Planning on leaving

[Unregistered]

My parents have nearly driven me to the edge and i want to leave befode i do something that i regret.

They make me do all the work around the house, tell me to drop what I'm doing to go do something else. Then while im doing that job that i was just told to do, they complain about the first thing not being done.

My step-dad is in the military, so i understand him being tired when he gets home, but my mom lays in bed, promises to do things, then never does them because she's tired, yet stays up until 3:00 am watching television.

I was living with from 2011 to last year in august, but it turns out that my parents had gotten two more dogs, making a grand total of 5. 7 ferrets, and 15 fish. They took care of them with no trouble, then i got here and they suddenly needed me.

On top of all this, they tell me that i don't do enough and when i try to sit down to talk to them, they don't let me explain how I feel before I'm "Shirking my responsibilities" or "procrastinating to avoid any work."

I was thinking of leaving via train next year and laying low until after i turn 18. Any advice that i can hear would be wonderful, because I'm scared about leaving.

[ccsmod7]

Re: Planning on leaving

Hello -

Thank you for reaching out and sharing a little bit about your situation. It sounds like you are going through a tough time at home right now and really frustrated about your situation. You mentioned that your parents are driving you to the edge and it sounds like you are fed up with what is going on. It sounds like you have tried to talk with them about this but feel they never let you talk. Have you been able to talk with anyone else about this or get any further support?

It sounds like you have gotten to the point that you are thinking of leaving but still concerned about how you may do that. If you are under 18 and leave home without permission there is always the possibility that your parent/guardian can file a runaway report and the police may return you home if they find you. It's also important to think about how you can be safe, where you would stay, how you would eat, etc. While we can't make this decision for you it sounds like it may be helpful to have a listening ear and talk through safe options and resources. If you would like to discuss this more in depth please feel free to give us a call at our 24 hour hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We also have a live chat available from 4:30p to 11:30p CST. Our services are confidential and anonymous and there is always someone here to listen and here to help. Take care and be safe.

[Unregistered]

Thank you. I know where i'd be going and I have researched any loopholes that i could. I know how I'm going to eat and i have contacted people for help before. Nothing has helped so far, so I'm using this as a last resort. Thank you for responding and i will try to call that number at some point.

[ccsmod7]

Re: Planning on leaving

Thanks for reaching out again. We are glad to hear you are considering all of your options. It sounds like you have really thought about how you would be safe if you left and that is very important. We are always here if you want to talk and you know you can reach us 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY or through our live chat from 4:30p to 11:30p CST. Best of luck with everything.

[Unregistered]

I'm sorry. It's me again. My step-father has gone too far.

I went outside with my mom and step-dad and tried talking to them again. When i asked if they could please help with the messes they make or help with the dogs, my step-dad took me by my hair and dragged me, then threw me into the pool. My mother watched as he did this and when i came back up, my step-dad started yelling at me about how I'm in tge wrong and how I'm not the one who makes decisions. For about thirty minutes, he verbally attacked me. I don't have a way of calling Child Protective Services, but I need help and I need to get out of here soon.

[ccsmod3]

Re: Planning on leaving

Hello again,

It sounds like things have reached a critical point. We are here if you need us, but would prefer you trying to contact us directly either by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or Live Chat. Since calling doesn't seem to be an option at this time, we hope you'll be able to Live Chat. If none of those things work, you can email us at [email protected].

You don't deserved to be verbally attacked and it sounds like you are considering filing an abuse report. We can help you if you want to go that route. Please try contacting us directly. In the mean time, Child Help USA might be a good resource for you to check out. http://www.childhelp.org/

Good luck!


-NRS

[Max/Vanessa]

a year later...

I did run away, but I made it as far as Sanford and went back while they were still out.

I've been mentally and verbally abused for two years now and out of pure coincidences, I've lost all trust with my parents. Last year, I posted here and I'm still here after riding my bike 40 miles to Sanford. I came back and decided to ride out the storm, but nothing has changed. I have been considering a transgender operation since I was 14, but have now decided at the age of 17. I want to disappear, but I want them to know I'm safe. I just don't feel safe in the house with my stepdad. He is a control freak, flips out when anyone gives him contradicting proof to what he says, and feels like everyone else has less authority than him.

I just need somewhere to go and a way to get there. While I never have, I have now considered hurting myself and on top of all this, I can't rely on my parents anymore. They male promises they can't keep, I begged them to let me see a therapist so I can talk about my feelings and, just like everything, they won't do it because they feel it does not benefit them. they never said this, but it's obvious.

Please help.

By the way, I posted this, but found my old post, so I'm putting it here.

[ccsmod0]

re: a year later...

Hi there Max/Vanessa,

Thanks for reaching out again and updating us a year later. We don’t know what name you prefer, so we used both. We hope that’s okay with you. (Congrats by the way on the decision to transition!) It sounds like things have gotten really difficult at home. You’ve dealt with so much for so long. You sound like a major survivor. It also seems like you’re thinking about leaving home so that you are able to protect yourself. That’s smart. It’s good to think through your options. So let’s see how we can help you out.

If you’re looking for a place to stay, you can always check out www.nationalsafeplace.org to see if there is a place near to you where you can stay for a couple nights. Because you are 17, they would most likely have to contact your guardians, but it could be a place for you to go to get a bit of a break.

You also mentioned that you are thinking about hurting yourself. That can be an exhausting feeling to feel. It’s really great that you reached out and shared that with us. Another organization that might be helpful for you is the National Suicide Hotline (1800-273-8255). They have a lot of experience talking with people who feel really low. Another good one is Trans Lifeline (1877-565-8860). That is a hotline for trans folks who are feeling like hurting themselves or just looking for support. Check them out: http://www.translifeline.org/. You are not alone in this – there is support for you if you continue to reach out.

We hope that this is a helpful start for you. If you’d like to talk more about anything, please call or chat with us. You can call us 24 hours a day or chat with us through our website (www.1800runaway.org) from 4.30pm-11.30pm central time.

We look forward to your call or chat.

Good luck to you. Stay strong,

NRS

[Max/Vanessa]

Re: A year later.

Okay, so first, I would like to say that Vanessa is preferred, but I have a more pressing matter.

So my parents found out that I had posted here and they found out that I'm planning on doing a mtf transition. a big argument broke out and I told them to, and I spite, "Cool the f down" before tossing some of my things into a bag and walking across the 401 to go to my friend's house for the night. I left before things got out of control, but I'm back here today and they aren't speaking to me at all. I said good morning, apologized for some of the things I said, but they looked at me like I was a giant flying purple monster. They refused to say anything, but one of the things last night was my stepdad saying "Until you're 18, I am God"

Personally, I am not new to mental disorders and I can identify an authority complex from a mile away.

My stepdad thinks everyone is bellow him and with examination, I know he is the following:

Insecure
Obsessive Compulsive
Bipolar
He has no sense of when to admit others are right.
He is fairly antisocial
He is self-obsessed
He places himself on a pedastal
And finally, He does not have the life skills or the people skills to raise a child. He thinks things are always going to be cut cleanly, so I'm just going to wait until I'm 18 and not shatter his illusion.

My mom, on the other hand, is severely dendent on others. she raised me into thinking I will always need her, even though I have a higher salary, what with blacksmithing and all, but she has become so dependent on my stepdad that she blindly follows him and will tale his side before even knowing what happened.

She is weak-willed
Will not hear someone out if she feels they are inadequate
will do anything to keep a bubble surrounding her life
is parwhile
thinks that everything she does puts her on a list of some sort
Has become reclusive due to reasons that are not true, such as "I'm uncomfortable outside of my bedroom" and "I don't do well in conversation".

She does not accept what's outside of her bubble and it has made her unfit to teach her children necessary life skills.

when I do leave, I will not say anything more than the not I will leave them. I will disappear and until she leaves my stepdad and newcomer self-dependent, she will never hear from me again.

In other words, They may have set the board, but I will not play their game. Nor will I be viewed as a pawn.

Thank you for giving me hotline info for those two things, but while I have thought about hurting myself, I doubt I ever will. I don't have the guts.

And also, I don't know why, but I know there's someone human responding, but it seems automated as well. I take it there's a specific way you respond to things?

on a sub note, I would like to share a son that's gotten me through some rough times, if I may.

[ccsmod12]

Re: A year later

Hi Vanessa,

It sounds like a lot has been happening between you and your parents recently. You mentioned that they found out you want to do a mtf transition and that led to a huge argument. Was that the first time you have spoken with them about being transgender? That must have been a really tough conversation to have and it sounds like it doesn’t help that your relationship with your parents, especially your step-dad, is already strained and you mentioned at times abusive.

It seems like ideally you would like to leave home but it also sounds like you are realistic about the trickiness of that because you are still 17. If you did decide to stay until after you turn 18 it certainly is important to feel safe and maybe think about ways you can feel supported during this time. It may not be your ideal situation but it sounds like you have really thought about what is going to be your best option at this point moving forward.

If you should ever need any further support you can always reach out to us, either through our 24 hour hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or our live chat available from 4:30p to 11:30p CST. We can assure you there is a real person on the end of this conversation and we are always here to listen. Take care and be safe.