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I cant cope any more...

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  • I cant cope any more...

    Im 13 and for the past year or so have been feeling really low. I cant tell any of my family because they are either caught up with my older sister who is 18 or my younger sister who is nine. Its me, mum, and 2 sisters. My mum and dad have been broken up for the past 2 years or so but they always see each other and my little sister still has contact with him. The problem is i hate him... hes coming over for christmas which i dont trust because nearly 9 times my mum has broken up with him and got back together. He is an abusive, controlling pig. He only cares about his work and tries to buy me things so i go to his house. All my family has forgave him but i cant no matter how many times i try i cant. They say i have to be nice so i dont upset my little sister which to be honest right now i couldnt care less about. considering when i was 6 i watched my dad strangle my mum and my big sister had to throw a remote at him so that he would stop. One time when we were at a pub when is was 8 i was counting to bricks on the wall and my dad says what you doing and i replied counting the brick he thought i was being sacastic so he smacked me around the face. we went to the shop and my face was bruised my mum to this day says she wasnt there and she knew it was wrong. But she said i shouldnt hae been cheecky and said i deserved it. And because it was cleary a mans hand bruise she left me in the caravan(we were on holiday) when they went back to the pub. He was always drunk and because he had his drunk friends over we wernt aloud down stairs on the weekends which only made me hate him more. My whole family say im not aloud to say anything about it because im only 13 and dont understand anything, and that he never did anything to me, even though he never once hit my other sisters. On a nother time his friend had to claw him off my mum becuae he was beating her so badly. He threw her into the office and crushed her phone so she couldnt call the poilice. In a horrid sort of way i really want him to hit me again so i can call the police... On top of all this i suffer severe axiety which makes my nervouse and anxious about everything everyday. I dont want to hurt myseklf because iv told all my friends it was wrong and helped them through it. But i cant deal with it anymore and it makes me physically sickto think i have part of that moster inside of me.

  • #2
    RE: I can't cope anymore

    Hello there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us. First of all, you are not a monster! It sounds like your father is abusive, and toxic to your family. Nobody deserves to be abused. It also sounds like witnessing the domestic violence has left you very mistrustful of your father. Part of the cycle of abuse sounds like exactly what you are describing. Just because he does not hit you or your sisters does not mean that it’s okay for him to hurt your mom.

    Have you ever talked to anyone about what happened? Do you think your mom would benefit from counseling or other types of services? The Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 may be able to help you go over a safety plan if things get violent again this Christmas. is another website that may be able to help you.

    Here at the National Runaway Safeline, we cannot tell you what you should or should not do. We can however help you explore options and come up with a plan for what to do next. Please remember that you and your family have the right to be safe!
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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