this – you were trying to do the right thing by your sister and what happened as a result to you both was not at all what should have happened.

It sounds like you’ve been considering letting people know about what’s going on – at least people with whom you have some trust. You mentioned CPS and not to raise them as an option to discuss – you didn’t say it directly, but reading between the lines it seems as though perhaps the system may have failed you in the past. If that is the case, then we’re very sorry to hear that you didn’t receive the support you had hoped to get. If we’ve misinterpreted the situation, it sounds like you still feel like this is not a viable option for you to explore at this time, that you’re worried about the consequences for you if the system doesn’t have your back as you need them too. We hope that would not be the case, but also understand why you may have reservations. It is probably a good thing to consider all possible scenarios; it just speaks to how level headed and carefully considerate you are being in looking at the all the outcomes before deciding which step is right for you to take next.

Please know, however, that there are a lot of people out there, including us, who care about you and want you and your sister to be safe; that is very important to us. We wish we could reach out to you right now and give you a hug. Please know that you’re not alone, that we’ll do our best to help you find some options that can work for you and provide the support that we can, to the extent you feel comfortable with that. We’re glad to hear that you have friends that want to recognize your birthday tomorrow – happy birthday by the way – but saddened to hear that you are concerned that any gifts could actually be misconstrued by your mom and lead to more harm for you. Your birthday should be a happy day for you, not a cause for alarm.

You mentioned your grandmother and possibly going to her for support/safety, or your church – does your grandmother have an idea of what’s been going on? It sounds like you think she could be someone in your corner to help provide the support and safety you need. Or, if that is not an option you feel comfortable with, another option to consider might be to call the Child Help hotline at 1-80-422-4453, or visiting their website at childhelp.org – they specialize in helping youth who are at risk in their current situations. Perhaps if you called anonymously, they would be able to help you explore some options. Or you can always give us a call when you feel comfortable – please know that we are non-judgmental, non-directive. We won’t tell you what to do, but we’ll help you to explore what options are available to you, so you can decide which one makes sense for you, which one you’re comfortable with.

In terms of therapy, if you’re looking for resources, we can help you to explore options that may be available to you at little to no charge at all – there are some places that offer free counseling and support that you may find helpful, if that is something you are interested in learning more about.

Lastly, you mentioned that you just want to end it all now – permanently. It sounds like what you’re meaning could be taking your life. If that was what you’re meaning, have you considered talking to someone about those feelings? For example, National Suicide Prevision Lifeline is one resource where the staffers are trained specialists in this area – their phone number is 1-800-243-8255 and their website is www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org . They are available around the clock, like us – if at any time you’re having those feelings, please know you can call either one of us – we’ll be here to talk, and to help you explore options that you may not have considered yet.

Please know that there is help and support out here, available to you – and we really want to help you. If you want to explore these options more in depth – you could call us, or if you’re not ready to talk by phone, we do have an online chat service on the evenings where you can chat with a liner live, about whatever you need.

We hope this was helpful for you. You are taking good first steps and there are people out here who want to help you – when you’re ready to talk more, we’ll be here for you, 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
Best of luck to you and we hope that we will hear back from your soon.


Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat which is open every day from 4:30p to 11:30p CST and can be accessed here:

http://www.1800runaway.org/