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Sick & tired of being sick & tired..

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  • Sick & tired of being sick & tired..

    I'm 19, and will be 20 next year. So I can "legally" runaway, but my parents are foreign traditional, strict parents and to them there is no moving out until you get married. Especially if you're a girl.
    I am the youngest child, I have one older brother who is 23. He is the "screw up" / "disappointment".. college dropout, drugs, jail/charges. So I have to make up for that because my parents place ALL the pressure and standards on me to be this "perfect child". They yell at me and lecture me for every.single.little.thing. My Dad even admitted he was harder on me because I was "their only hope".. I am not flattered by that. I actually think they're harder on me because I let them be. I have been such a pushover and "parent pleaser" because I hate arguing and go great lengths to avoid conflicts with my parents. For the most part, whatever I am told to do I just do it. And if I'm being treated unfairly I don't say anything and just bottle it up inside. This has been my life for the past 6/7 years. "Counselling" is not an option either. There is no "communication" or negotiating with my parents, especially my Dad... they don't hear anything else or understand. They tell you something, do it. Any sort of reply is "disrespectful". We are so distant - in part due to wide age gaps I feel.. my mom is 50 and my Dad 58.
    And because of constantly bottling and repressing my frustrations , I can't even express my feelings verbally.. I always just break down when I try. I am crying just typing this. I have nobody to talk to or get good advice from. I've been "coping", or trying to, on my own for years. My parents have alienated/isolated me from everything. They would never let me go out with friends from school. And even fuss about me going out with my cousins or to their house once in a while. And they still do! So now I have no real friends. I am a loner.
    I took a year off school last year because I didn't know what I wanted to do (my Dad made it harder by force feeding BS about what I should do) and to try and clear my head. I started a one year transfer program and it's like everything is worse. My Mom and I have been fighting. She just spoke to me last week after not speaking to each other for a month over something so trivial that she made a big deal out of and then just continued picking little fights.
    I wanted to get a job while I was at home last year to be more financially independent because I have absolutely no money and hate asking my parents for money.. at 19. Both my parents said "You don't need a job. Focus on school, work will always be there". Like seriously? Then my Dad almost let me get a job at this fast food restaurant near our house then changed his mind. I plan on getting a job soon anyways because this is ridiculous. I am very mature for my age and they know this and even brag about it to friends but still treat me like I'm 4 years old.
    My Dad is VERY controlling, dominant, and ridiculously over-protective and my Mom is VERY negative, nags and complains all the time. They are like helicopters, hovering above me all the time. And my brother is just an idiot. I absolutely cannot deal with this anymore. I love them very much but this will just not work. What's the point of staying here, jeopardizing my future, continue to feel miserable, depressed, and trapped as opposed to going out there and taking control of my future and happiness. I want a career in international development, as well as acting and film production which I know they would frown on. They are so unsupportive. I really hate and it breaks my heart a thousand times that it has to be this way but I'm not left with much choice.
    I don't know when I should run away because I still want to go to school. And I shouldn't be done until I'm 23. I definitely cannot wait that long. But I also don't have money or no where to go. I was thinking of working part time and later applying for a flight attendant job. And when I get it, leave a letter explaining everything I've ever wanted to say but couldn't and leave. Then I would rent a basement for when I'm back. But I don't think I can go to school and be a flight attendant. I already wasted one year. What should I do???

  • #2
    RE: Sick & tired of being sick & tired..

    Hi there,



    Thanks for reaching out tonight and sharing your story with us. It sounds like you’re going through a lot and we’re sorry to hear about this. Thank you for reaching out to us and it great that you are taking the steps to get help. It sounds like you’ve had a lot of pressure put on you based on your parent’s expectations for you as well as trying not follow in your brother’s footsteps. Clearly you’ve been dealing with this for a while and that can be really stressful and create a lot of anxiety and like you mentioned, bottled up feelings inside. It also sounds like communication and even counseling aren’t options because of their traditional parenting or views on parent-child communications. We are sorry you are feeling so lonely and upset and isolated. That is never a good way to feel and it’s unfortunate that the people around aren’t helping you and supporting you more.

    You mentioned that you wanted to have a job in acting and film development. It’s great that you have such high goals and know what you want to do to be happy and successful in a professional environment. It’s always good to have something to strive for and work for that keeps you going even in hard times.

    It sounds like you are talking about running away. Do you have a place to stay? Would it be safe? Is it something you’ve thought about and made a plan about it? These are just a couple things to think about before you decide to leave or not. Secondly, you were talking about wanting to stay in school. Is there scholarships or programs that you can apply to that are outside of school? It could be a long shot but possibly getting a free ride or a huge reduction to another school may show your parents you are committed to your education and ready to move forward.

    You also mentioned leaving a letter explaining everything you couldn’t say. Is it possible you could do this even if you decide not to leave? Sometimes a different form of communication rather than fighting and just being shut down can express your feelings more. Even saying something about how you thought you wanted to leave? It’s a bit of a shot in the dark because it sounds like your dad is pretty hard to talk to but sometimes when things are expressed in a different way other than fighting, the point may come across.

    Again, we are sorry you have been dealing with all this and we hope the best for you. You can always call us if you need resources or need to talk about something else you can call us 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat us from the hours of 4:30-11:30pm CST at www.1800runaway.org.

    Best of luck,

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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