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I'm 16, I hate living with my grandparents, and I want to leave?

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  • I'm 16, I hate living with my grandparents, and I want to leave?

    I'll be 17 in December of this year. I want to move out so badly. I understand that it's harder to live on your own, but I cannot stand it at my grandparent's house. My grandmother is mostly the problem. I got a job a few months ago, and she persuaded and convinced me to make a bank account. During the summer, she was taking my money without my knowledge; so basically she stole it from me. She owes me over 1000 dollars, and is still trying to get me to put my money in the bank. I tell her no all the time, and she screams and hollers at me, or she brings up something to make me feel guilty.

    My grandfather isn't really a problem. But she tells him everything I say or do.

    I also have Internet friends who have treated me better than most of my family. They're not middle-aged pedophiles, they're kids, just like me, who go to school and have their own problems. My grandmother is against the Internet, and does not know I have Internet friends. My parents do, and they're fine with it. But my grandmother has heard those horror stories about what happens when kids talk to people on the Internet. And watches Dr. Phil. I can't stand it, honestly. If my grandmother takes away my Internet, I'll be bored, and depressed out of my f*** skull. I have no friends where I live, I don't have a car, the town near me isn't within walking distance (It might be, but it's dangerous. There's no cops to monitor the road I live on). The Internet and my friends on it is all I have. I have tried telling her that people can have friendships on there, and that people find and marry each other because of it. She twisted my words, and told my grandpa that I said: "Talking to strangers online is okay." I didn't say that at all, and it might be taken from me because of that bulls***.

    She isn't kind, caring, understanding, or nurturing towards me. She only tells me I'm good when I give her money, or cover her ass if she spends it all. Telling me that: "You're such a good kid." in a sincere tone when I give her money.

    I don't think I can wait it out till I'm 18. I think I want to move with my dad. He's not the best person, but he's a hell of a lot better than my grandmother is. Please, what suggestions do you have?
    Last edited by ccsmod7; 10-01-2014, 12:40 PM.

  • #2
    Re: I'm 16, I hate living with my grandparents, and I want to leave?

    Hello –

    Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a bit about your situation. It sounds like you are dealing with some pretty frustrating circumstances at home right now. You mentioned that you live with your grandmother and grandfather and you are having a lot of issues with your grandmother and it’s gotten to the point you would like to leave when you turn 17. It’s good that you are thinking about safe places you can go if you do decide to leave but it sounds like your concern is what would happen if you left before you turned 18. Have you spoken with your dad about staying with him or having him reach out to your grandparents about moving?

    It’s a tricky situation because at 17, in most states you are still considered a minor. What that means is that your grandparents (if they are your guardians) may have the right to make a runaway report if you leave without permission. Usually when that happens the police may just tell you to go home until you are 18. With that said in some states the police may not take a report or make a youth return home at the age of 18. The best way to get the most accurate information is to ask your police department on a non-emergency line and just see how they would respond or possibly reach out to a legal aid in your area. If you would like us to look up resources for you we would be happy to do so. In order to do that we would need to know your city/state. Keep in mind that our services are confidential and anonymous and there is always someone here to listen and here to help.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      I would talk to them about moving. My grandparents are my legal guardians. My dad has already discussed this with me; that I can move in with him if I wanted to. My grandparents, well, my grandfather wouldn't care or mind me moving at all.

      My grandmother would, but eventually if she saw that I really wanted to leave, she'd let me. I'm just sick of living in a toxic environment. I believe it caused my GAD. (Generalized Anxiety Disorder).

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I'm 16, I hate living with my grandparents, and I want to leave?

        Hello,

        Thank you for reaching out to us again on our bulletin board. From what you have told us it sounds like there are people in your life that really want to help you. For instance, it seems like your father is okay with you living there as well as your grandfather. Do you think that since you have a lot of support on your side to remove yourself from this environment that you can talk to your grandmother about moving out to be with your father? It might be a good idea to have some facts as well when talking to her about your plan to move. Perhaps have a more detailed plan might help everyone be on the same page and talk about the idea openly.

        Good luck!
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          I can relate!!!

          My name's Jasmine I'm 10 and no one in my family likes my grandparents including me. So when my parents were married my grandparents used to treat my mom like a servant. She did every single thing and my they had a daughter who was 27 she never did anything ever she's lazy. My mom would work really hard from 10:00pm to 5:00am and when she got home they would give her a lot of things to do. She once took a long time making a really nice dinner. My grandparents screamed it had poison,while it did'nt. They called her parents all the time and made up lies a lot of them. She would make some money at work but my grandparents would take it all and give my mom and dad 1 dollar to spend. She could'nt tell her parents anything. They don't know til this day. When my mom was going to have me my grandma made her do a ton of work she had to clean the floor my crouching down. And when I was gonna be born she took my mom to a horrible house and that was where I was born. When I was born they would swear at me say nasty things and hit me. Like what was my fault??? I'm sorry I was born. They hate me still. Idk what I ever did to them. They are still mean to me. I actully tried to kill myself once. That year was awful. No one gets me they think my life's perfect. We have money issues cuz of them. Please respond back!!! I hope you do. Btw these are only somethings they've done. I'm still a kid I don't deserve this.

          Comment


          • #6
            re: I can relate!!!

            Hey there,

            Thank you for being able to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline, it sounds like you have definitely been going through a pretty tough time in your life. We want you to know that we are here to listen and to help in the best way that we can. From what you shared, it sounds like you have been through things that you definitely do not deserve. We want to let you know that you do have options.

            Have you considered talking to someone about the time that you tried to commit suicide? Perhaps something that you can consider is reaching out to the National Suicide Hotline and speaking to someone about how you have been feeling. We want you to know that you are an extremely strong person for being able to reach out for help and that you matter.

            IT sounds like you have been going through some sort of abuse, an option could be to file an abuse report. It can sound a little scary but it might be something that could potentially help make your situation better. If you would like to talk a little more about filing an abuse report, please feel free to reach out to the Child Help US Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. They have child abuse counselors available 24/7. Remember that you are always able to give us a call as well.

            We hope that we were able to help you think a little more about your options and brainstorm some more with you, if you feel like you would still need some more support or go through some more options, please feel free to reach out to us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) we are here 24/7. We also have a live chat service which is available from 4:30 PM to 11:30 PM CST. We wish you the best of luck in whatever it is you decide to do and hope to hear from you soon.

            Stay strong,

            NRS
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment


            • #7
              Im Destinee

              Im 14 ill be 15 in August I live with my grandparents and I cant stand it I do love my grandma but there is so much mental abuse i gave up trying to be good its always fight yelling and she threatens me shes taken away everything that i had hope for i dont see a future anymore I started cutting and i feel so suicidal because they make me feel worthless my bestfriends mom is okay with me living with her abbey doesnt live with her full time but I love her mom shes like mine i cant stand this house anymore I have to keep going i have to leave this house and never look back. But i dont know how

              Comment


              • ccsmod1
                ccsmod1 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hello Destinee,

                Thanks so much for reaching out to us for help and support. We are so sorry to hear that you feel abused byt your grandma. Nobody deserves to be abused, and it sounds like the fighting, yelling and threats have really affected you. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can. YOu mentioned that you have been struggling with self injury and suicidal thoughts. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are feeling suicidal or planning to end your life, you can always reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline could also be a great resource; you can call them any time at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or check out their website: www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Another really helpful resource that deals with cutting and self-harm is To Write Love On Her Arms; twloha.com.

                It sounds like you would like to go live with your best friend’s mom. It is good to hear you have someone in your life who is supportive to you. We are not legal experts, however we can give you some general information. If you run away from home, your grandmother can call the cops, who may search for you and force you to come home. Your friend Abbey’s mom could get into trouble for taking you in as a runaway, since it is a criminal offense to ‘harbor a runaway.’ It is understandable that you would want to run away. We can help answer any questions you have and help you figure out your options and make a plan to deal with your situation and stay safe. We are looking forward to hearing from you soon, and wish you the best of luck.

            • #8
              I'm 16 too and i love with my grandparents on my mom side. And they have custody over me n my siblings. And they are trying to make me 11 hours away from my parents and the only place I ever called home. I was told when you are 16 you have the right to tell your grandparents that you don't wanna live with them and you wanna live with your parents but I have told my nana that and she is still forcing me to move with them. And I don't wanna move.
              help me.

              Comment


              • ccsmod10
                ccsmod10 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hey there,

                Thanks for reaching out to NRS! We appreciate you sharing a bit about the situation with your grandparents.
                It definitely sounds unfair that they’re making you move so far away from your parents. It’s understandable that you don’t want to go. We offer conference calling between youth and their guardians, if you wanted to try to talk to your grandparents about not moving with them. There may be legal options as far as getting your custody transferred back over to your parents. We’re not legal experts, but if you call into our safeline we can try to find some legal aid in your area.

                You are not alone and we’re here to help you figure out options. Don’t hesitate to call into our 24/7 safeline at (800) 786-2929.

                Be well, NRS

            • #9
              i feel ya i live with my grandmother and it ********ing sux i want to move in with my dad but she always says no and that he doesnt want me but i spent the whole summer with him and he does HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN MY GRANDMOTHER.

              Comment


              • #10
                I live with my grandparents and my dad. My dad is on drugs and its just a really bad situation. Im 16 turning 17 in october and i have a place where i can move out but my grandparents wont let me and they wont sign the paper to give guardian ship over. Is there any other way that i can move out and get away with it or do i just have to wait until im 18? I also have brothers but i dont want to get social services involved and make it messy for my little brothers.

                Comment


                • ccsmod10
                  ccsmod10 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Thank you for using our bulletin service we really appreciate you reaching out to us.

                  It sounds like you are having a really hard time living at home because of your dad’s addiction issues. Sorry to hear that your grandparents aren’t doing anything about the toxic environment. It is understandable why you would not want to live in a stressful home like that.
                  Since you’re trying to find ways to move out early, we do offer legal resources, since were not experts on the law ourselves. If you call into our safeline, we can try to find those resources in your area. They could help you find ways to be able to move out early.

                  If you decide to leave before you turn 18, we are able to speak generally as to what might happen if you leave. If your grandparents are your legal guardians, and you leave without their permission, they have the right to make a runaway report in the event that you do run away. Since it’s only considered a statues offense and not a crime to run away, the only thing that would happen is that the police will pick you up and bring you back home. This is of course if you had any interaction with the police directly or if they stopped you to ask you a few questions. You can find out more about how runaway’s reports are carried out by contacting your local police department. One way to get more detailed information for your area would be to call your local police non-emergency line and ask them questions anonymously. One of the services we offer at the National Runaway Safeline is that we can call the police with you on a conference call, if that would make the situation easier.

                  We can also conference call with you and your grandparents, about moving out. During one of our conference calls one of our trained liners with act as a mediator. The liner would be there to provide you with support during the call and make sure that the conversation stays positive and on the right track.

                  If you want to reach out to us to talk more about those options, or if you just want someone to talk to , we're open 24/7. You're not alone in this and we're here to help in any way we can.

                  Be safe, NRS

              • #11
                I'm 16 turning 17 in 3 months and I live with my grandmother on my fathers side and she wants to move to Georgia and I want to stay in pa because I have family and friends in pa and she say I have no choice but to go can I move in with my grand mother on my mothers side can I chose to to do so without consent from mg father but I do get consent from my mother and the one I live with verbally abuses me every day but when I call cys they always say its me

                Comment


                • ccsmod7
                  ccsmod7 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hi,
                  Thank you so much for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that sharing your struggles can be intimidating so we appreciate your willingness to ask for help! It sounds like you’re in a really difficult place right now. You’re being treated unfairly at home and are having some decisions about our life being made for you. It’s understandable if you’re feeling alone right now, so let’s talk through it.

                  Ultimately, the matter of who you can live with and with what permission depends on what your legal guardian says. If your legal guardian gives you permission to live with someone else with no potential legal consequence. There are some possible consequence if your legal guardian hasn’t given you permission and you choose to leave home and move in with your grandmother on your mother’s-side. If you leave without permission from your legal guardian, they could potentially file a runaway report with the police. While this wouldn’t result in you getting in legal trouble yourself if the police ever happen to pick you up for anything it’s likely they’ll return you home. It’s also possible that your legal guardian could charge whoever you’re staying with with “harboring a runaway.” This could result in legal trouble and possibly punishment for the people you’re staying with. It’s understandable if you felt stressed or overwhelmed reading that, and if so, please feel free to reach out to us and discuss these options and your feelings. We’re 24/7, confidential, and toll-free. Our number is 18007862929. We also have a confidential online messaging service after 4:30 on www.1800runaway.org.

                  If you’re interested and comfortable, emancipation or other legal services about guardianship are possibilities to explore. We’re not legal experts so we can’t provide you with help if you choose to go down this route, but with some information on your location we can provide you with referrals to local legal services and general information. Another possibility about leaving home is running away. This can be a scary decision to make, and we would love to help talk you through it, although ultimately only you know what you feel comfortable with. When deciding whether or not to runaway it’s important to form a plan. This includes making you sure you have a place to stay, a way to support yourself, and even access to health care. If you don’t feel comfortable with these options, that’s alright. Leaving home may not be the option you feel comfortable with but hopefully we can try to make home more comfortable. Talking to your parents about how you feel about your home may help with communication and potentially create a change. If you want to discuss any of these possibilities further please give us a call!

                  Feel free to reach out to us further to discuss anything you’re feeling or any of the options we discussed. We really appreciate you taking the time to reach out to us and we hope we were able to provide you with some help!

                  NRS

              • #12
                I just have a few questions, im adopted and my adoptive parents trea me like crap so for a year now since im 16 i havr been thinking about movingback in with my mother since she has cleaned up her act foe 4 years now, my adoptive family doesn't like me they won't even talk to me so if i just leave what can the cops do. Also i live in michigan if that helps with the rules

                Comment


                • #13
                  Hi there,

                  Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. We are here 24/7 to listen and to support.

                  We are not legal experts, but if you run away and your adoptive parents file runaway report, you could be returned home by the police if found. There could also be legal consequences for whomever you stay with for what is called harboring a minor. One thing you can do is get legal help and more information surrounding your rights and about possibly transferring custody. You can reach out to Child Help at 1-800-422-4453 and they might be able to answer questions more specific to your situation and about how you might be able to have custody transferred to your mom. They could also talk to you about child abuse reporting and your rights as a minor. Don't hesitate to reach out to them or you can give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) and we could talk you through some of these options.

                  Good luck,

                  NRS
                  Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                  National Runaway Safeline
                  [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                  1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                  Tell us what you think about your experience!
                  https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                  Comment


                  • #14
                    I’m 18 and I hate living with my grandparents and my parents house to my step dad and I don’t get a long and I’m pretty much forced to stay at one of the two and I heard my grandparents talking about taking me to young offenders or the youth ranch and I hated it even more and can’t trust them what do I do to get out of there place and not going back to my parents house to

                    Comment


                    • ccsmod5
                      ccsmod5 commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Hey there,

                      It sounds like you're in a tough place living with your grandparent and your parents. That must be so stressful and frustrating.

                      You mentioned that you and your step dad don't get along--do you think something like family counseling might help with that? It might make it easier to live together, even if you don't necessarily bond or get along well.

                      If there's anything you'd like to discuss with your parents or grandparents, you could try doing a conference call with us and them. The way it works is you would call in and set it up with one of us, and then you and your parent(s)/grandparents would have a conversation on the phone that is mediated by one of us. It can help a lot to have a neutral third party when having difficult conversations. If you are interested in giving that a try, you can call us anytime at 1-800-786-2929.

                      Since you are 18, depending on what state you are in, you may be a legal adult already, meaning you could legally leave home if you wanted to. Of course, you would still want to consider how you would support yourself, where you would stay, how you would keep yourself safe, etc.

                      Is it possible for you to go stay at a friend's house a day or two each week? Even getting a short break from your home environment every once in a while could go a long way in terms of your mental health.

                      Hopefully this helps. You can always give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 if you have any questions or would like to discuss your situation further.

                      Best of luck,
                      NRS

                  • #15
                    I hate living with my grandparents they give my sister's everything and treat me like dirt I got one bad grade and they said I was going to be my father and the sad thing is he is in prison they hit me and call me p***y and it has gotten to the point I started to cut my wrist and think maybe suicide is the best way I HATE MY LIFE

                    Comment


                    • ccsmod10
                      ccsmod10 commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Hi there,

                      Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It takes a lot of courage to reach out in a time of crisis, and we are glad you did.

                      We want you to know that abuse of any kind is NEVER ok- this includes physical and verbal abuse. It is your right to file an abuse report with Child Protective Services. We would be happy to help you file an abuse report or just talk about your situation. Child Help (800-422-4453) is a national child abuse hotline and they can provide you more information regarding abuse and how to file an abuse report.

                      Self-harm and thoughts of suicide are a lot to handle. You're very strong for going through all of this and not losing hope.To write love on Her Arms (twloha.com) is an excellent support network, as well as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255). Your life is incredibly valuable and both resources can help support you and your feelings during this difficult time.

                      Everyone’s situation is unique, and we want you to know that you can always give us a call and we would be happy to talk and explore options. You can reach us 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

                      Take care,
                      NRS
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