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I Don't Feel Safe or Loved at Home Anymore

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  • Hi, I am 12 years old. My parents divorced when I was 9. My mom cheated on my dad and has said mean things about my dad. She has always screamed at me for no exact reason. For example, she usually lets me on my phone. The other day, she came in and started screaming and told me if I was on my phone I would be grounded, and that I shouldn't be on it. I was really confused and asked my mom,"what's wrong? usually you let me on my phone at this time." In times like this, she just yells and insults me. There are many other times where she is like this. It got worse when she got remarried. The man she married is just like her. They both scream and get mad at me for no actual reason. He also tries to take that spot of being my father. My father is much more supportive and understanding. The decree says my time is divided with my parents. Monday and Tuesdays are for my dad. Wednesday and Thursday are for my mom, and they switch weekends. I have told my mom I would prefer to live with my dad, but see her every other weekend, but she blows me off, yells, doesn't listen to my side, and tells me how ridiculous it is and she wouldn't understand why I wanted to do that. I have tried to convince myself my mom is this way because of something traumatic, but it doesn't click from everything I know about her. It may sound dumb, but I would really prefer not seeing my mom as much. I know she doesn't abuse me, I just don't feel wanted in her house. I just don't know how to tell her because I will feel bad, or it will go the wrong way. Thank you.

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. Going back and forth between your parents' places must be really exhausting and it sounds rough to be so stressed when at mom's. It may be beneficial to speak with your dad directly about your desire to live with him. Sometimes custody transfers will need to go through the family court system and it may be beneficial to speak with a legal advocate. If you need help locating a legal aid group near you you can check out https://www.lawhelp.org/find-help/.

      It seems like your mom doesn't fully realize how much her (and her husband's) words and actions are affecting you. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your family so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

      If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

      We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

  • Hi I am 16 and I’m afraid of my dad he has threatened to give me up and put me in boot camp for trying to run away once and I’m so tired of being called names. I was going to Kill myself many times. He hasn’t let me see my family for almost a year. I was forced to get a job. I just feel neglected my dad wants to give up on me and I’m afraid to leave because I fear he will start the more harsh threats again and give up on me.

    Comment


    • ccsmod4
      ccsmod4 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello,
      Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

      We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you are feeling stress from the relationship you have with your father. We understand that dealing with such an emotional situation things may start to feel overwhelming. It sounds like the situation has brought on feelings of suicide. You are not alone. There is help available to you in coping with these feelings. If you are having feelings of depression or suicide we encourage you to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
      Sometimes talking things out might help to come up with a plan to help cope with your situation.
      We want you to know that we are here as support to help you both through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).


      Take care,
      NRS

  • I'm going to keep this short but basically my mom abuses drugs and I moved away from my dad because I got abused..I have no where to go and all my other family members are just as bad and I don't have a way to contact them. I'm always scared of what my mom and her boyfriend is going to do. she took away my friends and calls me slurs. I've been hurting myself and I've been in the hospital twice and she doesn't care. I have a plan to kill myself tomorrow if I don't leave this house. I'm tired physically and mentally she treats me like her property more then a person. I'm only 15 and I'm already struggling this much.. I've tried to kill myself 6 times already because of my depression and I just can't take it anymore.. I'm sorry

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi,
      Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like things at home are really hard, and we are glad you have reached out for help.
      It sounds like you are living with Mom because you were abused by Dad, but the situation with Mom is also very difficult. It is important you know, first of all, that you do not deserve to be abused in any way. This includes being called slurs and having your friends taken away. Also, your Mom should care about your hospitalization. This must be incredibly hurtful.
      It sounds like this kind of emotional abuse is causing you to self-harm and feel suicidal. These must be very hard experiences to live and recover from, and you are incredibly brave. Self-harming can be a very lonely experience, so you might find it useful to visit a really amazing website called To Write Love On Her Arms. On this website, you can read the stories of many young people who have injured themselves or attempted suicide and then found a process of recovery and healing. Wanting to die can be a very powerful feeling. It may feel like things will not get better, and this can be very heavy and scary. If you feel this way, we encourage you to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. They are always there to talk you through your darkest moments.
      We hope that if you are considering leaving home you will reach out to us at 1-800-RUN-AWAY. We will help you develop a plan and provide resources to make you feel safe and secure. We can talk further about what is going on at home and make sure we find a path for you that brings you peace and stronger mental health.
      You are doing amazingly, and we are so glad you contacted us. We hope this is useful for you, and that you stay safe and strong out there.
      Sincerely,
      NRS

  • Hi..Hi! So, this is my 3rd or 2nd time writing here, but I lost the link to the other forum where I talked about life at home, so..I'm back at it again..yay..? Okay so, I'm a 12 year old, Bisexual female, my parents know I believe and they said I'm too young to say which is BS because I've liked girls before and I've dated one!! My father is currently in jail for drunk driving THANKFULLY and he used to (he'll do it again when he gets out I'm sure of it!!) he's never been a father figure to me, he's always called me dumb if I do one thing wrong, he'll flick my forehead, tell me to jump out of my window, he first told me that, like a year ago on Thanksgiving and I was NOT thankful!! He also used to call me names, I never feel loved anymore, I ran away before but the police found me, (well they didn't find me, I let em find me because they sucked at hide and seek!!) and I got sent to a Pyschward WHICH I felt more safe and happy there then at home. Sure, I couldn't eat what I wanted, but I got the help I needed, anyways, I wrote to my stepmom (never knew my real mom, she got pregnant after my dad cheated on my stepmom, she had me and BAILED outta my life) that I needed to go back and get help but she ignored it..they ALWAYS ignore me, I'm so sick of it. Could you help and leave some links to Youth homeless shelters in Virginia, please..?

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

      If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

      We hope to hear from you soon.

      Be safe,
      NRS

  • Im a 22 year old woman who wants to run away from responsibilities that are not mine. My parents do not take good care of my little sisters and it feels as if they try to dump them into me. That means they try to make me pay and waste my money more than there’s. They even take my money without permission and never give it back. On top of that they say they will leave me and my ********ty house. I don’t feel safe in my own home and I want to run away. I work hard for everything I have but it’s still not enough for my mom. She says my house is not even all that and that she will get a better one now that they are back on there feet after I helped them. I don’t feel safe with my parents anymore to the point I want to leave and be free. I feel I might be better with a stranger and that feels awful. I feel lost and alone in the world. No one is there for me and no one protects me. No one talks to me about the things I go through and I have no guidance.

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello,

      Thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry to hear that the situation at home with your parents has been so challenging. It sounds like you tried to support them in their time of need, they’ve been verbally aggressive with you, and you now feel that they have shifted their responsibilities on you. You’ve brought up concerns about the way they take care of your younger siblings and the amount of access that your parents have to your financials. We cannot tell you what to do, but we will do our best to explore options you might have available to you.

      If you are concerned with the way your parents are caring for your little sisters, one option might be to talk to them about the aspects of their parenting that are concerning to you. Although you have made yourself available to help your parents care for your little sisters, if your sisters are minors and you are not their legal guardian, the responsibility to care for them ultimately falls on your parents. In your message, you mention feeling unsafe at home. It is unclear in your message whether you are referring to abuse towards your younger sisters, but if you believe your parents have behaved in a way that makes your younger sisters unsafe, you have the option to reach out to your local child protective services. Organizations like Child Help can provide you the contact information for your local child protective services office. They can be reached by phone at 1.800.422.4453, or by visiting their website at https://www.childhelp.org/ .

      You also mention concern that your parents take money from you and do not give it back. As a legal adult, you choose who may access your financials, including banking. If someone has taken money from your bank account without your consent, you might reach out to your banking institution to dispute any withdrawals from your account. If you previously gave your parents access to your accounts, you may have the right to remove them if you are the primary account holder. You brought up some things that your mom has said, relating to the condition of your home and threats to leave it. If you are responsible for your home, it is up to you who does and does not live there. If you feel your parents have outstayed their welcome, an option you have is to consult a lawyer to discuss what rights your parents have, and whether they might be considered tenants. Organizations like Legal Aid may be able to support you with free or low cost legal advice. It is understandable that you would feel worn down given the way your parents have behaved while guests in your home. If you feel the need to explore options for emotional support, a counselor or therapist may be able to provide that. If you have an insurance provider, they may have a directory of counselors or therapists in your area. These resources can provide you support and give you more concrete guidance.

      We hope that the information we shared can support you in your next steps. We cannot tell you what to do, but we try our best to explore options that will help you stay safe as you decide on your next steps. Please reach out to us by phone at 1.800.RUNAWAY (786.2929) or via chat by visiting our website https://www.1800runaway.org/ . We are here to listen, here to help. Stay safe!

      -NRS
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