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I'm extremely depressed and worried.

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  • I'm extremely depressed and worried.

    Just to get the number one worry of mine out; I'm afraid I might kill myself soon. A lot of emotional stress has built up within the past month and I ended up going crazy, grabbing scissors and cutting myself a few days ago. I've never cut myself before(but i've thought about it) so I was extremely disappointed in myself, and surprised that it got out of control so fast. Yesterday, I ended up flipping out again, getting the same scissors and cut myself even more. They're not deep at all because I used scissors and not a razor but i'm still afraid I'll cut deeper. Also I'm worried the next step is suicide. And i've already planned it out, so yeah.. Usually I punch walls, or bite my hand to calm down but I just flipped.
    I want to get out. I have no money, no friends, and can't go stay with my family because their about seven states away and I can't get ahold of anyone, even then I doubt my Dad would come get me. But I know if i'm out of this house I won't kill myself. So I need out. I want to call but i'd be using the house phone, and I don't want anyone knowing I've called. Or anyone in the house to hear me on the phone.
    I do need advice on stuff legally though, if I call CPS I want to know if they'll get me out of the house right away, or if they won't. No bother doing it if they won't... There's a lot other stuff going on, and I know for fact she shouldn't have kids so I think she'd lose me, but I want to make sure i'm out right away, and not left her because I'll kill myself.

  • #2
    re: I'm extremely depressed and worried.

    Hi there. We are so glad that you are reaching out for help right now. It sounds like things are incredibly difficult for you and that you are not feeling safe at home or within yourself. It is so brave of you to share all of this with us. Because we are a confidential and anonymous organization, we are not able to trace you or send anyone else out to you. You mention that you are feeling suicidal and afraid that you want to kill yourself. If you are in immediate risk of harm, you can call 911 for help right away. You mentioned not feeling safe calling out as you don’t want to be heard and that is understandable.

    While we are absolutely here to help you and encourage you, one organization in particular might be a great fit for support regarding suicidal ideation. The National Suicide Hotline, http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, actually has a live chat in addition to their number (1-800-273-8255), so you could always reach out to them more privately with no one knowing.

    You mentioned feeling like the only solution is to get out of the house and that you want to call DCFS. DCFS is a great resource if home is an unsafe place because a parent or guardian is harming you in some way. If you feel like you are in danger by an adult, DCFS is absolutely there as an option to contact and there are 24 hour reporting hotlines for each state. Just because you call though, that doesn’t mean that you would be removed from the home. Often when someone reports abuse, that means that DCFS will have to consider whether or not to do an investigation in the home and then they will come up with a plan of how to keep the youth safe. Often times, their goal is to keep families united, so being removed from your house tends to not be the default.

    Additionally, youth shelters can provide safe places for youth to go to “cool off” or get away from difficult situations. Depending on what you share with them and your age each shelter has different guidelines as far as when they need to contact your parent/guardian, but there can be a grace period of sometimes up to 48 hours where they can let you stay before they have to call.

    It sounds like what you are experiencing at home is incredibly difficult and we are so glad that you found us to get some help. Please don’t hesitate to contact us through our live chat from 4:30-11:30pm CST if you are not comfortable calling our 24 hour hotline (1-800-RUNAWAY). We can talk more about abuse reporting, shelters in your area and other supportive resources that you may be interested in. Take care and stay safe,
    -NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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