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  • I want to move in with my grandma and I am only 13 but I hate being with my mom and dad either house is bad

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    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      We’re so sorry that it’s bad at both your mom’s and your dad’s. It’s important that everyone have a safe and supportive environment to live in, and it makes sense that you would want that.

      So, let’s talk about how you might set up living with your grandma.

      We’re not legal experts, but our understanding is that youth under the age of 18 are still under guardianship. Based on what you said, it seems likely that either your mom or your dad or both have primary guardianship over you. If a guardian approves of it, though, a youth can go live somewhere else. So one way you might approach this is think if your parents would give you permission to live with your grandma. This is called an alternative living arrangement, and families do this all the time.

      Ultimately, you know your parents best. If this might be a tough conversation to have, you could think about a time of the week when your parents are less stressed, and might be open to having a deep conversation. If there’s another adult who both you and they trust, like a relative or family friend, you might think of explaining what you want to that adult, and having them there too, to help support you when you talk to your parents.

      Also, parents have guardianship, but they can lose it if they are abusive or neglectful. If you think you might be experiencing something like that, you could call Child Help anonymously at 1-800-422-4453. They are mandated reporters which means if you give your name and mention abuse, they have to report it. But if you call without giving your name, you can talk about what you are experience, and they can talk through whether that’s abuse and neglect, and what your next steps would be if it is, without you having to commit to anything.

      We are not legal experts, but our understanding is that it’s never illegal to run away. It’s what’s called a status offence. If you do leave without telling your parents, after a few days, they can file a runaway report. This means that it’s the police’s job to look for you and return you to your guardians. There is a crime called “harboring a runaway” but it’s only in cases where a youth is being hidden, or the person they are staying with is not cooperating with police.

      We don’t know if this really applies to your situation but sometimes youth do live in an alternative living arrangement even with a runaway report filed, where the police simply haven’t found the youth, and the guardians don’t know where they are. Runaway youth have a right to go to school under the McKinney Vento act. So you might also consider if setting something like this up would work for you.

      We hope these ideas are helpful to you.

  • Hey, I am in a separated family it's been that way my whole life. I lived with my mom until I was 10 going on 11 and move in with my dad. My life with my mom hadn't been the best and she needed to get away and called my dad and they talked about me moving in with him, when I did it became a whole different life. I went from moving around constantly and different schools to a 'stable' home and a normal amount of schools. The problem is, I hate it. I like the house but it's not home, I like the school(s) no problem with them besides its the only time out my day I do anything. I can't do anything outside of the house, in some ways I blame myself but I do the things I do because of my dad- I call it lockdown mode. He blames everything on my mom but she has only been in my life again since I moved in a steady 3 years, I am now turning 16- moved in at 10. He constantly calls her names and yells at me, and I defend myself and my mother with my words and the tone of my words. I have good grades, good friends, and a good family. But at the same time, I have made some questionable choices that can and might affect me in the long run. I don't want to live with either of my parents and I have talked to my grandma about moving in with her, I had asked my dad because he knows how unhappy I am with him and his wife, he said no. More than no, louder than no. My grandma is down for it and she believes she can support me, my dad thinks I only want to be there because I'd have no rules which are insanely untrue, my mom thinks it is the next best thing, even my stepmother thinks I should "Kick it" with her to see how much I'd struggle- word for word. I am just done, and I am tired. I can't do this with them anymore and I can't prove to the courts that I can live on my own yet, please I just don't know what to do anymore...

    Comment


    • ccsmod2
      ccsmod2 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like you are going through a really tough time and we are here to listen and help. No one deserves to be yelled at and put down because they are struggling at school.

      Do you have a counselor you can talk to at school? They may be able to help you find strategies to help you with remembering assignments and be able to offer you resources that may be helpful to you.

      Do you have friends or family members you can talk to about your situation and how you are feeling?

      A potential resource is the National Alliance on Mental Illness at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), www.nami.org or text NAMI to 741741. NAMI has volunteers available to talk about how you are feeling and suggest other resources that may be helpful to you.

      Another potential resource is Child Help, the National Child Abuse Hotline. You can reach them at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org. They are there to talk and help you. They may also have advice on how to cope with what you are going through and what resources may be available to you.

      You can also call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or www.1800runaway.org. We have volunteers available to talk or chat with you on a confidential basis 24/7, 7 days a week.

      We wish you the best and hope you will continue to reach out to us.

  • i want to move with my grandma. My dad makes me want to slit my wrist , I can’t stand living with him any longer . whenever he acts like a good dad it only lasts about an hour until he starts yelling over nothing and cursing for nothing. I don’t know what I do wrong but I cannot live with him anymore. Is there any possible way I can move with my grandparents and not him. I will literally risk going to a foster home, anything is better than living with him

    Comment


    • ccsmod10
      ccsmod10 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      You mentioned wanting to know how you can leave home. The easiest way to leave home is with your legal guardian's permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your dad. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

      Please reach out soon so that we may offer support and resources to you. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

      Be safe,

      NRS

  • I don’t know what I should do anymore.


    I live with my mom and only my mom. She has no job, she doesn’t leave the house, and my father is over $10,000 in debt for monthly child support. I used to visit my dad every other weekend (he lives in a city that’s pretty far from me), but he chose to stop the visits. I don’t speak to him, I don’t like him, and he’s gotten violent with me in the past - not intense abuse or anything, but the guy’s a bodybuilder and he used to hit an eight year old (me) for being hyper. So, I don’t EVER want anything to do with him, let alone live with him. The thing is, my mom has problems. She has no friends, she’s overly emotional, and she takes out all her problems on me in the form of passive aggressive behavior and lots of yelling; I personally think she’s clinically depressed, although she gets medication for AD/HD. My grandma thinks she’s bipolar. Seeing as my mom has NO source of income and she refuses to get a job like any normal, decent non-mentally-ill single mother, she LEECHES off of my grandma for EVERYTHING. It’s disgusting, it’s sad, it’s pitiful, and she knows it so she hates herself. Yet, she refuses to do anything about it. Why? She has bad arthritis and needs to take care of me. Those are her only two reasons. She doesn’t qualify for government assistance for who-knows what reason, and she openly mocks people who are jobless bums like her. Just today, she told my best friend in an email to tell my other friend that she is a, “pathetic human being,” for telling me the day before my birthday that she can’t come to my party, even though only her and my other best friend were invited. I tried to tell my mom that it’s inappropriate for a woman in her late 30’s to talk like that to a 13-year-old, but then she called my generation “snowflakes” and threatened to cancel my party - which I didn’t even want to have in the first place! She makes a big deal out of everything because she “loves me,” which I’ve told her before stresses me out and she still does it. That woman is the ROOT of my crippling anxiety because I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I feel like if I say one wrong thing, the whole tower that is my life will come crashing down on me. In a perfect situation I would stay at my current school, live with my grandma, and my mom would get her life back on track so I can maybe live with her again. But, that’s not how the system works and I would have to live with my dad. Also, my grandma tried something like that in the summer of 2017 I think. CPS was performing an investigation and I had to live with my grandma while my dad stayed in my area for a bit. All of this was to try to get my mom to get a job. She didn’t and I was living with her again before the school year started. I love my mom, but she has issues that normal 13-year-olds’ parents don’t. I’m sick of not being normal and I want out of this disgusting family. However, there’s not a way to do that without compromising the things I care about: my education and my friends. When I start thinking about it too much, I cry and start to have an anxiety attack because I just can’t take it anymore. I think that my life would just be better if it were over, and I’ve thought about suicide, but I would never actually do it. I’m in the National Jr Honor Society, Student Council, and I play a few sports; I CANT lose that because of her. And yet, I’ve thought about running away so many times. I just don’t know what to do. There. That’s it. That’s my situation.

    Comment


    • I don’t know what I should do anymore.

      Hello,
      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

      We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things in your life right now.
      It sounds like you’re fearing that the stress from the situation is getting harder and harder to handle.
      We are sorry you are going through a tough emotional time.
      Carrying the burdens of others is not your responsibility..

      Sometimes when things are too stressful it might help to talk with someone about it.
      Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this.
      NRS is here to listen and here to help.
      We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. It sounds like school and the activities there give you some escape from things. We’re glad that you seem to be planning for a future even through times of difficulty.
      It’s important to have something that is yours. We do understand that even with these escapes it still can be frustrating and hard to know where to turn for support.

      If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
      You are welcome to discuss your situation and talk about possible options for help.
      What you did today by reaching out was great. Good job.
      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

      If you are feeling at risk or unsafe contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255


      Take care,
      NRS
      Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

      National Runaway Safeline
      [email protected] (Crisis Email)
      1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

      Tell us what you think about your experience!
      https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

      Comment


      • I need some advice on how to tell my mom.

        For a while now I haven't really had any friends where I lived. At my old school I was bullied alot and my mom gave me the choice to leave school and I did. But it didn't help. I think it just made things worse. I've been wanting to go live with my grandmother for a while now. She lives in Virginia, but comes to visit Christmas and summertime. But I don't know if I should tell my mom or just suck it up and deal with the depression.

        Comment


        • ccsmod7
          ccsmod7 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hi there, thanks for reaching out today.

          Sounds like you have really been through it and leaving school did not work out as planned, and has made things worse. That cannot be easy to deal with. Your feelings of being depressed and significant and you deserve to be supported during this difficult time.

          As hard as it is, you might think of ways to approach your mom about how you are feeling that she would best respond to. If your grandmother is supportive, you might try to let her know how you are feeling too. Maybe she can help you talk to your mom about it. She might also be able to help you get local mental health treatment if you are interested in doing talk therapy. If it is too hard to talk to your mom and grandmother, sometimes writing a heartfelt letter explaining how you are feeling and what you need could help. Here at NRS, we do have a conference call service, if you would like to have a mediated conversation with your mom about how you are feeling. Please call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY if you are interested in that service.

          It seems like you are maybe nervous to tell your mom everything since she initially gave you the choice to leave. It's understandable that you are feeling that way, however, you always deserve to have your feelings heard when you are feeling like this. To "just suck it up and deal with the depression" could make things even worse in the long run. There are options and supportive service out there that might be able to help. Plus it seems like your mom took how you are feeling into account when making decisions about your schooling; maybe she might want to know if you are unhappy with the current arrangement so she can try to help again.

          Please know that you can always call or chat us: 1-800-RUNAWAY, www.1800runaway.org if you would like to talk to someone or help looking for local resources. You might also consider reaching out to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) if you would like to focus on the depression 1-800-950-NAMI or text NAMI to 741741.

          Best of luck,

          NRS

      • My parents are divorced and they both have different points of view on how my life is going to go. I feel as if my opinion doesn’t matter anymore and I honestly want to get away from it even only for a little bit. I was thinking about moving in with my grandma for my remaining semesters. The high school by her is pretty nice and I might move back with my mom after I finish the year. I just need a break. Is there a possibility I could do that?

        Comment


        • ccsmod13
          ccsmod13 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hi, thanks for reaching out to NRS.

          From what you shared, it sounds like your parents have been very controlling and have been putting a lot of pressure on you. It is really responsible of you to recognize that getting some space could be good for your well-being. The easiest way to leave home before you turn 18 would be with your parents' permission. Perhaps your grandmother would be able to help you talk to your parents about living with her. Sometimes having an adult advocate who your parents trust can help open communication and keep the conversation calm. We are also available to be an advocate and support for you while you navigate this challenging situation. If you are able to call our hotline (800-786-2929) we can facilitate a conference call with your parents to advocate for your needs and make sure you feel heard.

          Do not hesitate to reach out anytime by phone or chat if you would like to talk more in detail about your situation and explore possible options. We are here to listen and help.

          Good luck,
          NRS

      • I can’t stand the way my brother treats me and my mom, is there anyway he could leave or I could live with my grandparents (maybe not permanently because he might me going off to the military), any advice would help

        Comment


        • ccsmod3
          ccsmod3 commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you are in a challenging situation. Unfortunately, If you or your brother are minors and you mom has guardianship and you leave without her permission she could file a runaway report. If you were to stay with a friend and the police locate you they could be charged with harboring a runaway. We are not legal experts but basically you would need your mom’s permission to move with someone else. If you want to explore this further, give us a call at 1800-Runaway. We are confidential and here to help!

      • I am 16 and live with my mother, younger brother and his father. I am wondering if i can live with my grandparents without telling my mom, my mother is very verbally abusive, any time she gets mad at anything, this includes work and random things like spilling a drink, she takes it out on me telling me how I am worthless and that she does all of the work around the house, when she lost her job a few years back she blamed it on me and it made me feel horrible, anything that happens to her it seems is always my fault so she is always yelling at me. When i was little my mom split from my dad and she and I stayed with her parents, my grandparents, who i loved dearly since i lived with them from the age of 2 to 5, but when she got mad at them she decided to take me away and move in with one of the neighbors. This man's name is Jeff, when we moved my grandparents took my mom to court for custody of me because they knew that my mother is not able to handle stress without taking it out on others, they ended up getting visitation rights for every other Wednesday and the 4th Sunday of the month, keep that in mind. Jeff ended up being my brother's dad Jeff used to physically hurt me when he got mad and one time the child services person came to my house and my mom made me say i was fine and then got mad at me afterwards. Jeff is not physically abusive anymore now that i am bigger than him but still both Jeff and my mother are both very verbally abusive and any time i try to tell them about anything that they are doing wrong or when i try to defend myself they say that its my fault and make me feel sad to the point i cant say anything more to them, this applies more to my mother than Jeff, i was just wanting to know if there is some way i can go to my grandparents and stay there without having to talk to them about it

        Comment


        • ccsmod2
          ccsmod2 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hi there, thank you for reaching out to us we know it can be difficult to talk about what you’re going through sometimes. We want you to know that you do not deserve to be treated or spoken to that way at all. It is valid for you to want to leave the situation and we are glad you are reaching out for help. You mentioned past physical abuse as well as ongoing verbal abuse, if you feel it is necessary and are comfortable with it we would urge you to consider filing an abuse report. You could get some help filing an abuse report by calling us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or calling Child Help (National Child Abuse Hotline) at 1-800-422-4453. We know it can be difficult to talk about abuse to strangers but we are here to help and support you. It seems like your main goal is to go live with your grandparents who have rights to see you and who have cared for you in the past. If your mother was to file a runaway report when you leave and the police were to find you they would try to get you back home to her, but since there is a type of case between your grandparents and your mother there might be a chance for your grandparents to take the case to court again with new evidence of neglect and abuse and possibly gain full custody of you. So basically, you can leave and decide to runaway to your grandparents without informing your mother or Jeff, but that doesn’t guarantee they won’t actively search for you. It does help your situation though, that you are with relatives and that those relatives have taken the situation to court before. We wish you the best of luck with either decision you make or hope you find yourself in a safer place soon. If you feel the need to find a temporary shelter at any point we can also provide those resources for you through a call or chat. You have been very brave and resilient going through what you’ve been dealing with. If you have any other questions please do not hesitate to start a chat with us or give us a call, Child Help is also a great resource to reach out to if you would prefer to contact them.

      • hello to anyone listening... or reading. I am a 16 year old girl (I am biracial, just for clarity later), I live in Georgia, I have 2 siblings that live with my mom, her (new) husband and I; as well as 2 siblings who live with my father and his wife. Today something bad happened and it was my fault because I wasn't thinking, it's a long story but my (verbally and emotionally) abusive mother was very angry with me, not going to lie I probably would be too b/c of what I did. (It's not drugs or alcohol or anything illegal or sexual, I am a very good teenager.) Anyway, not the point my mother has always been very emotionally and verbally abusive. For example, she once threw my toilet seat at my head, a mason jar at my head, along with a dresser. She has held me down and chocked me before as well. She hasn't hit me or done something crazy like those examples before in a while but it's just a matter of time. She takes her anger out on me and my (real, not half) brother, I cry often because I dont want him to go through what I have with her and I can already see it happening. My mother curses at my brother and I often, she screams and yells, calls us useless (so does my "step-dad".) There are many more things she has done and said that is just a handful. My "step-dad" called me a ni**er once before when mom and him were arguing, I wasn't even doing anything just standing there. Okay so that's just some background but I have been asking my friends (who know my mom well) what they think I should do and etc. they have always called her crazy and I am just now starting to see it. My whole family knows how crazy and strict my mother is, they are all always checking up on me and looking out for me. Anyway my friends said I could choose to live with my dad or one of my grandparents, and we would have to go to court and if we won my mom would have to give up her rights or give them custody of me, etc. Any advice? I don't know what to do. I have been wanting to live with my grandmother for years and I am just now getting the guts to act on it. Please help!

        Comment


        • ccsmod0
          ccsmod0 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hi there,
          Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.
          Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
          While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
          If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
          We hope to hear from you soon.
          Be safe,
          NRS

      • Hey I am 14 years old and I cannot stand the way I get treated by my parents. They call me the worst names,always putting me down,assuming that I'm a liar, I just can't take it anymore. I want to move in with my grandparents but I want to do it without having to go through court. My parents do not know I feel like this and my grandparents do not know I want to move out. What do I do?

        Comment


        • ccsmod2
          ccsmod2 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hello There,
          Thank you so much for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot lately, you do not deserve to be put down. If you feel like this could be emotional abuse you can contact Child Help at: 1800-422-4453.
          We are not legal experts but we do have general information on the laws. If you were to leave your home without permission your legal guardian does have the right to file a runaway report. If the police were to find you they most likely would bring you home. One option to consider is to have a conversation with your parents and grandparents about how you feel. We know that these conversations can be difficult, at NRS we offer conference calling. Conference calling allows you to be heard and we are there to provide support to you. You can also consider talking to your school counselor about what is going on, sometimes talking to a professional can help us feel better.
          We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any more questions or would like to explore more options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support. Best of luck!
          NRS
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