my friend needs help

[Guest]

my friend is scared. Her mom's boyfriends touched her. She doesn't know what to do. I tried to get her to call the hotline, but she wouldn't. We don't even know if what he did is even leagally wrong. She was thinking about running away, and if she did that I would go with her. I don't know what to do though. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

[ccsmod8]

Re: my friend needs help

Hello,

So nice of you to show such caring gestures to your friend in this time of need and writing to us to inquire about her rights as a child. It sounds like the situation at home really shook her up. It concerns us when a child such as your friend is unclear about what to do in this situation because we may never know for certain how long she was made to endure with this secret and not feel comfortable enough to seek out help from relatives or friends. However, it is encouraging that she turned to you for support. At best, we can safely say that it depends on where he touched her and how long this has been going on for now. Did she allude to another time or did she made it clear that this only occur once?

As mandated reporters, it puts us within the rights of calling to report any sort of sexual harassment or molestation of a minor. We are not legal experts but we can do our best to advocate for the child to get to a more secure place, if she felt unsafe at home. Naturally, we are confidential and anonymous but if she wanted us to file a report on her behalf, we hope that by empowering you enough to fill her in with regards to city and state laws, that she is able to feel more confident with making the right decisions to get better help from the authorities in her area. It is illegal for an adult to touch a minor in the wrong way and by wrong, we simply mean choosing to dehumanize another person by taking away her choose not to be touched. If she is looking to call a place such as ours to talk or vent about it, we can be of service to her in this way. She only needs to avoid giving names, numbers and addresses for us to not report it. If there are other ways to find resources such as counseling, we want to provide her with numbers to call, for free information in her area. Do you know if she made any adults aware of what's happening? Is there another adult both of you can trust to assist you?

We imagine that it is not easy for you and especially not knowing for sure what she is feeling inside but at least she has one person to confide in. We are here for both of you and hope that she is able to call us at our 1800-RUNAWAY number for 24 hours a day assistance. You noted that you are thinking of leaving with her. Do you have a plan for running away? Do you know what your parents might do or how they will choose to respond to you leaving? What is your plan and have you thought of a way to survive? It is not a crime to run away and you can only be brought home if found or held by the police until you parents come for you. What expectations do you have for what it is going to be like to be on the run? Do you money save or a place to escape to? What are the alternatives to running? In you view, can anything be done to help the situation? We do not claim to have all the answers but we hope that we can continue to be there for both of you and wish to be there if you need to figure out a plan. We feel that nothing is better than having a proper plan in case you needed something to fall back on. We look forward to hearing from you and hope that you two continue to be there for one another. Good luck and please stay strong.

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: my friend needs help

She says that she has only been touched like this once. But that she has been touched "weirdly" a lot by him. She hasn't told anybody else, and she said she isn't planning to. I told her she should call and get help, but she keeps saying she doesn't want anybody to get in trouble. I don't know what to do we have been friends forever and nows shes so stressed out. Right know she is barely ever home because she wants to avoid him.

[ccsmod7]

Re: my friend needs help

Thanks so much for writing again and keeping us updated on the situation. It’s understandable that your friend may be nervous to report or tell someone about what happened. It’s wonderful that she felt safe enough to confide in you and that you are being such a big support. It’s not always easy to talk about situations like these and it’s good that’s she’s at least been able to open up to you. If she is feeling unsafe and is being touched inappropriately in anyway, she has every right to tell someone. A lot of times it’s not easy because youth don’t want to let anyone know, or get anyone in trouble, but no one deserves to be treated that way or be put in an uncomfortable position. Is your friend close with her mom at all? Would she feel comfortable confiding in her about what happened? Or is there another adult, family member, or teacher she would feel comfortable talking to?

You mentioned that your friend didn’t feel comfortable calling us, and that’s okay, but keep our number in mind in case she decides she does want to talk with someone. We are a completely confidential hotline, so even if she didn’t want to make a report, she could still just talk about what happened and what she wants to do. The only way we will make a report is if we get her full name, the boyfriend’s name and a street address or phone number. If she decided that she wanted to make a report we could always call Child Protective Services with her. When you call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY, the call is based solely on what the youth wants to talk about and the steps they want to take, we will never pressure anyone into doing something they didn’t feel comfortable with. It may take her awhile to feel like she can tell another person, but it probably helps her a lot knowing that you are there to support her. Take care.