I don't know.

[Guest]

I get along with my mother sometimes, and other times I can't stand her. When things do get bad, she blames everything on me, and never accepts responsibility. She punishes me by taking away the few things in life that mean the most to me. The day after we get in a fight, she acts like nothing is wrong, while I feel like ... It gets to me so much. Tonight was really bad, and I've been thinking about running away seriously. She is chill most of the time, but the 1/4 of the time that she isn't things get really bad. I don't know how I feel anymore. I don't even know if leaving would truly help. I just want that 1/4 of the time to end. I know that running away would just ... everything up worse, if I did come back home. I need to escape, not always, just when things get bad. The things we fight about are rarely ever important, but then my feelings about her hypocrisy and beliefs come up. I feel like I've been cheated out of a fair childhood. I have no father, the closest person I had to a father died, and my mom can make me feel like ... at times. I follow her rules most of the time, but she just gets so damn controlling. I know right and wrong, and I've made decent choices in my life so far; avoiding drugs and alcohol, doing well in school, not getting in fights, but yet she just refuses to believe I made those choices for myself. It's like, she needs to take credit for what I do right. I know the organization of this post sucks, but I feel like ... right now. Please give me some advice, that I can take to heart, and not feel like I'm getting a condescending, automated answering machine. Sorry if that sounds lame, but I don't want to hear one more patronizing and insignificant thing...

Thank you.
TC

[ccsmod8]

Re: I don't know.

Hello TC,

We want to thank you for taking the time to reach out to us at the National Runaway Switchboard with your story and for trusting us enough to offer you some support with options for dealing with your situation at home. It sounds like you are caught in between two worlds and your desire to no longer sit around and watch as you are senselessly undermined by your mother is deeply moving. It truly shows strength of character on your part, that you are able to be fair to the situation. You certainly tried to highlight some of the good times and that is enough to know that it is possible for you to get through these rough times. We want to commend you for taking the high end of the situation because what we observed and admire is your desire for truth and your ability to continue to strive in this situation is greatly respected. We wanted to reiterate what you said about making decent choices in your life such as avoiding drugs and alcohol, doing well in school, not getting into fights and how that benefits your life for the better. We feel that you deserve a lot of credit for that since it is hard to avoid peer pressures in life. Your efforts to stay clear of the negative is why we are convince that once you are able to figure out ways to get that "1/4 of the time" to be positive again, it's likely that you can be on your way to figuring out a better life for yourself.

We imagine that you experience certain particular feelings that makes you not able to stand your mother and we hear you on how much struggle you go through to get her to understand that you are well intended. It is not fair that she blames everything on you when you have tried to make her understand that all you are trying to be is responsible. Why is it that it is so hard for your mother to understand that you are responsible and that you made the choice to do it? You do not have to be so hard on yourself since it is apparent that you are making the right choices. We want to hear from you and wish to speak to you about how you are feeling in person to get some real emotional support. If you were to call us you are not going to get a machine but a lived liner to listen to you vent if that is what you need. We are not able to give advice since we have a policy of not being to direct but we strive to be confidential and nonjudgmental. We want to offer you some options but especially the kind of support you cannot get in a bulletin. You can reach us 24 hours a day at our 1800-RUNAWAY number. We imagine that you are fed with your mother being so condescending but that is something we are trained to precisely not do to our callers and we are here for you no matter what. Your situation at home, organization of your bulletin, your desire for respect and to reach out to real people is not lame but since your safety is important to us, please know that we have resources to help also. You stated that you did not have best childhood. We want you to know that we empathize with your situation and see why it is especially hard to not have anyone to turn to in times of need.

You do not deserve to be treated like this and you seem to be a victim of emotional abuse. We are not in the position to define abuse but it is something we can do to report to Child Protective Services or simply to listen to you talk about it and then figure out some other options. Are you able to pull yourself away more from the house to do things that makes you happy? Are there others you can think of that are able to offer you some assistance, such as people at school? Do you have other relatives who can be there for you? What are some other activities you can think of that helps you to cope with the situation? It sounds like you do not really want to run but hope to work it out to better the situation with your mother. Are you able to sit with her with advance warning to express how you really feel? You deserve at least the time to meet and speak about it? Are you able to communicate with her in different ways, such a writing her a letter? If you ever find yourself away from home and wanted one of us here to call her with you on the phone to mediate, we are here for that also. We hope that you can take this time to consider some of what we have talked about. Please take this time to stay strong and we hope to hear from you soon. Good luck.

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: I don't know.

I am in the same exact position. And I also have no idea what to do anymore. It's like every single time I do something wrong, even if its little and meaningless, she has to make it into a huge problem that she won't let me live down.

I'm not really that good at giving advice, but what I do sometimes when I can tell she is going to explode, is call a friend. I either end up spending the night at their house or I just get away for awhile. And it really seems to help, even if we have to go back. It will give your mom time to cool off.

Best of luck to you.