I'm so close to giving up

[Unregistered]

I'm 98% sure my mom doesn't like me as much as my brothers. Whenever something goes missing, goes wrong , etc. she blames is on me and most of the time it's not my fault. It doesn't help that my dad believes that because I am a girl I have to do everything around the house. My mom will have good days sometimes and she won't yell at me but if she asks my dad or younger brother to do something he'll make me do it even if it's a mess that he or my brothers made and my mom doesn't say anything. I'm not medically diagnosed with depression or anxiety but from what I've read online and heard from my school counselor I appear to have both. I have suicidal thoughts and I prefer not to come out of my room unless its absolutely necessary and my parents seem to think that's the worst thing I could do. Both of my parents are against homosexuality and think that killing yourself is only for attention and because I once tried to explain to them that I support gay rights and don't think suicide is only for attention they often make fun of me for it and my dad even called me a lesbian (I am not) in front of my cousins and uncle. I don't know what to do, I feel like running away would be the best option but where would I go? I'm not old enough to get a good job, I don't have much money saved up, I don't have a friend's house to stay at and honestly, I'm scared. When I turn 19 I'm moving to Canada away from my family and I don't plan to ever come back but that's a little over 5 years away and that seems like an eternity. I don't know what to do.

[ccsmod5]

Re: I'm so close to giving up

Hey,

Thanks for reaching out to us. You sounds like someone with a good heart and people should respect your beliefs and needs. We're hearing that your parents are being unfair and holding you and your brothers to different standards because of your gender. If you have immediate family members that are very intense and strict, who do you usually turn to for support and reassurance?

Are you familiar with the phrase 'chosen family'? It's something that's used when people form their own circles of support and positivity to ensure that their needs are heard and met. If you're someone that supports, advocates and is an ally for LGBTQ people, there are probably many ways for you to have good people around you when your parents aren't (even if you don't identify as lesbian). If you're someone that understand mental health as more complicated than suicide is just for attention, there are groups of people that think the same way and will support you when you need something (whether you're suicidal or not).

Our point is that if home isn't supportive, can other place or group of people be that for you? If you're thinking about running from home, we'd like to explore that you to see what options are available to you. Please call us at 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We're anonymous, confidential and available 24/7. We're here to listen, here to help.

Best,
NRS