Choked by dad

[Guest]

...I don't know why my life has to be so creul. I find myself waking up every morning scared of what my parents might say or do next. Just today around 2 hours ago I had been choked by my father. I thought I was going to die. It was the first time his abusings had gotton this far, but I am not the least bit surprised. He always tells me that he will kill me one day or that he will get sent to jail because of me but he wouldnt care as long as Im dead. It seems that I am abused everyday (yeah even at 15 yearsof age). My mom well she likes to see me suffer. She is the "fuel" to the fire in him. I feel there is a big cultural thing in this...because they are from a country where supposedly the sons massage and kiss the mothers feet. My parents are always telling me that if I dont change they will send my back to their country and do things they arent allowed to do here and make me work the way the other teens do there. But back to why I started this post..I am very confused and very scared. My dad choked me because my mom was sick and he was saying things like back at his country he used to massage his sick mother and he used to take care of her. (all I was doing was sitting in my room studying). I dont want to say anything like "well this isnt the same country no is it?" for I know what would come out of it (a punch in the chest) so I just stay quiet and yet he comes for me and grabs me by the legs to throw me down and then he does something really scary...he chokes me. I remember my heart stopping once he had both hands around me. I was whispering "no stop" "your hurting me" and most of all......"Im sorry"...I just dont know if it should of been me or if it should be me to have to say sorry for HIS abuse. I remember looking into his eyes...oh how I will never forget them. They were filled with anger,hatred,and evil. They were the eyes of an abusive father that has grown me to hate him, the were the eyes of a maniac,....they were the eyes of a killer. I must stop now for writing this is a huge risk, but please help.. I just dont know what to do. I mean I dont want to leave for I cant imagine living any where else (Im afraid of leaving). All I really want is someone to talk to because none of my cousins/friends understand of will understand what Im going through. I keep telling myself "just three more years...three more and you could get away from all this....at the rate thing are going... I just dont know how much longer Ill last.

[ccsmod8]

Re: Choked by dad

Hello,

Thank you for taking time out of your already stressful situation to contact us at the National Runaway Switchboard and we hope that through our communication, that we are able to offer some emotional support, but supply you with some resources over the course of our correspondence. We imagine that you are in need of someone to talk to because it must be frustrating to wake up each morning and not know what the day is going to bring. Do you find that you are always trying to figure out what sort of mood your father is in, in order to know what kind of day you are going to have? When you find yourself doing this, do you feel like you have to tip toe around your parents to avoid a blow out? Do you find that when your parents act this way to you, that they are always trying to find ways to appease the situation afterwards? A life like this is not something you deserve. Usually, this means that you are probably involved in a cycle of violence, that is not likely to stop anytime soon if you do not find a way out or if your father is not willing to take responsibility for his actions.

It is not fair to you that you are living in such unsafe circumstances but there is help out there if you were willing to seek it out. As mandated reporters, we are not in the position to tell you what to do or even able to define abuse but if you feel that you are a victim of violence, we hope that you can find some time to reach us at our 1800RUNAWAY number for some help. We are required by law to report child abuse of any kind to Child Protective Services or if you simply wanted to talk about your situation, to have someone to vent to, we are here for that also. However, if you were to offer us names, numbers, and addresses of your parents, we are expected to report, in order for CPS to investigate. Although there are no clear outcomes for what can happen in your case, if an investigation took place, your parents can either be ordered to give up rights to you or made to attend family therapy. It is a matter of whether or not you are willing to deal with whatever outcome in the end. We are responsible for empowering you to make the best choice for yourself but to fill you in on all the possible options to your situation. The last thing we need is for you to file and end up being threated worst at home if nothing happens to keep you safe.

It baffles us, that your mother lives to see you suffer. It is sad that this is happening to you because there seems to be no reason for this approach to the consequences they are applying to your life. What do you think it is going to take to change your situation at home? Are you able to stand up or is it to the point where you are going to get hurt if you did? Are there certain points to which you can reach your parents? However, if your father had such hatred in his eyes, what is possibility of convincing him to seek some help for that? If you are afraid to get caught writing to us, you are able to reach us from any phone outside when you are free to talk. We hear you with not having anyone to talk to but if you feel like reaching out to an agency that is never going to judge you, please contact us anytime, day or night, to start a conversation about ways for you to remain safe. You shouldn't have to count the days or years in your own home to remain safe. You deserve the opportunity to strive in your environment. That is your right and no one should take that away from you. Please take some time to consider what we mentioned and we look forward to hearing from you. Good luck.

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: Choked by dad

...well if I were to call..is there any way my parents would find out? (Example: through the phone bill under the list of phone numbers called). You also said something about filing a report to CPS as a solution to this problem...and to have them give up their rights..well I have two younger siblings (one 5 year old brother and one 7 year old sister) and Iam afraid of leaving them as well as my outside family...for I know if I were to leave..things will never be the same. Is there any way I could have a cps agent just talk to me at school just to see how everything is going without ever meeting my parents?

[ccsmod5]

Re: Choked by dad

Hey,

If you were to call here, 1800 numbers do not show up on phone bills and we will never make an outgoing call to someone that called our hotline. Hopefully that would help you make a decision as to whether or not you should call the hotline.

And if you were to file a report with CPS, it would be near impossible for your parents to not be involved. If you did want to talk to someone face to face, would you ever consider talking to a counselor at school or someone you trusted?

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: Choked by dad

..I just dont think I ever could tell them..just because I feel that they wouldnt understand and...am a little scared to tell anyone I might know. I just really dont know what to do right now.

[ccsmod7]

Re: Choked by dad

It's understandable that you may be feeling scared and uncertain about opening up about this difficult situation. It's incredibly brave of you to open up on this board and you should be proud of yourself for that. As said before we are a confidential hotline and if you don't feel ready to make a report or talk with someone face to face, perhaps talking anonymously over the phone to someone first might help. There are people to help you in this situation and as hard as it may be to open up, that's what it may take to get you into a safe place. You can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY anytime, 24 hours a day. There is always someone here to help.

[Guest]

Re: Choked by dad

ok..so if I were to call do you have any idea (based out of your experience) what the best (and worst) case scenario might be?

[ccsmod1]

Re: Choked by dad

Assuming you’re referring to the possible outcomes of reporting the abuse, we can absolutely let you know how it generally works and different outcomes. It’s good that you’re really thinking through your different options and the pros and cons of each. It shows that you really want to do what’s best for you. We commend you for that. We’re glad you feel comfortable writing on our bulletins and hope we help you sort through whether you do want to report it or not.

The abuse reporting process basically works like this. You call the appropriate number to file an abuse/neglect report (during business hours you call your local office directly, after hours sometimes you would have to call a state-wide hotline). The person on the other end is there to 1) Decide if there’s enough info to take a report 2) Gather info for the report. They usually ask youth’s name, guardian’s name, address, phone, etc. Then they talk about details of the abuse-where, when, how severe, etc. They will also want to know if there are other children in the house, their ages and if they’re also being abused. In rare cases they may feel there isn’t enough information about the abuse OR that the abuse/neglect isn’t enough to warrant taking a report; this doesn’t happen very often and most likely wouldn’t happen in your case with the things you described to us in your first post. At the time of making the report, they also judge whether it’s an immediate crisis. If they determine it is, it’s possible they would send out a caseworker right away to talk to the youth and make sure they’re in a safe place. This doesn’t necessarily occur all that often. After they take the report it gets sent to an investigator/caseworker. If a report is taken, it will be investigated. In many states, they have within 24 hour-couple day time limit for when they first make contact with the youth. Best case scenario they would want to interview the youth without the parent’s presence (if this doesn’t happen, a youth can absolutely request to be apart from their parents). Many times they can come to the youth’s school to do so. But during this investigation process they will also want to talk to the parents, teachers, school counselors, relatives, siblings, etc. They usually want to get a thorough picture from all different sources what life at home is like for the youth. Many times they want to see medical records or physical evidence of abuse. After the investigation there are several possible outcomes: 1) No evidence of abuse 2) Some evidence, but not enough to open a case. 3) Evidence, the family is referred to local social services (counseling, parenting classes, etc). 4) Evidence and a case is open with Child Protective Services. The last option is when there is a caseworker assigned to the case and will work with the family to prevent the abuse/neglect. The goal of the caseworker then is to ensure that the youth and children are safe. If needed, the youth/children may be removed from the home. They generally want to keep families together, so youth/children are only removed when there’s no way to make home safe for them. If removed, they usually try to find a safe relative to place them with. The one thing to remember is this, even if a report is filed, investigated and no case is started, doesn't mean another report can't be filed later. Every new incident can be reported.

There’s really no way to predict what’s going to happen if you make a report. A big part of the process would probably involve being really honest and open to talking about what you’ve been through. We recognize that this is an extremely difficult thing to do, so just being willing to talk to us has been a great step. We’d be happy to talk to you more about your concerns and fears about reporting. Many youth are afraid of what might happen if they report and nothing happens, so we completely understand your hesitation. And as we said before we could also conference a call with CPS to talk to them anonymously first to see if they could give you more insight. Take this time now to empower yourself to make the decision that best fits what you want to do. We are more than willing to help you report it if that’s the route you chose. Even if you don’t want to report it, we’d be more than happy to talk to you about any of this. Once again, we’re 100% confidential and you can remain anonymous if you wish. We’re always here if you need us.

[Unregistered]

Oh Dear God Help Me

I have considered subside! Iv self harmed! I am depressed, and my parents have physically emotionally, verbally abused me. Iv been beaten with more then a hand, and my efforts are worthless. I want to just end it all, but I fret for the few that care, like the good side of parents that hides away when they are angry with me. See yesterday both my parents choked me pinned me and punched me. I keep having nightmares if people leaving me. I don't want everyone to just leave me to die! Lately iv been paranoid, antisocial, distant, angry, and sad, and fidgety! Help I'm so lost. I want therapy but my mom won't hear me out iv tried!!! I just need help so please advise? 😕😟

[ccsmod6]

RE: Oh Dear God Help Me

Hi there,

Thank you for contacting us here at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you have gone through some scary moments at home as you mentioned being abused. We are sorry that you have experienced such painful experiences. You do not deserve be mistreated in any way. There are laws that protect you and your safety. If you are ever in an unsafe situation, it is highly encouraged to reach out to the police and child protective services for help. Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 is a resource that you may utilize for help with making an abuse abuse/neglect report. We can also help you with this if this is something you would like to do. We are here to help in any way possible. Your safety is important, and we want to help ensure you are in a safe place. You mentioned some feelings that are often associated with depression. You also mentioned self-injury which seems to be a coping style you utilize. We have some resources that may be helpful to you.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) www.suicidepreventionlifeline.com can help with depression, anxiety, suicide and other issues you may be experiencing. To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA) is a resource for self-injury and helpful coping skills. We are always here to provide support and talk about some of the options available to you and hope you can reach out soon so that we may help. You do not have to go through this alone.

Please be safe and take care,

NRS

[Guest]

my dad said that he never layed hands on me he choked me put me againt the wall pushed me thats not abuse then what is

[ccsmod10]

Hi there,

Thanks for posting on our forum. We understand and appreciate the courage it takes to ask for help in a time of need.

From what you mentioned, it absolutely sounds like your dad is abusing you. He should never be putting his hands on your like that, no matter the situation. You do have the right to report the abuse to child protective services. If the abuse were found to be highly dangerous you would be removed from the home. To learn more about reporting abuse please do not hesitate to call us or the expert child advocates at Child Help 1-800-422-4453 to learn more about reporting. Also, talking to school counselors and teachers about what’s going on at home could provide you with great support.

We hope our response is helpful. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center, or use our chatting services via our website.

Be safe, NRS

We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

[Guest]

On the the 5th of may this year I work for my father and he put his hand around my neck and I felt like I would pass out but still I pushed him away. Yet in front of all our workers had saw him choke me so I left, but i still live in the same house and I can't cry without fearing that he would hurt me or just choke me. Yet he says that it hurts him to do that, but he would overpower me at work, at home some times and when my sister has her friends over he would yell in my face, pushed me around when he mad. Now I just can't take it anymore I am done. For me to cope I would drink vodka or I would vape. I need help I don't no what to do child services came before and made my dad take angry management, but it didn't work so I am really done with him. And the actual place I really feel safe is at school.

[ccsmod5]

Hey, there,
Thank you so much for reaching out. You never deserve to be choked and it makes sense that you would feel you can’t “take it anymore.” The way your father has treated you is absolutely not okay. It sounds like you are in an unsafe situation. If you ever feel like you’re in immediate danger of your father hurting you, you can always call 9-1-1. You also always have the right to file another abuse report—it sounds like CPS has been involved before, so there is the potential of there being more serious consequences for your father this time around. We encourage you to confide in an adult you trust, like a teacher or guidance counselor. It sounds like school feels like a safe place for you, which we’re glad to hear. Any adult at school is considered a “mandated reporter,” meaning if you tell them about abuse they are legally obligated to report that abuse to CPS. For more information on what your options are and what might happen if you do file an abuse report, you can always call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453.
That being said, we understand if reporting isn’t an option. If you’re feeling unsafe at home, it’s always an option to leave. You might consider staying with a friend or another family member; it may also be an option to stay at a shelter. If you do stay at a shelter, they will likely contact child protective services. If you are a minor, you technically need parental consent to leave home, however if the police are able to locate you, we encourage you to let them know that there is abuse going on at home.
It sounds like you’re using alcohol and smoking as a coping mechanism. While we’re glad you’re working on coping, if you ever do want to think about other coping mechanisms you can always call the Alcohol and Drug Helpline at 1-206-722-3700.
Thank you again for reaching out. We hope this was helpful and we encourage you to reach out by phone if you need additional resources or need help figuring out your options. Our number is 1-800-786-2929 and our lines are always open. If you have a moment, we'd appreciate your feedback of our crisis services at the following link:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

Stay safe!