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  • ccsmod7
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there, thanks for reaching out today.

    Sounds like you have really been through it and leaving school did not work out as planned, and has made things worse. That cannot be easy to deal with. Your feelings of being depressed and significant and you deserve to be supported during this difficult time.

    As hard as it is, you might think of ways to approach your mom about how you are feeling that she would best respond to. If your grandmother is supportive, you might try to let her know how you are feeling too. Maybe she can help you talk to your mom about it. She might also be able to help you get local mental health treatment if you are interested in doing talk therapy. If it is too hard to talk to your mom and grandmother, sometimes writing a heartfelt letter explaining how you are feeling and what you need could help. Here at NRS, we do have a conference call service, if you would like to have a mediated conversation with your mom about how you are feeling. Please call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY if you are interested in that service.

    It seems like you are maybe nervous to tell your mom everything since she initially gave you the choice to leave. It's understandable that you are feeling that way, however, you always deserve to have your feelings heard when you are feeling like this. To "just suck it up and deal with the depression" could make things even worse in the long run. There are options and supportive service out there that might be able to help. Plus it seems like your mom took how you are feeling into account when making decisions about your schooling; maybe she might want to know if you are unhappy with the current arrangement so she can try to help again.

    Please know that you can always call or chat us: 1-800-RUNAWAY, www.1800runaway.org if you would like to talk to someone or help looking for local resources. You might also consider reaching out to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) if you would like to focus on the depression 1-800-950-NAMI or text NAMI to 741741.

    Best of luck,

    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I need some advice on how to tell my mom.

    For a while now I haven't really had any friends where I lived. At my old school I was bullied alot and my mom gave me the choice to leave school and I did. But it didn't help. I think it just made things worse. I've been wanting to go live with my grandmother for a while now. She lives in Virginia, but comes to visit Christmas and summertime. But I don't know if I should tell my mom or just suck it up and deal with the depression.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod4
    replied
    I don’t know what I should do anymore.

    Hello,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things in your life right now.
    It sounds like you’re fearing that the stress from the situation is getting harder and harder to handle.
    We are sorry you are going through a tough emotional time.
    Carrying the burdens of others is not your responsibility..

    Sometimes when things are too stressful it might help to talk with someone about it.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this.
    NRS is here to listen and here to help.
    We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. It sounds like school and the activities there give you some escape from things. We’re glad that you seem to be planning for a future even through times of difficulty.
    It’s important to have something that is yours. We do understand that even with these escapes it still can be frustrating and hard to know where to turn for support.

    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
    You are welcome to discuss your situation and talk about possible options for help.
    What you did today by reaching out was great. Good job.
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    If you are feeling at risk or unsafe contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255


    Take care,
    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I don’t know what I should do anymore.


    I live with my mom and only my mom. She has no job, she doesn’t leave the house, and my father is over $10,000 in debt for monthly child support. I used to visit my dad every other weekend (he lives in a city that’s pretty far from me), but he chose to stop the visits. I don’t speak to him, I don’t like him, and he’s gotten violent with me in the past - not intense abuse or anything, but the guy’s a bodybuilder and he used to hit an eight year old (me) for being hyper. So, I don’t EVER want anything to do with him, let alone live with him. The thing is, my mom has problems. She has no friends, she’s overly emotional, and she takes out all her problems on me in the form of passive aggressive behavior and lots of yelling; I personally think she’s clinically depressed, although she gets medication for AD/HD. My grandma thinks she’s bipolar. Seeing as my mom has NO source of income and she refuses to get a job like any normal, decent non-mentally-ill single mother, she LEECHES off of my grandma for EVERYTHING. It’s disgusting, it’s sad, it’s pitiful, and she knows it so she hates herself. Yet, she refuses to do anything about it. Why? She has bad arthritis and needs to take care of me. Those are her only two reasons. She doesn’t qualify for government assistance for who-knows what reason, and she openly mocks people who are jobless bums like her. Just today, she told my best friend in an email to tell my other friend that she is a, “pathetic human being,” for telling me the day before my birthday that she can’t come to my party, even though only her and my other best friend were invited. I tried to tell my mom that it’s inappropriate for a woman in her late 30’s to talk like that to a 13-year-old, but then she called my generation “snowflakes” and threatened to cancel my party - which I didn’t even want to have in the first place! She makes a big deal out of everything because she “loves me,” which I’ve told her before stresses me out and she still does it. That woman is the ROOT of my crippling anxiety because I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I feel like if I say one wrong thing, the whole tower that is my life will come crashing down on me. In a perfect situation I would stay at my current school, live with my grandma, and my mom would get her life back on track so I can maybe live with her again. But, that’s not how the system works and I would have to live with my dad. Also, my grandma tried something like that in the summer of 2017 I think. CPS was performing an investigation and I had to live with my grandma while my dad stayed in my area for a bit. All of this was to try to get my mom to get a job. She didn’t and I was living with her again before the school year started. I love my mom, but she has issues that normal 13-year-olds’ parents don’t. I’m sick of not being normal and I want out of this disgusting family. However, there’s not a way to do that without compromising the things I care about: my education and my friends. When I start thinking about it too much, I cry and start to have an anxiety attack because I just can’t take it anymore. I think that my life would just be better if it were over, and I’ve thought about suicide, but I would never actually do it. I’m in the National Jr Honor Society, Student Council, and I play a few sports; I CANT lose that because of her. And yet, I’ve thought about running away so many times. I just don’t know what to do. There. That’s it. That’s my situation.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod10
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    You mentioned wanting to know how you can leave home. The easiest way to leave home is with your legal guardian's permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your dad. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

    Please reach out soon so that we may offer support and resources to you. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

    Be safe,

    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    i want to move with my grandma. My dad makes me want to slit my wrist , I can’t stand living with him any longer . whenever he acts like a good dad it only lasts about an hour until he starts yelling over nothing and cursing for nothing. I don’t know what I do wrong but I cannot live with him anymore. Is there any possible way I can move with my grandparents and not him. I will literally risk going to a foster home, anything is better than living with him

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thank you for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like you are going through a really tough time and we are here to listen and help. No one deserves to be yelled at and put down because they are struggling at school.

    Do you have a counselor you can talk to at school? They may be able to help you find strategies to help you with remembering assignments and be able to offer you resources that may be helpful to you.

    Do you have friends or family members you can talk to about your situation and how you are feeling?

    A potential resource is the National Alliance on Mental Illness at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), www.nami.org or text NAMI to 741741. NAMI has volunteers available to talk about how you are feeling and suggest other resources that may be helpful to you.

    Another potential resource is Child Help, the National Child Abuse Hotline. You can reach them at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org. They are there to talk and help you. They may also have advice on how to cope with what you are going through and what resources may be available to you.

    You can also call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or www.1800runaway.org. We have volunteers available to talk or chat with you on a confidential basis 24/7, 7 days a week.

    We wish you the best and hope you will continue to reach out to us.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hey, I am in a separated family it's been that way my whole life. I lived with my mom until I was 10 going on 11 and move in with my dad. My life with my mom hadn't been the best and she needed to get away and called my dad and they talked about me moving in with him, when I did it became a whole different life. I went from moving around constantly and different schools to a 'stable' home and a normal amount of schools. The problem is, I hate it. I like the house but it's not home, I like the school(s) no problem with them besides its the only time out my day I do anything. I can't do anything outside of the house, in some ways I blame myself but I do the things I do because of my dad- I call it lockdown mode. He blames everything on my mom but she has only been in my life again since I moved in a steady 3 years, I am now turning 16- moved in at 10. He constantly calls her names and yells at me, and I defend myself and my mother with my words and the tone of my words. I have good grades, good friends, and a good family. But at the same time, I have made some questionable choices that can and might affect me in the long run. I don't want to live with either of my parents and I have talked to my grandma about moving in with her, I had asked my dad because he knows how unhappy I am with him and his wife, he said no. More than no, louder than no. My grandma is down for it and she believes she can support me, my dad thinks I only want to be there because I'd have no rules which are insanely untrue, my mom thinks it is the next best thing, even my stepmother thinks I should "Kick it" with her to see how much I'd struggle- word for word. I am just done, and I am tired. I can't do this with them anymore and I can't prove to the courts that I can live on my own yet, please I just don't know what to do anymore...

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    We’re so sorry that it’s bad at both your mom’s and your dad’s. It’s important that everyone have a safe and supportive environment to live in, and it makes sense that you would want that.

    So, let’s talk about how you might set up living with your grandma.

    We’re not legal experts, but our understanding is that youth under the age of 18 are still under guardianship. Based on what you said, it seems likely that either your mom or your dad or both have primary guardianship over you. If a guardian approves of it, though, a youth can go live somewhere else. So one way you might approach this is think if your parents would give you permission to live with your grandma. This is called an alternative living arrangement, and families do this all the time.

    Ultimately, you know your parents best. If this might be a tough conversation to have, you could think about a time of the week when your parents are less stressed, and might be open to having a deep conversation. If there’s another adult who both you and they trust, like a relative or family friend, you might think of explaining what you want to that adult, and having them there too, to help support you when you talk to your parents.

    Also, parents have guardianship, but they can lose it if they are abusive or neglectful. If you think you might be experiencing something like that, you could call Child Help anonymously at 1-800-422-4453. They are mandated reporters which means if you give your name and mention abuse, they have to report it. But if you call without giving your name, you can talk about what you are experience, and they can talk through whether that’s abuse and neglect, and what your next steps would be if it is, without you having to commit to anything.

    We are not legal experts, but our understanding is that it’s never illegal to run away. It’s what’s called a status offence. If you do leave without telling your parents, after a few days, they can file a runaway report. This means that it’s the police’s job to look for you and return you to your guardians. There is a crime called “harboring a runaway” but it’s only in cases where a youth is being hidden, or the person they are staying with is not cooperating with police.

    We don’t know if this really applies to your situation but sometimes youth do live in an alternative living arrangement even with a runaway report filed, where the police simply haven’t found the youth, and the guardians don’t know where they are. Runaway youth have a right to go to school under the McKinney Vento act. So you might also consider if setting something like this up would work for you.

    We hope these ideas are helpful to you.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I want to move in with my grandma and I am only 13 but I hate being with my mom and dad either house is bad

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    replied
    Hi there,

    First, we are sorry to hear your mom is not yet accepting of who you are and that you are deprived of the emotional support that you should rightfully have. Generally, once you are 18 years old you are considered emancipated, which means you no longer are under your guardian's supervision. But perhaps it's possible your mom would grant you permission to live with your Mema? Maybe you could explain what you want and how this would possibly benefit both of you.

    We'd like to see how else we can help you, but it might require getting a little more information from you about your situation. The best way we can help is if you give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are here 24/7 and can help you figure out what all your options are. We hope to hear from you soon!

    Best,
    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I am transgender and pansexual and my mom refuses to accept this. I am not getting the emotional support I need. I want to live with my Mema who is surprisingly supportive considering her generation. How old do I need to be to leave home and live with her without parental consent?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod7
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello!

    Thank you for reaching out to NRS! It sounds like it might be a tricky situation. There might be some legal issues with you moving out of your dad’s house if you are under age. You can always call us up at 1800-786-2929 or chat with us via our live chat at www.1800runaway.org and we can discuss those issues further.

    You mention that you feel like your head is a mess. You do not deserve to feel like that. You can always reach out to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). Their number is 1800-950-NAMI or you can text NAMI to 741741. They can help provide you support and answer any questions you may have regarding how you are feeling.

    Stay safe!

    National Runaway Safeline

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I really want to get away from my parents and live at my loving grandparents house my head is a mess and I just want to get away from it and then I’ll go live at my biological dads house

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello, thanks for posting today. It sounds like things are really stressful and taking quite the toll on you. We are glad you reached out! Your safety is our #1 priority and you mentioned feeling suicidal as well as your dad hitting you. Having thoughts of suicide is not uncommon, especially when things are so hard and unfair at home. If you are ever in immediate danger of taking your own life, you can call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room for immediate help. Calling 911, someone will be sent to check on you. We are also 24/7 by call (1-800-786-2929) and live chat here on our website and are always open to talking to youth struggling with things like problems with their parents, custody, and mental health. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is also 24/7 both on the phone and online and they are another resource for when you feel unsafe: 1-800-273-8255, suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

    You mentioned you feel safe with your grandparents and that they are trying to gain custody of you. This is one option. We are not legal experts, but generally if another family member feels the youth is unsafe at home, gaining custody in court is possible. Contacting a local legal aid or lawyer is one way to get more information on this. We have legal resources throughout the country so feel free to call or chat us anytime and we can look some up for you! You said your dad has hit you and your mom favors your sister. If you think this is to the extent of abuse, you have every right to report it...if you want to! Child Help (1-800-422-4453, childhelp.org) is a resource that can provide more information on abuse and getting custody transferred to a safe adult, like your grandparents. If making an abuse report is something you are interested in, we can help you make that report too, as we know that can be a difficult step to take. We are always anonymous and confidential, so you can choose to call or chat without giving your name. But if you want our help in filing a report, we can get more information and do that too!

    Reaching out and talking about these things is a really hard thing to do. We commend you for posting today! We are here 24/7 to listen and help so feel free to reach out again anytime! Be safe!
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