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  • I want to run away to my boyfriend's house

    My name is **** i'm 14, and i'm going through serious issues with my family. I get yelled at everyday by my parents; they call me a "slut" or a "whore" because i have a boyfriend. In my religion we're not supposed to date, but i don't want to be in this religion. My question is, can i runaway to my boyfriend's house? My parents told me to go live with him and see if he takes care of me, I don't know if it was out of anger, but they've said it many times. They curse at me and are counting the days until i turn 18. Will i get in trouble if i do this too?
    Last edited by ccsmod14; 11-07-2014, 05:58 PM.

  • #2
    RE: I want to runaway to my boyfriend's house

    Hello,

    Thank you for reaching out the National Runaway Safeline. This sounds like it’s a really rough situation and it’s great that you’re reaching out for help. No one deserves to be called those names especially by their parents and it sounds like it’s an upsetting and difficult thing you are dealing with.

    You mentioned having a boyfriend and it seems like he’s a good support to you right now, which is great that he is there for you. It also sounds like you are questioning your role in the religion you are in. That can be really tough especially when your parents aren’t okay with it. There are groups you can join in person or online forums/websites you can visit to talk with others who are going through the same thing. Something like that may be worth checking out just because it can be good to have someone to talk to when you’re dealing with someone alone.

    In answer to your question if your parents give you permission to leave then you can leave but if they decide to revoke that permission they can always file a runaway report on you. This means that if you leave and the police find you, they will have to return you back to your parents. You won’t go to jail or have it put on your permanent record as some people tend to think but it can also be an upsetting experience to get picked up by the police.

    Sometimes in schools or afterschool programs there are counselors or information about people to talk to if you are feeling alone or misunderstood, especially by your parents so finding out information about that may be a good idea. Lastly, you can always call us 1800RUNAWAY 24/7 or chat with us from 4:30pm-11:30pm CST at www.1800runaway.org.

    Best of Luck,

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      So if they change their mind will my boyfriend get in trouble? And will i still be able to go to school?

      Comment


      • #4
        RE: I want to run away to my boyfriend's house

        Thank you for responding to us. It sounds like you are concerned about what might happen in the future if you were to stay with your boyfriend and your parents were to change their mind. We are not legal experts and we can only speak in general terms. Generally, your parents are responsible for you until you turn 18 and until then they make the decisions of where you are and are not allowed to go. Unfortunately, it is possible for them to give you permission to leave and then revoke it. If they decided to file you as a runaway then whoever you decide to stay with could be charged with harboring a runaway.

        We hoped this helped and we encourage you to call us on our 24/7 hotline at 1800.786.2929 or chat with us every day fro 4:30pm-11:30pm CST.

        NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          thank you so much for your help

          Comment


          • #6
            hi its...**** again. I asked my mom what she'd do if i ran away, and she said "I wouldnt care about you, but im going call the cops on *****". I dont know what to do.....i need help around this
            Last edited by ccsmod14; 11-07-2014, 05:58 PM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re:

              Hi there,

              Thank you for reaching out to us again. We are here to help you out the best that we can with your situation. It sounds like you have been in a pretty tough spot and it is understandable that you are feeling like you do not know what to do. What needs to happen at home that would make you able to stay and manage living with your mom? Is there anything that you feel like you can compromise on?

              So we are not legal experts here, but we have shared some information in general terms with you about what we do know regarding your situation. We cannot say for certain what would happen, because the laws differ state by state and even by areas within states. If your mom decided to call the cops on your boyfriend because you were staying with him, there is a chance of his guardians being charged with harboring if he is a minor. If he is a legal adult, they could potentially charge him for harboring.

              For further support, we strongly encourage you to contact us directly at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), and look forward to your call. Lastly, please note that we offer a live chat via our website at www.1800runaway.org every day from 4:30p to 11:30p CST.

              Good luck and stay safe,
              NRS
              Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

              National Runaway Safeline
              [email protected] (Crisis Email)
              1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
              Tell us what you think about your experience!

              https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

              Comment


              • #8
                Hey, I am 15 years old and feeling the same way. My dad treats me horrible and over this past year, I have grown this hatred for him. It started in my 9th grade basketball season when he was reminding me that my coach is bad and to not listen to him. My dad said that I am the best on my team and that I should take the ball and shoot and make every point since my teammates suck. I remind him that basketball is a TEAM sport, not individual sport. When my coach tells me to call a play, I do so and keep the game going. At the end of each game, my dad says, "Don't call plays. They are stupid." My dad also told me that if I don't make 6 shots, I get grounded. At the end of every game, my phone is gone. My dad tells me all the stuff I do wrong and it hurts so much. During my 9th grade season, I would be crying in the locker room at halftime because I knew my dad was going to yell at me. My teammates would ask what is wrong and I would tell them what my dad expects me to do. One of them said that I could be verbally abused by him. Ever since then, I felt like I have been verbally abused by my dad. He calls me a bum or hard head or lazy. These names always stick to me. Unlike my sisters who get "Angel" "Sweetie pie" or better names, I get called lazy bum. I've told my mom how I feel about him, I want him out of the house and out of my life, and she brings him in and we have a talk. He says that I'm overdramatic and too emotional. He openly admitted that he doesn't care about me or how I feel. Our relationship has just gone down hill. My mom said that my dad and I should go out on dinners to make up our relationship. We only did it once and it was awkward. I hate my dad and I am sure he hates me. He told me that he'd stop calling me bum BUT about two weeks ago and tonight, he told me I dress like a bum.
                I have told my boyfriend everything since this has happened. He is the only reason I am living right now. Yes I have had suicidal thoughts for a year but I could never do it because I would be leaving my boyfriend. I really do care about him and I don't want to hurt him. I have a run away bag set up and I want to run away to his house. His family loves me and we've been together for over a year and a half. I completely trust him and I just feel like my life would be better if I moved to his house. When I told my mom this though, she said that I would be begging to come back. She said that I have a good life and that anyone would die to be in my spot. I don't know how to get it through to her that being around my boyfriend will make me happy. What is funny is that she has noticed that I am always sad UNLESS I am with my boyfriend. She noticed that I am sad and I told her about me feeling depressed but she never suggested a therapist. I don't want to ask for a therapist because I feel like my parents will say, "You're being overdramatic. You're fine. You're just being hormonal." I don't know what to do.

                Comment


                • ccsmod0
                  ccsmod0 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hi there,

                  Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.

                  While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.

                  The easiest way to leave home is with your parents' permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your parents. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

                  Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

                  If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

                  We hope to hear from you soon.

                  Be safe and stay strong,

                  NRS

              • #9
                Hey, I am 12 years old and my mom is very strict with me she doesn’t let me go out with friends, she doesn’t want me to go nowhere without her. And she yells at me calling me a “slut”, a mistake and a lot more things. I want to run away to my boy best friend”s house because I don’t want to be here. My stepdad is a big support but he’s taking my moms side instead of mine and that gets me mad cause he sees how she calls me names and tells me stuff that lower my self-steem. Let me know what I can do if I should run away or stay home

                Comment


                • ccsmod6
                  ccsmod6 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hi there,
                  Thanks so much for reaching out. It sounds like this have been incredibly difficult at home. We’re sorry that your mother has called you such hurtful things. You don’t deserve that sort of treatment. It’s understandable that you want a bit more independence than what she’s been allowing you. We’re glad to hear that your step-dad has been a good support, though it sounds like he’s been taking your mother’s side more often than you’d like.
                  There are several risks to take into consideration should you choose to run away to your boy best friend’s house. If you run away, your mom and step-dad could file a runaway report. This means that should the police find you, they would have to return you home. Running away isn’t a crime (it’s considered, instead, to be a status offense) but any adults you stay with while filed as a runaway could be charged with the crime of harboring a runaway. This means that if your boy best friend’s parents will be the ones housing you, they could face legal trouble.
                  Have you talked to your boy best friend’s parents about what’s going on at home? Even if you decide not to run away to them, it might be helpful to have some other adults to support you in this. You might also consider talking to your step-dad about the way that his recent behavior has been making you feel. You could also tell him a bit more about how your mother’s behavior has affected your self-esteem.
                  You don’t deserve to face any sort of harm at home, emotional or otherwise. The way your mother’s been treating you may be reportable as emotional abuse. Though emotional abuse can be harder to provide evidence for than physical abuse, Child Protective Services may be able to help remove you from your home if you report your mother’s behavior. We cannot be 100% sure what the outcome will be if Child Protective Services decides to open a case based on what you share. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.
                  In the end, we cannot tell you what to do. You know your situation far better than we do. However, if you’d like to talk through your options in greater detail, feel free to reach out. We can best assist you over phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat at www.1800runaway.org. We’re here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
                  Be safe,
                  NRS

              • #10
                Hi,it’s me again I talked to my boy best friend and he said I could stay with him for a while but I have to come back home. I wrote a note for my family letting them know I went to his house and that I’ll be back in a few days let me know if I should do this

                Comment


                • ccsmod16
                  ccsmod16 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hi,
                  As mentioned in our first reply, the best way for us to help people is when they contact us through our live services. You can chat us through this website or call our hotline at 1-800-786-2929 (1-800-RUNAWAY) so we can help you think through your decision and let you know the possible outcomes.
                  We hope to hear from you soon.
                  Sincerely,
                  NRS
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