What can my friend do?

[Guest]

I have a friend who is a girl (I'm a boy) and my age 13. Her mom isn't around very much and once left my friends for the who weekend here at my house. I've been to her house and there is a different distraction every week whether it's a new boyfriend for my friends mom, money problems, or problems with her older son who now lives with his dad who is really mean to everyone including me. I don't think there is any bond between my friend and her mother I rarely see them hug or even say hello to each other like my parents show love for me. Also my friend's parents are always having custody battles over my friend and it makes her sad. She says she doesn't want to live with either one of them because she knows her dad won't care for her and her mom always tells her about how there's something wrong with her dad and how much they should hate him for the things he said. My friend asked me today if it was possible for a child to be put up for adoption or live with different people like relatives far away from this mess or just someone other than the parents if they really wanted to. Right now the custody agreement was my friend could go to each parent as much as she likes but she doesn't want to be with either and hasn't seen her dad for a long time even though she wants to just for a little because her mom says he will take them back to court. What can my friend do she is desperate and wants to get away.

[ccsmod4]

Re: What can my friend do?

Hi,
thanks for posting. Your friend seems like a good person caught in a sad situation concerning her parents separation and it has made being around ither of them difficult for her. Your concern for her shows what a caring friend you are and good friends can be hard to find. You said she and her mom don't show much emotion towards one another. Have they always had that kind of relationship? What about her dad were they ever close at one time? would you be willing to suggest to your friend to call our 1-800-runaway 24hr hotline? Sometimes talking about your situation can generate ideas for options towards finding a solution to the problem. It's not in our power to tell your friend what she can do, but to ask what does she want to do in order to bring about change with her parents and family. Would she like to have a better relationship with her mom and dad and for them to get along well enough to be the kind of parents she wants and needs them to be? has she ever mentioned talking to a counselor concerning this matter? If not we may have referrals for counseling options for herand her family.
The great thing would be for her parents to regonize what they're separation and attitude towards one another has effected your friend ,they're daughter. We hope to hear from your friend whether she calls or posts on our web site. Thanks again for being there for your friend and contacting us.

nrs

[Guest]

Re: What can my friend do?

I don't think my friend wants a better relationship she has told me numerous times her parents don't really care and that its too late anyway. She was very close to her father at one point when she was much younger and her mom and her never got along well, they always argued and still do. I think it might be called like parental alienation or something where her mom made her think her dad was a lot worse than he really was and then he turned on her becoming the angry man he is now. She tried a counselor (my own father had told her about that) for about a year and it didn't help she has problems trusting people now. As for her parents I don't think they'll ever have a better relationship one of the things that I do think has really hurt their relationship with my friend is the fact is that they fight over speaker phone and threaten each other. My friend hates this and usually hides in her room or comes over to my house. She says she'd rather be at other people's houses than her own. Another thing is is that her older brother, the one family member she really trusted left, and is now pursuing a career as a pharmacist and going to college soon so her parents argue over that every day. After each one of these arguments her mom usually is in a bad mood and yells at my friend so they'll never have a good relationship, even I can tell that. But still if the time ever came they were taken back to court and if she was asked who she wanted to live with could she say neither?? This is about all she is relying on right now because it's come to the point where I don't think she loves many people anymore and it starting to effect how she acts. She becomes angrier easier and upset alot so we have to watch what we say she even told me half serious that she had the "amazing quality to not be loved" which kinda scared me. Could she be put in a different home because she really wants out??

[ccsmod3]

Re: What can my friend do?

It sounds like you are really worried about your friend. Sounds like you are worried that her negative emotions are getting the best of her. I know you said she tied counseling before and that it didn't work. Just because one counselor doesn't work out doesn't mean that another one won't. It doesn't mean that counseling "doesn't work". You can give your friend our number and we'd be happy to talk to her. We are completely confidential and she wouldn't even have to give her name.

Hope that helps.

nrs