scared of parents

[wolfy]

Hi I'm a 20 year old female who hopefully plans to move out within the next couple of months. My parents are the old fashion type. My parents had 6 kids and we still live together, the oldest one is in her late 20s who doesn't want to do anything in life. We have to ask for permission if we want to go out and if when we do they want us home at 8. I'm tired of them controlling my life. They say its for the best because how the world is but yet how could we grow if we can't experience anything. My other siblings pretty much are under my parents control. They set out something that wouldn't realistically happen. They want to make x amount of money but yet aren't doing anything to get there and yet they call me unrealistic because I want to move out.

I know I'm not financially stable but I want to move in with my boyfriend. Its a long distance relationship him living in Ohio and I in California. 2 years ago when things were going down hill for me I tried to runaway. My boyfriend bought me a ticket and in the end I didn't go because my family saw me leaving. It hurt my boyfriend and we ended our relationship but slowly got things working again. I have a job plan to transfer to one over there, my coworker who went through almost the same thing thinks it might make things easier for me. Sadly my mom took my id away when I wasn't there. I'm saving money and making my plan: a moving out budget, budget for once I'm out, comparing of the two states, and my reasons why. Its going okay I have it bullet out and almost fully filled in just my mom wants to talk to him but he doesn't. They threaten him before so he doesn't want to deal with it. I know I'm moving out its just I don't know if I'm doing a good enough job thats showing I'm proving myself. I've hardly spend any of my check. It goes all to my savings. I hope that I could just move without any trouble but I doubt that would happen.

[ccsmod14]

Re: scared of parents

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you have been going through a lot at home between your parents, siblings and long distance relationship. It sounds like you are really trying to work out a plan for yourself and your future plans and that is awesome to hear. We are here to help you the best that we can with what you need.

So you shared a lot about your situation. You are 20 and hoping to move out in a few months to live with your boyfriend in a different state. It is good to know you’ve got this support system in Ohio with your long term boyfriend. Have you thought about a back-up plan if at some point down the line things don’t work out? It sounds like you both really want things to go well, it can just be helpful to think through plan Bs in the rare event that something were to go wrong. Do you know anyone else in Ohio that you could count on for some support?

You said that your mom took your ID away, but you are saving money for your move which is a really great step to take- very realistic planning! Do you have your birth certificate and social security card in your possession? These are things that will be necessary to have down the line. It can be really tough to get one without the other. If you need assistance getting a copy of your social security card, you can contact the Social Security Administration at (800) 772 1213. If you need assistance getting a copy of your birth certificate, a good place to start is the hospital that you were born at.

It sounds like your parents have been pretty controlling and you are ready to move out. We’re not legal experts here, but in most states the legal age of an adult is 18. It is likely that you do not have legal issues to worry about regarding moving out, but it is understandable to feel uneasy about leaving when you do not feel entirely independent whether it be financially, emotionally, etc. It sounds like you have a pretty good plan going so far, but if you would like to talk more about your situation we are here to help you out. You can call us at 1800runaway any time, or join us on chat from 4:30pm to 11:30pm CST.

Good luck and stay safe,
NRS

[wolfy]

thanks for the reply

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you have been going through a lot at home between your parents, siblings and long distance relationship. It sounds like you are really trying to work out a plan for yourself and your future plans and that is awesome to hear. We are here to help you the best that we can with what you need.

So you shared a lot about your situation. You are 20 and hoping to move out in a few months to live with your boyfriend in a different state. It is good to know you’ve got this support system in Ohio with your long term boyfriend. Have you thought about a back-up plan if at some point down the line things don’t work out? It sounds like you both really want things to go well, it can just be helpful to think through plan Bs in the rare event that something were to go wrong. Do you know anyone else in Ohio that you could count on for some support?

You said that your mom took your ID away, but you are saving money for your move which is a really great step to take- very realistic planning! Do you have your birth certificate and social security card in your possession? These are things that will be necessary to have down the line. It can be really tough to get one without the other. If you need assistance getting a copy of your social security card, you can contact the Social Security Administration at (800) 772 1213. If you need assistance getting a copy of your birth certificate, a good place to start is the hospital that you were born at.

It sounds like your parents have been pretty controlling and you are ready to move out. We’re not legal experts here, but in most states the legal age of an adult is 18. It is likely that you do not have legal issues to worry about regarding moving out, but it is understandable to feel uneasy about leaving when you do not feel entirely independent whether it be financially, emotionally, etc. It sounds like you have a pretty good plan going so far, but if you would like to talk more about your situation we are here to help you out. You can call us at 1800runaway any time, or join us on chat from 4:30pm to 11:30pm CST.

Good luck and stay safe,
NRS

Sadly I do not have my social security card or birth certificate either. My mom has all of them. I want to get them back but yet don't want to ask since it won't make me look like an adult. I pretty much had a fall out with all my siblings. I told them I hardly liked to talk to them so most stop talking to me. I thought it was a good thing since their negative and I already think very negative. I want to change and my boyfriend is helping but he keeps asking when I'll get there. I want to be there I just don't want to screw it up. And my mom thinks my boyfriend is manipulating me even if I stated its my choice.

I haven't thought of a plan b. Which is a good idea I'm just focusing on all these things I have to get done that I forgot about it. Well all of my boyfriend's friends and family are very supportive about me living there. I get so much support from friends even my coworkers I've talk to them about it but my family doesn't. My dad is pretty much out of the loop. He never found out about me trying to run away. I know he's my biggest block in the road. He gave me so much anxiety but lately its gone away.

I guess I'm looking for acceptance. Which I shouldn't. My boyfriend wants me to put in my transfer already but I first want to have this talk with my parents. I know I'll talk to my mom then my dad. In my head I think my dad would go crazy and it won't end well. I'm trying to think positive its just hard. I'm not fully scared just they have ganged up at me and it wasn't pretty.

I will hopefully call this weekend. I think this is helping me get once step closer for me to overcome my fear.

[ccsmod4]

Thanks for the reply

Hello again,

We are glad that you are trying to stay positive about your situation and that you are think a backup plan is a good idea.
It sounds like you still have some things you will need to do before your move.
Getting your Social Security card and Birth certificate is a good idea, what makes you say asking for these things might somehow make you look like less of an adult? Its okay to want these things in hand so that you can present them if needed. If you do not want to ask your mother for these items you might consider contacting your state social Security Office and county office to request a duplicate card and form. You can find your local Social Security Office and County office by searching online.
How does that sound?

We understand that this is a big step for you it sounds like you have given it a lot of thought.
Good for you. We hope you feel proud about how you have handle yourself during this tough time.
You are welcome to call NRS and talk about your situation and if you’d like you can go over what it is you would like to say to your parents. Sometimes hearing the words out loud or getting some feedback can be helpful in the manner to which you express yourself.

Remember our 24hr crisis line number is: 1-800-Runaway (786-2929).
We look forward to hearing from you.
Take Care,
NRS

[wolfy]

I just feel like when we ask its more of a childish thing. I want to step out of that stage but maybe asking for them wouldn't be so hard. I just think the worst once I do. In my heart I know this big step of moving out wouldn't be easy but in my mind I wish it was. I'm afraid of peoples reaction towards what I say or do. Once I move I feel like I might become this person I imagine myself to be. But imaging it won't make it come true without action.

That would be a great idea. I'm not good with words and I'm very shy. So practicing with someone I don't know would help. It'll be scary but I think that's the sense I need to be in. I would have never thought of that. And getting feedback as well would be great

[ccsmod9]

RE:

Hello again,
It is great that you are thinking that is a good idea. Remember you can always contact us directly at 1-800RUNAWAY or utilize our live chat that is open from 4:30pm-11:30pm. We look forward to hearing from you. Good luck.
NRS

[Unregistered]

help

I am 18. And things at home are rough for me. I really want to leave but my parents
Will literally drag me back. They aren't "abusive" but I'm basically a prisoner. They won't even let me leave the house right now.I'm thinking about calling the police. But I dont want to start a huge ordeal....

[ccsmod3]

Re: help

Hello and thanks for reaching out on our forum. We’re sorry things at home are so rough for you right now. We recognize that even at 18 it can be difficult figuring out how to leave home. You shared you aren’t able to leave your house and you’re considering calling the police. The police may be an option if your parents are physically preventing you from leaving the premises. However, you also mentioned how you don’t want to start a huge ordeal. Based on what you’ve shared it sounds like maybe creating a plan for after you move out might be the next step. If you’d like help with that plan, you’re welcome to reach out to us directly either by Live Chat or calling our hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY. Good luck!

[Guest]

I am 13. And things at home are rough for me. I really want to leave but my parents
Will literally drag me back. They aren't "abusive" but I'm basically a prisoner. They won't even let me leave the house right now.I'm thinking about calling the police. But I dont want to start a huge ordeal.... i dont knoe wht to do like an hour ago i accidentally fell asleep w my hearphones listening to music and she wants to blame me that im talking to someone i wasnt talking to anyone i was SLEEPING i knoe this is not normal but i hate my mom and she hates me and i wanna run away but all the effort ive put tonget the stuff i want will grt ruined

[ccsmod1]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline.

It sounds like you are having a hard time at home and are unsure of where to turn to. If you feel that you are in immediate danger, don't hesitate to call the police.

We have a conference call service here at NRS that allows a liner to mediate a conversation between you and your parents to help it be more constructive and give you room to safely share your feelings. If that is something you would be interested in don't hesitate to reach out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We could also walk through with you other options you may be thinking about. Do you have any other family members or adults in your life that could help advocate for you to your parents? There are resources that we could connect you to and we want you to know that you are not alone.

Best,

NRS