I Don't Feel Safe or Loved at Home Anymore

[ccsmod3]

Hi, thanks for reaching out again. It sounds like you have a relative plan in place to run away and it makes sense why you would want to get away from dad and be in a home that feels safer for you and where you will be more supported. As you said, we will never say what you should or should not do. One thing that could be concerning is that you have never been to your boyfriend’s before and don’t know where it is. It could be helpful to go there first before potentially planning on moving in there, just so you can kind of see it and talk with his parents as well and make sure everyone is on the same page. We are here to support you as best as we can while all of this is going on, but we really recommend reaching out to us directly via our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chatting us online at 1800runaway.org. You have already shared so much and we appreciate you trusting us with this, we are able to help more when able to have a conversation together. If this interests you, please reach out to us directly. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

I'm not entirely sure how to respond to comments or anything but to also add onto it, my brother has told me that my step mother and father both were talking about how I'd be happier if I went with my boyfriend when they moved. And I can't recall if I had mentioned this but, my little brother has also told me that my father or anyone in that matter of which who lives inside of the home, wouldnt care if I ran away and that they wouldn't call the cops. I have informed this to my school as well. My boyfriends parents has agreed to keep me in their care until I was able to fiend on my own or until me and my boyfriend gets enough money to move out. As I said, I have planned out exactly when I'm planning on running away which will be on the 12th of March (and if it backfires for whatever reason, it'll be on the 19th). I would go up the road to a little park that I always hang out at and they pick me up there. The time, I'm planning on at around 11:30 but we are still kinda talking about the time to assure everyone does get rest since everyone has to wake up early in the morning. They had also said that I will have my own room and privacy as well and that no one will go through my stuff. Much less even take anything. My main concern about actually leaving is if my dad actually will call the cops because my social worker at the school had mentioned that since he is always drinking and most of the times says one thing but does another, his actions will be very unpredictable. I honestly don't believe that he will call the cops because I have ran away before when I was younger and he never did. But he did also know where I was. I had started to think about writing a note, explaining exactly why I had decided it would be best for me to run away. I would like to tell them where I'm going but I don't think I'd be ready for that. I do plan on telling them eventually though, of where I went (if I don't include it into the letter). My step mom has also agreed that I'd be healthier and happier living anywhere else and that surprised me. The park is like 3 minutes driving and like 20 minutes walking for me too. And on a daily I walk for about 3-5 hours, depending on if I have anything to do. I walk for that long because I just want to be away from the house and it gives me time to think as well. My boyfriend lives about 6 minutes away from my dad's as well. I would walk to his house instead of going to the park but idk where he lives exactly because I've never been to his house. And because I've never been, his address has never been shared with my father. And if cops does get involved I do understand the possible consequences for either side. Me and my boyfriend has already looked at the harboring (I think it is?) law for NC and thankfully there isn't much of a law for it. Ofc when it comes down to if their not giving me the proper care and benefits I need then they can base it off of the harbor law too. But if my dad does call them and if the cops agrees that it's not safe to go back, I'm also afraid of my little brother loosing his father. Ik my father isn't the best man in the world and stuff but, he still needs a fatherly figure... and I don't want him to go a day without him because ik my brother cares a lot about my dad. I figured that maybe just maybe... if I do write the letter and all, that he might not call the cops at all and sticks to what he says. Yeah, ik... it sounds a bit stupid on why would he call the cops if he's already planning to kicking you out anyways? Idk, it's just a concern I have. I do plan on still going to school the next day but I also know that if I do and he does call them, that they can easily see and find out where I am instantly. I don't want to risk his parents getting in trouble with the law in any way. I am also aware that yall aren't here to promote teenagers to run away either but to help teenagers. So I don't expect a "you should run away because it seems like it'll be healthier" or anything. I also know that if I follow through with this then I'll have a hard time coping with having to say goodbye to my brother again. And ik it'll hurt him alot and I've already discussed it with him and I showed and told him how much it's bothering me and hurting me. He says he understands why I'm planning to run away and that he doesn't blame me but it still hurts to leave him and to know there is in fact a risk of him having to go through the same crap my dad is putting my through. I was also a rape victim of my father's side as well which makes me more uncomfortable around my father and that specific person. My dad gets mad at me when that person is at family events (since he is my uncle) and I don't come out of my room at all. I understand that he wants me out and to hangout with my family but I don't want to be around someone that sexually assaulted me and is the reason why my father looks down on me so much. Who would? I also feel that there's been times my dad has viewed me in such ways because he has came into my room (this was before my door was taken down) when I was unclothed and he just stared, not even saying anything for a hot second. Then he goes off on me about some petty crap that I didn't even know about but I was being blamed for it. He has also taken my drawings away from me and ripped them as well but then later on asks why I stopped drawing. (Hmmm yeah I wonder why) he has also came from behind me, placing his hand on my side and kissed my shoulder which made me feel very uncomfortable because I don't ever see nor hear about parents doing that to their kids. I have also setup a job application and everything for me to be able to start working since I buy all of my own essentials, from the soap that everyone uses in the bathroom, to my own clothing. But my dad had refused to let me be able to work, despite even knowing that I'm the one who buys those items. There's sadly been a few times of which I had to go to my boyfriend, asking for either some money or for certain basic items bc I ran out of, let's say deodorant. I felt super guilty that I had to ask him to have 5 bucks for some cheap deodorant. Instead he went and bought me some which I was super thankful about but I felt really guilty. He does have a job so I don't feel too guilty and I do know that he'll end up getting more anyways but it doesn't change the fact that it shouldn't be his responsibility to provide me these things. I mean I would do the same thing for him if the roles were reversed and he knows this. As you have said, he is a very supportive boyfriend and I am glad I have him in my life. My aunt has also told me that the only reason my father has refused to give me back to my mom is because of child support. I'm not too sure how child support really goes but being told that hurt a lot. I do think that living with my boyfriend would be better (I don't have any female friends I can turn to, otherwise I would) because I have been reminded time and time, by his parents that they do love me and care about me deeply. Which means a lot. I have also created a small bond with his sister as well. My friends has told me that if I feel like it'll be much healthier to run away then to do it and my mom has only requested for me to wait until I'm 17 but she had also told me that she understands if I do run away before then because of my living situation. She doesn't mind me moving back in with her but she also understands that I don't want to because of my health concerns. I do plan on getting a job as soon as I possibly can and pay for my own food and I will even offer pay "rent" or to at least help pay their bills since I'll be living with them. My boyfriend has told me that I shouldn't worry about that and that their not gonna accept the money. I still want to do this because I feel too guilty of them having to add me into their home and I already feel like a burden. My social worker at the school and my boyfriend both had told me that I am no burden but I still feel like I am and would be. And helping them pay their bills or at least helping his father get the physical therapy he needs for his hips is the least I feel like I can do. I do also know the possibility of us splitting and how badly it'll play out but I'm just hoping for the best. He reminds me day after day of how much I mean to him and how he wouldn't do that to me. I ofc believe it to an extent because there's always that possibility. We both have kinda made plans on what we would and should do if it came down to that but since its a sensitive topic, we don't talk about it much. As said, I do feel it'll be better if I choose this decision. And I do know it's a very serious decision to choose. But I have no family member to turn to in order to get the full help and benefits I need. Nor are do they live close. They all have told me that if it came down to it, to live with a friend or my significant other (which ever makes me feel most comfortable). And my dad has said that he understands if the house environment becomes too much for me and that I have to leave for my betterment. So I highly believe this is the best choice for me but I'm not sure if I am being truly reasonable and mature about this situation. I feel like I am to the best my ability but I do also want to go the most mature route as well.

[ccsmod3]

Hi, thank you for reaching out and for sharing what’s been going on. It sounds like things have been really rough at dad’s and that he has been seriously mistreating you. You do not deserve any of this. It sounds like he is always blaming things on you that in no way is your fault and that he does not know how to take responsibility for anything. It also sounds like you have experienced some physical abuse from dad too and the way he got you out of your mom’s house to go back to his was totally uncalled for and never okay for him to do that to you. It seemed like it was an absolutely terrifying experience. It also sounds like dad is neglecting your basic needs as well. You mentioned that you wanted to move back in with your mom as a possible option and even though you had some concerns while there, it sounds like it would be a safer place to be than with dad. It is also not okay for dad to kick you out at 16, as your guardian he is legally responsible until you are 18 and if he kicks you out before that, that is considered neglect. It sounds like you are planning on leaving before then and have a safe place to go which is always important. We are here to help and support as best as we can if you would like to talk more through what that plan looks like. It also sounds like you are experiencing some pretty serious bullying at school and it seems like teachers and adults at school should be doing more about this.
It sounds like your boyfriend really cares about you and is a good support person in your life, that is extremely important to have.
If you would like to talk more specifically about the plan to move forward or some ways to help, we are here 24/7. You can either call our hotline: 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

I am 15 yrs old, I'm going to be turning 16 in roughly about a week and a half. My parents are separated and for the longest time I had lived with my mother and my grandmother. Their both smokers, btw. When I did live with them, they had always made me fix all of the food, I usually cleaned everything myself, I very rarely ever really ate and if I did it would be junk food or a hot pocket. I never had a social life outside of the house. I also have a little brother and he ended up getting taken away from me when I was 5 yrs old, when my dad left us with literally nothing. Because I wanted to give my dad another chance at being the dad I felt like he was, I decided to move in with him when I was about 12ish. I had spoke to him privately in trying to get the mental and physical help I knew I needed at the time but he and his wife always seemed to shove my problems aside (keep in mind that my dad literally always has a beer in his hand if you ever see him, even if it's just once for a second). I've been living with him for about 4 years now. He has threatened to hit me countless of times all because I wanted to stop arguing with him over something so little (like a light bulb) and so I could go to bed. He has kept me up until midnight arguing over a light that is never used. I was already super stressed out because I had a test the next day. Needless to say, he didn't just stop arguing when I took a shower to calm myself so I could sleep. My father also reminds me of how little he values his own worth and how little he thinks of his "children". He's always constantly making the claim from how we never do anything with our lives and if we do then it's dealing with alcohol, drugs and partying. He calls every one of his daughters (including me) either a hoe or a slut just because we are dating someone we really care about. He constantly calls me a ********** as well and I absolutely hate it. Because he's always drinking a beer, he's always aggressive, especially with his words. Everyone that lives inside of the house (which is me, my step mom and my little brother) is always scared to even say "Hey! How was your day?" Because we never know what to expect out of him anymore. When he goes on with his rants, he always pushes the blame on everyone but himself. But when someone tells him he's in the wrong and try to calmly reason with him, he shifts the perspective as if everyone blames and attacks him on every little thing he does, despite the fact we never blame him for anything. There was a time where I told my dad I didn't feel safe living with him and I asked to stay with my mom (this was last year). He did say no but his wife had said it would be fine. Instead of negotiating to come up with a suggestion, he came to my mother's house (which is about an hour drive for him) just to slap me, physically drag me out of the house. I had begged and pleaded him to stop and that he was hurting me but it was useless. In an attempt for him to stop, I ended up locking my leg in between a door and a wall in the hallway leading to my room. Instead he kept tugging at my arm (which has been injured before and I have problems with it) and hit the pressure point in my knee so my leg would unlock. As soon as he did this he had also drug me down the stairs, across the yard and drive way, to his truck. I had showed resistance because I felt really uncomfortable and unsafe. I had pulled myself ontop of the truck while he was hitting me and threatening to tie me up with the rope he had in the truck so he could get his way. The entire time I had tried to be calm and reason with him, so did my mother. When he got me back to his house, everyone pointed blame on me and didn't even give me dinner. I had also cleaned my room and came back to my room being an absolute wreck and being told I had to clean it again even though I had cleaned it before I left the house to go to my mom's. My father has taken my door, bolted.my windows and has a wood stove that blows directly into my room and I am never able to rest because of it. It would always get to about 90° and higher in my room while every other room is comfortable temperature. I will admit that I was a trouble maker a few years ago and done some very stupid things but I have grown into a better person. But my dad constantly reminds me and everyone else of my past and why I'm a "bad person". I am also part of the LGBTQ community and my dad strongly disagrees with it. I do not have a problem with him disagreeing, that's totally fine. All I had asked is for him to not discourage me about it and to not bring it up if it makes him feel so uncomfortable. But instead he uses it against me every time he argues with me or tries to make a "point" with me. One time he had attempted to compare how being part of that community effects your job choices and all. I had tried to explain to him that's not how it works and if we could get off the topic but he refused and kept discouraging me and this made me feel defenseless. I had went to my father one time, to see if I could seek help and see if I have depression because I knew something wasn't right. And if I did have depression, if I could see if the antidepressants would work at all. He denied me the help and told everyone that I was druggie and that pills are the only thing that makes me happy when I absolutely hate taking pills. Ontop of this, I get physically and mentally bullied at school. One time a kid had broken my ankle but my father somehow found a way to shift the blame on me and saying how I was the reason why it got broken, not the bully. He believed that the bully never did anything to me and that I was being over dramatic. Thankfully during this one event, I was living with my mother and she took me to the hospital as soon as she saw me limping and everything. So we knew it was broken and that I wasn't being over dramatic. My step mom also goes into my room (I don't really care who goes into my room all that much) but she would always take things from me. She even took some of my favorite clothes and blankets. She also ended up taking a wax warmer I had been given to and also my trash can which I don't understand why. She would also come into my room and take a lot of my money directly out of my wallet. I had decided to place my money in my hats but she still somehow found it. I also do everything I'm told to do, even buy my own essentials such as, soap, bodywash, toothbrushes, hairbows, toothpaste, clothes. You name it. She also would go months without washing my clothes even with me asking her to wash even a few pairs of my underwear so that could at least be cleaned. I did wash my own clothes at one time but the washing machine ended up breaking and they blamed me for it even though I wasn't the last to use it. So I started hand washing my clothes and then one night they found this out too and took away the items I would use to wash and dry my clothes. I didn't know what to do so I just dealt with it by this point. Ever since I moved in with my father, I had attempted suicide a total of 7 times, many ways. Most times was by cutting myself and only once was I actually close to doing so. A few days ago I attempted again but by rope... obviously I'm still alive so. I have been told that I'm being kicked out when I do turn 16 and that if I ran away, no one would care and no one would call the cops. I have informed my boyfriend of all of this and he asked me of what I wanted to do about the situation and if I still wanted to seek that help. I ofc still want to seek the help I need but as long as I'm living with my father, there will be no help provided (I also have a nephew who lives with us and the very first time he mentioned on getting mental help, he got the help he needed within months while I've been asking and begging for years). I planned on running away, I know what time I'll be leaving and what day and where I'll go. My main concern is the parents and if my dad was bluffing or not. I also don't come home to any food anymore, breakfast is never made for me, nor is lunch. I don't ever fix anything to eat because I'm scared I'll get yelled at or blamed for stealing (they pulled this card on my brother). My boyfriend makes me a huge lunch every day for school to make sure I have enough to eat throughout the week when I'm at home. I have mentioned some of this to one of my teachers and as well as student services. I am unsure on what to do.

[ccsmod3]

Hi,Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. We appreciate you reaching out and sharing what has been going on. You do not deserve to be treated that way, and we are here for you 24/7.You mentioned that you are being hit or abused and you have the right to report any abuse. You can call Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 and they can help provide you more info on filing an abuse report. We are available to make a report too, or If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options. You can look for support within your community too. If you feel comfortable, you can share what is going on with a teacher, local relative or trusted adult.Also, you mentioned that you feel like you have anxiety. We want you to know that you are not alone and we are here to talk about how you are feeling.
We would recommend calling us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or by Live Chat, we are here 24/7.Please call or chat soon at our website www.1800runaway.org.
National Runaway Safeline
[email protected]org (Crisis Email)
1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)https://www.nationalrunawaysafeline.org
National Runaway Safeline | National Runaway Safeline
Call 1-800-RUNAWAY if you are thinking of running from home, if you have a friend who has runaway, or if you are a runaway ready to go home.

I am 13 years old living with a younger sibling and a mother who doesn't know how to control her temper. I have been hit and scratched many times over simple things like making my bed in the morning when I have forgotten. She is a huge control freak and I am scared to be in this house. My little sister feels the same and the overdramatic ness of my mother has taken all of our confidence and good mental health. It used to be just yelling but has now gotten physical. I think I have anxiety but she doesn't believe me I need help.

[ccsmod15]

Hi, thank you for reaching out to us at National Runaway Safeline. We appreciate and recognize the courage it takes to reach out and let us know what is going on. It sounds like you are in a tough situation, and have a lot going on right now. It is completely understandable to want change and a way out. You should never be made to feel unsafe or unloved. It may be helpful for you to consider reaching out to us via chat or phone call so, we can learn a little bit more about your situation. For the time being, if you feel comfortable, having a conversation with your mother or father about staying with your Grandmother might be helpful. You also have the option to report any abuse at www.childhelp.org. Additionally, speaking with a social worker or a counselor at school may be helpful in navigating issues with your family as well as the legal aspect of moving in with your Grandmother. Please consider reaching out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). We are a 24-hour service and are available to help anytime. Chatting with us directly would give us the ability to address your needs more specifically, and we hope to hear from you soon. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. Thank you for reaching out to us here at NRS. Be safe!

Hi i am 16 and my parents are divorced and I don’t fill safe in ether house hold my dad doesn’t do anything but use me when my other siblings don’t wanna do i have no choice but to do it it fills like I never been loved and my mom’s side is even worse she threatened me with a bat she has knocked me out before put me out in the cold at 5 in the morning she won’t let me eat she makes me stay at home every day and watch her kids if I don’t she goes crazy and kicks me out and my dad treats me like a criminal he call me a thief and a ********** juss to get under my skin he doesn’t let me go anywhere or do anything in life it fills like im in prison please help me with a way i can juss move with my grandma asap

[ccsmod16]

Thank you for reaching out to us at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We are happy to help you and provide you with support during this time.

It sounds like your parents are body-shaming you by calling you fat, and that has affected you negatively. It also sounds like your parents are taking away your things and invading your privacy, such as removing your door. We recognize the courage and strength that it takes to reach out when you need help, and we are glad that you did. Please know that you do not deserve to be treated this way by anyone, under any circumstance.

You mentioned that you’ve tried to kill yourself 2 times and that you have cut yourself. Please know that you are not alone and that you deserve to feel supported and loved. If you ever feel like you’re in immediate danger of hurting yourself, you can always call or text 988 for help with thoughts of suicide.

If you would like more resources to answer any other questions you might have, don’t hesitate to reach out to us over chat through our website (www.1800runaway.org) or over the phone through our 24 hour hotline (1-800-RUNAWAY).

Thank you again for reaching out to us. We are here 24/7 and have someone available to talk.

Best,
NRS

I am 13 I will be 14 in September k have only been living with my mom and my step dad for a few years my mom was never in my life that much when I was younger I would be living with my grandma and once I started to live with my parents I would get called fat and told I don't need to wat so much and I lost a bunch of weight because of it I have to do all the cleaning in my house all the time and I get called lazy I have no social life outside of my house my parents have cameras around our house and keep taking all of my things if I don't do something and all because I don't do what they want I get my things taken I have tried to kill myself 2 times living here and have cut my wairst and they are going to take my door and I don't feel safe here

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,
Since you are 20 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.
Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat via www.1800runaway.org.

National Runaway Safeline

Hello I'm 20 years old and at home I mentally and emotionally feel safe around my parents. I have been living with them my whole life. I have no control of my life but they do. I have support with some of my sisters but that doesn't do so well. I'm constantly being told what problems I have. I can't speak up for myself or they will just yell at me. I can't have any unsupervised activitys , and the list goes on. I never felt safe. I feel paranoid and jumpy. I got anxiety depression adhd, and autisum. I'm always on the look out. They don't do physical stuff like hitting, but they use there advantage on emotional damage. I would try to get my own place, but whenever I get money from my job, they take it and I don't get to use it until I ask, and most of the time they say no. So that's crossed off. My aunt and uncle like farther away so I can't go there, and my grandma is in a nursing home. I have no were to go. I have no electronics to contact exept this tablet I'm secretly using. Everyone gets so much power in this house,but me, I don't at all. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired and confused.please help me

[ccsmod16]

Hi,
Thank you for reaching out to us about such a difficult situation. We’re really sorry to hear that your family holds these kinds of destructive and hurtful views. In dealing with their reactions and treatment towards you, it’s really important to remember that there is nothing wrong with you and you have done nothing to deserve any kind of resentment from them just because of your sexuality.

Also, in terms of them forcing you to come out, you do not owe them any truth you are not comfortable sharing. If you don’t feel safe, then you are in your right to deny their assumptions and redirect them with any kind of excuse you can think of. Your safety and wellbeing are much more important than giving them the satisfaction of an admittance.

NRS offers various conference call and mediation services if you need to have a difficult conversation with your family but want a buffer between you, we can help. Another really great resource on this kind of issue is the www.thetrevorproject.org. They specialize in LGBTQ+ issues and especially mental health support for youth, and have a chat line like us.

Although it seems like you’re not in a place where you can chat with us for long, it could be really beneficial to reach out to our chat line once you’re in a safe place. Our chat line is web browser based and open 24/7. If you choose to reach out to our chat line, we do our best work when we can have a conversation with you. You can chat us through this website (www.1800runaway.org) 24/7, whenever is is safe for you.
We truly hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
NRS

My computer is glitching, so I will try to summarize this the best I can.

My mom saw me swipe up on a text I got from someone yesterday but demanded I give her the phone so she could read it. It was about a gay show a "friend" of mine had been watching, but my whole entire family is extremely homophobic. Naturally, my mom flipped out, and she backread those messages to find "I love you" written from both of us. My phone has been confiscated, and I am typing this on my school chromebook. My family is forcing me to come out to them, but things will only get worse if I tell the truth.

What do I do? I don't feel safe, and even typing this is somewhat a risk for me. I only have one week left of school until summer break and my mom is threatening to put me in a private Catholic school because of my identity.

[ccsmod1]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We recognize the strength and courage it takes to reach out, and we are proud of you for taking the initiative for yourself. Though we are not legal experts, it is to our understanding that you would not go to juvenile detention for a flower being destroyed. It sounds like you are experiencing abuse from your stepmother in various ways. We are sorry to hear that you are going through this. We are curious to learn if you have reported this information to anybody and how that may have went. We would be glad to assist you with this further, by providing you with the support you deserve and looking through resources that may help you. Please feel welcome to reach out to us for a further conversation, through our chat portal on our website at www.1800runaway.org where you will click on the "CHAT" button. Additionally, you have the option to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. Please know that our line operates 24/7, so you may contact us at any time.

We encourage you to please contact 911 immediately if you find yourself at risk or in imminent danger. Your safety deserves to remain the priority! Please know that supportive people such as a trusted family member, teachers or school staff, and the police department are people you may also talk about this with and report to, if you feel comfortable doing so.

We look forward to the opportunity to talk further with you and in the meantime, we are wishing you peace, health, and safety.

Kindly,
NRS