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Please help me!

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  • Please help me!

    Hello to all who's reading this. I'm currently a junior in high school. I live in a dysfunctional family. My father is the narcissistic, controlling, mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive sociopath who caused(s) all the hell in my life, while my mother just sat around and took it all. It all started when I was about 6 or 7.

    I have a younger brother who's five years younger than me. I was always held responsible for EVERYTHING he did and said. He would do everything under the sun and get away with it. The things he would do are unspeakable. My father goes over the top with everything. Now I understand that siblings usually get in disagreements and scuffles, especially with the huge age gap, but him, being the only child he was, seems not to understand this. I would always take all the trouble because I was always "older". If I did anything wrong, he would always and still does call me stupid, immature, an idiot, dumb, and anything else meant to hurt, degrade, pull under, disapprove, and make me, even back then as small child, to now, in my teens, feel horrible.

    I wasn't and still am not a bad son. I've never got suspended but once, never cussed, yelled at, or even disrespected either parent in any way. I've never used or considered trying drugs, alcohol, nor have I had any run-ins with the law. I've only had one cell phone, but due to me not having a job at the time, couldn't keep up on the payments.

    He's only payed me an allowance a few times. Also, even then, I still did way more than he said he would pay me for. I was, and still am responsible for the dishes, trash, and sweeping the floor. I always had to have everything done when he said and wanted me to. If not, all hell would break loose.

    Now, on to the worse parts. When my brother would dive on top of me and try to fight me, I would try my hardest not to hit him back, as my father would always threaten and abuse me physically. He would always ask what if he did to me whatever I did to my brother. He would then proceed to either hit, throw things at, or threaten me to either destroy my belongings, or put me up for adoption.

    I would always go to school and never speak of it, because I had to live here with them. I have many, many, accolades, awards, and recognition's. My teachers never complained or even called home, because I knew what I would return home to.

    My maternal family used to live with us, but they moved years ago. When they moved, they were across the street. He wouldn't let us go there for a while, because he claimed that they were bad influences, when they weren't, they were, and still are always helpful with advice, love, and support throughout this.

    My brother had(s) a bad temper EXACTLY like our father's. He would destruct, destroy, and disassemble not only his but most of my belongings, also, and never did our parents replace them. This also caused a lot of the friction between us.

    He still does keep us away from friends, tries to keep us from family, so we only see them in school or in a store. During the summer before my freshman year, he told me he didn't want anyone in his house, when it's my mother's and always had been years before she met him. He said he better not catch anyone outside in the yard, in the house, or even in front the yard. He acted like he didn't want me to have the key, but otherwise, I have no other transportation from school.

    Whenever I would show him a report card or progress report, he would always tell me we would have a problem if I got just one C. He always told me that I better not come home with less than a B.

    He also claims that he has to know someone's parents in order to go see them or even just hang out. This is one of the main reasons why I just don't bother at all.

    I don't get jealous when I see other people with normal lives, but I do get depressed a lot, even just watching a movie. Music is real helpful, though. But I do have inspiration, though, I try daily to keep my head up, succeed in school, and be self sufficient.

    I don't really have any time or place to exhale due to here and school. I use my room and grades for that. They all say that I stay in here a lot, but look at all of this!

    He usually will do one decent thing for you and then use it against you/throw it in your face during an argument, which I try to avoid. He'll then try to convince everyone outside of us four that everything is peaceful and serene, which is one of the main reasons that I'm writing this. I guess that's one of his many devious ways to make you pay for it.

    I had a job the summer after freshman year, but eventually, the program it was through ended, so I was stuck. I've tried all of this past summer to get a job. I've filled out ten plus applications and still no response, which I understand, given the still recovering economy. He throws that in my face, too.

    I have to admit it though, that although he treats us this way (my brother to a way lesser extent), I have to forgive him and realize that you can't change someone like him. Just know one thing: I do plan on going to college, and would like to move out completely then, while I'm eighteen. I'll be an adult, and can make decisions on my own, one of which is to get a restraining order on him.

    I didn't want to be a burden by writing this story, but i had to.

    I hope I'll make it until the summer of 2015.

  • #2
    Re: Please help me!

    You’re right, “but look at all of this”. It sounds like you’re going through a very tough situation and you’re trying to make the best of it and how to stay safe and calm. From what you’ve mentioned, we didn’t really see who your support networks are…if you had to identify good, trustworthy people around you, who would they be?

    Do feel like your methods and strategies are what’s going to keep you going these next couple of years? Are there other things that you’ve considered that you’d like to explore as strategies to stay happy?

    If you’re willing and able, we’re here to talk about anything that you’d like and we can explore options. We’re anonymous, confidential and available 24/7. Please call us at 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We’re to talk about whatever you’d like.

    Here to listen, here to help.

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    • #3
      Hi. I'm sorry for replying so late, but I've been really busy with school and didn't have time.

      I do have a select few family members on my mother's side, though, but it's a little complicated. They've been very good sources of love and support, especially since we've told them. The rest are really unaware of it, but I've been trying to ease it on.

      I just want to make this clear, though, during one of those crazy moments, he did let me purchase a vehicle, which I have to wait until June to use. It's my most valuable possession so far, and I was wondering what can I do with it until then, if I was to report him. No one I know has space for it, but I really don't want to sell it, or let it fall into his hands, because I know he'll find a way to destroy it "innocently".

      I really wouldn't like to live in a group home with others, because I tend to be very nervous/anxious when it comes to things like that.

      I feel like 18 is so close, but so far away. I won't break, though, because God can get anyone through anything.

      Any suggestions on what I should do?

      Thanks in advance. Peace, love, and happiness.


      • #4
        RE: Please Help

        Hello again,

        It sounds like you have been through so much but are still able to look forward to being 18 and moving out. We think it's great you've done so well in school; it can be difficult to keep grades up when things at home are tough. Just to let you know, you do have the right to feel safe in your own home. You also have the right to go to school regardless of your living situation. We are sorry to hear your dad is abusive; nobody deserves to be called names or made to feel like they are walking on eggshells. Although we are confidential and anonymous, we are also mandated reporters. This means that if you felt comfortable calling in and giving specific details, we would be required by law to report any child abuse to the police and Child Protective Services.

        Here at the National Runaway Safeline, we cannot tell you what you should or should not do. We can however help you explore options and come up with a solid plan for what to do next. We can be reached at any time at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or by live chat at from 4:30pm-11:30pm Central Standard Time.
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!


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