I really don't like my life at home and might run away.

[Guest]

My name is Nicole and I truly believe my life at home sucks. My Dad's so violent and he swears a ton. When he's mad at me or my twin siblings he always calls us a 'Little S***' or a 'Little B****'. He and my Mom fight a lot and he's always super loud. He thinks he is always right, but generelly I think my mom is.
My mom is pretty great. I don't get how she stays with him. They say there never gong to get a divorce, but sometimes I wish they would so I could just live with my mom.
I tried to tell him I hate when he yells and everything, but he didn't listen, and says I'm just mad that he took something of mine away and trying to get attention. Everything I treat seriously he takes as an utter joke. I actually made a list and that was on it. When I read it, right before I said it he laughed, proving my point.
He thinks he is always so right, and everyone else is wrong. We have very different views on almost everything, and he thinks it's the people I hang around that is giving such twisted ideas. He calls the ideas he doesn't like(Which is almost all of them) bull, and I'm just so d*** tired of it. Whenever I try to defend my ideas he just falls back on how antisocial I am and how I'm not apart of this family. Mybe it's him, but he would never believe that.
And it's not that I even get in trouble. I've never done drugs, or smoked or drunk or anything like that. I'm on the honor role. I do my work. I don't fit the sterotype of someone who would runaway I guess. I just have very drastic ideas that conflict with his. I like science, and I'm not very religious. I prefer scientific fact for real life, and I read a lot. I sometimes wonder if I took to reading some much to escape all the fighting.
I'm scared for my little brother, because he's like my Dad in someways. He's pretty violent, and he might have ADH, or something like that so that could explain it. But either way he is always harrassing me, and he punches me in the arm and fights with me and I really don't like it. I've told him to stop but he never does.
I wonder if running away would be the right thing. I save a lot, and I think I would know how to make it last. I look old for my age, so I could probably get some non-illegal work with something like washing cars or something. I wouldn't need a lot to survive. And I just really want to ge away from it. It's ok at times, but it never stays that way.
I don't know who to talk to, and I couldn't talk to a conselour at my school or a teacher. I'm not brave enough to do that. So there's my story. If anyone cares at all, thanks.

[ccsmod7]

Re: I really don't like my life at home and might run away.

Nicole-

Thanks so much for writing in and sharing your story. It sounds like things at home have not been going well for some time, and the relationship with your father is the biggest issue. Has your dad always been this angry and violent? Was there ever a time that you felt close to him? It’s completely understandable how frustrated with your home life you are feeling. Dealing with someone who is constantly negative, disagreeing, and putting you down is never easy, and it sounds like that is how your dad is around you. Now you did say that your relationship with your mom is good. Do you ever talk with her about how you feel about your dad and what you would like to see changed? Has she been a good support for you during this time? Are there other people in your life that are supportive and have helped you deal with this situation? You sound like an amazingly strong person, but it’s not always easy to deal with difficult situations all by yourself. Even just having someone there to listen can sometimes help.

You mentioned that it has gotten to the point where you are even contemplating running away. It sounds like you have thought a lot about this and are trying to look at all the pros and cons. What do you think would happen if you actually left? What would your parents do? You mentioned having some money saved up and possibly being able to work. Have you thought about where you would stay? Do you have any friends or family members that you could stay with for some time? Are there any options that you have thought about that may make your home life better and make you reconsider leaving? Do you think your dad would ever be willing to go to counseling, possibly with the rest of your family?

In the end it is your decision on what you want to do. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you need help or a safe place to stay you can always give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We have a lot of different resources, including shelters and counseling, if you ever want information on that. We are a completely confidential hotline and there is someone here 24 hours a day to help. You mentioned that you have thought about talking with a teacher or school counselor but don’t feel comfortable. Sometimes it can help to talk through a situation with someone and look at possible options. It’s understandable if you don’t feel comfortable talking with people you know about what’s going on, but if you ever wanted to call and vent, we are always here. Sometimes it can be easier to speak to someone over the phone, and we are here anytime you need us. Best of luck with everything and take care.

[Guest]

Re: I really don't like my life at home and might run away.

No, he gerenrally got worse as I became older. When I was younger I felt close to him, but I don't know if it ws because he was okay or because I was so young that I didn't see what was wrong. I've talked to my Mom about this stuff a little bit after we get into a fight, but not much after that. I can usually talk about how bad he is with my sister, but I never really let them know I'm hurt. I'm not someone who likes to admit something is wrong and I need help to the people around me.
My Dad isn't constantly negative, but whenever something we disagree on, we always get in a fight eventually. I just hate knowing that no matter how good something is, we'll get in a fight about something I think because he can't accept it.
I'm not quite sure, but I think I could get away at school, or say I'm going out and just never come back. My parents would probably freak and call the police, so I might do it when they aren't home for a awhile. I have a Grandmother in Arizona, but she isn't that well off and I don't want to be a burden to her. My Dad's parents are to close, like the rest of his family. I have two uncles, one in Ohio and one around D.C. that might let me stay there for a while, but they might make me call home. I might go to a big city, somewhere on the east coast. One with a low crime rate would be good.
The thing that could make me stay home would be for my dad to stop yelling so much. I don't he would go for conslouring since he thinks nothing is wrong with him.
I probably would never run away, but the idea is always there, always as a possible next step. Something that would make them pay attention to what my dad's doing.

[ccsmod5]

Re: I really don't like my life at home and might run away.

Hey,

Thanks for continuing to share your story. It does seem like it might be a little difficult to get through your dad and that's probably very frustrating for you since you just want to be heard and respected.

If you think trying to get your dad to go to counseling with you will be difficult because he doesn't think he wrong, could you use some different words? What else could you say to him to get him to go? Not necessarily "trick" him into going with you but letting him know that you need him to help you figure some stuff out. Does that make sense?

If you were to need a place to go, could you do it without running away? Could you ask your parents if you could spend the summer somewhere (relatives, friends)? Are there any programs/camps that your parents would allow you to go to for the summer near a relative that they feel comfortable having you near?

You seem to have a pretty good grasp on what's going on around you and your emotions but there isn't much effort from your dad's side. Hopefully some of those ideas could work out. Keep letting know about your situation or if you think some of that stuff may or may not work out.

Best of luck with everything,

[Guest]

Re: I really don't like my life at home and might run away.

I read u'r story and started crying. I don't really know wut 2 say except 4. I TOTALLY understand how u feel

[ccsmod7]

Re: I really don't like my life at home and might run away.

Thanks so much for writing in and showing your support. These situations are not easy ones to deal with, but sometimes it can help to know that others are here to listen and maybe have dealt with similar situations at home. Always remember that if there is anything you need to talk about you can always give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are a completely confidential hotline and we are here 24 hours a day to help in anyway we can. Take care.