Help Me!

[Guest]

HELP!!
My parents are constantly fighting with each other and are having a HUGE problem with their relationship. The only thing keeping them together is $$ (my dad has been out of work for 5 yrs. and needs my mom's money)

They are always taking their anger out on me both verbally and occasionally physically. And often by un-called-for and severe punishments.

I have absolutely no trust in my guidance counselor because of incidents in the past. School is over so i cannot talk to any teachers. There is no family member i could talk to because it would get back to my parents.

Also, my dad is on drugs and has been hiding it from me and my mom. I found out. He doesn't know, and when my mom finds out the cops will almost definitely have to intervene.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!?!?!
GET ME OUT OF THIS LIVING HELL!!

[ccsmod8]

Re: Help Me!

Hello,
Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Switchboard. We emphathize with your difficult situation and hope that we could help in some way. It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot lately and you certainly do not deserve to be treated that way. It is also not fair to you that your parents are taking their frustrations out on you. Like you said, "uncalled and severe punishments", isn't necessary if not able to be explained and along with verbal and physical abuse, these acts are all considered illegal in most states. Have you spoken to anyone else (close friends) about what's been happening to you at home? Have you ever thought about reporting this to anyone before? How have you been coping with all this? Are you able to get by and what is a normal day like for you at home? You do have a right to be protected from harm and if you do feel like you are in a harmful situation, then if is probably best to contact you local Child Protective Services (CPS) to inquire about what you could do to protect yourself. You are welcome to call Justice for Children at 1800-733-0059 to talk more about what rights you have in this situation. However, you do have the option of calling us here at 1-800-Runaway and we are here 24 hours/day to handle your situation and take the issue in whatever direction you choose. We are not in the position to define what abuse is but it is safe to suggest that if you do feel like it is abuse then it probably is. It sounds like you tried to reach out to people at school but they were of no help. School officials are mandated reporters and if you bring an issue to their attention, they are required by law to report it. The same is true for us here at NRS, in that if you called us and offer us information about what is happening and gave us specific names and numbers of the persons involved then we are also require to report it. There are pros and cons to child abuse reporting and if founded then the state is probably going to have to do what is right by you. If unfounded with an investigation through CPS, then maybe you are risking the chance of your parents using that against you more in the future. However, if anything comes of the issue then you could be taken to a safer place. It sounds like you are at that point where you need a change to take place. Is there anyone that you can trust to advise you on these issue? If not, we are here 24hrs/day and it is completely confidential here. No one is going to find out that you spoke to us. You are to be commended for taking the time to figure out what is happening to you and what you can do to feel empowered. It sounds like an unsafe environment if your father is using drugs and these are all issues that could be investigated if brought to light. Do you think you will tell your mother about dad using and how might she react to you for knowing? It must be difficult to have to carry such a burden. It is best that you follow your instincts and if that fails, then feel free to seek outside help and that is what we are here for; to listen. You do have options and you have the choice not to feel unsafe in your own home. Good luck and we wish that you call if you need us.

[Guest]

Re: Help Me!

Have you spoken to anyone else (close friends) about what's been happening to you at home?
No. I do not have anyone close enough to me that i could talk to.

Have you ever thought about reporting this to anyone before?
No. As bad as my situation is, I dont want to risk the consequences (being sent away from home, my parent hating me more, etc.) that could result from reporting this issue.

How have you been coping with all this?
About a year and a half.

Are you able to get by and what is a normal day like for you at home?
it varies from day to day. today has been good so far, but yesterday was worse than hell.

It sounds like you tried to reach out to people at school but they were of no help.
Actually, my guidance counselor knows my dad, so anything i say to her could get back to my dad. And, i dont feel comfortable talking to my teachers about this. Even if i did, my guidance counselor would find out.

Do you think you will tell your mother about dad using and how might she react to you for knowing?
I have been struggling with this question for a few months now. First, im not sure how to even begin this discussion. Second, she may already know. Also, this would cause my dad to hate me, and it would result in a bitter and probably violent divorce and future for me. How do you think i should handle this?

I do not feel comfortable calling your number because if abuse is suspected, i do not want CPS to come into my house.
Is there a number i can call where even if abuse is suspected CPS will not find out?

Please help me out with this problem.

[ccsmod8]

Re: Help Me!

Hello,
Thank you for writing us back for more suggestions on what could be done about your situation at home. We do emphathize with the fact that you do not have anyone to confide in about the situation because it sounds like a lot for one person to deal with, especially when you feel stuck between protecting yourself and protecting your loved ones. We understand that you do not feel comfortable calling our number but we are a very confidential hotline and do not share information with outside sources unless you desire for that to happen. We do not keep track of callers and do not know where you are calling from. Your number will not show up on our phones because the number gets blocked. We are only required by law to file child abuse report only if you give us the name of your parents and your telephone number or address but we cannot under any circumstance track that information and do not require it of you to offer that information when you call. You can talk about the abuse but you do not have to report it if you do not give us that information. Since you do not have anyone to talk to or confide in, we are here 24 hours/day to take your call and take the issues in whatever direction you want. However, this is just one option and we understand what you are risking if you filed a report. Nonetheless, you deserve to be safe and vent about what is happening to you and we are here for you if and when you need us. Good luck and we look forward to hearing from you.

[Guest]

Re: Help Me!

Thanks.

I'll probably call soon.

What do you think about trying to make my parents divorce in a way that I wont get any blame? That way, their arguments wouldnt get taken out on me.

Any other suggestions for improving my situation are appreciated also.

[ccsmod5]

Re: Help Me!

A reply from NRS

If you feel like you are willing and able to do something to that extent, then that is something you have to decide on your own. We cannot tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Have you thought about the consequences if that doesn't turn out the way you want it to? DO you think it'd be good to have a plan sketched out before doing something like that?

[Guest]

Re: Help Me!

How can i bring up my dad's drug usage with my mom?

Thanks.

[ccsmod5]

Re: Help Me!

A reply from NRS

What has worked in the past when you wanted to bring something up to your mom? Do you think you could ask your mom if she knows that your dad has a drug problem? Seems like you have something really important to bring up to her, but if it doesn't go well, would you be willing to talk to someone else about this issue?

[Jacob81713]

Help me

Okay idk where to start but . My girlfriend is going threw like a family thing but nobody there for her only me she lives with her mom and her mom just use her only to clean she can't go out side and her mom goes out to party and get druck while she always home having to watch her brother and her mom would always want stuff to be done specifically and she does it the way she does and she would still yell at my girlfriend for something else and her mom would leave her home hungry and I would go to feed her and her brother , she can't never go outside she can't have friends come over , I can't even come over but I still do cause I love her but I come secretly and I need help cause she wants to run away and I don't Want her to live there but I'm scaryed bout her safety , so I told her ill go with her but I'm still kinda scaryed . Idk what to do . She means a lot to me , I want the best for her and her dad thinks she a lier cause he believe everything her mom says , her parent's don't like me at all and I'm trying to get her emencipated so she can come with me and live we me and we can be happy together and don't have to worry bout it but Idk what age you have to be to get emencipated in the Pennsylvania.

[ccsmod14]

Re: Help me

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us at National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like your girlfriend has been going through a lot. It seems like you care a lot about her and she has a lot of support from you which is a great thing to hear.

So you talked a lot about what she has been going through, and that her dad does not believe what she says. Here at National Runaway Safeline we offer conference calling with youth and guardians. If communicating to either of her parents with an unbiased 3rd party might be helpful, she can call into 1 800 RUNAWAY (786 2929).
You asked about emancipation. We want to let you know that we are not legal experts here, but what we do know about emancipation is that it can be a long process (about 6 months), and it can be expensive. If she would like to get connected to a legal resource, we would be happy to help her out in order to get more specific information to her situation.

It sounds like you both have been thinking about running away. We will not tell you what to do or not to do, because you know your situation better than we do. We just want to make sure that you and your girlfriend are safe in whatever you decide to do. There are a few things that might be helpful for you and your girlfriend to think about in deciding whether or not to leave home:

What else can I do to improve my home situation before I leave?
What would make me stay at home?
How will I survive?
Is running away safe?
Who can I count on to help me?
Am I being realistic?
Have I given this enough thought?
What are my other options?
If I end up in trouble, who will I call?
When I return home, what will happen?

We are confidential and anonymous, and here 24/7. Have you given our information to your girlfriend, so that we can talk to her more about her situation? We also have a chat option available through our website, 4:30pm to 11:30pm CST at 1800runaway.org if she would prefer talking online. We are here to support you in any way that we can. If you need more resources or support, do not hesitate to call or chat us.

Good luck and stay safe,
NRS