I want to live with my grandparents.

[ccsmod3]

Hi there and thanks for reaching out on our forum! It sounds like you are trying to figure out how you might go about living with your grandparents. We are not legal experts here; however, we have a general understanding about how things like alternative living arrangements and guardianship transfers tend to go. We would be happy to talk to you more about your situation and invite you to our Live Chat so that we can explore more. Please visit https://na0messaging.icarol.com/Cons...d=254&cc=en-US to chat with us. Good luck!

-NRS

[Guest]

I dont want to live with my grandparents and aunts and uncles anymore i cant take no more i rather be with my mother what should i do or can u help me contact cps

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

It was very brave of you to to reach out for help and share a post on our Bulletin. It is not okay for your family members to be physically violent or to talk down to you. You deserve to be treated with respect and to feel supported.

The options to live somewhere other than your legal guardians, would either be with their permission or to get CPS involved. If your mom or another adult you trust is able to get permission from your grandparents/legal guardians then you would be able to stay with them as long as it is safe. You always have the option to report abuse or mistreatment to child protective services. After making a report, a social worker would likely start an investigation which could look like them coming to talk with you and the other family living in your household. CPS might take a few different steps to intervene on your behalf and to try to improve the situation. If living with your grandparents continues to not be safe then CPS may remove you from their custody in order to place you somewhere you would be safe. If you would like to pursue this option, we can help if you call us at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services at 1800runaway.org. You can also speak an advocate at Child Help to learn more about your options and to make a report to CPS, childhelp.org.

We truly want to be a support for you as you decide on your next steps. We are available 24/7 to listen and help as much as possible. Please do not hesitate to reach out again by phone or chat if you would like to talk more in-depth about your situation and explore your options. You can contact us by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services at www.1800runaway.org.

Stay Strong,
NRS

[Guest]

I grew up in Missouri and my parents got divorced when I was 4 due to my dad doing drugs and physically abusing my mom and sisters. I used to visit him frequently but we got into a big disagreement so my mom has full custody. I love my mom, she's such a great person, but the problem is my step dad. While he's never physically abused me he verbally abuses me constantly and often makes me feel worthless which leads to me wanting to hurt myself. We recently moved to Texas, leaving behind my whole family and all of my friends, so I feel like I have no one to talk to because my step dad also won't allow me to have a phone. If I leave my mom will want to leave with me and I don't want that. I love my mom and I want her to be happy and she's happy with my step dad. My grandparents back in Missouri are more than willing to take me in but I don't know how to tell my mom so that she doesn't freak out. I'm 15 years old, please help I don't know what to do, I can't live in this environment anymore.

[ccsmod16]

Hi there,
Thanks for posting on the National Runaway Safeline Forum. We’re so happy you reached out. It sounds like things are pretty tough right now. Moving away from family and friends is one thing, but it’s that much harder to be stuck in a place you don’t want to live with someone you don’t get along with. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot. We think it’s really brave and mature of you to reach out to us for help.
It sounds like you’re having a hard time thinking of what to say to mom about moving in with your grandparents. It can be tricky to find the right words to say. Sometimes writing it out beforehand can help, so you can make sure that you get everything out that you want to say. You could try running it by a friend or even one of your grandparents to see what they would say or if they would recommend anything you might have forgot.
We can help too! If you’d like, we can practice what you might say to mom or we can even help you conference call her. If you’re able to do contact us directly, we’d be happy to help. We can be reached at 1-800-786-2929 or www.1800runaway.org (look for the Live Chat option). We’re 24/7, so anytime you’re available we are too!
Thanks again for reaching out. Please let us know if there’s anything else you might need help with.
Best,
NRS

[Guest]

I need advice ASAP!

So, I'm 14...I've been living in Texas for my whole life. I've always been extremely close with my grandparents and my cousins who are like sisters to me(they live 5 mins away from grandparents)...anyways this past August my parents randomly decided we should move to Colorado. So, for my 8th grade year I've been there. Which has been really hard because I can't stay in touch with them because (this sounds crazy but I'm not over exaggerating) I got a 90 for my second semester which they count as a B so they took all of my electronics away until I "proved myself" the next semester. I given it so many tries and I just don't connect with the kids there....I was just raised WAYY differently I guess. So, this whole year I've been pretty messed up I guess and so I started seeing a therapist. the therapist made me realize that most of my hardships and depression have been caused by my parents being crazy. my mom tells me everyday how I am so luck and how she is the nicest person I know when really she lies to my face and makes a joke about how she thinks she's getting away with smoking and drinking profusely. My dad is gone all the time on business so I have to be with her 70% of the time alone...I have never had a sleepover where my parent aren't obviously drunk(my friends all think its hilarious since they aren't used to it, but that's what embarrasses me.) Since this whole COVID-19 thing we've been staying at our coast house in Texas, which has been great because Im spending most of my time with my cousins. However, two nights ago I was by-myself in my house with my parents..at 1:00am I went upstairs to get some water. And at our house it is one of the ones on stilts and so the main floor is the top one...well anyways, I walked upstairs, which mean I had to go outside. I was walking up the stairs and I smelled smoke. I immediately got irritated just by the lies my mom told me and when I went inside I found my mom HAMMERED drunk and she was wearing a disgusting slip dress made out of mesh which exposed her nipples, butt, and all the rest. I asked her If she had been smoking and she grabbed by head and breathed in my face. then my dad walked in from the porch with his eyes super bloodshot and told me that they were smoking weed and I shouldn't be disrespectful. he then continued to lecture me about judging and how it doesn't make him a bad person... what I think makes him a bad person is that he doesn't respect his own daughter enough to at least try and hide it. the next morning I just stayed with my cousins and I planned on doing that for a while, but the thing we are going to drive back to Colorado on Sunday and I don't know how to tell them that I want to move in with my grandparents and if I leave on Sunday we won't be back until Christmas but if I can convince them that I want to stay for the summer or for the first freshman semester. LIKE WHAT DO I DO!!?!? Oh and I have a brother 11 years older than me who kinda went through the same thing but I can't ask him bc the next time I see him will be on Saturday which would be too late and I can't text or call him because I got another 90 as an average too my phone is taken away.!!?? HELP ME ASAP

[ccsmod15]

Thanks for reaching out to NRS,
It seems like you have been through a lot because of how your parents treat you and the decisions they’ve made. Moving can be hard especially when it’s so far so it’s understandable that school would get harder. With more understanding parents they may have chosen to support you and help you do better rather than punish you for your grades.
Regarding your parents choices it is understandable to be upset by them, but being an alcoholic is not a crime, and at least in Colorado weed isn’t a crime either. You may disagree with them and feel uncomfortable about it but they are their own person and you can’t control their decisions as much as you may want to. It may have been part of why they chose to move to Colorado. It’s always awkward to have to see your parents sloshed like that.
As for leaving, unless you are 18 your parents can file a runaway report and have police make you go back home. There is also a risk of a harboring a runaway charge for those you ended up staying with. If you can get parent permission to stay that is pretty much the only way to legally stay in Texas with your other family.
It seems like your connection with your cousins is very important to you, it may be worth talking to your parents about getting to have contact time of some kind with them even if you don’t have phone privileges. If you want a mediator there, or to plan out the conversation a bit since your dad seems bent on being respectful, we can help. We offer conference calling mediation if you want to do that.
Hopefully this information helps you figure out your plan. It seems like you have had a lot to go through lately and we hope you get the support you need. You can always chat with us online, or call our hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

[Guest]

i am struggling
My parents are always complaining to me about everything. They say I am to judgemental,rude,and disrespectful. They always complain that I make messes. Even though I try to please them I never can. Even though none of what they say is true,it still gets to me. They never listen to me or seem to understand. They act like they love me but turn around and snap at me! I want to live with my grandparents. They understand me and listen. If I make a mistake they just let it go and tell me what I did wrong and to not to it again. But parents take away my belongings and ground me from lots of things. I am a normally good child but sometimes when my parents are mean to me I rebel a little. (Like not doing my laundry or not brushing my hair everyday if you can even call that rebeling). I feel trapped. There is no way my mom and dad would let me stay with my grandparents. I have also heard my mom and dad muttering about me under their breath. They make me feel like I can't ever do anything right or seem to even come close to their expectations. I also have a sister who doesn't get in trouble ever even if she does something bad. (She hit my dad in the face last week and didn't get punished,but I didn't clean up my room and they take away my stuffed animals,by the way I am almost twelve). I took several tests online and I have mild depression. But,I hide it from everyone. I feel trapped. They say I'm to old for some of my hobbies (like ag dolls and stuffed animals). I try to avoid them but they always come back. I saw a counselor in the past and it worked for a couple months but recently I am fed up with my parents. (By the way, I am writing this locked in my bedroom because I am mad that my parents took away my stuffed animal seal(winter is her name) because my sister wanted her back. My sister gave me wintter for valentines day and is asking for her back. my parents didn't want us arguing and took winter away). Sometimes my parents threaten to take away everything in my room and just leave my matress and dresser or cut my stuffed animals in have. I am writing this without them knowing. My grandparents would understand but I can't go to them right now because of quarintine. I don't if my sister feels the same way or anything like that. But I really wan't a break from this house hold. (Excpet for my aquriaum,which have 5 fish and 1 snail). i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a really rough time and we want you to know that you are not alone.
We know you mentioned that you have taken a lot of tests online and it said you have mild depression. Some of those tests are good for knowledge but they are not able to properly diagnose you as only a licensed medical or mental health professional can diagnose you. If you would like to learn more about depression or get referrals you can contact NAMI (national alliance for mental illnesses). They can be reached at 1800-950-NAMI. Also you are never to young to play with dolls or stuffed animals and it must be hard to hear that you are.
We are not legal experts but we do have some information on the laws. If you were to leave home without permission your legal guardian could file a runaway report. If the police were to find you they most likely would bring you back home. You can try talking with your parents and grandparents about possible options.
Thank you again for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support to you. Please reach out if you have any more questions or would like to explore more options. Best of luck!
NRS

[Guest]

Hi I absolutely hate the way my parents treat me and make me feel. It is never physical abuse but more just screaming and making me anxious and sad 24/7. I love my grandparents so much we basically grew up there when we were younger (we meaning me and my two little brothers) and honestly I am willing to leave all my friends and everything behind if it means that I'm out of this toxic household. Am I legally allowed to leave and live with them or do I have to get permission from them first? I'm 15 and my brothers are 12. I can't continue to grow up here and stay sane.

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

We aren’t legal experts here at NRS, but generally speaking, if you do opt to leave your home your parents can file a runaway report, which is essentially a missing person report. Running away is a status offense; this means that it isn’t illegal, but it’s something you can’t do while still a minor. If a runaway report is filed and you are located by the authorities you will most likely be returned home.

It may be beneficial to speak with your grandparents directly about your desire to live with them. Sometimes custody transfers will need to go through the family court system and it may be beneficial to speak with a legal advocate. If you need help locating a legal aid group near you you can check out https://www.lawhelp.org/find-help/.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

Stay safe,
NRS

[Guest]

I live in the uk and my family lives in Portugal I love my parents but lately I feel alone I want to live with my grandparents in Portugal

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.

We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

R.E - my dad is a ********ing psycho **********!

Okay so. My dad dropped out of school and failed basically, my mum continued with university until she had me. My dad is always on my case about grades this and grades that, yet when I bring it up he shouts at me to not have a "smart mouth". Living with him in this 'family home' has been absolute ********. I cant deal with it anymore. I have actually tried to take my life multiple times and self harm. I have considered running away but I have nowhere to go. Plus he's always saying he is going to ship me back to his home country when I have never been there. He abuses me mentally, emotionally and physically and does not ********ing even care. The amount of time that I have told my mum to divorce his is despicable. The thing is my mum is actually amazing(a little stubborn but whatever). But most of the time she doesn't have any ********ing energy to deal with him. He is just a big pain is the ass. He always tells me how he doen't love me. And kinda shows off by telling my sibling how they are all his favourite and how much he loves them. I haven't heard the words I love you in years. He has even gone so far to say that I won't be leaving this house until i am married. leaving for uni because nearly there i am almost legal age he cant control me.some issues making kind of weak but he does not ********ing care.I have told him that HATE him so much,he just laughs it off. Also hes told me that if I run away he will find me and break my legs and arms and the fact that he doesn't care if he goes to jail. I get abused on the daily and don't know how to cope anymore. My mum just wont divorce him and wont give any reason. Hes a worthless piece of ********ty filth. I ********ing hate him. ANY advice? lol.

[ccsmod15]

Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing some of your story. We are so sorry to hear things are so bad at home right now, particularly with your father. You don't deserve to be treated abusively at all and it's not your fault. You have the right to be safe, seen, heard, and cared for. Of course, things can get better and we hope they do. Reaching out for help is the first step and we commend you for that.

One thing you should know is that we are based in the United States and are therefore mostly familiar with laws and resources here. In looking up your IP address it appears you are in the United Kingdom. Here are a couple resources you may want to reach out to in your country so you can get the help you deserve:

Child Line: https://www.childline.org.uk/ telephone: 0800 1111

Suicide Supportline: https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide/ telephone: 01708 765200

We hope you will reach out for the help you deserve, either with the above support hotlines or through trusted relatives, teachers, counselors, or anyone else you feel comfortable talking to. Suicide is especially concerning and we want you to be safe. Please take care of yourself!

All the best,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi, So I've been dealing with an eating disorder and have had a lot of mental issues and anger issues since I was a kid because of my parents, and I want to move in with my grandparents since their house is at least peacefully, while at home I feel so stressed and my parents are constantly talking about me and my sister in bad ways and about my weight. I'm only 14 but I don't think I can stand that environment anymore. I'm terrified of confrontation and c\ almost physically cannot bring myself to tell my parents or grandparents any of this because I'm afraid of their reactions and the worst-case scenario. I'm so scared that it's just been adding more and more stress and making my eating disorder worsen. I don't know what I should do. Please help me at least somewhat. I don't want cps or anything like that since they don't abuse me in any way other than some verbal uses. I just don't want to be there anymore and want to know how I can tell my parents in a way that I won't be scared.

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension.

We understand how hard it can be sometimes to fully love and accept your body. We want you to know that you are beautiful no matter what. We want to ensure that you are fully supported and reaching out to additional agencies may be able to help. You can always contact the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) by calling 1-800-931-2237 or by going to their website at nationaleatingdisorders.org

It seems like your parents aren't fully understanding the impact that their words have. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member (like your grandparents) to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your parents so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. immYou can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

Stay safe,
NRS

[Guest]

Any advice?
So not gonna lie, i'm 15 years old and i'm constantly getting in trouble. I feel like I have so many rules that everything I do breaks one and that I have to go behind my parents back to do anything. The thing is..I also don't feel anything, like I don't feel bad or sad or ANYTHING. I see my parents upset but still I don't feel any emotion. I keep having nightmares about my family passing also, but still I dont feel regret for my actions. About 3 days ago I snuck out to meet with my boyfriend that my parents judged right from the bat, I got caught and my dad will not talk to me and my mom is pissed... I want to go live with my grandparents they understand me WAY WAY WAYYY more, and I can be honest with them both. It would be so much better with them. I need reasons to support my choice...but cant think of any:/

[ccsmod6]

Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We’re sorry to hear that you keep getting in trouble and are having difficulties getting in touch with how you feel. It makes sense to feel a little detached if you do not feel comfortable or safe being vulnerable at home. If you have not already, it might be a good idea to reach out to your grandparents and talk to them about the possibility of you living with them. They may have some good ideas about how to convince your parents. We would be happy to help you sort out a clear and effective argument for why you should live with your parents and if you are interested in talking about that or asking any questions, you should reach out to us at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

My Mam and stepdad keep arguing with me all through lockdown and we literally hate eachother, yesterday I didn't want to do the dishes because the food made me feel sick and they both screamed at me calling me a "arrogant,spoiled, selfish little brat" They have took all my technology apart from my old iPod which I hid, lockdown has made me feel so depressed, I can't do this anymore, I want to stay somewhere else like with my grandparents,I could stay with my dad but my stepmom has a baby on the way and we need to be careful and there's not enough room. I don't want to anger or upset my mam too much and she'll say I'm overreacting, I just can't live in a house with so much hate anymore. I am 13 by the way. She says I'm spoiled because she buys me things but I never ask for them, all I want is to have a good bond with my mam and I am truly convinced that she hates me, she's even said before "why do I dislike my child so much" I feel so trapped, I don't know what to do.

[ccsmod16]

Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We appreciate you sharing a little about what’s been going on. It takes a lot of courage to reach out when you are feeling overwhelmed. We’re really proud of you for being so brave.
We’re so sorry to hear about how things have been at home during lockdown. Sometimes families, even ones that get along, can have a hard time being together so often. It sounds like emotions are running really high right now.
If you’d like, we could help you talk to mom and express how you’re feeling. We could try a conference call or even just talk to you about how you’d talk to mom. We can try to see if there is any common ground between you or if she’d be willing to let you live with your grandparents. We’re here to help you in any way we can, so if you’d like to reach out to us we can have a better idea of how to best help you. We’re available 24/7 here at 1-800-786-2929 or if you can’t call we have a Live Chat at www.1800runaway.org.
We thank you again for your message and wish you the best. We hope to hear from you soon.
-NRS

[Guest]

hello i am 14, i want to go live with my grandparents, my mom and dad are no longer together, i live with my mom at the moment but i just can live with her any longer, i asked my dad if he would sign the papers and he said he would, but my mom hasn’t said anything, can i do anything?

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension between you and your mom. It may be beneficial to speak with your dad directly about what your next steps will be since your mom is not being responsive. Sometimes custody transfers will need to go through the family court system and it may be beneficial to speak with a legal advocate. If you need help locating a legal aid group near you you can check out https://www.lawhelp.org/find-help/.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

Stay safe,
NRS

[Guest]

I dont have my dad and my mom is barley around and when she is it's like shes always criticizing me or telling me that I dont do enough, she leaves all the time to stay with her abusive ex boyfriend who threatened to harm us. I'm so tired of living with my mom because it's like I'm living by myself

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe, NRS

[Guest]

I really want to live with my grandma. im tired of my moms crap all she does is mentally and emotionally abuse me, sometimes even hit me with objects, pinch , scratch , and punch and slap me. I dont want to live with her anymore. My grandma is happy and willing to let me ive with her the problem is my mom doesnt like my grandma they had a huge argument and so she wont let me see my grandma. But im tired of living with her. My grandma wants to get full custody of me but im pretty sure my mom wont sign anyways. She is also keeping me from my dad which who she doesnt like either but keep in mind he signed away his rights to my mom back ta couple of years ago. So i dont know what to do but i absolute will not live with my mom anymore. What should i do???

[ccsmod15]

Hey there thanks for reaching out to NRS,
It seems like you are going through a lot at the hands of your mom and are feeling fed up with the situation. It makes sense to feel that way, and you don’t deserve to be treated with such physical abuse like that. Everyone deserves a safe place to call home and it seems like you feel your grandma’s would be that place.
Your mom has no right to be able to hit you like that, physical violence like that is a form of abuse and could be considered child abuse. It’s possible that by reporting the abuse CPS/DCFS may give full custody back to your father, or let you live with your grandma instead. It may be helpful to have proof of the abuse in the form of pictures or testimony by other family. If you have more questions you can check out https://www.childhelp.org/.
Another option would be for your dad to sue for custody back, then give permission for you to live with your grandma instead. If money might be a problem to get a lawyer to represent him in court, there are legal aid options in most states that might be able to assist.
If you were to just leave for your grandma’s house without permission, then your mom could file a runaway report and have police bring you back home to her. Your grandma would then be at risk of a harboring a runaway charge.
Hopefully this information helps to clear up your options. Again it is not OK for your mom to treat you like that. We are here to listen and try to help in any way we can. If you have more questions or just need someone to talk to please call our hotline at 1-800-786-2929 or us our online chat function at 1800runaway.org.
Good Luck,
NRS.