I really don't know what to do help please.

[ccsmod6]

Re: I really don't know what to do help please.

We are so glad to hear that you are going to try and call us! We look forward to speaking with you!

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: I really don't know what to do help please.

I'm sorry to keep coming back but I guess I still need help. I called but it didn't help that much.

My mom's boyfriend is leaving and the reason is because of me and my brothers. My mom talked to us about a month ago and said that he was thinking about leaving because of us (her children) and if she was going to pick who she loved more she was gonna pick us, but she said she would never forgive us if he leaves becasue of us. She called us selfish and she kept saying she deserved to be happy, and I know that.

All I want is for them to be happy. I'd die if that would make them happy, I really would.

And now that he is leaving she is mad because we ruined it, even though she doesn't show it a lot she has said it and the way she talks I can tell. And it's all my fault. I thought things we're going to get better when my mom's boyfriend leaves, but it's not getting better and I don't know what to do

It's because I stopped him from touching me, if I would've just let him do it then none of this would've happened.

I want to tell my mom what he did but I don't want her to be mad at him (she loves him), and I'm also scared that she won't believe me

I can't stay here with my mom being mad at me, and I can't leave becasue that would make her sad...

at this point I feel like I'm dying and I wish I couldn't feel anything, and that I don't want to care about anyone ever again, it just hurts so much

[ccsmod1]

Re: I really don't know what to do help please.

We’re sorry to hear that things are still tough for you. You definitely have a lot going on and a lot of different things you’re trying to work through. You mentioned you called, but it didn’t help much and that you still need help. What exactly are you looking for? If you think maybe talking to a counselor or having a family mediator would help, we’d be happy to find one in your area that you can call or go to. We realize this is a scary step, since talking to a stranger can be difficult, but sometimes it helps to have someone to talk to in a long-term setting to work through different emotions and feelings. It also sounds like maybe your relationship with your mom may benefit from seeing a family mediator. We would love to help you in anyway we can and are glad that you’ve been able to express some of your thoughts and feelings through our bulletin boards. Unfortunately, these boards aren't really meant for ongoing communication. If there’s something specific that you’d like help with, you’re welcome to post again and let us know what it is. Otherwise, our hotline is available 24/7 if you just want to talk to someone more about all this. Best of luck with all of this.

[Guest]

Re: I really don't know what to do help please.

hello again its been a while...

Yeah, I just wanted to say thank you. You guys really helped me out.

I have one more question then i won't bother you guys anymore.

Do you know any confidential hotline for getting off drugs or anything like that? Something where my parents don't find out, and I don't have to tell them who I am.

Any help would be greatly appreciated, I'm really hooked.

[ccsmod0]

Re: I really don't know what to do help please.

Thank you for posting another bulletin and we are glad that we able to help you. You could try calling the Alcohol & Drug Helpline at 1800-821-4357. Also view Narcotics Anonymous (NA) Recovery Chat website http://narecoverychat.org. They have a chat room that is open 24/7. We are here 24/7 if you are want to talk more in-depth with us. Good luck!

~NRS

[Guest]

Re: I really don't know what to do help please.

Okay. I'm back. Things are still kinda hetic here, but they are better. I just want to share my experiences with running away, so people know what it is really like.

Okay it all begins when I have a HUGE fight with my brother, and I told him I'm going to go out side for a few minutes so that I can think. Then he told my other brother to lock the door. That just ended up makeing me feel bad. So I was just walking around my neighborhood. (now this is at 12am and I have no shoes on.)

By this time my head really hurt from the previous arguement, with every mean thing my brother had just said replaying in my mind over and over again. After about an 25min of just walking around I decided to go home. But when I got there the door was still closed, so right then and there I decided I wasn't going home.

I walked right out of my neighborhood, with no destination in mind, no purpose, and yes no shoes. The street lights are my only light source around, and I'm walking on a side walk completely sorrounded by trees on one side, with shadowy bushes, and on the other side a car every once in a while speeding by. (This spot is know for speeding.)

The further I walked the more paranoid I got, and I was pretty paranoid to begin with. I was conatantly looking behind me to make sure no one was following me. Then I went walking on the side walk by a busy main street. I had to walk really slowly and look down while I was walking, to make sure that I din't step on any broken glass. I still ended up stepping on glass too. It hurt so badly. All I wanted to do was sit down and get the glass out of my foot, but the neraest street light was about a block away. So I slowly made my way over there as best as I could, then I sat down and got most of the glass out of my foot. (at the time I thought I ot all of it, but I realized later that I didn't)

I then just got up and kept walking. The really creepy thing was that I was be followed by a car. When he started getting closer I quickly wa;ked into the closet store and stayed there. I was watching him watching me, but then he drove away, and some guy who worked at the store siad that I couldn't be in there without any shoes on. So I walked out. I continued walking down the street. It's been about 2 hours, of me walking around. When some guy is driving past me and starts to slow down. He rolls down his window and asks me where I'm going, and he stops his car. I stop to and tell him I'm going "that way" and point my finger in front of me. He then asks me if I need a lift, and he says he could drive me where I need to go. I told him no thank you. He looked at my feet, but didn't ask me why i'm not wearing shoes. Then I just started walking again. He then drives away slowly, but I caught a glimpse of him on his cellphone.

At the time it didn't register in my mind that he was probably calling the cops on me. But I just kept on walking till I hit a higway with no sidewalk and no guard rail, with people speeding past me. I decided I was just going to turn around at that point and just walk in another direction. Then some guys went speeding past me (while there is still no side walk) and yelled something at me, about half a foot from me. It not only made me mad but it really scared me. While I'm at about the same place where the one guy offered me a llift I saw a cop call pull out of a gas station. I then just took a right down a side walk that entered into a housing communtity. Then I hid behind a tree, while he drove away. Then I went back out of the community, and continued to walk in the same direction on the busy street. I walk for a mile or so taking random streets when I noticed another guy following me. The first thought that crept into my mind was, "Wow, he's either another creepy stalker or he's a cop." I was carefully watching him while I was walking, He pulled into a parking lot in front of some apartments and was moving slowly. I defintely knew that he was following me when he went through the whole parking lot and stopped at a stop sign. That in and of itself was suspicious, but the weird thing was that he was just waiting there. So I decided to cut throught the woods on the side of the apartments (about a block away from the truck) and went onto the side walk behind him. I was thinking that I could either run into one of the appartment buildings and pretend that I lived there, or I could keep walking and walk right past him. Something told me I should keep walking, and i did. The guy in the truck made a u-turn and drove right next to me. He rolled down his window and asked me what I was doing. I said nothing, then he said he was a cop and got out of his car.
Next came the interestiing conersation:

cop: where are your shoes.
me: (silence)
cop: (sighs) what are you doing out this late walking around out here with no shoes on?
me: walking.
cop: walking? where are you going?
me: nowhere.
cop: are you a runaway?
me: nope.
He gets on his talkie thing and gets back up, I sigh...
cop: have you been drinkng tonight?
me: no
cop: are you sure?
me: yeah I'm positive
cop: are you on drugs? Have you smoked anything tonight?
me: no
cop: (shines lhis flashlight in my eyes to check my pupils)

(this cop was a pretty nice guy that was doing his job and somewhat cared about my well being on some level.)
by this time another undercover cop pulls up and shines his headlights in my eyes. The other cop was talking to me but I really wasn't listening. Then I hear:

cop1: what's wrong?
(I have my eyes closed and I'm clutching my heart witch REALLY hurts, but I'd never tell him that)
me: I don't like bright lights.
cop2: (is watching me and he's right next to me)
cop1: what's your name?
me: ( I tell him my name everntually, where I live how old I am etc...)
cop1: I wouldn't let my daughter walk around teh streets at night by herself, where's your mom?
me: I don't know, I think New esrsy, or New yoirk. (She was pickking up her fiance whom've I never met before from teh airport.)
cop1: So your mom just uped and left you?
me: no I'm with my brothers.
cop2: how old are they?
me: (tell them their ages)
cop1: do they know where ou are right now?
me: probably not.

ny this time two more cops showed up. I was getting tired because it's 3 am the day befoere I didn't eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner. and I spent all night walking around with no water with glass in my foot. Buut I din't tell them any of these things.

cops: you know there's a curfew here right?
me: no, where?
cops: for all of this county.
The new cops ask me for my name and stuff.

new cops: are you on drugs?
me: no, I'm not.
cops: WHy are you acting this way? I've seen people on drugs alot on my job, and you are on weed.
me: I don't use drugs

(okay seriously I wasn't even lieing, I wasn't high then)

cops: I think your lieing.
me: (with a complete and serious face looks min in the eye and I say) I'm not lieiing.
cops: Ar eyou going to just sit there and lie to me.
me: no I'm going to tell you teh truth like I have been.

( one of the cops that just showed up didn't believe a word I said, he even said so.)

cop: (shines the flash light in my eyes again, for a long time without even warning me it was coming, and got all mad when I closed my eyes.)

Cop: Okay let's go
me: silence thinking, "nobody is moving, they are all just watching me" at that point I figured out that what they meant by "let's go" was get into the cop car.
cop: turn your pockets inside out
me: (i comply, because I had nothing on me and I really didn't care.)
cop: okay I think your on drugs, it's not illegal to have it in your system but having it on you is a different story. You turned out your pockets so I don't think you have them on you
me: okay I'm not on drugs

(It goes on like this for a long time. They must have really wanted me to be on drugs or soemthing. I don't know.)


A lot more happened after this but for the sake of time i'm going to just say they took me home, talked to my brother who agreed not to tell my mom. Ended up with glass in my foot, which I couldn't get out (and still can't get out 3 days later) I was stalked, followed and "detained."

In retrospect I realized that if I could I would have done it all agian, except maybe wear shoes. I learned so much about the world, just thinking and walking around. I learned so much about people too, that there are bad people who follow you at night by yourself, and some people who really do care about you, even complete strangers. When I asked teh cop ho whe found me he said a guy called in said there was a girl walking alone down teh street. It was the same guy who offered me a lift, and when I refuesed, he called teh cops to get to make sure the wrong people don't.

All in all I'm glad I did what I did. But I also know I would never want to live on the streets. Ever. So if anybody does runaway make sure you have some place to go and think about things before you do runaway.

Yeah, that's my story.

[ccsmod1]

Re: I really don't know what to do help please.

Wow. Thanks for offering us (and everyone that reads this bulletin post) a glimpse into your experience with running away. It sounds like there were some definite positives and negatives from your experience. Obviously wearing shoes was an important lesson. It’s great that you were able to see that complete strangers do care about what happens to you. You’re also lucky that you met up with these kinds of complete strangers (and not the ones that have no-so-good intentions). In the end, you shared a really good thought which is “But I also know I would never want to live on the streets. Ever. So if anybody does runaway make sure you have some place to go and think about things before you do runaway.” This is exactly what we want to encourage all our callers and posters to do; to really think through their situation and their plan before making the decision to runaway. Acting impulsively can end with someone on the streets, and not every situation will end up like yours did. Our role here at the National Runaway Switchboard, is to help whoever calls or posts to not only process what they’re feeling and thinking, but to also think about what it is they want to see happen and how they can safely go about doing it. Obviously everyone’s experiences are different, everyone’s reasons for running are different and everyone’s options are different. It still always helps to know someone else’s experience to help others make the most informed decision they can about their own situation.

By now, you probably know that our hotline is always available should you need us! Remember it’s toll-free from any payphone. We’re not here to judge anyone’s situation or decisions. We are here to listen and encourage everyone the best we can. We also want to give everyone most information we can about whatever their situation may be, so they can be empowered to make the best decision for them. Thanks again for sharing a little of your story with us.