hospital, cutting or suicide?

Re: hospital, cutting or suicide?

Yea...I've been on the computer for a really long time and I keep waiting for a reply...so they're pretty fast back. haha

My parents ALWAYS make me want to scream. Like tonight I went outside and was laying down for awhile when my mom came outside and she was yelling at me about how I needed to come outside. All I was doing was listening to music! I wasn't even doing anything wrong! And it's not like I had things to do!

I try to cope by like taking a walk, or listening to music...but with how my parents are, that usually doesn't work out. I don't get why they won't let me have some freedom so that I maybe can feel better. It's just so frustrating.
I walk home from school everyday--so sometimes that helps--but I was walking right by the canal and thought about just jumping over the railing. It wouldn't be that hard and it's basically impossible to live from jumping into the canal.

Gosh...I don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel like there's anything left.

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Re: hospital, cutting or suicide?

Wow. That was a quick reply back! Sorry that your parents don’t ever seem to understand. It’s probably extremely frustrating to feel like you’ve tried to talk to them in a number of different ways, but they still never get it. Do they make you want to scream? It’s probably like talking to a wall. We completely understand that conferencing a call isn’t for everyone. Some parents wouldn’t go for it at all and it could make things worse after it’s over. That’s why we just throw it out there as an option and never tell youth what to do.

Is there anything that you do that seems to help you cope with everything? That may seem like a silly question since you’re probably feeling like you’re not coping and that’s why you have the thoughts you do. But is there anything in your life that brings you some peace and takes the pain away for a while, something that’s positive? Maybe once you’re able to see the therapist (if it finally stops getting delayed), he or she can really help you find positive coping mechanisms and offer you the support you need.

We’re glad to hear that you think you could call us if you wanted to conference with 911. We’re always available and they’re always available, so anytime day or night you can call us. We’d be happy to conference with them anytime. There are also local organizations or mental health lines that could possibly help, which we could also conference with. Again, just the fact that you’re reaching out for help shows how much you want to start feeling better. Keep searching and working towards it.

Re: hospital, cutting or suicide?

I've tried so hard to talk to my parents and they never ever seem to understand. They always think that I can get through it and that I can live through "another day" but they don't get how I really am feeling. I've tried so hard to make them understand but they just don't get it.

I have attempted suicide in the past by overdosing...I didn't ever take enough to do anything though. And as far as a plan for this time is, I have a couple of ideas in mind and they would be things that are extremely easily accesible. And for the categories--they are all pretty high as far as the risk scale goes, but I don't think it would really matter to my parents...they are just the kind of people that don't care what is said, they stick to their original ideas.

I don't think that a conference call with my parents would be such a good idea--they would probably just get PISTED afterwards--and I wouldn't be able to call 911 by myself...but if I ever think about calling 911 first I think I'll set up a conference call...and then I won't chicken out either.

[ccsmod1]

Re: hospital, cutting or suicide?

Hi. Thanks for posting on our wall and giving us a second chance. We want to first apologize for your experience calling us earlier. From the little you wrote, it doesn’t sound like the person you talked to wasn’t following our guidelines for how we talk to callers. We do have expectations for our liners (the people that answer the phone), but realize that sometimes people will stray from them. Just so you know, it’s perfectly appropriate to ask for a supervisor if you feel that the person you’re talking to isn’t being helpful or worse yet, is rude (or just hang up and call back later, we don't mind).

With that said, it sounds like you’ve been dealing with some really difficult feelings and emotions. You also sound very self-aware about the different issues and possible outcomes from all you’ve been experiencing. We’re so sorry to hear that your parents haven’t been supportive and are more worried about their reputations, then your safety and happiness. Are there people in your life that do support you? It seems from what you wrote that you want the support and guidance that being in an inpatient setting provides you. This goes to show how much you care about yourself. Being able to admit you can’t do it yourself is a sign of great strength and even maturity, so it’s too bad your dad doesn’t seem to understand this. You’ve been doing all you can to reach out for help from those around you. Do you think there are any other ways of talking to your parents to get them to understand how serious this is?

Have you ever attempted suicide in the past? Do you have a plan of how you would do it this time? You may already know this, but you have the right to call the police or go to any hospital if you feel like hurting yourself. Most areas have a mandatory 72 hour holding period for people they deem a suicide risk. This is one option to keep yourself safe if you feel like it might help. One way that the hospital may evaluate your seriousness is using the SLAP scale (developed by Miller 1986). S: how specific are the details of the plan; the greater specificity, the higher the risk. L: how lethal is the intended method; the more lethal method, the higher the risk. A: what is the availability of the proposed method; the more available the means, the higher the risk. P: what is the proximity to helping resources; the farther from help the greater the risk. The fact that you have a date in mind obviously plays into how specific your plan is. What about the other three categories? Do you think if you were to approach your parents with the above scale and your plans, they may take you more seriously?

One thing that we can do here is a conference call with your parents. The way it works is that you would call us and talk to the liner about what’s been going on and how you’ve been feeling. You would mention you want to do a conference call with your parents (if the liner doesn’t bring it up first). We would talk to you before calling them about what you want to discuss with them and what you’d like to get out of the call. We would then call them (whichever one you preferred to talk to) and just briefly explain who we are and why we’re calling. We wouldn’t tell them anything you’d told us. Then we’d bring all three of us together. At that time, we would set up ground rules for the conversation such as no interrupting, yelling, etc. We want to give both parties a chance to speak and be listened to. We could then help you talk to them about how much you feel you need professional help (either hospital or therapy) for all this and need their support to do so. It may not make them completely change their perspectives, but it may be worth a shot. You’re welcome to give us a call if you want to try this. One thing to keep in mind is that if you may not want to be in the same house during the conference call your parents could potentially just make you hang up the phone, but we’ve done conference calls like that before.

Even though it’s probably extremely hard to keep fighting to get the help you need, it’s great that you are. It shows your dedication and devotion to bettering yourself. We’re glad to read that you recognize that the hospital in Boise helped when you were there. It sounds like you just need more long-term help, whether it be going back to the hospital for some time or getting into regular therapy. It’s tough sometimes when youth are able to see the reality of things more than their parents (when their parents are the ones that have control over a lot of things). But in the end, with the way you’re feeling there is help out there for you whether your parents agree and consent to it or not. If it comes down to needing to call 911 to keep yourself safe, do you think you could do it? We could also conference a call to your local law enforcement if you didn’t feel comfortable doing it yourself.

As alone as you probably feel, know you’re not. Other people may not be able to tell you exactly what to do, but we (and the suicide hotline) are here to support you in any way we can. The road to feeling better will probably be a long and often times hard one, but with the proper support and personal determination, you’ll make it. Give us a call again if you want to utilize any of the above services, if you want referrals to any local organizations or just want to talk more about any of this. Someone is here 24/7.

Hey--I really need some help here on figuring out what to do...
I was at Intermountain (mental hospital in Boise, Idaho) in late March for depression, thoughts of suicide, running away and for hurting myself and after going there I seemed to get better, or at least feel better somewhat.
And now, here in April, I am starting to feel really depressed again. I've thought about cutting (haven't done it before), and I've started erasing my skin a couple of days ago, and nobody really knows about that. I've tried talking to my parents about it and telling them that I think that I need to go back, and that I almost want to go back, I know that sounds weird, and all they do when I tell them that is that they don't want me to go back because it will give our family a bad reputation and that we don't have the money...and my dad seems to think that I can get through it by myself, which I don't think I can. I'm thinking about killing myself next Saturday if I can't get back to the hospital. And I've even tried telling that to my dad, but all he says is that I'm lying and that I wouldn't kill myself.
I have a therapist but I haven't even ever gone to see him yet. The appointments kept getting more and more delayed, and now I've kind of given up on bugging my parents about going to see him...they don't want me to go.

If I can't figure this out soon I'm probably just going to kill myself. It doesn't seem like there's much left to do.

Oh...and I called the 1-800-SUICIDE number and they seemed to help somewhat--even though I promised that I would call back, which I haven't because my dad is home now so I can't... [edited]...Maybe on these bulletin boards you guys will be friendlier and actually help for once.