I can't run away from myself...

[Guest]

hello.
So basically, just like everyone else here, I am thinking about running away. Why? Well it's all because of me and my own stupidity. I've read a lot of things and most people have family problems, but my problems are just with myself. I have been ditching school for about 3 weeks and my parents have no idea, my mom got a truancy letter from the school and some phone calls, but i disconnected the phone and I talked my way out of the letter, saying the absences were from ASB and sports stuff. Anyways, I am failing almost all my classes, and I am usually good in school. I have 5 AP classes and then the school newspaper. My parents are very supportive of me and pay for all of my sports stuff. They trust me so much and that's part of why I want to leave. I have done a lot of bad things, and they are about to find out all of it. I am already grounded because of my grades and can't take the isolation from people. I do not want to disappoint my parents, or let them or myself down. I feel like I could be able to figure everything out and solve my problems if they just weren't involved in it. But they are going to be involved, they are going to think I am ruining my life, and they are going to be so mad at me and think I am crazy. Also, I think my mom found out that I am gay...which is something I do NOT want to deal with.

I just want to run away and be free. I want to get away from these pressures and just be out in the world. I hate school, and I think I would learn more from just the world itself. I want to be with the person I love and do the things that I feel are right. I do not want to have to confront my parents, or deal with my school and people telling me how I should be. Or how society thinks I should be.

I don't think that these reasons are valid enough to condom running away, but it is something I am strongly considering. Maybe you can help, thanks.

[ccsmod8]

Re: I can't run away from myself...

Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us at the National Runaway Switchboard and we hope that we can be of service to you in this time of need. It sounds like so much has happened and continues to mount on you at home. We imagine that it is overwhelming for anyone to be held to a certain standard and be expected not to fail. It is obvious that you care a great deal for your parents and you are afraid to disappoint them. However, we were wondering if it is fair for you to be so hard on yourself. Parents are suppose to prepare themselves for good and bad news. It is natural for adults to always think about getting the good news always but when it comes time to hear the bad, everyone immediately goes frantic and the biggest consequence is applied. The only purpose this serves is to remind the younger party that there are rules and adults gets to enforce them. Now, you seem like you have a lot on your plate with 5 AP classes and all the extra workload and extracurricular activities. Do you need to figure out some time management or get a tutor to assist you in the harder courses?

You do not need to compare your burden as less than the burden of others because the ones you have are a lot. Granted, people have family problems but it sounds like you are afraid of making it worse when it already is. Do you believe that bad things are going to happen and if it comes down to having the ability to just work it out at the right time, is it possible to give it a try? It sounds like your mind is made up about running, but do you have another alternative? Have you considered speaking to someone professionally about your feelings and processing with a mentor? For whatever reason, you mentioned that you are your own problem and although as humans, we tend to be our own worst critics, what do you hope to achieve with running? You did mentioned wanting to be free and to get away from the pressures of life and learn from the world, but what expectations do you have for what life is going to be like on the run? What expectation do you have for survival and what do you have in place for a plan. Our intention is not to scare you away from your chosen options but we imagine that life on the run is going to be hard, especially when you do not have a plan in place. There are lots to learn from the world around you, as you are considering running away. As you try to separate yourself from those people who tell themselves that they can tell you what to and not do, can you still achieve all you want and still get to salvage the most important things in the equation. What is the plan for still maintaining the connection to the one you love and what do you think is the best solution to figuring out a way to not keep running?

There are no denying that there is a lot going on underneath it all and on the surface some things do seem normal but what do you have in mind for the road ahead? We imagine that not letting your parents down is something that rides your mind but letting yourself down is probably going to hit home harder. By reading what you wrote, it seems there are points that are made clear and you still unsure about others. You deciding to love whoever you choose is indeed your choice and although people tend to want to remain traditional in nature, it is still your right to love whomever you want. We hear you on the fact that you do not want to let down your family, but do you think they are going to let you down once you decide to come forth about your sexuality, if they decide to cast judgment on the situation without truly knowing how you really feel? Do you think that you deserve the benefit of the doubt? Do you think that your parents deserve the same? Sometimes, making the right decision at the wrong time doesn't mean it was the wrong thing to do. It probably means that some people are never going to be accepting of a lot of things but some things are left to be proven. Do you need to give it some time or talk to them even if you have decided not to confront them about it right now? Do you feel it is best to get people to talk in the heat of the moment and reveal their true nature or wait for the right moment and judge it from there? One thing for certain, we are never going to judge you here. We are here for you 24 hours a day and hopes to hear from you. You are welcome to give us a call at our 1800RUNAWAY number to get someone to talk to in person.

One of the most important thing we want you to know before you decide is that running away is not a crime but you do get a status as a runaway with the police until you come back home. However, you parents do have the right to file a runaway report and that is why the cops can bring you back home if they find you. The other thing to know is that it is illegal for anyone to harbor you if you choose to run and that is something that gets people in trouble with the law. It can lead someone to end up in prison, so you have to think carefully about where you plan on staying if you so choose to run away. A shelter is one option for you but they are required to call your parents for consent or notify them and that is how they are going to find out about your whereabouts. You have all valid reasons for why life is stressful and that is enough to make many people decide to run away but only you can know for sure what you are able to put up with at home. Please consider some of what we stated and we hope that you are able to decide what is best for you in the end. Good luck.

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: I can't run away from myself...

Right now it might seem like you just can't get out of your situation...
but a few months ago when I had thought about running away I ended up realizing how much more I have to live for...
School, Friends, Family, Sports; I actually have 2 AP classes and can completely understand the pressure from having them, and with school work in general, sometimes it can be EXTREMELY overwhelming...but if you are smart enough, which it sounds like you are by taking 5 AP classes (WOW!), then realize what you have ahead of you...college life where you can get away from everything if you choose to get away from a local college, and then your WHOLE life ahead of you...
I used to ditch school too, but if I were in your postion right now, I would start going back to school and get caught up with all of your assignments...you onnly have a little bit of the year left, and then you are free for the summer to relax and think about your future...

Good luck to you.