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  • Running away to my grandparents?

    Hello, I am 17 years old and female. First of all, I would like to say that I have my reasons for running away, but first, is there any way I can live with my grandparents? Ok, so my story: I was adopted at birth, then my sister came a year later. My family was always getting along great until my mom told me that I was adopted. My sister overheard this. Ever since then my sister has developed a hatred for me. She thinks as me as a lower being. She has even called me her step-sister. She now bullies me and calls me all kinds of mean things. She embarasses me in front of anyone she can. For my parents, everr since my sister came into the picture they have always loved her more and i know it for a fact. I guess since they couldn't "return" me to the adoption agency they kept me but have hated me. It was going fine until I started high school, then my parents decided I was a bad kid. They called me fat cow, ugly, and worse. I stopped going to school because I was too depressed. My parents freaked out and when I didn't go to school they would slap me and kick me. I now have a fear of them. Especially my dad. He has anger issues, but isn't willing to admit it. I am afraid to be in my own home. I now go to online school, but my parents still fight and talk bad about me. I have had panic attacks because of what they put me through. Sometimes I get so scared I can't breathe and I hyperventalate. My dad called the police on me once my second year of high school just because I wouldn't go to sleep. I am scared he will do that again. I tried to report my parents at school but nothing ever happened. I am afraid to report them...I think everyone else in my family will hate me especially my sister. I told the police officer when he came to my house that my parents would hit me and they abuse me but she didn't believe me and as he walked away he said to my dad, "As long as you don't break the bones it's ok." I live a life in constant fear and feel like I can't do anything about it except run away. The only people who accept me for who I am and love me are my grandparents on my moms side. I grew up with them and feel safe at their house. I already have a suitcase packed and am ready to go. Is there any advice you can give me please? Thank you.

  • #2
    Running away to my grandparents?

    Hello,

    Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.
    We are so sorry that you are going through such a bad experience at home with your family.
    It is most unfortunate that your parents seem to have forsaken your feelings as their daughter and that they choose to treat you in what sounds like an abusive manner. You don't deserve to be treated this way and we hope you understand that it is not your fault for how they choose to behave.

    It sounds like you are thinking about possibly staying with your grandparents.
    It must feel comforting to know that there is a place you can go with people that will treat you well.
    Let us inform you that NRS does not have the legal expertise to advise you on custody issues, we may be able to help you locate legal services in your area where you can seek the legal information in regards to your situation. Child abuse is a very serious issue we understand that it must be very difficult for you to file an abuse report out of fear of the reactions your parents, sister or other family members might have. You are not the enemy you are a victim and you should not have to live in fear of your parents abusing you. You have shown great bravery in contacting NRS tonight. Standing up for yourself is something to be proud of. Good for you.

    We can only imagine what it must be like for you living day to day in fear and hurt.
    Should you decide you would like to file a child abuse report you can do so through NRS or this referral:

    Child Help USA: 1-800-422-4453 24hrs
    www.childhelpusa.org
    We and they can assist you in connecting with Child Protective Services in your area to file an abuse report. How does that sound?

    Sometimes having someone to listen can be quite comforting.
    How much do your grandparents know about what is going on at home?
    Since you are thinking about living with them perhaps they might advocate for you and take legal action for custody. You are 17yrs old now in most states 18yrs of age is considered being a legal adult.
    How long is it until you turn 18yrs old?

    NRS has a national data base with information and referrals for services such as counseling, emergency shelter, legal services and or child abuse reporting etc..
    Your safety is important so it's good to have a plan. Since you talked about being fearful with being at home with your parents perhaps we can help you locate an emergency shelter for youth in your area.
    Some cities and states have safe place shelters for youth and teens that are in crisis at home and don't feel safe there. How does that sound? Should you decide

    We are glad you reached out to NRS and if you would like to speak or explore more options about your situation please call our 24hr crisis line at: 1-800-Runaway (786-2929).
    You can also visit www.1800Runaway.org and sign into our live chat session.
    NRS live chat is available from 4:30pm until 11:30pm (CST) 7 days a week. Click here: http://www.nrschat.org:88/chat/UserF...eptid=&userid=

    The National Runaway Safeline is here to listen here to help and is confidential.
    We thank you again for contacting NRS and hope that expressing your feelings to us has made you feel better about locating help.

    Take Care,

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/NRSOnlineServicesSurvey
    Last edited by ccsmod3; 09-23-2014, 04:24 PM.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      I have the opposite problem...

      I'll be 17 in December of this year. I want to move out so badly. I understand that it's harder to live on your own, but I cannot stand it at my grandparent's house. My grandmother is mostly the problem. I got a job a few months ago, and she persuaded and convinced me to make a bank account. During the summer, she was taking my money without my knowledge; so basically she stole it from me. She owes me over 1000 dollars, and is still trying to get me to put my money in the bank. I tell her no all the time, and she screams and hollers at me, or she brings up something to make me feel guilty.

      My grandfather isn't really a problem. But she tells him everything I say or do.

      I also have Internet friends who have treated me better than most of my family. They're not middle-aged pedophiles, they're kids, just like me, who go to school and have their own problems. My grandmother is against the Internet, and does not know I have Internet friends. My parents do, and they're fine with it. But my grandmother has heard those horror stories about what happens when kids talk to people on the Internet. And watches Dr. Phil. I can't stand it, honestly. If my grandmother takes away my Internet, I'll be bored, and depressed out of my f*** skull. I have no friends where I live, I don't have a car, the town near me isn't within walking distance (It might be, but it's dangerous. There's no cops to monitor the road I live on). The Internet and my friends on it is all I have. I have tried telling her that people can have friendships on there, and that people find and marry each other because of it. She twisted my words, and told my grandpa that I said: "Talking to strangers online is okay." I didn't say that at all, and it might be taken from me because of that bulls***.

      She isn't kind, caring, understanding, or nurturing towards me. She only tells me I'm good when I give her money, or cover her ass if she spends it all. Telling me that: "You're such a good kid." in a sincere tone when I give her money.

      I don't think I can wait it out till I'm 18. I think I want to move with my dad. He's not the best person, but he's a hell of a lot better than my grandmother is. Please, what suggestions do you have?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I have the opposite problem...

        If you have contacted NRS today through another means (for example, live chat, email or bulletin) for the same issue, it would be helpful to let us know that you have already contacted us. NRS understands it takes courage to reach out for help; therefore, we would like to minimize the need for you to repeat your situation and avoid offering you duplicate services.
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          My 13 year old daughter ran away to her grandmother house,I call her and said bring my daughter back home,she said no because my daughter said she doesn't want to live at home,I said ok I'll just call the cops and her grandmother said that she will tell the cops that I abuse my daughter and also my kids I have at home!!!

          Comment


          • ccsmod14
            ccsmod14 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi there,

            Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds you are having some difficulty getting your daughter to return home and may be overwhelmed by things at home right now.
            We’re not legal experts here but we can speak generally about your options. 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without a parent or legal guardian’s permission, this varies from state to state depending on the age of majority. If they are under 18 and leave home, their parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and may be returned home by police (which is not a criminal offense, it is a status offense). Also, those your friend stays with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway (this is a criminal offense). For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.

            If the grandmother were to tell authorities that you abuse your daughter and they find it to be true, it could affect your custody of your daughter. It might be helpful to limit police or child protective services and think about what is best for your daughter and her safety—physically, emotionally, and mentally. It sounds like she trusts her grandmother and went there for safety. Maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your daughter and her grandmother to come up with a solution that returns your daughter home and keeps your relationship with her intact. One option we have here at the National Runaway Safeline is a conference call. We could make sure that you are able to say how you are feeling and come up with a plan together for you and her to feel better at home.
            Please remember you can reach us directly to explore more or other options by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat which is open every day from 4:30p to 11:30p CST and can be accessed here:

            http://www.1800runaway.org/

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (crisis email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Take care,
            NRS

        • #6
          I want to run away from my grandparents I'm almost thirteen and I wanted to do this thing at school and my brother is a year younger then me we both wanted to do this thing at school but we ride the bus and my bus driver told our grandparents about something that happened a year ago and they won't let us go we told alot of people that we were going and we practised for a long time I told my grandmother and she was mad at me and my brother was mad because people kept asking him why he never did anything at school at that it is soooo much fun and he thought maybe the stars were lining for him to go and finally have fun and when he found out he had a panic attack he said his heart hurt and I got really scared but then it went away and he felt fine but we called our father in the prosses and he said that that was very stupid and that he wouldn't punish us at all because we didn't get along with 1 or 2 kids on the bus and every time we got in trouble he always said everything our grandparent do like if we eat something we didn't ask to we would get in trouble but today is the thing and I am thinking about running away because the bus will leave before the thing and I want to ask my dad if he could come and pick us up so we can go and live with him and tell my grandparents I'm done living with them.

          Comment


          • ccsmod8
            ccsmod8 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hello there,

            Thank you for reaching out to NRS. We are very sorry to hear that you are in a tough situation. We are glad that you reached out to us for help, though. It takes a lot of courage to seek out help when you need it.

            You mentioned that your grandparents will not let you go to an activity going on at your school. We are not sure what this activity is, but it sounds like you really want to go. We are very sorry to hear that you are not allowed to. It sounds like this “thing” is very important to you and your brother since you mentioned that you and your brother practiced a lot for it. It is a scary situation to be in when someone close to you has a panic attack, you did the right thing in calling your dad for support. From what you mentioned, it seems like your dad is willing to support and help you and your brother. You also said you want to run away and go live with your dad. We are not legal experts here at NRS, but to our limited knowledge, we know that running away is not illegal. It might be a good idea to talk with your dad and your grandparents before making a decision that can change your life. We offer a service here, it is a conference call. It is basically a three-way call. You call us at our hotline number and we talk to you about your situation and we then call out to your parents. This helps you so you do not feel like you have to talk to them (dad and grandparents) alone. Or you can just call us and we can go through some options that may be helpful for you. Or if you just need someone to talk to that will not judge you or tell what to do, we are here. Another helpful resource may be your school counselor or social worker. They may be able to support you and help you and your brother find ways to be more involved in school activities.

            Again, thank you for reaching out to NRS. We hope the information we gave you is helpful. If you would like to talk further about your situation, please do not hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or start a live chat with us online. We wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out for you. Remember, we are here to listen, we are here to help.

        • #7
          I don't like living with my grandparents and want to live with my mom because my mom helps me with my problems be there for me understand and punish me for things I should be punished

          Comment


          • ccsmod5
            ccsmod5 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi,
            It sounds like you’re going through a difficult situation. You deserve to feel safe, supported, and loved at home and we’re sorry your grandparents aren’t able to provide that for you. It’s great that your mom is a support to you when you have problems. While we’re not legal experts, we can try to help out the best we can. If your grandparents have custody of you, they would need to give you permission to stay with your mom. If you don’t think your grandparents would allow you, then another option would be for your mom to file for legal custody of you by getting a family lawyer. Yet another option would be to try to work it out with your grandparents by having a conversation about what you need and what makes you feel supported. It could be helpful to have another adult there to keep the conversation calm and fair, like a counselor, a family member (like your mom, maybe), or a therapist. If you wanna talk more about your situation, you can always call us at 1-800-786-2929. Best of luck to you.

        • #8
          I don't want to go home because my grandparents are soooooooo mean I want to stay with my mom and have told my grandparents may times they know I hate being with them they won't let me leave I cry almost every day because I hat being there I want to run away to my mothers house I need all the tips I can get and please reply fast.

          Comment


          • ccsmod9
            ccsmod9 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hello there,
            Thanks for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline today. We’re so sorry you’re being punished at home for things that you shouldn’t be punished for. That sounds really frustrating.
            We’re not legal experts here. If your grandparents have custody, you may need their permission to live with your mom. It might be helpful to talk to your mom about wanting to live with her and maybe she can help you talk to your grandparents about moving. If you left and lived with her without their permission (granted, if they have custody), your grandparents could call the police and report you as a runaway. If you are found at anyone’s house that isn’t your legal guardian, they might be charged with “harboring a runaway” and you could be returned home.
            If you have more questions are wanted to talk to someone about this issue in more detail, please give us a call here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We’re 24/7 and confidential, we’d love to hear from you!
            Stay strong,
            NRS

        • #9
          I'm 12 years old and the reason why I want to live with my grandma is because tonight my sister was yelling at me because I wouldn't share my cover with her so I got mad but I didn't do anything. So then she went to go tell my dad and he hite with a belt and I had two bruises. But it went away. So Everytime my sister's do something to me I always get in trouble for it. Do you think you can give advice and you can talk to DCF and help me get custody to live with my grandma? PLEASE!!!!!!!!! YALL MY ONLY HOPE!!!!!

          Comment


          • #10
            Reply: I'm 12 years old

            Hi there,
            Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.

            We are sorry you are being punished out of your sister’s behavior.
            It sounds like you have had a number of issues between you and she.
            Perhaps you might consider talking with your grandmother and explaining what has been going on at home and how frustrating it has been for you.
            Perhaps she might even try and help by talking with your dad about the idea of staying with her. It sounds like you would just like to be treated fairly at home.
            Having someone to listen and understand would probably be nice.

            We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
            Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

            If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
            We hope to hear from you soon.

            Be safe,
            NRS

            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment


            • #11
              i'm 12 years old.d

              i have thought about running away multiple times but i have never done it. i have a bad relationship with my family. my sisters hit me because they think its funny. i went though an about a 7 month depression phase last year and wanted to kill myself everyday. i have started to go through the phase again and i wondering if i should leave. my grandparents are very loving and understanding and i feel that they would understand. i'm not sure if my parents would like it but i'm miserable at home. i try to make it go away by pushing my feelings down because of all the peer pressure at home. i get teased, bullied and not taken seriously because i am a kid and i am a boy. they think in have to be a person that is different to who i am. they are always putting me down for their enjoyment. it makes my cry at night and be down the whole day. i have been taught that a boy cannot show feelings and they shouldn't care about anything. i get so mad when they say things like this but when i try to say something they just laugh at me or don't listen.
              i'm not sure but i think i will do it. i am not physically abused at home but i feel terrible everyday because of them.
              should i run away to my grandparents or not. i really don't know.
              please help me and respond as soon as possible.

              Comment


              • ccsmod1
                ccsmod1 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hey there,

                Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. Your sisters have no right to hurt you like that and your parents should be supporting you, not making you feel bad. No matter your gender, you are allowed to express your feelings and emotions and be true to who you are.
                Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

                You mentioned that you have previously had thoughts of suicide. We care a lot about your safety, and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Hotline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time.

                If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

                All the best,
                NRS

            • #12
              So I want to leave my house for various reasons but mainly because my dad treats me like less then a person. I am the youngest of 5 siblings and 2 of them moved into my grandmas because they had issues with there parents. My grandmas told me I could stay there but at the same time I am scared my moms gonna call the cops. I live in Colorado i don’t know the laws on if my grandma can take care of me but I just need to get out.

              Comment


              • #13
                Reply: So I want to leave my house

                Hello,
                Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

                We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We are not experts on the law but general information is that your parent's must give consent or there must be a legal transference of custody through court in order for you to move out of your parent's home.

                We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

                Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
                If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to or seek emergency assistance immediately.


                Take care,
                NRS


                We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us
                Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                National Runaway Safeline
                [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                Tell us what you think about your experience!
                https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                Comment


                • #14
                  Teen not getting along with parent. teen can’t have a civil conversation with parent without parent getting agitated. Teen experiencing a lot of anxiety have been coming to spend night with grandparent. I don’t want to get in to any legal trouble. What can I do?

                  Comment


                  • ccsmod15
                    ccsmod15 commented
                    Editing a comment
                    We're sorry you (assuming you are the teen) aren't getting along with your parent right now and are having some anxiety. To answer your question directly, if you have permission to stay the night or even live with you grandparent, no one would get into any legal trouble. It gets more complicated if you don't have permission to leave. Your parent can file a runaway report and anyone you stay with could be accused by your parent of harboring a runaway, which is a misdemeanor in most jurisdictions. By the way, running away isn't a crime, but it is a status offense like breaking curfew. If found, the police would likely bring you back home.

                    We'd like to help further but would need some more information from you to help. The best way for us to do that is if you give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat with us via the portal at www.1800runaway.org. Our chatroom and phone lines are open 24/7 and we are a confidential, safe place to talk about what you're going through. We also have a large database of resources that we might be able to connect you with: things like shelters, counselors, legal aid, and the like.

                    We hope to hear from you soon. Please stay safe!

                    NRS

                • #15
                  Hi i am 15 about to turn 16 in August i live in Texas and i want to leave because they're (my grandparents) verbally and mentally abusive. My mom and i live with my grandparents but my grandparents have no legal rights over me and my mom said if i left she wouldn't stop me but ik my grandma would call the police. But couldn't she really do anything about it, would they take her call?

                  Comment


                  • ccsmod13
                    ccsmod13 commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Hi there,

                    Thank you for taking the time to write us here at NRS and we appreciate you sharing your situation with us. You do not deserve to be emotionally abused and it's understandable you would want to get away from that. You deserve to be treated with respect and to feel supported.

                    We are not legal experts, but we can speak generally on this. It sounds like your mom is your legal guardian and she is responsible for you until she turns 18. This means your mom is in control of where you live and not your grandmother. If your mom gives you permission to live somewhere else then you would not be considered a runaway. Now, your grandmother can attempt to call police and report you as a runaway. We can't say for sure exactly how police might respond to this.Ultimately, the decision to have police return you home or not would be up to your mother as your legal guardian.

                    We hope this information helps. If you would like to talk more about your situation, please do not hesitate to contact us directly. We are available 24/7 for immediate support by phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through live chat at 1800runaway.org.

                    Stay strong,
                    NRS
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