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  • Cant do this anymore

    Hi Im 16 and will be 17 in a month. I cant live at my house anymore. I cant. My parents dont understand me. They had me when they were very young and were not ready for me, because of this they hold me down and dont let me do anything as well as treat me like their step child. They dont want me to make the same mistake they did (had me before they were married and while my dad was a drunk). My dad and i have never gotten along. His dad was abusive to him and was never sober so he doesnt know how to treat my two brothers and i like he should. The thing is, he treats my brothers fine because they remind him of himself as a kid and doesnt want to be the way his father was to him. But for me.. The only thing he knows how to do is constantly insult me just like he remembers his dad doing to his sister. I cant stand him. He scares me. Just last night i got in huge trouble because i was wearing a shirt that showed my stomach and i posted a picture on instagram of it and he called me a "whore" and a "slut" and said "stuff like that causes divorces in families" and basically told me how awful i was. Then, to add to that, he told me to bring him the shirt so i did, he then told me to go get the rest of my "whore clothes" he shoved me against the wall and smacked me cause i "wasnt going fast enough". He then took all of my clothes except long sleeves amd jeans. I told him not to touch me and he said "i can beat you all i want! Youre my kid! Thats what most of the kids in America needs, is a good ass kickin" im so tired of the emotional abuse. Ive already apologized for the picture on instagram and have told them i would delete it as well as delete my instagram entirely and they said id be lucky if i would be able to do anything until im 18. And i told them "thats kind of extreme" amd they said "well we might as well ground you until you move out because we all know you will screw up again" Even though my mom had to leave for work last night she normally just encourages him, in fact she pretty much sicks him on me by telling him how awful i am so he will do something about it. I have memories from my childhood of him smacking my back with belt "until his arm got tired" as he put it, back handing me in the face when i talked while he was talking, smacking me in the back of the head if i talked at the table and even throwing tissues and cups at me when i was too little to reach them and my mom would just stand there and watch. Once it was as simple as coloring on the wall when i was little kid. I have witnessed him holding my brother up by his ear so that he could "look my dad in the eye" i cant do this anymore. Im done. I have talked to them over and over and over and over and talked to family memebers (who know how bad it is for me. Especially my grandma who supports me 100%) i have talked to counselors at Four County, i have talked to the counselor at school. Nothing helps. They can talk until their litttle hearts are content but the only thing for me to do is leave the home. My mom tells me i am ruining my brothers. I dont know how i disappoint them. Im actually a good kid. Being completely honest. I have a job that i show up everytime, on time everytime im scheduled. I bought my own car, i buy my own phone, im great at school, im taking 2 Advanced Placement classes, a college class, as well as a CNA class, along with normal highschool classes. I completely support myself and buy all of my stuff. I have a place to go too. Its at my best friends house. She lives with her grandmother and mom, they said they would love to take me in. My friend is 18 but her grandma is the owner of the house and its a huge house and they are very well off. They are a second family to me and love me more than my own. I dont want to hear that i should talk to my parents again because ive tried. So. Many. Times. I dont want to hear that i need to talk to a counselor. Also tried that. For years. I want out. I want to leave. But they will find me and im scared. Ive asked to move out so many times and my dad always says "ill be damned before i let you be someone else problem." Im a good kid. I promise i am. I cant do this. There is so many things they have done that are uncalled for. I wpuldnt call them physically abusive... At least not my mom.. But they act like they hate me. They push me until they see me fail. Im starting to let my grades drop because my stress level is at the extreme. I didnt even sleep last night. I want to run away. With the car i own. With the money i made. To a house that loves me. I would continue in school, i would continue at work, i want to succeed. I just cant succeed when they are constantly telling me i cant. I dont want my parents in trouble i just want away from them. Please. I just want out.

  • #2
    RE: Cant do this anymore

    Hello,

    Thank you for writing into the National Runaway Safeline. Our bulletin boards are a way that youth like yourself can express themselves and get some supportive feedback in response. From what you have told us about your situation it sounds like you have been going through a lot right now. It must be very frustrating and even a little scary for to be living at home with someone that is always yelling, screaming, and threatening you when you’re there. No one deserves to be treated like that and you should definitely be able to be comfortable in the house you are living in. You have every right to report any kind of abuse going on with either the police or child protective services. If that is something that you wish to do and go ahead with, that is something that we can offer our help with. It can be a bit of a scary process to do it on your own, so maybe having something that can help you make those calls and guide you through that.

    It sounds like this is something that has been going on for quite a while, even with your little brothers it sounds. If you ever feel that you don’t feel safe you could always call the local police and describe the situation to them. Going on what you have told us in your post, we have to tell you that we aren’t legal experts because each state varies from state to state on that specific subject. Though from the general rule is that someone that has legal custody over you has the right to report you to the police as a runaway since you are still under the age of 18. In most states you are still considered under the age of majority and are still considered a minor. What that means is that if a police officer were to pick you up, they would see that you have a report filed under your name and take you back home to your mother or held until arrangements can be made to take you back home. Now some states won’t make a report on a person that is 17 years old because they might consider them to be adults, but in most states it’s 18. So that is why we usually let people know that they can call into the non-emergency police number for your area.

    If you were to leave home, what do you think your overall plan will be (i.e school options, transportation, living situations, financial stability etc)? How do you think your father and/or mother would react to you leaving?
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      My overall plan is uncertain at this point. I wanted to be a Nic-U nurse so i would go to college and i have one picked out. I have money that i have saved up that will pay for my college. I already own my own car and its very reliable and would be my transportation. My living situations would be a lot less stressful for me. The owner of the house i want to, and have been invited to, live in is owned by my friends grandmother who is very laid back and very supportive and helps me more than anyone i know. My financial stability would be fine because i have everything i need, and have bought it all myself. Along with the money i have saved i also have a current stable job which i am very committed to. My parents would freak out if i left but thats only because they would loose all of their control on me, or at least thats the way they think. They don't initially care they are just control freaks. But i cant stand them and i cant go through this anymore so thats not a concern. They both know i would be in a safe place and would know where i was so its not like i would disappear forever.

      Comment


      • #4
        RE: Can't do this anymore

        Hello,
        Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you have a solid plan for what you want to do and where you want to go. If you are in the United States, if you are over the age of 18, you are considered legally an adult. This means that you cannot be reported as a runaway or missing person. However, if you are a minor when you move out, your parents do have the right to report you missing. They can also press charges against anyone who is helping you for ‘harboring a runaway’. Do you have someone willing to take this risk for you?

        Here at the National Runaway Safeline we cannot tell you what you should or should not do. We can however help you explore options and come up with a plan for what to do next. Please remember we are confidential and anonymous. We wish you the best of luck and hope to hear from you soon.
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          Yes my best friend and her grandmother are willing to take the risk for me. But i wouldnt want them to get in trouble for me. Im not sure my parents would press charges but they would definitly make me come back once they find me. How much trouble would my friend and i get in with the police?

          Comment


          • #6
            I will be 17 soon so i will be considered a minor. But i have put up with this longer than i should of anyways. I want out as soon as possible. My friend and her family is willing to take the risk but is there any way i can do this legally? Like emancipation? And how would i go about doing that?

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Re:

              Yes my best friend and her grandmother are willing to take the risk for me. But i wouldnt want them to get in trouble for me. Im not sure my parents would press charges but they would definitly make me come back once they find me. How much trouble would my friend and i get in with the police?

              Hi there,

              Thank you for reaching out to us again. It sounds like you are thinking about staying with your best friend and your grandma if you leave home. We want to let you know we are not legal experts here. Generally speaking, the harboring a runaway laws differ state by state, from either a fine to jail time. In order to get more legal questions answered, you can call us at 1800runaway any time and we can provide you with legal resources. Another option you have is to call your local nonemergency police line and ask your questions hypothetically.

              Good luck and stay safe!

              Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat which is open every day from 4:30p to 11:30p CST and can be accessed here:
              http://i1379.photobucket.com/albums/...psa1ce0933.gif
              National Runaway Safeline
              [email protected] (Crisis Email)
              1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
              Tell us what you think about your experience!
              https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think
              Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

              National Runaway Safeline
              [email protected] (Crisis Email)
              1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
              Tell us what you think about your experience!

              https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Re:

                Hi there,

                Thanks for reaching out to us again. If you have contacted NRS today through another means (for example, live chat, email or bulletin) for the same issue, it would be helpful to let us know that you have already contacted us. NRS understands it takes courage to reach out for help; therefore, we would like to minimize the need for you to repeat your situation and avoid offering you duplicate services.

                It sounds like you have been thinking about the option of emancipation. Again, we are not legal experts but generally speaking this can be a little bit if a lengthy and costly process (sometimes up to 6 months or so). If you would like more specific information for emancipation options in your state, you can call us at 1800runaway and we can provide you appropriate resources.

                Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat which is open every day from 4:30p to 11:30p CST and can be accessed here:
                http://i1379.photobucket.com/albums/...psa1ce0933.gif
                National Runaway Safeline
                [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
                Tell us what you think about your experience!
                https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think
                Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                National Runaway Safeline
                [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
                Tell us what you think about your experience!

                https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

                Comment

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