what should I do?

[Guest]

so i recently tried weed (which i regret now) and my mom found a lighter and then later searched my entire room while i was at school and found a pipe and some vodka. Now im stuck at home ( i can never go out ever again). My mom and i have been fighting everyday for basically a year and mostly about stupid stuff. I wrote a letter to her (which i read online helps somtimes) and it was the first time i have really been completely honest and sincere to her. I realy wrote that letter and meant everything i said. However, after she read it she emailed it to my brothers and told them everything. I really didn't want them to know and she knew that... Last week i cut myself for the first time and ive been doing it a lot. Sometimes I don't draw blood which makes me feel like its better and not as harmful. So basically what I'm asking is, anyone have any dvice and know of any shelters near Pasaden/San Gabriel/san Marino, California?

I can get at least 1000 dollars to run away with but I don't know where to go . I just want to leave

[ccsmod2]

Re: what should I do?

Thanks for contacting us here at NRS. We are glad that you have reached us in an effort to seek out help. You said you just tried smoking marijuana for the firsttime and that you pretty much regret doing so. Is it because it of the trouble you ended up getting into or for some other reaon? When you say you are stuck at home and can never go out, is this the terms of your punishmet from your mother? You also said that you and your mom have been fighting for a long time over "stupid stuff". What kinds of things are you two fighting about? It seems as if you felt really bad about some of the things you did and that you wanted to confess those things to your mom and that is why you wrote her a letter. You felt hurt and betrayed when she passed it on via email to your brothers because you wanted to be between both you and her. Have you and your mom had a talk about the letter? Even though the situation did not turn out for the best with you regarding the letter, it was still brave of you to write the letter and disclose some of your thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, you also mentioned that you cut yourself for the first time last week? What made you do something like this? You say you feel better because you do not make yourself bleed all of the time. Is this something you want help for?

You say you can get a hold of $1000 dollars to run away with. Where would you get this money? Have you thought out a plan for when you leave if you decide to? How will you survive and what will you do when the money runs out? We can definitely help you out as far as helping you locate some shelters in your area if that is what you are interested in. Here are two shelters that I found. We have a database that would allow me to search for more if these do not work.

HARAMBEE CHRISTIAN FAMILY CENTER
PASADENA, CA 91103
(626) 791-7439

RIGHT TO LIFE LEAGUE
PASADENA, CA 91104-4570
(626) 398-6100

You can call us here at NRS at anytime because we are 24/7. Remember that we are confidential. We would love to talk to you about your situation and see if we can help you come up with a few options. If you were to call, we can actually help advocate for you by helping you contact the shelters. If you do not have the opportunity to call or simply don't want to, you can always post a bulletin on our website.

[Guest]

Re: what should I do?

Hey.

Well I regret smoking marijuana only because of all this stuff that is happening because of it. Other than that, I don't really regret it and I would definitely do it again if i could. Yes, my mom punished me, I'm not allowed to go out with friends unless she is sitting right next to me and following me wherever we go, and I don't want to do that because its embarrassing. Before this stuff happened, my mom and I fought about many things. Like my grades, where i put my backpack and cell phone, my room, and she started setting a lot of stupid rules which I didn't want to follow. For example, I'm not allowed to open the window to my room at night..I don't know why and she won't give me a reason.

Well when this stuff started, she started writing me letters over email and I read them all, but didn't respond. Then I got really mad at her and wrote her a letter but I realized it was really mean so I went into her email (bad i know) and deleted it. Then i wrote her another one, mostly because i was mad at her.. I did talk to her about sending the letter to my brother and she didn't deny it or anything, she said yes she did send it and i was like why? and she just ignored me. So i've tried talking to her about it, but im just mad at her now.

As for cutting myself, I did it the day she found my pipe. I rememebr I stood there and I got really mad and scared so i just went into my bathroom and texted and IMed my friends. One of my friends told me that she tried cutting herself once and it really helped (she didnt tell me to or anything, so i wasnt pressured into it). I didn't at first but then I just kept thinking about running away and suicide so i asked my friend what i should do and she said she would cut if she was in my position, so i just tried it. The first time, i didn't draw blood so i thought it wasn't even that bad so i kept doing it.


About the money, I have 300 dollars in my room and if i REALLY needed money I could take it from my parents and brother.
So i don't know what to do yet..I want to run away or suicide. blah.

[ccsmod7]

Re: what should I do?

Thanks for writing again. Well, it definitely sounds like this situation has been very hard on you. You mentioned trying to speak with your mom and she doesn’t seem to be addressing the real issues. It seems that you were really hurt when your mom sent the letter that you wrote to your brother. It sounded like you were really trying to reach out to her and it’s understandable that you feel betrayed by her actions. You also said that she hasn’t really addressed why she did that. So it’s understandable that you are feeling frustrated and angry about this situation.
In your previous bulletin you had mentioned feeling like you wanted to runaway. But in this one you mentioned not only thinking of running away, but of suicide as well. When did you start having suicidal thoughts, is this something that has been going on for some time? Have you talked with anyone about how you have been feeling? Do you think it would help speaking with someone? If you don’t feel that you can speak with your mom, do you think you may be able to speak with a friend or even a counselor? At this point do you feel you are pretty serious about running away? You already mentioned having some money to take with you. Do you have a safe place in mind that you would be able to stay? What do you think would happen if you ran away? Do you think that your mom would make a runaway report?
As said before if you need to give us a call, at 1-800-RUNAWAY, there is someone here 24 hours a day to help. Whether you just need someone to talk to, wanting to look at some options that may help, or if you have already runaway and need some help finding a safe place to go, we are always here. It sounds like an extremely difficult situation and that you have a lot of thoughts and questions running through your head. You don’t have to go through this alone, and if you need some help or someone to talk to give us a call anytime. Best of luck with everything.

[Guest]

Re: what should I do?

Um, when I was in 6th grade I thought about suicide (nothing seriously), I guess just like how everyone thinks about it a little. It wasn’t until like the past two weeks I’ve been thinking about it seriously. I think the only reason I haven’t really done it yet is because I’m scared of the pain and stuff.

About talking to people, I talk to some of my friends about this but after like I talked to them two times I could tell they were feeling kind of weirded so I said it was just that day and it’s not like I would actually run away…but I don’t know.

I am beginning to feel very serious about running away but I don’t know where I could stay. I know my mom would check all my friends’ houses so I can’t stay there but where can I stay? Are there any places that take people in? I think if I did run away I would tell my brother in college about it, we’ve been emailing each other and talking about smoking and stuff and I think he would tell my mom and calm her down and maybe not file a report..

I do want to call the hotline, but I don’t think I can. My house phone is one of those where you can pick it up and listen to the person on the line, so I don’t really want that. And my cell phone my dad looks at all the numbers and stuff…

[ccsmod7]

Re: what should I do?

Thanks again for writing. It’s not always easy to talk about difficult situations like suicide or the possibility of running away, and it’s good to know that you feel comfortable speaking about them here. You mentioned trying to speak to your friends, but it sounds like they weren’t all that helpful and you weren’t able to speak openly about what was really going on. At this point it sounds like you are seriously considering running away and you have thought about several of the questions we’ve asked before. It’s good to hear that you have been talking with your brother about some of the things that have been going on. Has it been helpful having him there to listen? You also mentioned trying to find a place you could go, because you know your mom would check your friend’s houses if you left. If you wanted to stay at a shelter that may be an option, but the only issue with that is that most shelters need to eventually get in contact with your legal guardian/parent.
You said that you wanted to call but you didn’t feel comfortable calling from your home or cell phone. Do you think you may be able to call from a friend’s house, or even from a payphone? It may be a bit easier to talk and come up with options if you give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. Also if you are having issues with suicide or seriously thinking of hurting yourself and need someone to talk to, you can always give us a call or call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK. As said before there is someone here 24 hours a day, so you can give us a call anytime. Best of luck.

[Guest]

Re: what should I do?

hey,
well i have been talking to my brother but not really about running away/suicide. He knows i hate home and he always says hes there to talk to me. Ive told him about how i cut, but i only said i did it once. He thinks im going through a phase now but i dont think i am? I do want to tell my brother whats happening but I'm scared he will say I'm going through a phase and tell me to forget about it.

Some of my friends are 'depressed' now about boys and since i havent had a boyfriend since summer they think when i say im sad that im not actually sad about 'real' problems...i am though its just not about a boy. So I feel weird telling some people how I'm feeling because they might think I'm being retarded and think I'm pretending to have problems.

About somewhere to live..I saw my teacher (private tutor) today and I mentioned that I want to leave (she doesn't think I'm completely serious about it) and she told me not to and tolde if I did then to come live with her..I would like to but will she get in trouble? And I'm not sure if I want to because she has her own family to handle..

About using a payphone or going to a friends house...I can't because I'm not allowed to go out. My mom screams at me now about being too fat (I weigh like 120 and I'm 5' 6) and she says i can't leave until I lose weight..

[ccsmod0]

Re: what should I do?

Thank you for contacting NRS and we are glad that we can assist you during some tough choices you have been dealing with. It sounds like you have put a lot of thought about some of your options that may not work. In talking to your brother, do you feel that could let him know that your feelings of running away and suicide have become stronger? And you are feeling that this is not a phase and that you value his support. It seems like your friends want to relate and understand what you might be going through. It can be frustrating feeling like you aren't being taken seriously. You have the choice in who you want to talk to about your feelings. We emphasize that it can be difficult in discussing your feelings with someone and how they might respond to it. Do you feel that there are people that you can trust to discuss your feeling (your brother, teacher, advisor, neighbor)? It also sounds like you have thought about going to live with teacher. Were you able to discuss possible living with her? Do you think that your mom would file a runaway report? If so, the person that you are staying without your parents consent (ok); they could be charged with “harboring a runaway.” Would you be able to use the phone when you go to school or barrow a friend’s cell phone? You have mention that your mom has said some hurtful things to you. We are looking forward to hear from you. You can talk about whatever you are comfortable with. We are here 24/7 and completely confidential. Our number again is 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929). We wish you the best of luck!

[Guest]

Re: what should I do?

Well I have another question.
What would happen if a report was filed when i run away? The police would be looking for me...but what will happen if they find me? Will they just send me home or are there other things they might do?

And I do want to talk to my brother but I'm scared he'll tell my mom. He's the closest to my parents out of all of my brothers and myself and I'm scared that he might tell...

anyways thanks for answering all my questions..

[ccsmod1]

Re: what should I do?

From what we know about runaway reports, the police put the report in their national database (NCIC). If you’re picked up for any reason or the police find you, they generally bring you back home to your legal guardian. In some states you may be brought to juvenile hall for 24 or 48 hours to hold you until your parents can pick you up. Youth normally aren’t arrested for running away. If a youth explains there’s abuse at home, then the police would/should contact the Child Protective Services instead of the youth’s legal guardians. In the case of suicidal thoughts, if you were to tell the police this they would likely have to bring you to a local hospital to be evaluated. Overall, though it’s really up to the local police what they’re going to do, but usually they just bring you home.

We’re glad we’re able to help and answer some of your questions. It’s good you’re really thinking through the different options and going over the possible consequences. If you’re ever able to call, as you know, we’re always available.