Popular girls aren't perfect

[Guest]

My mom nags me 24/7. About grades, behavior, friends, everything. So to get back at her i stopped doing work at school and before I knew it I was failing out. Which is really dumb cuz Im one of the first 3 year olds to ever join mensa and im still a member and i hav an IQ of 143. My dad is also really mean. He yells all the time and used to be abusive. We even had to call the police once cuz he tried to strangle my brother. I have emotion problems so when this stuff happens it hits me pretty hard. I've even cut myself and started drinking, I also used to have anorexia and am starting to have it again. I feel like im on the path to drugs. Im also the most popular girl in the grade and every one says im beautiful. Im always happy with my friends, everyone says i have a great larger than life personality. Im into charity work, and have been told i should run for president and that i look just like barbie. Im also great at singing and acting and have been asked to be in commercials. Everyone sees me as the popular pretty skinny blond girl and i havnt told anybody about what was going on. Id try to tell the counseler but my mom manipulates them into thinking im a self-centered brat. She says i only ask for help cuz of my emotional disorders and that i lie about the situation and am dramatic and selfish. I do misbehave in class cuz i love to be in the spotlight so i get in trouble then. My family has led me to even being suicidal and they all blame me for whatever my brother does. Im scared for myself. I don't mean to be selfish becuz i kno their are real kids out there suffering through unimaginably horrible circumstances and need the help much more than me but if you get ther chance i'd like some advice. My mom also ramps up my meds. whenever i'm bad which even resulted in me being at risk of a tumor and passing out. No one ever listens to me, and they manipulate it so that i seem to be a phycotic evil brat. I can't do it anymore. I want to runaway or at least be sent to a foster home. Please help me if you get the chance, thanks.

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Re: Popular girls aren't perfect

Hello,

Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Switchboard with your story and we hope that we can assist you with some options at this time. After assessing all that you wrote to us about your situation at home, we realized so far that it must take a strong person to see through all the negatives that is happening with her life and at the same time come to the realization that what people see on the outside of her life may not be what is actually happening on the inside. It is good that you are able to speak on the duality of life and its consequences for people wanting things to seem one way and why it is important to come away from the experience with something greater than before. In a way, it is like saying that you cannot judge a book by its cover. It sounds like you are a genuine person at heart despite all the stigmas and stereotypes flying around.

You mentioned a lot of intense patterns taking place in your life right now with you; from cutting, suicide, anorexia, drinking, emotional disorder and it seems that all of what you stated could be a direct result of the lack of consistency on the part of your parents but what stood out was the cycle in which it perpetuates itself. We are not saying that you do not deserve a way to cope because cutting certainly is one mechanism for an individual to transfer what is happening on the inside with something such as a cut to distract oneself from the real pain. To heal the cut quickly is proving that you are able to move ahead quickly but when it is kept from healing fast, it is proof that you need more time to adjust. The issue is whether you have in strength and resiliency to deal with all that's happening with you. It seems that you are considering either running or foster home but what are your other options? Is there another alternative to running? Have you considered speaking to someone about it or reaching out to another party to figure out the best way to cope? We imagine that it is probably very difficult to deal with your mother's nagging and your father 's previous abuse but have you tried to sit down and talk to someone about how you are feeling? Do you think it is pointless to talk to your parents at this point?

Another issue that stuck out to us was whether it was worth your time and energy to prove to your mother that you were no longer interested in your own goals since it appeared to be very important to you to stay on top of things? Hence, the dilemma of what your expectations are for still achieving your goals and gaining from the experience? After all, you deserve to be treated better and it is not fair to you that you are going through such a rough time even if you have gotten into some trouble along the way. It is still not fair for you to be caught in between these abstract worlds. We imagine that you go through particular feelings and events in your life regularly to always come to the decision to take such extreme measures to get your point across. At this point, are you able to consider what greater responsibility your parents needs to exercise and do you think that they are able to take accountability for their actions? The reality is whether they are willing to want to change. It may seem like a lot for you to have to do since you are the minor but whether or not they are willing to listen or change, it seems that you have the capability to figure out other ways to cope. What are your activities to distract yourself from home? Do you have a routine in place to avoid the negativity being thrown your way?

When you say you try to get back at your mother by doing wrong in school, what is the impact you are hoping for and do your parents understand what you are trying to do. What have they done to change and what are you willing to do to have them come to terms with their own shortcomings? It is not to say that it should be left up to you to change your parents but the issue is whether or not you think it is no longer worth the fight. What expectations do you have for what running away is going to be like and what do you think is going to happen if you choose to return home?

We want to focus a bit on what we do here and want to remind you that we are here for you anytime you need us. We are not in the position to define abuse but we are mandated to report abuse and can file with the proper sources, if you were to call us with names, numbers and addresses of your parents. If you choose to just talk about your experience and vent about it, we are here to provide a listening ear 24 hours a day at our 1800RUNAWAY toll free number. We are extremely confidential and never judge you. We are not going to condescend and we are not going to treat your situation with disdain. You truly sound like a smart person and deserve the proper support right now. We are here for you and you can speak to one of our liners for some emotional support. It is just remarkable of all the good qualities you highlighted about yourself and we feel that those are the sort of things that people take for granted and that is why we want to encourage you to call us. We are able to find resources for you in your area to speak to someone if you were not interested in speaking with a school personnel. It is nice that you are into charity work and wants to make the world a better place. The most important thing is that you feel that your world is something still worth fighting for and if that means having the right tools to do it with, that is what we strive for. Your safety is priority. We just know that your need to misbehave just sounds like a cause and effect matter that leads you into that choice as a way to fight back but we are here to teach you other ways to fight back without putting yourself at risk. We are here for you to offer options and what is one way of feeling empowered. Please take this time to think about what we have stated and we hope that you stay strong until we here from you again. Good luck.

-NRS