I don't know what to do anymore ..

[noone]

I cry every time I look at myself in the mirror because I'm embarrassed to be me. I'm currently 13 and I've been abused by my mom ever since I was 8. I tell myself that it's just something I'll get used to over time, which I think is starting to happen because now I don't even realize when I get bruised until I take a shower or get changed. My friend and her dad are really worried about me and they want me to file a report against my mom but I've had 2 experiences with that and they didn't do me any good. In fact I got punished for a long time. My guidance counselor made both the calls and because I visit her office almost every day, my mom threatened to charge her with harassment. My friend's dad has given me all the help he possible can in trying to stop the abuse, but it all begins with making a report. Which I'm afraid of going through again. I never really told any of my other relatives about how my mom treats me because I can't even get out 4 sentences without tearing up, not to mention when I used to say something about it in the past, they would always confront my mom and my mom would make it sound like it's all my fault. I feel that my grandma (my mom's mom) was more of a motherly figure than my actual mom ever was. I mean no mom should be referring to their kid as "that **********" or telling their kid to drop dead. I don't even really talk to my parents because I don't want to waste my breath on people who make me feel like crap 24/7. I don't even believe they love me, the only one who tells me they love me is my dad, but I surely don't believe him. My dad used to be someone who I could tell anything to and he would always support me and help me out, but now I don't trust him any more than I trust my mom. I never really liked my mom. My aunt says it's because we're exactly alike, which I can't express enough how much I hate that. It's embarrassing to go to school with bruises all over me and then being sent to the nurse like 50 times a day and being questioned if I'm being abused at home. My mom tells me not to say anything so whenever the school calls her she blames it on me playing around too much with my sisters. Just the other day (12-27-14) I felt like she in some way bullied me. After being punched and pushed by her, and having my phone smashed by a sledge hammer due to my dad I was sent to clean my sisters room, spotless. Soon after my mom came to me and said "You did it to yourself" and then after I told her I didn't care anymore she laughed in my face and then repeated my answer to my dad. After that, she laughed once more and walked away. I didn't eat dinner that night or breakfast the next morning because I didn't want to see either one of my parents. I don't call them mom or dad, and if I need to say something to them I walk up to their face and say excuse me. I really do hate my mom and I guess she sometimes forget that when she tries to talk to me and I don't respond. My grandma always tells me, if you don't like something, make it better. But I don't know how to make this better ..

[ccsmod5]

Re: I don't know what to do anymore

Hi there,
We're so sorry that you've had to endure years of abuse from your mom. It sounds like she hurts you both physically and emotionally. First of all, thank you for having the courage to reach out and share what's going on.

You explain that while your grandmother tells you that if you don't like something you should make it better, you don't know how to make this better. It sounds like the abuse your mom uses is something that you cannot stop, but you can reach out for help. You do always have the right to make another abuse report. We understand your hesitation though, since previous reports did not lead to anything changing. However, we would be glad to talk with you about this option.We can also make a report with you over the phone.

It sounds like there are a few people who do know about the abuse. Is there anyone you would be able to stay with? Any possibility of your mom giving permission for you to move to another home?

As well as calling child protective services, you do also have the option to call the police when your mom physically hurts you.

Please feel free to give us a call anytime or reach out through live chat from 3:30pm-11:30pm cst. We are here to listen, and we can discuss your options in more depth and talk about how you can be as safe as possible.

We're glad you contacted us. We hope to hear from you again soon.

-NRS