Why Does It Have To Be Me?

[Unregistered]

So today I had intended on getting a ride home from my best friend and her brother much like I usually do after school. I didn't realize the time. I usually get home at around 4:10 depending on what bus I take. I completely forgot to text/call my mom. She called me about 6 or 7 times, but because of school I keep my phone on silent. I didn't notice the missed calls until about 4:20 and at the time she had called again but this time I answered. I could barely hear her from the way she was yelling in the phone. She would hang up and then call back again to curse me out and then continue to hang up and call back. She told me she was on the way to come get me from school. My mom does tend to get physical most of the time. I had to hurry and walk back to school from walmart (which is right across the street). But she had beat me there. My best friends' brother had left school with his girlfriend with my book bag in his trunk so I didn't know what to tell my mom. Once I got into the car she went OFF! I didn't say much because much like her I have a temper of my owns and that wouldn't turn out well for either of us. She was yelling and driving and threatening me as she drove. She reached over & slapped me in my eye and at that point I didn't care anymore. I reached to slap her back but I caught myself. I knew if I had hit her I wouldn't have been able to stop which wouldn't have been good because she was driving. She continued to drive and yell. She later punched me in my chest twice when I told her she needed to learn how to be a mother and control herself. I have breathing problems so with everything happening so fast and again my book bag being in my best friends' brother trunk I had no inhaler. She eventually pulled over and told me to get out which I refused because for one, where was I going to go? I sat there in the car while she called my grandmother. She had threatened me a bit more. I'm home now but we haven't spoken. I really don't want to speak to her. I just cant believe this all happened over something so petty. I honestly hate my life so much and I've tried so hard to commit suicide since I was about 8 or 9. I remember taking pills that I KNEW I was allergic to but I wanted to do anything to get away from her regardless if it was death by the hands of someone else or suicide. At the age of 16 now I want to learn how to deal with things like this. This is not the first time that she has gotten physical with me. I'm very confused and I'm not sure what I should do. This is honestly my last option because I'm never allowed to express myself on how I feel. I pray every night that I can just got to bed and be lucky enough to not wake up but people die everyday and sometimes I wonder, why couldn't it have been me to be shot at in a school shooting? Why cant I get kidnapped at the bus stopped? Why am I not lucky enough to escape this?

[ccsmod3]

Re: Why Does It Have To Be Me?

Hello there,

It sounds like you've got a lot going on and we're glad you felt comfortable enough to reach out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear about what happened between you and your mom. You do not deserve to be slapped in the eye. What you experienced sounds quite scary and you do have the right to say you do not feel safe at home. We don't force anyone to report anything that may be considered abuse, but if you want help doing so we can help you through that process. It also seems like you are in a really low point if you've tried committing suicide. We aren't quite sure exactly how you are feeling now, but it sounds like you are still thinking about dying.

If you are feeling suicidal, there is support out there. We are here to listen and help to the best of our ability and can be reached directly either through our Live Chat (every day from 4:30 to 11:30pm CST) available by clicking on the red Live Chat button, http://www.1800runaway.org. The Suicide Prevention Lifeline, http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, also has a Live Chat. We do care about your safety and if you want to continue going over options, please try chatting with us. For immediate assistance, please call 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) which is available 24/7.

-NRS