WONt make it to 16

[Guest]

keep it simple... i get abused. i've tried to talk to counselors,friends,teachers, everyone. I've tried turning them in it doesn't work, i can't talk to anyone on the phone i'm afraid to...
i was sitting on the coutch one day my dad got angry and started yellin...so i said stuff back kind of argueing then he got so pist he tried to hit me so i pushed him away, he drug me from one end of the house to the other....i thought i was goin to die.. i have no one to talk to. No relative, or anythin. cops are frickin stupid and won't do anything...and you people don't get that tellin some counselor or someone who tries to do something gets you hurt even more....and people wonder why us teens/kids are afraid to tell...
I use to cut, but stopped i finally got outta that trance, but can't take it anymore...
I just wanna disappear, but don't know wut to do.

[ccsmod8]

Re: WONt make it to 16

Hello,

Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Switchboard and we hope that we can be of service in some way. We are grateful that you have decided to reach out to us in this time of need. It is difficult for most people to take such a huge step to get help. We want to commend you for your bravery and appreciate you trusting us enough to tell us your story. We cannot emphasize enough how terrible it is to hear about what your father has done to you. You certainly do not deserve any of what he has done and please know that you have rights and there are ways to get help. You are right. Teenagers never get enough credit even when you try to do the right thing in life and want to do right by parents after they hurt you time and again. We imagine that it is probably hard to trust adults when they are supposed to care for you but end up treating you so cruelly.

First off, we want to remind you that we are extremely confidential here and we never judge you. We are a 24 hour crisis line (1800runaway) that respond to callers and can help in anyway you want. If you desire to get help and want us to file an abuse report on your behalf, that is something we are charged with doing and can do so only if you were to give us the names, addresses and numbers of your father. However, if you choose to withhold that information, we are not going to file but we still can serve as a listening ear to you. All of our liners are trained to handle crisis calls and are expected to provide you with support that can enable you to make the right decision in the process.

The stories you choose to tell teachers and counselors are supposed to be kept in strict confidence but it is also their job to report any wrong doing that is happening to you at home. They are what you call mandated reporters and are required to get you the proper assistance. We hear you on the fact that it is difficult trusting certain people with that information because what is the point of telling someone when the outcome is going to be worse for you. We are not in the position to define abuse but this is left up to Child Protective Services to decide whether or not your case warrants an investigation but our job as mandated reporters is to bring your situation to the proper authorities. It is true that the police tends to shy away from these cases because they think of it as domestic situations or low on their priority list or that it can be worked out at home but that doesn't make it right for them to ignore you. If there is anything that we can do to help you feel more empowered we want to help.

The last thing we want to bring to your attention is that there are different outcomes if someone were to report your situation to CPS or if you choose to do it yourself. If CPS decided to investigate, it is imperative that they first get your account of the situation and that there are witnesses to verify your story. Is there anyone that you talk to about this or have seen your father hurt you? The reason we asked is to see who you can trust in time of need because it is best when someone testify on your behalf because the system tends to go on whose words carry more weight and unfortunately it lends more power to adults especially because CPS has so many cases open already, your story needs to have some sort of strong backing or evidence to go beyond the sourcing out stages with them. It is obvious unfair to you to have to feel that you are the one who is responsible for gathering evidence but because CPS deals in family reunification it is best that there is enough reasons as to why they should take you out of your home and the older you get it tends to be harder to get that to happen. It most important issue is that even if it was investigated and founded it could mean that all that is ordered is for family counseling but the outcome could lead to you getting taken away to another safe place but this is never a guaranty. With all that we have stated above, we hope that we have given you some tools to consider some of your options and ways to feel empowered. The ways that we help beyond that is to first listen and provide you with whatever resources you can benefit from in the long term. We hope that we were able to assist you with answering some of your questions and look forward to helping you out throughout your journey. Good luck.

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: WONt make it to 16

yeah i know your always there to come forth too, but i could never get enough courage to do it. No there is no way for me to get someone for a witness. when my friends are around he's nice, when ther're not he's meaner then hell. No matter wut i do or say i can't get anyone to listen to me. All my dad does is lie.
The worst part about this is i was adopted into this family when i was 5, and ever since this stuff has been happening, and the reason was i was sexually abused when i was younger then 5. Now i'm verbally, emotionally,mentally, and phisically abused. No matter what if you tell anyone the first thing that will happen if my dad finds out i told is beat the crap outta me.
I tried it before the only thing that i got out of it was pain, and my dad said if he ever went to jail because of me then he would kill me....so yeah nothing works...i'm doomed... i almost thought of cutting again, but idk...i'm afraid of death. By time you go through everything nothing gets occomplished besides my dad getting pleasure

[ccsmod8]

Re: WONt make it to 16

Hello,

Thank you for replying so soon and it shows that you are deeply invested in finding a way out of your situation. We want you to know that you care about you and that we want you to feel that whatever is in your best interest we are going to support you on. Your safety is the utmost importance so you need not worry about your father finding out about you calling us. He is not going to know that you spoke to one of us to vent about what you are going through. If you were to file a report, he is most likey going to find out what steps you took to seek help but he is not going to know that you called for empowerment. We empathize with what you are going through and the life you had to endure. It takes a strong person to realize that they need help and seek it out. We want to asked a few questions about your cutting if you don't mind in hopes that you can find other ways to cope with your situation.

How do your friends feel about your cutting?
Are there any particular things that happen to you that make you want to cut?
Are there any particular feelings you experience that make you want to cut?
What effect does your cutting have on your relationship with your others?
What does cutting do for you?
When you avoid the urge to cut, what do you tell yourself or do that works to keep from self injuring?

Are you able to find time away from home more often or get into activities to distract you from the situation at home? What your father is doing is illegal and what you have endure should no one should have to deal with especially at such a young age. We are here for you and hope that you take some time to either call or find ways to remain safe and strong. Please understand that if you are all you've got that is still a good thing because you can still find strength even when others are trying to make you weak. Good luck.

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: WONt make it to 16

my friends knew when i cut the first time, but i don't tell them they found out, and no they don't know. I cut when i have no where to go, or get all the stress built up and when i do it, it all goes away. I'm not going to commit suicide, and i won't cut to deep one of these times. if you want to know about cutting to help others there isn't really a way to help you can only hope. Cutting is like smoking a ciggerette, when u get angry u cut and when u do it's a big releif. The only time i get outta the house is 4 skool. Nothing can distract me from my house when i have bruises, and other crap.
I where long sleeves all the time and i'm always afraid of adults, and when poeple touch my shoulders, or even creep up on me. I always have flashbacks, and nightmares tho...i had one during a class once and i yelled stop and jumped, my one friend knew wut it was from, but i just sat there shakin. hopefully no one saw.

[ccsmod1]

Re: WONt make it to 16

Thanks for sharing a little more of your story and what you’re going through with us. As stated before, you don’t deserve to be treated this way and there are people out there that care. Although telling in the past has just brought you pain, as you stated in your last post, so it’s understandable why you’d be afraid to do so now. Has Child Protective Services ever been out to investigate what you tell counselors, teachers, etc? They’re the organization that is designed to help youth in your situation. As you probably discovered, they aren’t always able to help. But if you want to report all this again, we are able to help you with this. There are also a couple organizations that can help advocate for youth who have tried to get help from CPS, but they aren’t able to. Both have toll-free 800 numbers, the first one is called Child Find 1-800-422-4453 and the other one, Justice for Children 1-800-733-0059. From all you’ve written though, it doesn’t sound like you know exactly what you want to do. Do you feel like there are any options that you haven’t tried, that you want to? We’re here to help in anyway we can. We definitely don’t mind listening to, or reading, your story, but if there’s something specific you’d like help with, please let us know. Otherwise, just remember we’re here for you if you ever need us.

[Guest]

Re: WONt make it to 16

i don't know. it doesn't seem like anything helps. i guess if it's happening to me at least it saving someone else from it. It seems like i've tried everything out there. No matter wut i do i'm not afraid to type it on this site, but i'm afraid to talk to someone on the phone and in person.

[ccsmod1]

Re: WONt make it to 16

We're glad to hear that you feel comfortable reaching out to us. We understand that sometimes it's easier to communicate this way, either because you're more comfortable or you aren't able to use the phone, that's why we have this bulletin board! That's okay that you don't know what you want to do. It's probably frustrating to feel that you keep reaching out and are still being hurt. Through all our posts, we've kind of "discussed" a lot of different options if you want to do something again. We'd be more than happy to try to help you report the abuse again to CPS, call an advocate agency, help you go to a shelter (they would have to contact CPS and report the abuse, but then at least you'd be out of the house), or whatever else you decide you want to try. Our role here is to listen, encourage and empower youth to make the decision that's best for them. If you decide you want to try one of these, or even just talk over what each option could do, we're here for that too. If you get up the courage to talk, our number is free from any payphone. We never judge our callers or tell them what to do; everyone here wants to help and support you. And someone is here 24 hours a day. We're also 100% confidential, so we don't call police, parents, or anyone else unless a youth wants us to (the only exception to this is if you talk about the abuse, give us your name, dad's name and your phone number/address, we'd have to report it-but we don't need any of this info just to talk to you.) Even if someone called us saying "did so and so call you", we're confidential we don't keep records and can't/don't give out ANY info about our callers.

Even if you decide two months from now that you'd like to do try one of the above options or want to talk, we'll still be here. Remember, we're always here, whether via the internet or over the phone, if you need us.

[Guest]

Re: WONt make it to 16

i'm just so afraid....i have so many nightmares, and flashback, and never told anyone. I never no how to make them stop....

[ccsmod1]

Re: WONt make it to 16

You have the right to feel safe and not afraid, especially in your own home. We're very sorry to hear you have nightmares and flashbacks. They're probably a hard thing to talk about. Sometimes people in similar situations, find that talking with a counselor long-term helps get through some of the issues behind the nightmares and flashbacks. Obviously part of the process is finding someone you're comfortable enough to talk to and someone that you can trust. We've already kind of talked through these posts about how this is a struggle for you, that you don't really trust adults and that you feel afraid of them as well. We want you to know we're here for you if you need us and we'd be happy to help in any way we can. You deserve to be happy, healthy and safe all the time.

[ccsmod1]

Re: WONt make it to 16

Just so you know, we opted not to make your last post public. However, it’s great that you have been comfortable enough to continue to reach out to us. You do deserve so much better. It is really unfortunate that the circumstances are making you feel the way you do. We encourage you to continue to reach out to others and hopefully you will find the help you deserve. As stated many times before, we area always here for you and we’d be more than happy to assist you in any way we can. At this time, however, we can’t continue with the bulletin board postings. The purpose of these boards is to start communication and help youth feel comfortable enough to contact us directly, but they're not really meant for on-going communication. We’ve been able to get through a lot of different things and hope that in some way we were able to at least show you that people do care. We’d be absolutely happy to talk with you over the phone some day (the person you talk to won’t necessarily know you’ve been posting through the bulletins, unless you wanted to tell them). It’s understandable that it’s extremely hard to go through alone, feeling like you have no good options and the ways to cope aren’t really helping anymore. We encourage you, if at all possible, to find others in your life that might be able to support you through all of this. We also encourage you to continue to search for options and ways to cope that will work for you. You've made it this far! If there’s ever anything specific that you need help with in the future and you aren’t able to call, feel free to email us at mailto:[email protected]. We truly hope that you make it through all the dark times and finally reach a place where you feel unconditional happiness and safety. Please call anytime. Someone is always here to listen, encourage and empower you.

[Guest]

Re: WONt make it to 16

i don't feel comfortable telling people anymore that what i'm tryin to do....

[ccsmod7]

Re: WONt make it to 16

The situations that you have been describing in your bulletins are not easy things to deal with. It’s understandable that you don’t always feel comfortable opening up to people and really telling them what you’re feeling. It takes a lot of courage to talk about what you are really feeling, and the fact that you’ve been able to share your thoughts in this bulletin is really wonderful. As you know through previous bulletins we are always here to listen and support you in anyway we can. It’s understandable that you are apprehensive about certain situations and don’t always feel comfortable talking. We are here 24 hours a day to listen and help in anyway we can. Whether you want to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or email us at mailto:[email protected], there is always someone here to help.