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im not a victim of abuse or anything i just dont know what t

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  • im not a victim of abuse or anything i just dont know what t

    So heres the deal. I have read a bunch of these posts and stuff and I keep seeing people bringing up that they are or were abused. Well, I am not and never was abused. I just cant take life in this house anymore!

    I'm 17 and I'm a guy. I live in a small community in Maryland where everyone knows everyone else's business and I hate it. I have few friends and only 2 really good friends that each live a half hour away. I live at home with both my parents, my 13 year old little brother and my 1 and 2 year old sisters.

    Hence the first problem: my parents decided to have two more kids when I was 15. I don't mean to sound selfish at all, but we didn't have and still don't have the financial stability to provide for all us kids. After the two were born, mom had to get another job and now it is me and my little brother constantly babysitting. THEY ARE NOT MY KIDS!! I DON'T WANT TO BABYSIT THEM INSTEAD OF GOING OUT WITH FRIENDS ON THE WEEKEND!! But when I bring this up, my parents say that I should be happy the girls are here and that everyone has to make some sacrifices. Don't get me wrong, I love my sisters with all my heart. I just don't want to raise them!

    Next is a deeper is a deeper issue. I am bisexual and haven't told my parents. They are both bible fearing Christians and would kick me out instantaneously anyways. Heck, I told my mother that I don't believe in God anymore (which is true) to kind of test that theory and lost my car for it and I think i nearly gave dad a heart attack when I told him. Coming out to them is not an option. When I came out to my girl freind of two and a half years, she dumped me instantly. I still love her and can't stand to see her all the time. She wont talk to me at all and all I want to say is that I'm sorry for wasting two and a half years of her life.

    My grandmother passed away last week. Today is Monday, the viewing is Tuesday, and the funeral is Wednesday. She was the last of my grandparents and the one with whom I was closest. So the potential plan is this; I intend on leaving after the funeral either late Wednesday night or Thursday morning. I drive to school and could potentially just keep driving and not go to school, but they call home about 4 hour into the day, which doesn't give me much driving time.

    I'm gonna take what was my car until last week, the two gas cans, and my backpack (one for backpacking, not a school bag), fill up the car and gas cans, drive until I'm out of gas and then I don't know what. Hike, hitch-hike, beg, whatever. But I just don't know where to go or how to get there. I have been a boyscout since I was 5 and can be resourceful. I only intend on taking what I would for a week of backpacking the the Appellation Mountains. This includes cloths, a tent that we have here at home, a small cooking stove, and a sleeping bag that is qualified for -30 degrees. Hopefully packing light will be to my advantage. I have no problem camping at all and am planning on trying to make it as far away from home as possible as quickly as possible, to somewhere like California or somewhere else over there on the western seaboard.

    I need some serious help. I have only like 10 or 20 dollars and what I can pack in my backpack. I can call the helpline after I leave from the TracFone my parents don't know I have, but I only have 67 units left which is like 30 min or so. Payphones are an option,but I don't wanna hang around one area to long. Is there anything else I need to take with me? Should I leave a note? If I don't leave a note, they will call the cops for sure. But if I do leave one, what do I say? That I'm fed up and leaving? How do you adequately explain that in a note? I don't want to do a conference call while I'm still at or near home, cause that will just end badly. That has to wait a week or so while I scuttle away.

    HELP!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??

  • #2
    Re: im not a victim of abuse or anything i just dont know what t

    Thanks for contacting us here at NRS. We are glad to know that you have been aware of our agency and that you have been reading posts by other youth. Even though you may not have the same exact issues as in the bulletins you have read, we still are here to help.

    You mentioned quite a few things in your post to us that explains your frustrations with the way things are going in your household. It must be hard as a youth to recognize financial instability that is occurring in the household. It does in fact seem as if you are a caring older brother to your siblings but you just wish the situation could play out in a different manner. You are right, that your siblings are not your children so it may seem unfair that you have too much responsibility for them. It also is not fair that you are not able to do some of the extra-curricular activities that you want because you have to babysit all the time. Since you have already talked to your parents about this and they don't seem to fully understand, can you come up with any alternatives? Are there any close family members nearby or close family friends who would be willing to babysit sometime?

    Next, you mentioned you being bisexual and having told your ex-girlfriend and not telling your parents. Dealing with coming out issues can be quite hard sometimes for an individual. I am sure it was much harder to tell your girlfriend of a couple years as well. We are sorry to hear about the way she reacted to the news she was given and how it effects you now. You said that she doesn't want to talk to you but you only want to give your apologies for wasting time on that relationship. Do you think it is an option to write her a letter? Maybe this is something that can help you get things off of your chest and give you some closure. So not only are you dealing with being bisexual and not fully coming out, you have strong thoughts about how your parents would take things since they are Christians. At this point, you feel like coming out is not an option. There is a hotline available to talk to youth who are dealing with coming out issues or any other issues regarding sexuality. It is the GLBTQ hotline and they can be reached at 1-888-843-4564.

    We are so sorry to hear about the death of your grandmother. For most people, dealing with a death and grieving is never an easy process. This must be especially hard for you since you said you and her were so close. You said that you plan on leaving as far as running away right after the funeral. Do you think this is the best time to leave? Will you even have access to the car again at that point? You seems to have an actual plan in place as far as what you would do about everything, but you are struggling with the idea of leaving a note. In your plan, you say you want to go as far away as possible. How will you be able to survive being away from home with only a few dollars? You said that you are packing things that will last about a week. Is that how long you plan on staying away? What will you do after that time is up?

    It may be safer for you to keep the units on your phone in case of an emergency and to just contact the helpline via payphone. You may can get to a safe place area or a 24 hour location to use the phone. We cannot tell you to leave or to stay or what to take. What we can tell is to take our number with you so that you can hae on you as a resource at all times. We are confidential and available 24 hours. Again, we cannot necessarily tell you to leae a note, but by the expressions you have made, it seems like you have it figured about what your parents would do and how they will react. If you do decide to leave a note, some things you can say are some of the feelings you have at that very moment. You can definitely feel free to let you parents how you feel and that you are serious. Sometimes youth do leave notes or messages through us to tell their parents that they are simply okay and get a chance to cool down from things.


    Again, thanks for contacting us here! If you are able please give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are available 24 hours. If not, you are more than welcomed to post a reply. We wish you luck and look forward to hearing from you.

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